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Today has been busy.
I wrote lots of letters, paid a bit towards my council tax (I’ve been keeping my payments in-advance and that’s working for me. I’m trying to employ a “if you have a tenner, put a pound towards your council tax” agreement with myself. But today I wrote to the council because I don’t think they’re quite offering adequate information as to the distribution of the money.
I’m deeply uncomfortable with the fact that there has apparently been an increase in the police workforce. I’d like to know exactly what kind of crime is committed in Brighton – that might justify that decision. Is it the police cuts in London? Have the London Police had to move out of London to afford to live? Is it those pesky gays men selling XTREME poppers or – no – not WEED? COKE? MDMA?) aaand most importantly I received a new deodorant in the post.
It’s an item that’s been endorsed by Doctor Jane Goodall.
She did a lot of very cool things and continues to do a lot of very cool things. She inspired the character for the mother in Mighty Joe Young and when I was little and I used to pretend that I had a kind and intelligent mother I would hum the lullaby in it to myself. If you do not know who Doctor Jane Goodall is you will learn a little bit about her in the email I sent to the deodorant company that I feel did her a disservice with their packaging and otherwise did a pretty poor job of marketing that she had let them use her name.
I’m not entirely certain that the people who are selling these deodorants knew who she is.

 

Hi guys! Gals?

Thanks for the product. It did arrive. And it was packaged. I guess.

I wanted to alert you to the two broken links at the foot of the email you sent me, to inform me that my deodorant had been delivered. I’ve included it below, please do scroll down for a reference.

My new item has been lovingly placed beside me, I used it the second it arrived.
But back to those links: I was hoping for some ‘natural’ beauty hacks at the suggestion of Professor Jane herself.
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I imagine your company made the most of the opportunity to meet and do business with Professor Jane – a woman who has helped us to understand and conserve endangered animals that are so precious to our Planet.
I’m sure that you’re aware that she has lived amongst wild animals, so that she could study them in their habitats, and that she was probably amongst the first twenty or so British women from a humble background to have ever been given a doctorate for her contributions to the environmental sciences? I had also rather hoped to read some eco-friendly showering tips from someone that has had to be so precious about resources like clean water while living in the wilderness, and sometimes quite alone too. It’s just: there was no reference to the fact on your site and the efforts made to sell the product were quite minimal. It must have come across as quite rude and poorly researched actually.
Did you also know that she might’ve been the first person in the World to document evidence that primates are capable of using tools to acquire food – the way primitive humans might have done so?
It’s a shame the links aren’t working because I imagine they serve as some kind of extended dedication on your fantastic little site to feature a woman that has done so much for science and other women.
Please let me know when you’ve fixed the links.
I’m sure you’re aware that I did visit your site and endorse your product because of an interview of hers, and I really don’t have that kind of money to be spending on deodorant (I already have one that comes in a glass bottle) – although I do know that the products I like to use often end up on the shelves of the shops I frequent – so I look forward to testing it. I think it’s of great importance that products void of damaging chemicals and carcinogens are available to all – whether I am inclined to want to be friends with them or not.
As the products are au natural, I was quite curious at the idea of there being some way to preserve them so that they remain in good condition. How are the ingredients in the deodorant preserved if they’re all natural? I know natural products are fast to degrade.
I’ll be updating my blog kariii.co with my thoughts on the product too, so I’d value any contributions you can make to helping me write something interesting about your product.
Also: I’m going to offer some advice: fire the person doing your marketing. It’s not their line of work, they were desperate for a job. Please let me know if you need someone to do graphic design or packaging design for you, I’m looking for a quick job and I’d love to add your brand to my CV. Speaking of which – here’s the URL. https://kariii.co/cv/
I’m embarrassed at how I envisage you must’ve come across speaking with Dr Jane and I hope my suggestions will help you fix it.
Love Karina
In the event that the staff come across this post: the art on the box is not good.

Did you know that Dr Goodall sells primates artworks on her site?

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You should have asked if you could incorporate some of her Chimp friend’s artworks. I read the blurb on the box, accompanying the deodorant. I very nearly cried at the rudeness. Do you have any idea what she’s done for women, women pursuing education, women pursuing the right to work with animals or be scientists?
Do you know that she gave the animals NAMES? Before that: their personalities and identities (part of the reason we accept that animals have those is because she has DOCUMENTED IT) were reduced to numerical figures.

RESPONSE

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And mine:
Dear Madeline Mosco,
Thank you so much for responding so promptly. I am no beta tester for your site but I did notice the last time I accessed the links provided at the foot of my previous email that there was a UK section of your (is it yours?) (Oh I just checked, you’re the zendesk (?)girl(?) site that I had been automatically redirected to, perhaps only U.S residents can access the pages. In any case you are welcome for the heads up. If you do intend to have a UK section of a site which can only be accessed by residents of the United Kingdom, do you think it might be wise to have a resident in the United Kingdom to do the aforementioned beta testing? Are you new to the internet?
I don’t think Dr Goodall’s ‘bathing habits’ was the crux of the insinuation you ought to have paid attention to – although I would be interested to learn her survival habits in the wild. She tends to focus, in her various seminars, on the animals that she has dedicated her life to – and the welfare of the locals in the countries that she visits for her work.
I think – and it’s possible you missed the point entirely – what I was trying to subtly draw attention to was the fact that you have a showering tutorial and a tutorial for applying deodorant at the foot of emails thanking people for buying a product with her name on it and that the links were broken. Which makes you look quite stupid.
I also think it is quite stupid to attempt to pretend that you’re responsible for supporting her work, as if the use of her name didn’t invite a host of consumers that wouldn’t of otherwise had any reason to purchase one of your deodorants.
At both the peak of this email and a peek of your ingredients, I noticed that you’re right, there’s no water in your deodorant. (I’m not a scientist but I’m quite certain that all carbon has some water in it but I do appreciate the info, I’ll be sure to paraphrase your statement in my blog, Madeline Mosco.)
Can I ask, is there an optimum body temperature for the application of your deodorants? Will they still work if I’m cold?????????????
God bless you Madeline Mosco
I can tell you’re absorbed in my show and it means a lot to me.
Oh wait final question – coming off that peak – what exactly inspired Schmidts to contact Doctor Jane Goodall?
Thanks

STOP PRETENDING YOU CAN DO MARKETING IF YOU CAN’T DO MARKETING.
Here is a great route if you want to market things to sell things:
– Know what you want to buy – not what you LIKE to buy – but what you really, really, really WANT to buy
– Know why you really want to buy it
it is probably because of the packaging
– Study art. For a long time.
– Study graphic design. For a long time. Look at EVERYTHING and decide what you like and then spend literally weeks trying to emulate it
– Then THROW THE EMULATION AWAY because it is COPYING
– Study literature. FOR A LONG TIME. Have a vocabulary that is all of your own.
If you adopt words and phrases from shows, don’t forget the shows. They’re amongst your many inspirationseses
– Know about lots and lots of different things, so you have a DIRECTION in the event that you want to study marketing later. So you MERGE those ideas and concepts together.
And so when you try to dialogue with people about the work you like, and your INSPIRATION, you don’t sound fucking retarded
Anyway. So. How you butchered Professor Goodall. From a designer’s perspective.
Floral packaging, because it’s a floral scent. Okay, okay lets go with it.
Why that shade of green?
Why those fonts?
Why did you create a border with the flowers?
Was it some kind of nature of chaos versus order of the intelligent designer statement?
Did you design it with your mouse cursor? Can you actually illustrate flowers?
no – no wait one sec
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Did that packaging happen to be accompanied by a huge, huge sketchbook (or many, for the prices of the items, I should think) where you explored the potential for every mark made for every single flower?

It took you five minutes, lets be honest.

I believe I might’ve written about the abstract movement on my children’s tumblr – if not I’m glad I have something to add to it. Illustration is OCCASIONALLY a caricatured impression of reality, but that “style” comes AFTER you’ve learned how to draw PROPERLY.

I appreciate how easy I’ve made it look but as I’ve said before – I spent my LIFE doing art. AND I AM STILL TERRIFIED BY THE PROSPECT OF EVEN CONTEMPLATING APPLYING FOR A CAREER DOING IT.
I have spent HOURS of my life just staring at things trying to find the perfect framing for a COMPOSITION. Did you know that composition in the arts and in film is an art of it’s own?
There are people who are so taken by the placement and position of every single aspect of a composition that they have composed their PHD research on it. That is a lot of words to write – and probably read, too.
Do you know that some pieces of art – REAL ART, BY ART MASTERS – can be translated into mathematic principles (the kind of maths that doesn’t make any use of numerical figures) and scientific equations?
You call it ‘cropping’ because the internet has made it all so easy for you but it’s something art masters probably lost HAIR over. It had THAT much meaning to them.
When you study art – it’s grrrrrrreat for personal expression. EVERYONE should do it. I think we all evolve a little more every time someone does a drawing with any kind of success.
It’s great if you can draw and scribble. It’s FANTASTIC. Does that mean you should be doing it in exchange for cash? Probably fucking not. It’s a hobby.
There are talented Arts graduates who are in crippling fucking DEBT – regretting going to University to study the arts because its not making them the living that they deserve. Arts academics reduced to the same salary as the lazy sixteen year old secondary school drop out, serving cheap coffee to rude customers, forced to have uninspiring and repetitive, scripted conversations about food they’re not passionate about selling or otherwise personally invested in because those companies can’t trust individuals to have polite conversations in a shitty uniform (it’s what happens in a society that makes celebrities of uneducated, uncreative, untalented inner-ugly people and then relies on the sub-economy of such a stupid fucking decision that said bureaucrats made because CLEVER people with money is THSCARY), in uninspiring, shitty fucking cookie-cutter franchises – independent cafes (the kind most artists dream of working at but very, very rarely do) are struggling because people (or do you prefer the term consumers? do you know the term? could you get away with using it conversationally without your peers laughing at you for using polysyllabic words? JUST INCASE THE ANSWER IS NO: it’s an inherently derogatory term that bureaucrats use to dehumanise the people buying the shit they’re trying to sell them) don’t trust that they’re serving people clean food & drink – and franchises can afford to be sued, can afford a nasty testimonial in a broadsheet or two.
It is an insult to Art students when someone just wakes up and decides to invest in themselves being marketed as the next Christian Dior or the next Coco Chanel, especially when the likelihood of that person being INSPIRED to do so was a result of their paying attention to a friend or an acquaintance that had been dreaming of doing that very thing their entire life.
Art students – I mean the real ones, not your friend that found out his/her favourite “softcore porn” blogger is going to an Art uni and decided they could do the same thing – spent their LIVES trying to get an arts education, they’ve DREAMT of meeting art masters that could teach them how to perfect a glint in a subject’s eye. Art students being robbed of the time they dedicated to their studies because of well connected, wealthy people who were ‘too good’ to study for a job they had to emotionally blackmail or bribe someone to get.
Oh wait – or those art students that picked the wrong University because the University had to let in subpar students (budgets) whose standard of work was so poor that they felt GUILTY submitting work or they couldn’t engage in group work because their colleagues didn’t respect that they were superior and so their education fucking suffered as a result of it. (Learning to cope with colleagues jealousy is a whole education of it’s own, I’D KNOW.)
If it “comes naturally” – and I mean, not because you’ve been copying someone or somehow gone through their work and had the audacity to think “oh this is so easy” – with nothing to back up the statement (I mean, sketchbooks? Diaries? A life’s body of work?)
If it really comes naturally, ANYTHING – STUDY it so if and when you do get a job of your own merit – it’s not a fucking insult to all the people that really fucking worked.
“Just because you can – doesn’t mean you should”
Don’t be ashamed if you’ve one of those magical footballer IQs, just stay in your lane. Unless your intelligence is of a variety that our IQ tests cant quantify yet. In which case, dude come be friends with me I need you in my life. (Not really)
motvation
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someone give me a few million and I will show you 50 shades of grey. I won’t even invest in new clothes. I’ll wear leggings and boots and a few of my man shirts. I’ll go all out and get my breasts removed. I’ll be the boy of your dreams. I’ll play Levi in Attack on Titan. I’ll keep my flat. I will spend all the cash on helping you learn what 50 Shades of Grey BDSM could be. But first
Remember that I picked the actor in 50 shades of grey, based on the fact that he looked hot doing psycho in COLD MOUNTAIN. I liked his dainty leaps.
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WIDT | BRIGHTON | POLPO REVIEW

#OOTD
Heartshaped Glasses - Amazon | Earring - HM 2016 | Dress | 
Tights - BLOCH | Shoes - Public Desire

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The best thing about this look is the tights from BLOCH. 
Dancer's tights are better value for your money than any other tights
you'll find on the market. 

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They pull you in in all the right places and they can take pressure - 
they don't snag easily.

I do not ascribe to the cheap consumerist culture of buying shitty
pairs of tights and then throwing them out after you've worn them
once or twice.  Invest in decent tights - they last for years.
Learn how to take care of tights too. These are handwash only.

First things first.

Nearly totally wet me’self on what turned out to be like a nigh on one hour walk to the bank IN HEELS. Thanks to the pub that let me use their loo.

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I’m really enjoying ponytails and fringes, I did a meditation with the woman who illustrated the Rider Waite Tarot cards. For a limited time only I’ll be doing readings on my site channelling her – as you all know I can. Pamela Colman Smith. The internet is telling everyone she liked to call herself “Pixie” – that is nonsense. If I picked a parent for her in this time and place, I would pick Dre. I actually struggle to believe that she would’ve made ‘nicknames’ public – she died lonely, alone and friendless. As she would have, Tarot cards have given their readers a lot of power and knowledge that has threatened the patriarchy deeply. She was from Brooklyn. She was in various SECRET societies. She valued the vibration in a NAME. “pixie“? Really? No, no thank you. Later I shall upload some photographs of me that I found in an old diary. There’s one where I wear necklaces the way she does. I love the thought of her time travelling to dress me. If it wasn’t for her cards, and Lisa, I might have died.

http3a2f2fwww.controverscial.com2fpamela_colman-smith_3

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Here’s a life hack. Remember >>this?<<

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I got that to look like that by being a person who decides when she’s gonna pee. And I have had extra large wine bottles shoved up there – much bigger than a baby’s head wine bottles. Ignore the health risks – those are bullshit.

I’m sure I’ll rewrite books on childrearing at some point but if you’re giving birth – smoke weed and masturbate. A lot. Weed is stronger than morphine. I’ve done enough of both  – in serious levels of pain – to know, thank you.

I played dress up in a charity shoppe. I fell in love with this little hairband. I made it look trashy and tacky. Both of those words I comfortably hope to live up to… forever.

KARINAASSLASH

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When I was younger, I used to go to shoppes with friends and pick out the most hideous dresses to play dress up with in the changing room. I actually quite liked this one and I left it in the changing room hoping that someone with a little more cash to spend than I had would find it and that it would work for them.

I had to change into ballet shoes because the walk from my place to my bank was mad.

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I went to @Polpo in Brighton yesterday, beside the theatre.

It’s close to fancier shops (I got to take a look around Kurt Geiger, which was still open when I walked out) and a taxi rank.

The atmosphere was unpretentious, and the food was good – although the staff probably need lessons in manners and good service. I felt uncomfortable when two absolutely lovely mature women came in and the lady at the bar didn’t get the fuck out of the bar to help them find seats, or call over one of her colleagues and that’s probably why I’m starting off what would be an otherwise positive review with negativity. I worked in service in bars, restaurants, cafes and in retail, where I struggled to learn the specific details because I take time to settle in – my strength was in making the people I was serving feel like they were being taken care of and they were a priority. My service is so good I will make you feel comfortable being a snob in Slug and Lettuce. As a child, I associated with family who were diplomats and also Jordanian royalty – a descendent of the Prophet Mohammed to be really snide. My vision of the kind of service that deserves being paid-for came from seeing how they were treated, the hostesses at Emirates (I wouldn’t hostess for anyone else and I have issues with their outdated tattoo policy and questionable residency policies also.) and the spiritual school I went to, which taught that service to others was the only worthy aspiration. If you’re one of those wannabe dominatrixes – you have to be able to do both. If you offer shit service you’re never gonna get good service. If you run a business and you aren’t able to do every single job, you can’t expect a standard from anyone else. I’m actually quite offended by people who think they have any business pretending they’re into BDSM – using other people to build your own poor self esteem, or stalking people ‘out of love’ or anything like that is repulsive. It makes you look stupid later when the person you really, really believe really, really wants you to pursue them ends up being superior to you with far less cash. (Cash that you probably stole off your parents without giving anything back. Or cash from a job your parents probably arranged for you.) (All of it – deeply sad.)

Back to Polpo. As I was authoring this (ofcourse I returned to write later-) I heard the words “it’s owned by a vampire” – on Wendy Williams. I had to rewind the video to hear her say “it’s owned by an empire

I didn’t feel unsafe leaving my tap water and my prosecco unattended at the moodily lit bar (it was very new york filter) and I could leave my shopping bags (£1 shoppe and charity shoppe) on the floor beside the bar.
That’s much more significant than you’d think in the U.K – I recall that Danes could leave their drinks unattended in venues in Denmark but I never really felt comfortable doing that because I was a street kid at heart. Keep your things close, at heart. Which is how most Londoners act actually.

It was a comfortable bar that attracted an elegant slash laidback crowd that treated it like a fancy pub – if you go – look nice but not five star nice. ITS A VIBE

are you jelly gordon

a bit

and I got to read through their recipe book – I wish I could’ve afforded to buy a copy because their desserts were fun – and there was a lot of information that made me feel more confident dialoguing with butchers.

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Above I had a Panna Cotta with Tescos mixed berries (which taste 
really good - not a poorly advised purchase nor intended as an insult), 
I had a look at the recipe for the dish in their book and they use a 
lot of vanilla pods - and those aren't cheap. 

It was about £6 for the dessert and if you were looking to go 
somewhere inexpensive for something sweet, I'd recommend it. 

I was genuinely impressed with the level of preparation
that goes into their desserts, actually.

I can comfortably recommend their steak dish, medium rare for me.

As far as critique goes – the meat was well prepared and tasted good. The issue was actually presentation and how it was served – it’s not gourmet dining, and I think the dish should’ve been accompanied by a condiment. I felt rude seasoning it with salt, but it needed something extra.

It was comfortable to eat my meal at the bar, because it was served on a dessert plate. I didn’t feel like I was taking up too much room – even though the bar was active. People weren’t downing their drinks, they were there to converse – and there was no rush or pressure to get people out. I actually felt to stay for longer but I’m on a tight budget right now. If I were trying to plan a date, I wouldn’t feel uncomfortable arranging for a drink, olives and the steak dish as an appetiser to share before moving to the seating area or even going to the theatre. I wasn’t kept waiting after ordering, either.

I know people don’t often go to bars to eat and drink – but you really could at Polpo.

I’m not going to be dishonest here – I wasn’t taken by the olives, people sitting beside me loved theirs – but I’m really particular about olives. I’ll put it down to a preference for the cheap kind *sunglasses emoji* – when they’re preserved in brine, rather than olive oil. Especially when they’ve been left in the jar for long enough that the tastes combine.

I personally think serving olives with a stone is a risk in a bar that puts you at close proximity with people you don’t know. If I were running the restaurant I’d have a choice between the two.

The decor was thoughtful – and fully instagrammable. The music wasn’t trendy, it had pop moments and trumpet moments and it worked with the customers. I enjoyed people watching. For a moment, when I was cutting my olives – as I had seen it done in an episode of Tom and Jerry – I thought I could hear this song.

Is You Is, Or Is You Ain't My Baby as performed by Tom
My sense of humour is all Cool Runnings and Tom and Jerry. And
the nervous breakdowns in Fawlty Towers.

A Youtube Video uploaded by @Doc Henry

Description: Jazz song from cartoon Tom and Jerry (1946) Performed 
by Ira "Buck" Woods

I was thinking of... Craig the barman... 
Obviously I am not Craig the barman's baby but he wishes I was. I know
because I felt embarrassed for him that he couldn't run out to ask
me for my number. You have five seconds to comply and then you are
very much forgotten, Craig the barman.

Craig the barman was a decent flirt who didn’t need to make eye contact, conversate or otherwise intrude on your meal. Every single woman – and man, I believe – at that bar was obsessing over him. Self included. Who taught you that game, Craig. He was only interested in a girl with a bejewelled marie antoinettey afro – I know because same.

I had a small three course meal for £30. If you’re on a paleo diet (ugh) – or a boxer’s diet – you’d enjoy it.


I was going to dye my hair purple but I walked into a hairdresser’s and they offered me a different price to the one on their list. Offer what you’re advertising, if there are errors in your advertising do not offend potential clients by making creative amendments. You come out looking dishonest and if I can’t trust you to offer me the same price on your price list, I’m not trusting you with my amazing hair.

I’ll do my own hair, it’ll look better than the hairdresser that served me – whose hair did not serve as good advertising for her shop. I hope it wasn’t her shop. What a shame though. She seemed to know exactly how much cash I had in my account too. Such a creep.

I went elsewhere to buy anti-frizz serum and dry shampoo.

C O N S E Q U E N T I A L [HAUL]

I’ve been putting together a few gifts. The above bag is a design of mine, in collaboration with a designer on etsy – for >>one of my shops. << Which I’ve been working on for almost two years now.

And the slip is a piece of stationery I designed for myself using collage and scribbles and all sorts. I’m so proud of both.

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I was thinking of Michelle Yeoh when I took this, can you tell?

I’m in bed having a cigarette and I’m about to listen to Esther Hicks.

I made some purchases in December – things I need in the pursuit of my next ambitions in life. A few pages of my site are coming together, but need much more work. So do forgive that they’re a bit of an incomprehensible mess right now.

I'm putting together one of those shopping hauls cos I'm quite proud 
of my purchases, like, I LOVE them. Someone on LinkedIn suggested I 
consider monetising my blog so I'm going to try to get into the swing
of things once I've tidied it and uploaded some of the content I've 
prepared. Mostly little videos, nothing particularly exciting yet but
hopefully they'll lead me to doing something interesting.

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I think, tomorrow I will go to Ealing Broadway to take some photographs of the architecture that I enjoy/feel somehow represents the vibe I associate with my life in this town. I’m hoping to move away soon though. Ideally to be near to RADA, or alternatively to join the Army. I have to live close to my next step in life. I’m hoping to live alone in a run-down place that I can decorate and do up – interior design is actually a passion of mine.

[Edited 24th January to add I keep updating >> this post << with photos of Ealing]

I actually need to drop off a cheque from EE, who kindly reimbursed me with a refund. I think I wrote about it somewhere here awhile ago and I’m glad that they’ve been true to their word! It is so appreciated – though a little too infrequent – when businesses meet their own standards.

 

M A R I E A N T O I N E T T E P A S T E L S

For the last two days I’ve been …kind of really exploring the character of Hannibal Lecter & also – only a very brief moment ago – when I was composing this entry – I guess the phrase “appreciating the senses” popped into my head.

I studied film, and my mother came from a performing arts background. She was a ballerina. My sister also came from a performing arts background. And I spent a few reluctant years of my life doing all that stuff too. So it’s really a part of me to get lost in the details of any kind of composition, even the process an actor goes through to “build” a character.

I initially wrote of myself: ‘as a visual aesthete’, and then I thought ‘as an aesthete’ and then I went back to ‘as a visual aesthete’ – I’m the kind of person who will focus on details such as texture, light and colour (they affect my mood – yours too: I’m sure; but as I’m so connected to my feelings – my sense of sight is kind of an overwhelming experience for me. It’s not just about my feelings – it’s a language. A constant language.)

Today I’m grateful for the ability to see. I do struggle – I need to wear glasses. I’ve been toying with the idea of wearing contact lenses, but I’m quite acclimated to not-being-able-to-see-very-far & it means I can really enjoy details. It also means I don’t have to make eye contact with everyone I come across when I go out.
I think when you make the most of your senses, they do develop.

Here’s a video I made yesterday. I can’t quite draw like Hannibal Lecter but life without ambition would be a little boring, wouldn’t it