B R I G H T O N

I’m going to be very tacky and announce I’ve relocated to a wonderful studio flat in Brighton in the form of a shopping list. I’m playing around with the idea of authoring a book on interior design.

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Tile Trivet, Picasso’s Ceramics Cafe, Painted by me

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Tulips (Sainsburys, Brighton) sitting in a bottle of Maple Syrup with hand painted gold handle.

If you want to test the tap water of a new home, buy some flowers. See how they react to it.

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Eulogia Coffee Table – (Online) Urban Outfitters, Mint Trunk – Habitat in Brighton, Slate Coaster – Amazon, Concrete Vase – Hackney Charity Shop Find, Gold Metallic Paint (Online) Cass Art, Mickey Mouse hand cream – Superdrug, Oil Burner – Amazon, Red Tassel taken from a perfume I received two birthdays ago.

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I’m doing the energy-redirecting Botticelli’s Venus pose here, my knees aren’t positioned at different heights. Actually if you saw how I was balancing on a chair you’d appreciate how proud of myself I was for balancing so well.

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Bunny Slipper Socks – Tiger, Coat – Jigsaw (Second hand), Striped Knickers – probably from Tescos circa more than ten years ago, Cardigan – Marks & Spencers (Second Hand)

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Frisian Cow Milk Jug – Tiger, Brighton, Tulips – Sainsburys, Brighton

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Lucky Cat Sponge Holder – Tiger, Brighton, Slate Coaster – Amazon, Jimmy’s Iced Coffee – Sainsburys

I look moody but I’m euphoric. Refer to >> this instagram post. << Secret: I stole this joke from a Horrible Histories book – I think it was one about the Victorians.

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The day I arrived, I went out when the shoppes were closing and bumped into Habitat, quite concerned that I wouldn’t find a place to buy things from before closing time. Habitat was open though and had many beautiful items. I bought my new favourite sheets ever. I don’t want to be one of those people that buys a room full of items from one shoppe though, on the same season.

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Oh – and I’m being tremendously military-bohemian here.

CEERWEEAL

How do you inoffensively write a speech impediment?

The video above is a montage of >> Cheese << dialogue, a character
from the kids show on Cartoon Network called Foster's Home for
Imaginary Friends. Kindly uploaded by @Sara Nelowe

Here is a screenshot taken from his >> wikia page. <<

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It is 7 minutes to 3AM. My sleeping habits have changed, are not at all in keeping with what society would deem appropriate but certainly, I have improved energy levels. I’m having a cup of Cookie cereal and I think hemp milk. I can’t remember, we’ve about four different kinds of milk in the fridge downstairs (only one of which came from a cow – and that is because I’m having a desert making moment. I’m in a trial and error phase and it’s fantastic because it’s opening all these neural pathways in my mind and that is very, very exciting to me as a person who identifies as a problem solver and strategist by nature.) and the non-dairy kinds all taste the same to me, differing only in that I like the sweeter ones more.

peach is a shade of orange not pink

(I’m also a *ridiculous* multitasker – as in my brain is thinking towards many things at once. Not all of them academically inclined but all of them are always most definitely artistically inclined.)

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(I’m creating a categorised system within my note keeping, which is otherwise entirely confusing and a lot of good stuff gets completely lost. A word came to my mind as I was writing this blog post and I had to make a note of it. I’ve had a tab up on my browser about archivists for awhile )

This is what my browser tab looks like.

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If my life were a cinematic, a detail oriented/visual narrator type of media student would suggest that the detailing of my tabs probably signifies how I am constantly thinking – all the time. A spiritual person would probably say that my compartmentalised innerbeing’s ADHD is where confusion came in as to my preferred meditation methods.

I woke up shortly before midnight, after taking a nap beside >> El Tintino << (I’ve neglected his twitter but I think it is forever meta appropriate, if you’re inclined to understand his personality) and interestingly enough, he woke me up, without touching me at all – I opened my eyes and I saw he was looking at me. I said “PEEPEE?” and his ears propped up in an acknowledging but in-desperate “yes.” If he had been desperate, he’d of jumped up and off my bed and ran towards my bedroom door. In light of him not being desperate, I grabbed him for a cuddle (which was really that guilt ridden habit that originates for me, as the five minute  to fifteen minute to half an hour moment in which you plead with yourself as you might’ve done as a child being woken up before having to go to school) and drifted into a little sleep with him beneath my duvet. Ofcourse I later took him downstairs, came back up and listened to h3h3 (I LOVE their purple velvet sofa and the mis en scene) (and working out how Ethan would be if he enlisted in the Israeli military the way his wife Hila did – I also think it’s brave that he talks about God a lot – it is actually very brave for any Jewish person to discuss or allude to a belief in God at all. And their viewers are cruel sorts.) (I admire bravery in all forms) (He reminds me a little bit of a comedy character an acquaintance and I wrote about, based on an assistant teacher who was in charge of my sixthform’s trip to Uganda. He was a fun person to irritate and very inspiring. I later wrote a script for a two to five minute webisode at University. I’ll upload it, I really ought to.)

AND I STITCHED. I’m making a mobile. I mean I have the makings of a mobile in my head. Not because I am infant crazy but because I’ve always obsessed over them as sculptural pieces.

I’m listening to a lot of debates, conferences and discussions amongst literary types. Really in an effort to teach myself how to speak again. I enjoy hearing writers speak, because they put so much of themselves into structuring the delivery of a single sentence. I imagine it’s a kind of compulsion – there was a moment in which a lady discussed it in this video that I’m currently listening to as I author this post, that she witnessed Professor Germaine Greer’s dedication to conveying messages in beautifully written sentences for her books.

Professor Germaine Greer meets the Archivists
uploaded by @The University of Melbourne

I’m moved by Mr Lachlan Glanville’s speech, I’ve only just begin to watch it but as I’ve written many times, a sentence or a ‘mere’ few words can really trigger a very comprehensive thought journey of sorts and in this he discusses that a redefinition of rape is necessary in society. And it is true: I believe that administering any kind of penetration that has not been expressly consented to is for all intents and purposes, rape. For example – an injection that has not been consented to, is rape.

Here is something worth noting to myself: I enjoy paragraphs in which the use of tense – that is past/present/future interchanges and carries no consistency – I can’t cope with it in a sentence yet but in a paragraph, it is interesting. Perhaps that is my inner science fiction buff being seduced by the idea of a narrator, for example, playing with the concept of time travel as they write. It is grammatical incorrectness but don’t you think that there has to be some kind of artistic evolution in literacy?

The question is rhetorical, you give a reader too much significance by encouraging them to think that their opinion can validate or otherwise discredit yours. But I love a good conversation, I find those are lacking in my home.

DREAMLAND

I had a busy and expensive evening.

I HIRED A PROGRAMMER FROM >>FIVERR.<<
I’m keeping no secrets about this, you know everything I do is exciting.

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Easter Eggs galore.

It is now 6 AM and SPEAKING OF IXTA EGGS: I made one of those horrendously self indulgent breakfasts. I had to take a break in between the salad and the eggs, to have a pre bacon and soggybread cigarette.

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THE WORDPRESS PUBLISH BUTTON HAS GONE FUCHSIA. TELL EVERYONE.

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screen shot 2019-01-10 at 06.46.36 < before this point of my entry I was at 77 words.

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So – I have spent the last year or so on and off tidying up my room and I’ve reached a breakthrough with my sofa. Have you been watching Marie Kondo on Netflix? YOU NEED TO. I MEAN YOU DON’T HAVE TO OR WHATEVER BUT YOU NEED TO. SHE TAUGHT ME A GARMENT FOLDING METHOD. SHE HAS SAVED ME. #rectanguru

Also ma was really kind about buying Miss Kittie this beautiful pink poodle.

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I’m so Cartman’s mom

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meets Mr Garrison.

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Y U M Y U M

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This simple meal was prepared with tinfoil. In an oven. I learned that from Jamie Oliver a million years ago, watching him prepare a duck roast.

I stuffed some feta cheese into some tomatoes, mixed a few kinds of oil, paprika, lemon juice mixed herbs, paprika and himalayan salt with my two super inexpensive (I prefer the inexpensive kind) sausages, some super soft white bread (I like my bread white, I like my choclits brown, I like my salami fleshy, I like my wood a dark mahogany to ebony but I can’t afford it) and some lemon drenched parsley. I don’t like parsley unless it is super crispy. Anyway – this was really yummy and I enjoyed how it looked when I plated it. Gordon Ramsey’s voice “PRESENTATION IS KEY” echoes through my mind when I plate food. I am not an accomplished chef but I’m the kind of person who can put so much love into my food, that I can make an anorexic person with ridiculous eating disorders actually want to eat. (RAW salmon drenched in lemon with samphire on the side – she didn’t even like eating fish. That might be the biggest culinary compliment of my entire life.)

Almost everything except for the spices came from Tescos. Tescos has been pretty good to me lately.

I’ve been cooking my meals with an Almond oil made by a company called ‘East End’. I found a small bottle of it in my mother’s kitchen cupboard, it’s got a completely different taste to any oil I’ve ever used before and it’s delicious. I recommend it.

My very favourite kind of oil is Argan oil, I found a very obscure …and expensive…. one from directly from Israel. It was completely worth the price – it comes from a farm that there are photographs of on facebook – they take great lengths to produce a super strength product and it’s got multiple uses. I initially bought it for the stretch marks on my breasts, which it caused to fade immediately (it has to be a consistent thing and I’m not a consistent individual) but I tried eating it and I actually preferred having it around for meals. It’s full of flavour, which is important to me because I’m not a fantastic cook yet. I’m learning all the flavours I like and it is a work in progress.

I have – also – never been the kind of person to spend more than fifty pounds on oil, but I didn’t regret it. I kept bits of the packaging too.

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I’ve found a really incredible website for creatives. You have to pay to join though

[EDITED 21 DECEMBER 2018 TO ADD]

Please do NOT join this creepy site.

Its owned by footballers who still don’t appreciate how fucking tough it is to get an arts education and if they have any taste, any attempt at talent – it’s been stolen from watching ME work. My TASTE affects STOCKS and SHARES.
I know – as in future me knows – these people will pay heavily. They’re having a hard time but it’s nothing. Karma doesn’t work how you think it should. Karma doesn’t work how I think it should either.


 

> I bought this blouse on Amazon <<

Half of me thinks that Levi would borrow it and the other half thinks that maaaybe he’d like, wear it once – be seen in it, get a beautiful photograph of himself in it and then he’d cut it up and use it as a guide to design his own pattern because it’s actually really hard to find decent inexpensive shirts for people with longer torsos (like me!)

(If I point out flaws that people have verbalised about me, do you think I’ll be able to pull off the fact that I am so conceited as to actually enjoy photographing myself?????) (Rhetorical question – I know self love is never okay! Don’t worry. I know.)

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You can’t see it but I have like, some pretty serious 70s bush and I’ve been wearing these knickers for days. I could probably sell them online. (I’m not going to. I might get a gold frame and make some art of them though) (Thats what Tracey Emin would do and damnit why aren’t women okay with being gross?)

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So far today I’ve nap-meditated, tidied my room & Bernie’s kitchen a little and played dress up and fed the cat crew. I’m a little overwhelmed because I have things to sort out but I’m actually in a great mood. I’m watching some videos on youtube of one of those guys that should probably be one of my boyfriends. I know people like anonymity but I’ve kept my crushes and my love life confidential my entire life and my portfolio of boyfriends is on the lacking-side-of-adequate at best, but nothing compared to what it could’ve been. I was going to namedrop you but then the girls that lurk me that pretend not to (if you’re going to lurk, don’t even bother doing it anonymously – that’s a coward move) might end up trying to steal you. And that’s fine cos you probably need a few rebounds before you accept that you’re bi and that I’m the best of both worlds because I’m basically a post-op boy

You might think this is some massive revenge for what was done to me and you’d only be 10% right. I have a lot of love to give okay, and when I love people their lives become amazing (and then when I stop loving them their lives become really dull)
It’s not something entirely unique to me – how great do people feel about themselves when they know people are in love with them? If we were all encouraged to feel great about ourselves and if we all knew that people found us attractive or something, we’d probably all be less difficult to co-exist with.
Is that an obnoxious thing to say? It’s like, my blog, if I can’t be obnoxious on my blog where is it okay for me to be obnoxious? And I’m obviously being passive aggressive and unpleasant but wouldn’t you be, if you’d seen some of the women that I’d been cheated on with? Would it be more acceptable if I chose to only blog about like, acceptable stuff? I feel like the only acceptable things for women to discuss are hauls from inexpensive places (would if I could too, though, not gonna lie)
Writing anything worth reading has to come from a real place and the niche I see in the blog market is a person who can do that at least 30% as well as Trisha Paytas.

Moving on from my low-key asking permission to the Universal you to not judge me for wanting to document that which I attempt to find beauty in. Like, yes it pisses me off that I’ve had a tough time but acknowledging the fact is nothing but a healthy response and amongst the only things I currently am inclined to document about my life. I’d love to publish a book about my life but no one does that because not many people’s lives are all that interesting. I THINK MINE IS.

OK so

omg Nicki, omg Chun-Li, hiiiii
Or do we… do we just call you Sekhmet now?


Awhile ago I wanted to make a video in Copenhagen called “One Look” where I basically filmed a super serious men’s street fashion video – basically the premise was to capture all the men in the street wearing the same outfit. They do that. They mix up the shoes a bit but the outfit is consistent. Like I didn’t look all that great unless I was seeing that guy I liked (I cringe thinking about it) or I was going out with the family nanny that I lived with but I was literally recovering from the kind of almost-died-a-hundred-times trauma they put in horror films. Which I’d like to think is a valid excuse. So yeah –

>> Vogue posted an article on Saturday for Copenhagen Fashion week. I like, clicked on it thinking it’d be funny and that they’d all be wearing variations of the same outfit but actually I was deeply mistaken in thinking so. <<

*jazz hands* INSPIRING *jazz hands*