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Before I moved to Denmark I was living with a guy who has… heavy gender confusion. He came from a family that were really hurting. His parents were together but they had a lot of anger at their lives, and anger is often accompanied by a great deal of inner strength.

They had been through refugee camps. That guy/girl I dated had, early on in his/her life, been sexually molested and had seen a corpse. S/he had at one point tried to explore Her/His gender identity and it made her/his father really angry, really nasty. Some people are a product of their generation. Some people are committed to the values they held growing up. Contrasts such as these are a necessary aid in everyone else’s evolution – you want change? Why do you want change? People who disagree with you can help you refine your arguments and beliefs so that perhaps they eventually become infallible – well – only for a little while. There is always more growth, being at the leading edge of a discovery or a direction for growth of any kind is temporary.

My ex and his/her family had a lot of views that I found abhorrent. They were – at first glance – racists, and ‘Trump supporters’. His sisters had had relationships and children to abusive black men, and their opinions reflected this hurt. His mother jokingly called one of her mixed race grandchildren a “monkey” in front of me – I wanted to say something that would’ve gotten me ejected from their company. I chose not to for a reason. I didn’t know it at the time. You have to let kids stick up for themselves – and this little boy said “OI” to his grandmother – and his mother kind of validated his grandmother. People go through shit for a reason – there’s something that they’re being taught. One day that kid will not allow his family to speak about him in that way.


EDITED 10 JANUARY 2018 TO ADD
So H&M released this very poorly judged campaign & of course it created a furore – and some part of me truly thinks it could’ve been some wonderful manifestation of that little boy’s. Not the jumper – obviously. But the collective reaction to it. The chance for this to become a topic of discussion in his home. I want him to know how he deserves to react to that nickname. 🙂 🙂 🙂 ❤

Perhaps this was no accident 😉

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When I was younger I grew up resenting Arabs and Islam because my mother married into an Arab family when she was extremely young – and the culture was far apart from hers. The also-young matriarchs in my father’s family never really understood my mother or her very-strong personality, and they treated her quite poorly at times, there was a contrast in their natures. My mother never got along with the women in her family and that was a karma she carried through to the next family she attached to. Also – things were really different thirty-odd years ago.
To an extent I inherited her resentments. When I really speak to my mother, I see that she is a very angry child trapped in a woman’s body. Her mentality is stuck somewhere in her childhood and although through time we’ve both grown.. I know that we have to go back.

At some point in her early childhood she raised chicks, that she loved so much – into hens. One day she came home and her chickens had been served to her on a plate. I keep trying to encourage her to get chickens – I think some part of her died when that happened. You can tell that a person is hurting because they manifest really terrible illnesses.

A lot of people I’ve met can be very self righteous about opinions founded in hatred and it’s ultimately because they’re hurting about something. So when you meet a racist – they’re hurting. Their hate is deeper-than-that, but also perhaps something as simple as being mistreated by whatever it is they’re directing their hate towards.

I once got beaten up by about twenty black girls and a few black guys. I got my head stomped on and everything because they thought I was a lesbian. They saw me holding hands with a girl and they approached us in a group and asked me “Are you a lesbian?” and I think I said something to the effect of “bitch I might be” but like, less cool. Everyone heard that I had closed my eyes when I got beaten up. I was reminded of this when a Russian housemate told me he got beaten up and that it was painless because he left his body. At the time it connected that experience. Later I amused myself because I learned that chola gangsters beat each other up to initiate each other. You don’t have to learn this from physical fighting – but debate and disagreement make you strong.

We have things to learn from Trump. Whether we like him, whether we appreciate his history and how he might’ve treated or spoken about women, whether we accept or disregard his value system and his treatment of Mexicans (EGHEM.) or not.

Think of it like this – just try – if you had found out terrible things about your father (leaders are, kind of, parents) (I haven’t met many great parents) – you have a choice. Either you can hate your father (most people do, a little) and you can make fun of him, or you can accept his position and influence in your life and overcome your intrinsic differences for the sake of personal growth. I would tell my ex that if he believes he’s a woman trapped in a man’s body, and if his father’s opinion matters so much (it shouldn’t) then he has to create a serious and vulnerable dialogue. And it might not go well the first time, in which case try again. And again. Every time the right argument will be strengthened. The hateful one weakened.

What can we learn? Trump believed he could win presidency – he did. So we can learn self belief from Trump. That is the most important thing that ANYONE can teach you.

Trump made some shitty comments about grabbing a woman’s pussy. I mean, he’s done a lot of shitty things. He’s HUMAN so OF COURSE he’s done shitty things. But he is your president. So how about you overcome your collective communication issues and find a way to validate his life dream by helping him to perfect it. Educate him on current culture without making fun of his appearance or directing unnecessary and unhelpful nastiness that only makes him want to hurt whoever is hurting him. I personally think a woman talking with sincerity and vulnerability about the affect that comments like that have had on her life is more powerful than an angry-feminist-marketing campaign that ultimately produces no good long-term results. Men feel comfortable taking the piss of feminism but how funny is a picture of a woman in a hijab, half buried in the ground, about to get stones thrown at her until she dies – cos she didn’t love her husband anymore?
My life has been impacted greatly by how men have treated me in my life – anger is a natural response energy to any kind of mistreatment. The best thing you can do with that kind of energy is let it go.
I was pretty traumatically ass raped by a Dr while four nurses held me down when I was an infant. I know someone who was gang raped in a hotel room, after having her drink drugged. She woke up in a room with used condoms all over the floor. She got up and walked out. A man grabbing a woman’s pussy is disgusting and suggests he was brought up poorly but it really isn’t the worst thing a man can be capable of and if you’re an angry feminist, your anger can be better directed. The fact that he was talking about it like that suggests he didn’t know it was wrong. That he might’ve been in the company of people who couldn’t comprehend why it was wrong. Did one person respond “why would you want to grab a woman’s pussy? isn’t it more fun to make her want you to?” or “maybe you shouldn’t ever touch someone without being sure they want you to”.

I think “LOCKER ROOM” culture was a key phrase in that debacle – Trump was a product of a culture built from men who have been rejected by women and never learned how to cope with that. Men who have never been taught how to show respect. Iunno, if you want change, teach them how to show respect with respect. Your life has foundations in childhood. Are you pursuing your dreams in the hopes of being good enough for someone? And then when you get those dreams – how do you cope with still not being good enough for them? World Peace has NOTHING to do with loving others. It has to do with loving YOURSELF. A man who is truly in love with himself doesn’t get validation from taking things that aren’t his, doesn’t get validation from hurting people who don’t give him what he wants.
If you rise to a position where you can force yourself upon another human being – you’re really only degrading yourself by doing so. When a person is so desirable to you that you steal their rights from them, you’re actually elevating them above yourself.

Imagine this thought process – “I have all this, I have become the epitome of financial success & yet I can’t have you? You aren’t that great anyway. Oh, I always get what I want.” …. The person or object of your affections has every right to teach you that their idea of success isn’t measured by you or yours. If you desire someone so much use that energy to become a greater version of yourself. And when you become that version of yourself – you won’t want that person anymore. Because they entered into your experience at that phase of your growth. Be grateful for the motivation they gave you and be prepared to move along.

So – net neutrality. Do you really think Donald Trump wants shitty internet? DO YOU? Just when he’s gotten so great at tweeting? I think he’s giving people an opportunity to learn to stick up for themselves PROPERLY. I think people have manifested a leader who will give them enough self belief that they can change things. America you have manifested a business man – an accessible corporate representative who may well teach you how to engage with the government. Who may well even make you realise you don’t want one anymore.

The Obama family were great to me but I think there is a difficulty in being drawn to love a presidential family, it’s a lot harder to grow when you’re in good company.
Shut up, let me finish.

It’s really easy to love the cute, well-behaved, obedient kid that’s mastered misbehaving in secret – isn’t it? Much harder to love the less cute, obnoxious one that somehow has mastered getting his way. If you’re ‘spiritual’ – you learn how to love both. Easy for me, because when I love I feel comfortable being mean.

And this is one of the issues I have with ~~spiritual people. I don’t believe they’re as spiritually grown as they think they are – based on how they treat me. I don’t look or act how they imagine a spiritual person should.
I don’t like hugging trees, I don’t like wearing elephant print MC Hammer pants or head bands, I don’t like sitting cross legged to meditate (actually I’ve kind of created my own form of meditation – learning to empty your mind is like, phase 2 of the entire practice and inner peace is not interesting to me – the pursuit of it, I find, pushes a lot of non-physically powerful people away from the practice), I don’t believe you are ‘cleansing’ an aura that you can’t see, I don’t like yoga, I don’t think fucking everyone is an expression of love at ALL, I don’t want to go skinny dipping, I don’t want to sit in drumming circles, etc etc. But I have mastered Spirit. I am a kind of Spiritual Mr Miyagi and it bothers me that it bothers you so much that you think it’s okay to mistreat me.

I have a lot of respect for teachers and people that know things I don’t. I sat with a spiritual Doctor once and I insinuated that I was of her kind – she said “people make all sorts of things up” – I was offended but then realised perhaps her soul was telling me I do ‘make things up’. The things I imagine come true.

Lucifer is called ‘The Lord of Lies’. What is a lie but a hidden truth??

Let me tell you a secret about the Illuminati – the Illuminati exist. The Illuminati are the enlightened ones. They are people who have learned that everything you do has a butterfly effect on the Planet. You don’t have to live a perfect life, you just have to know WHY you’re doing what you’re doing. You might think it is run by the vastly wealthy, or celebrities or even the Rothschilds or whoever – it uh… really, really isn’t. /Mic Drop

Once you learn you are not your body, once you learn your actions have consequence, once you find your inner truth even in the face of those around you refusing to believe it, once you separate yourself from the matrix of soul fragments & develop your spirit – not your soul, once you accept that your dreams are more real than the reality your five senses afford you – you become Illuminati.

It begins with embarrassment. The music you listened to as a kid. The shows you watched. The clothes you wore, or wouldn’t wear because your parents/friends thought you looked stupid. The dreams you had. Did you want to sing in a pop punk/metal band? Well… a part of you died when you let those dreams go.

I uh.. wanted to be a rockstar but only cos I wanted to date rockstars. done that

In the Matrix, the Oracle lies to Neo. She says he’s not the one. That he’s perhaps waiting for something, another life perhaps. The Oracle I lived with told me that she was in a secret society and that she had to walk across flames to join.
She also said – of my dreams – that they wouldn’t come true. She was trying to teach me NOT to listen to teachers, not to change the direction of a dream-course just because someone told me to. At one point during my “mental breakdown” – in front of two friends I made a fire in a big greek ashtray, with pieces of wood that happened to be in my kitchen. I put my hand through the fire and kept it there. These two friends had given me the most difficulty when it came to my spirituality and in the face of proof… They never really told anyone about what they had seen. Anyway. My Oracle said that in my next life I’d be the head of a secret society.

Life cheat: you can reach your next life through ego death. Sometimes ego death is achieved by learning that you ARE good enough exactly as you are. And then when you accept that you wonder… do I still really want whatever nonsense I’ve been wanting? You ask yourself: If I could really have whatever I wanted… why that? Why you?
And you ask the people who reject you – Why are you good enough for me?