Today's dinner was chicken breast in garlic butter. I ate it with Tescos out of the packet macaroni cheese prepared by ma and Himalayan pink salt INGREDIENTS: Apple, Black Pepper, Chicken, Double Cream, Garlic (chopped as finely as I feel confident enough to), Mozzarella cheese, Olives, 2x Oranges, Paprika, Tomato
Tomorrow is a really big day for me, I’ve an appointment at ten in the morning, with the NHS. I’ve so much that needs discussing that I’ve managed to annotate it all on lined cards, so I don’t forget.
Anyone who has PTSD – or has otherwise had to repeatedly recover from numerous incidents in their life that have given them PTSD (and what a souvenir, what a name to succinctly describe an all around life-changing, mind-altering, severely-traumatic experience – flashbacks of the event for who knows how long, freezing into a state of incapacity, difficulty maintaining concentration and staring into space, nightmares of the event, anxiety and an inability or reluctance to engage with humans that you know you would allow to hurt you – ever – and some sad pity towards the ones you don’t care enough about not to hurt back), will tell you that their memory is questionable. Anyone who has grown up in a home with great levels of conflict will tell you that their memory is questionable. I don’t mean the occasional lovers tiff between a cheating mum and dad – I mean – literally not speaking to your mother for weeks unless it was to fight. Not being hugged by your mother unless it was because you’d just apologised for defending yourself in an argument she scheduled to stop you going to see a friend, and of course, never receiving the apology you deserved back.
Apparently growing up amongst a family that never stopped arguing is synonymous with being in a war zone – as in the brain chemicals released in both circumstances do not differ. Numbness and de-sensitivity is a temporary state – I’m sure in years to come it’ll be discovered that the result or outcome of the chemicals that we associate with happiness and the “lack” of feeling associated (wrongly) with sociopathy will be acknowledged as one and the same. A happy person is as oblivious as a sociopath is uncaring, and both are often guiltless about rudeness – ESPECIALLY if the rudeness is inflicted upon a person that deserves it.
The truth is – I’m SO HAPPY. I’m SO HEALTHY. Better than I have ever been, in my entire life – and in the absence of “friends”, “drugs” (unfortunately, because I enjoy those) or cash (sadly, because I enjoy having that).
There’s so much that actually needs to be discussed in that appointment, and it is not happy stuff. And there is so much more than I think could possibly be discussed or comprehended within the time frame. But as always: I make do with what I can. I’ll try to be concise and see how it goes.
I spent this weekend at Picasso’s Place. It’s a local cafe where you can spend hours perched at a table, painting pre-sculpted crockery. It’s then taken from you and placed in a kiln to be collected later. The owner cooks the ceramics about once a week and it’s so nice to have something to look forward to this weekend.
Did you know that Picasso’s career began with ceramics? Ofcourse he’d have been painting before he started working with tiles, but that’s where his career truly began to take off. My grandmother used to paint ceramics and had her own kiln in her home in Paraguay, in her artist’s studio. She had a bathroom she’d painted the tiles for herself. What a dream. If I ever design my own bedroom, it’ll be full of tiles and carpets.
I’ve not asked the owner much about how the items are made, and I ought to. I used to visit the cafe frequently as a child and I’ve thought to for years since but I’ve not felt to.
A girl I was friends with many years ago was at the cafe this weekend and it was really nice to share a room with her. We didn’t speak much – but it was nice to work with her there, all the same.
I made a #WIWTW video to document my outfit. I’ve added it to the >> style << section of my site to edit later. And above is my personal DBZ Pantheon. The credits for the images used in my cover photo can be found by visiting the link @youtube.
The apple piece was inspired by a sketchbook I completed in sixth form, about Snow White. I had been studying Angela Carter’s Bloody Chamber book for English Literature and I wanted to connect my English studies and my Fine Art studies – so I combined the two.
The work is intended for sale on my OphiuchusBorn shoppe, and a segment of a biblical (old testament) text I read yesterday in the early morning at the kitchen table. It was an inspiring read because there were parts written about people who prophesy, I want my site and my work to be available and inoffensive to people of all faiths so I decided that when it comes to a structure relating to how I read Tarot - I would like to only discuss what the cards mention in terms of archetypes in relations to what I have learned from my experience in counselling and also through my own relationship with the figures in the cards as archetypes. I will not use the cards to discuss people's future, only to discuss what the cards might afford me to reflect about the present and the behavioural cycles in the querent's life. I have found that Tarot can be more successful in resolving long term issues in people's lives than most forms of therapy, and that promising people a future can be difficult as when you open a spread to do so, the querent can also exercise a freedom of choice - that is they can choose not to take the advice preceding the potential future the cards suggest. So my work is also an homage to the creationist story as written in the book of Genesis, where the notion of Freedom of Choice is written - the 'forbidden fruit' certainly signifies the choice for Adam and Eve to learn truth - but they have a choice not to. The choice of a green apple was inspired by Son of Man, by Magritte. The image was taken from the Son of Man Wikipedia Page. I once had a chat with a traveller in Uganda, a man from Israel. I told him about what my family had done, and he said Thankyou on behalf of Israel - quite unpretentiously. A simple "thankyou" - and he taught me the word "Benadam" - which means "Son of Adam". I wrote a story later about the nature of parenthood, and divorce, the names of the protagonists in the story were 'Aphra' and 'Benadam'. It subtly discussed the archetypes of man and woman leaving one another, to continue life journeys without one another. I'm sad it was lost. I'll include some snake references also, as I did do my initial sketch using shapes I found in photography on Google.
I’ve listened to this scene – on repeat – while I worked this evening. I’ve not yet fully watched it in it’s entirety.
Above is a video featuring a discussion between Zamasu and Master Goasu - that was uploaded by @Dragan Kraljevic. I've never seen these episodes but this character resonates with me. Like books.. I do judge characters by their covers, I think. I'm never wrong about covers I like, though. I mean - when I like a cover it means I'm receptive to learning something. There is a first time for everything however.
“You lack faith in mortals, tell me why – this tea is a mirror pointed inward. If the soul of it’s maker is clouded, the tea will be as well. So is it fear that clouds this cup, or bewilderment? Speak.”
“Master Goasu you’ve said something often, to make mistakes but learn from them thus forging a better World. That is the essence of a mortal spirit. But as far as I can see, mortals do not learn this way at all. Planet Barbary is no outliar Master – you’ve seen this countless times before.”
“Patience Zamasu. Every seed needs time to grow.”
“Gardens are tended – not just watched. Should not a gardener not pluck the weeds? When I was invited here, I thought you would teach me divine justice. When all you seem to do is – watch – while these monsters stain existence with each other’s blood.”
“Hm. Zamasu, do you ever ponder the relationship between good, evil and justice?”
“Yes. All the time. Evil is the great obstacle to good. And justice the sword by which good can over come this obstacle and flourish.”
“That is one perspective. But I have come to view it this way: justice is not a sword eradicating evil but a scale keeping good and evil in balance.”
“One can succumb to evil but reject that darkness and rediscover the light with new understanding – justice makes that journey possible. Evil informs good – and that is why we give the mortals their mind.”
“You give corruption far too much credit. Evil does not inform good, it sullies it, like the barbary sully their world with violence and that arrogant Goku sullied a sacred ground by swinging his fists at a God. Mortals receive the divine gift of intellect, the potential for wisdom. But they misuse it to destroy the beauty of creation. Mortals do not succumb to evil, they are the evil – they create it and spread it with minds they shouldn’t possess – how can we call ourselves Gods if we watch this plight and do nothing to stop it?”
“Zamasu you have a strong hunger for justice – and that can be a great thing. But we must put temperance over righteousness and guide lost children to the good path that seems slow, even for us. Do not forget the true reason you have honed your fighting ability is to strengthen your mind for your journey toward enlightenment. Being Gods does not make us perfect. We too must learn and ?? over time. Reflect on our discussion as you make more tea.”
“Merely watching. That’s a sin too. Don’t you see?”
Last night, I borrowed the tub my ma uses for dishes and began dying clothes that I felt needed to be livened up. If you have garments that you like but are a little boring, I strongly advise you researching how to upcycle them. You might even be able to sell them if it’s something of a talent. I’ll be sure to post the result when I’m happy with them.
I like to pour the powder in specific areas of clothing and rub it in myself using a toothbrush, it gives you more control over how the dye is absorbed by the fabric. I like messy and directional paint strokes.