Professor Germaine @ The Cambridge Union

RECIPE: Bacon, Coriander, (Skinless, sliced) Cucumber,  
Lemon, Mozzarella Cheese, Olive Oil, Caramelised Red Onion 
3x Slices of Toast

This breakfast BLT was inspired by a scene in FRIENDS -
where Ross has an episode of rage in the work place. 
It occurs in a moment of disappointment, during post-thanks giving
season. He exerts trust towards his co-workers by leaving a sandwich 
he had meticulously and carefully prepared, with his TG Turkey 
leftovers - and he includes a 'moist maker' in the sandwich to 
keep it from getting dry. 
I share Ross' sandwhich preferences and quite like for bread to be 

All I can say is - if you're preparing bacon, it's better soft and 
fatty - and chopped into bits, if you're using it within a sandwich.

In the event my comment gets deleted:

I feel like a lot of the attendees of this speech have never really investigated anything that Professor Germaine Greer actually wrote – for example – she bravely authored some time ago that sexual energy is actually projected by men. This is something that remains undiscussed publicly and it’s dangerous. Nor do the students notice that the clues she offers in this discussion allude to the “WHY” of Arab and Muslim women’s choices to cover up – even when their husbands or fathers or brothers or uncles etc don’t force them to. Even if an Arab or Muslim woman chooses to cover up entirely, I’m still offended by their motivation to do so. That they have to at all – especially in Arabic or Muslim countries where their sometimes religious brethren really ought not to look or sexualise them at all. (Something I saw in that Persepolis graphic novel – there’s a bit where police men pursue the protagonist and berate her for the fact that when she was running, her ass wobbled – she turned around and screamed “DON’T LOOK AT MY ASS THEN” – that still has never left my mind) I feel the anger expressed by two students here is completely justified but that they’ve clearly not been told the truth – what it means when people say that there’s a time for innocence, which is offensive. We all deserve to know and grow from the truth from childhood. There is a time where I’d probably have shared that anger towards Germaine, especially as I love that there are men who feel like their bodies don’t reflect their inner being, but that only calls for society to necessitate the establishment of new gender identities if we still believe we need one at all. I identify as male and have since I was a child but thankfully enjoy that I’m female and that I can exist without having to pay too much attention to the idea of my genitals having anything to do with my identity or how I carry myself or how I dress – at all. I recall when I first heard about Prof. Greer having made a statement that transgender men are still men, even if they have a sex change – (I’m not sure if those were even really her words exactly) I was inclined to be offensive but I couldn’t decide how I really felt about the statement or what had inspired her to say that. When you allow some time – even if it is years – before making your own opinions/getting angry towards other people for theirs – you might manifest a truth of some kind to help you understand their perspective. I don’t really appreciate debate structures at all because if you’re really a deep thinker, it takes you a life time to create an opinion of your own that is worth sharing at all. I learned at University, and far too late – that men are quite capable of leaving their bodies. My Jewish lecturers at UCA taught me about the ‘male gaze’ – that when you regard film, often men and women are watching two very different movies. They said “we have a verse in the Talmud that teaches men to be grateful that they are not women” and I remember then also thinking “WHY?!” – I took the statement only figuratively but later understood there were things that men had not learned at the time about life, and that in not sharing their truth with women our evolution and understanding of Planetary life was stagnant. Fortunately Abraham Hicks and Esther Hicks took me on the next phase of that journey and I learned to be unafraid of the concept and to simply consider that when I think of absolutely anyone, I am ‘sharing energy’ with them. So I am disappointed that Cambridge lecturers aren’t teaching their female students about the male gaze – which I think ought to be an integral aspect of the pastoral care that should be offered to people under thirty five. I’m disappointed that Professor Germaine couldn’t tell the truth bluntly and that it’s still something that has to be implied so as not to incite fear.



Painting the Daisies Purple

When I moved from Dubai to London, I had brought no belongings with me and I had said no goodbyes.

I stayed at a friend of my mother’s, a council flat in Acton. I must have been aged about six years old, perhaps five. I spent days playing with the little ceramic mice in her home or watching television – Friends videos and early morning cartoons were the only media that could hold my attention. I imagine that, and my brother, was what kept me laughing through terrible times. Kept me performing that life was okay.

One time I was playing with these mice while Lady Diana’s faux funeral (trust me) aired on television. The night before I’d had a painful episode trying to use the loo, and I’d heard my mother speaking to her friend about it in Spanish; thinking I couldn’t understand to some extent the jist of what she was saying. She joked that the admittedly huge shit I’d taken was elephant-y in size. She undermined perhaps for the sake of social sensibility that everytime I took a shit, it wasn’t just taking a shit – it was a source of fear, it was humiliating, I was overwhelmed with my own fear of humiliation and unimaginable physical pain also. On the plus side, I’m a grown up it’s sure as hell difficult to humiliate and it’s a sort of autoattack I inflict on others effortlessly. Sometimes without meaning to.

I didn’t want to watch the funeral. I was in pain. And I certainly hadn’t been taught that there were products that could alleviate the pain, nor had I learned to communicate that being in pain wasn’t a form of weakness. I’d always been laughed at for talking about using the loo, siblings aged +7 years older than you and “parents” who’re stuck in the worst phases of their childhoods are pure hell for toddlers because they expect the toddler to skip the familial getting-to-know-you phases that they went through with one another and that means that even if the toddler is the baby of the family and believed to be the favourite, LIFE AS THE YOUNGEST IS RARELY GENTLE.

So amongst my intentions with Miss Kittie – is that I’d like to make something that kids suffering with similar life problems might be able to enjoy. Something for my own child-self. My child self felt empty (figuratively), alone and probably had pretty serious depression. But she enjoyed laughing and she lived for cartoons. And later – games she could play with any success.

Amongst the cartoons I’d watched, was one starring dogs. I saw a sexy bee lady – in two different shows. One of which I can’t remember, one was a very dominatrix-y Queen Bee.
She was a character featured in the show Earth Worm Jim.

screen shot 2019-01-17 at 05.06.29screen shot 2019-01-17 at 05.06.50screen shot 2019-01-17 at 05.07.10

Above, Princess Whats Her Name glares at her co-stars because she's 
trying to tell them about her life and Earth Worm Jim is only 
interested in a relationship and the other one is only thinking about

screen shot 2019-01-17 at 05.08.31screen shot 2019-01-17 at 05.08.45screen shot 2019-01-17 at 05.08.58screen shot 2019-01-17 at 05.09.24screen shot 2019-01-17 at 05.09.42“It’s the saddest story since Bambi” Earth Worm Jim cries

I took these stills from >> a video kindly uploaded << 
By @Richard Wagner of Episode XII, from the first series

You might think it controversial for cartoon characters to be ‘sexy’ or ‘sexualised’, I do not. I think if you do think that, that may either be because you are in a phase of personal growth that undermines your own childhood sexuality or because you have never forced yourself to acknowledge your own. That is not to say that I think children should engage in sexual activity – and believe me they do – they really do – I certainly did, and most people I’ve met have managed to somehow allude to there having been experimental moments or curiosities between them and their siblings or childhood friends. Marilyn Manson writes in his book about moments with friends of the same sex (gender) in which: if an adult had described them as an activity amongst consenting adults, would’ve been considered sordid and depraved by even the most sexually liberated. (Whatever the fucking hell that really means.)

I actually think that children would choose not to if they could comfortably dialogue


I think that as an artist, and a feminist one at that, it is fundamentally important to offer both a personal motivation and an academic perspective of every decision made in film making.

So this aunt’s flat – in Acton – I was able to appreciate the memories of her home and I relive the nicer ones regularly. And she had two books amongst her possessions that really stayed with me. One was a children’s activity book, and I had none of the items a person would’ve needed to do any of the activities. The other was the book Heidi. A battered purple copy with a fabric cover – the story of which is one of my favourites that has ever been written. Through that book I learned not to hate men. I ought to have learned to despise women but that would’ve probably halted my desire to become a feminist and also a templar and also the kind of person that finds the female body divine – the female personality… rarely so.


Miss Kittie’s introducing two entirely new characters to her cast: Monsieur Hugh le Poodle – he is inspired by one of the admissions staff (he would be so00o0o0o offended being described as that but it is revenge – he’s actually the person that decides whether students get in or not) of the Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts. So – the best performing Arts School in the World. I MEAN A LOT OF PEOPLE MIGHT BE OFFENDED (I’ve a picture in my mind of a bearded American gentleman that interviews thespians being rather infuriated at such an underserving statement -)


My favourite thespians and comediennes are alumni of both RADA and of Cambridge University. My favourite films, my favourite animations – my favourite Shakespeare – was performed by an all American cast and non of whom studied at RADA, except for Ed Norton. So maybe that’s a little short-winded an analysis.

My favourite non-animated comediennes are the entire cast of Black Adder, the entire cast of Frasier,  the cast of Friends (though in real life we’d probably all dislike one another – except I think Chandler and Phoebe and I would probably really connect and Ross and I would have arguments about paleontology – one of my first dreams was of being chased down a cobbled street by a tyrannosaurus rex. I’m adamant I’ll raise one one day and it’ll be chasing me down the street trying to snuggle me. Did you read about my thought journey with Komodo Dragons? I still haven’t learned how to teach animals that licking is not the most successful means of conveying love.)

I do not think about the actors as personalities of their own, I think of the characters they’re playing. I don’t care about their personal lives, and to do so would be stalkerish. Ralph and Joseph Fiennes are two of my favourite actors of all time. Would I want to hang out at their houses and watch the news with them? Hell the fucking no. I enjoy that they are artists at a distance and I think that their being exclusive and mysterious and also not tacky celebrities (I have no issue with tacky celebrities, I’d happily have been one of those when I was younger – for example I ENJOY the Kardashian family. I think that tacky celebrity has it’s uses. Would I have cast Kim Kardashian in Shakespeare in Love? Hell the fuck no. Would I have cast her as one of Elizabeth’s ladies in waiting? Hell the fuck no. But she’s Hollywood royalty all on her own.)

What I mean is tacky celebrity is not a life style that sits with the kind of people that study at RADA. If I wanted to act, I’d want to be in tacky super hero movies that were really well shot. I’d want all the electric-fans pointed at me as I stood above an actual mountain in one of those fitted thigh high slit gowns and making my hair billow majestically in the wind and the light to be low lit and for there to be blood stains on my face. Do you get my inner acting vibe?

I couldn’t do The Importance of being Earnest. (I totally could, but I wouldn’t.)

Unless they are actively performance artists or reality TV stars – when I think of british actors I do not think of actors, I think of thespians.

Actors are people that would want to be in Hello Magazine.

Thespians are the kinds of people who would spend about ten years psychoanalysing a role (even a “background character”) that they’d dreamt of playing when they were three years old and then maybe refuse the part, even if it meant losing money they NEEDED – because they really felt they weren’t ready for the role – because it meant that much to them to do the role justice.

There is NOTHING wrong with being either of those people, it’s just how you market yourself. I’m tacky. I like being tacky. I can do not-tacky but that apparently makes people want to murder me. Not kidding.


My intended audience is 1-3 year olds, but I’d like to think I can appeal to any audience. Most women think it’s normal to breast feed children between those ages, I personally disagree – but it is at your liberty to raise your children the way you’ve been taught to. I do not think you should be using breast feeding to ‘bond’ with your children either, especially if you use it as a moment to day dream or your partner uses it as a chance to sexualise you and sexual energy in turn flows between you and they and also your child.

I personally believe that that is why children create such a fuss when they have to stop breast feeding, because they’ve become addicted to that sexual energy. I used to hump stuff and weirdly enough I recall as a child hearing “they don’t know you’re doing it.” Not as a ‘voice’, but as I hear any of my own thoughts.  I learned later that it is possible it wasn’t always my own thoughts I was hearing, at all.

That is why I think it is so important to develop neural pathways that are unique to you, unique to personal interests you have developed yourself.

But the crux of my point is – your child should not be sexualising mammary glands. Certainly not at that age. Your child should be comfortable with nudity, nudity should not be associated with intimacy or even sex. Your child should be comfortable in the body they were given, should be comfortable with other people’s right to a body. It is idealistic, as most men and some women I’ve met are perverts – I do not judge perverts, it isn’t the worst flaw – as long as you aren’t spending all day thinking about sex in between four second intervals etc. I don’t think people who obsess about sex are ready to be parents. It is an unkind thing to say, but I believe that obsessing about sex is a form of slavery. I think that if you obsess about sex, you will raise children that obsess about sex.

There is nothing wrong with having sex, there is nothing wrong with sex work, there is nothing inherently wrong with the fact that we as beings have the capacity to be sexual and that some people’s identities have been built from our sexual inclinations. It’s not wrong, but it is sad – to me, that for example this photograph or the one above could be considered a sexual invitation. And there was a time when it would have been – about the 1930s.


Some men respond very well to degradation and humiliation, sexually – some men hire women to mistreat and abuse them because it takes that much of an extremity for them to achieve any kind of sexual arousal.
Again – not judging – but that is often as a result of serious childhood abuse.

I’m sure if I didn’t have an unhealthy guilt function and a capacity for empathy that surpasses most people’s comprehension – to a level of sorts that I truly resent, maybe I’d have been a dominatrix. It is a kind of healing work, and I think sex work is important for keeping men from acts of rape. Really simplified in a way no psychiatrist could get away with some men enjoy the prospect of: hit me the way mummy/daddy used to. Sometimes it is kids/men who got away with doing heinous things and who needed a guilt trip in order to heal.

It’s kind of loosely discussed as a topic in this film – read the book (it’s a small book) BEFORE you watch the film. MAYBE TWICE OR THRICE.

Brian Warner – the performance artist responsible for the iconic persona of “Marilyn Manson” acted in this film, and later found out that it was a work of fiction. He confronted JT Leroy and said “how could you make this up?”

My mother was taught to sexualise a male figure that punished people for doing naughty things. She in turn emasculated my “father” because he could never be that to her face. So he did a lot of weird shit behind her back, behind all of our backs – and came running back to her home when that didn’t work anymore and we all stopped being affected.

He gave more to my sister than he ever gave to me – EVER – and knew that in doing so he’d create a hella weird and damaging dynamic. She, like him, is very devious and quiet when she feels envy and likes to ‘get revenge’ behind a person’s back, promising to keep secrets and then later sharing them for the wrong reasons, calling up a doctor to tell lies (and sounding quite insane, upon reflection – I assure you), flirting with my doctors etc – and I CANNOT blame her for doing it. She is STUPID. The only man she’s ever idolised had to be my equally STUPID father and the two of them LOVE to have a little flirt.

I want Miss Kittie to teach children how to enjoy being alone, some children truly need it and I’ve never seen it done properly.




The image above, was a photograph taken in the 1970s of Professor 
Germaine Greer.

The image beneath is a self portrait I took in Farnham, around
about the time that I went to a speech of hers at a venue called
the Maltings. 

I had never seen the photograph of her before, but I enjoy the
similarity somewhat. I found the image while listening to a >> debate
she took part in speaking for the motion of Women's liberation << 
at >>Cambridge University<< uploaded by @VagabondWays

I took these stills from the Cambridge site today... [18|JAN|2019]

screen shot 2019-01-18 at 04.12.21
screen shot 2019-01-18 at 04.12.30screen shot 2019-01-18 at 04.12.35

giving me life

dangerous ideas 

In the future, Google Maps will be a virtual reality experience allowing us to explore every crevice of the world. ‘Psychic’ kids will take you to the locations of every imprisoned and sexually enslaved person. When the truth comes out of the male sexuality, there will necessarily be a world where secrets no longer exist. There will be no judgements because there will be no stigma attached to anything that is both informed and properly consented to. There will be less abuse.

Big brother, as a concept, is our reality. Big sister – the counterpart – narratively concerned is inevitable. No closed doors. No secrets – fine – we’ve accepted that. That means you – too – patriarchy.

You want surveillance but who grants you the accountability for a role like that? The you that accesses everyone’s emails, sifts through messages that are so unharmful – such as the exchanges of naked pictures between people in or out of relationships, the you that accesses webcam performances that women perceive as a serious career and yet are not earning proportionately for – those performances are screen captured by many people, and later sold privately for more than the performer had ever considered she could’ve earned for her time, her choice to share her body.

Men and their fathers, realising new extents to their personal relationships that they had previously not considered will no longer be able to trust their fathers unless they can have the same dialogue in front of their fathers and their mothers. Children will not want their familial lives and relationships to be confined to simply two parents – they will want many parents.

Once I was sitting in the box room of my mother’s home, and I opened a conversation with a boy I had been completely in love with for years – from a distance – whom I had upon first glance been attracted to but kept a distance because he was a year and a half my junior and I felt he was too young for me – and with whom I had been intimate but had never had sex with – and my mother and I sat side by side while he appeared on webcam.

Later he said to me “you wanted to show me off”

I had never even considered the idea that my mother could be interested in the boys that I was interested in, ever since I was a child I was repulsed by the notion of being with someone even a few months younger than myself. I had something of an internet boyfriend for a month or two, some six years younger than me (I was twenty eight at the time) and I really, seriously, super-liked him, and I realised that my younger self had been far wiser than my older one. My very first impression is always the right one – that is a gift of mine that I will never go back on. In my company though – people grow fast if they are vulnerable enough to have an open and heartfelt conversation with me, and that sometimes means that they outgrow me fast – too. My mother’s life really did end somewhat at about sixteen years old, so I have to accept that her mind is stuck there.

Years later I learned that that-boys father was revisiting his youth, and had abandoned one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen – for a younger model. Some other me would’ve judged him for that, but I don’t now.

If someone needs a relationship, to continue being able to find hope of life in age (I hear that men truly struggle with that, struggle with the idea of being desirable – get lost in the 9-5, lose some significant part of themselves through never having lived their true dreams) and that in turn depletes their capacity to sustain their familial relationships – to continue performing a role that made them feel nothing of the life they really wanted. That lie, that struggle – the sensible, logical/clinical performance that America would call the ‘nuclear’ family value – has no place in the future. At all.

If the person you lose is truly ‘yours’, and you are truly yours too, you will not be threatened by that loss.

They’ll come back if they grow enough to appreciate what they had with you. And perhaps that might never happen – but your growth will be in learning to release a dynamic that you also must’ve necessarily outgrown for the attachment to no longer be valued to an extent that they’d risk the loss of it.

Can you imagine that no one in my family knows my mother? Growing up with your sole caregiver being unable to have any kind of non confrontational discussion with you means you will be to the world, someone that is equally impossible to ever truly know. I want her to live her life but in her head she’s stuck in a place where the only kind of woman she could find beauty in was an anorexic dancer. Losing relationships and accepting their loss and growing from that loss can make or break your life – but if you can continue to live through a loss like that, if you can continue to choose happiness and continue to choose growth and life (do not allow someone to make your relationship with them the one thing that keeps them alive – EVER) – you will find a new self. You’ll lose some part of your identity for awhile, I know that happened to me many times. But that you will come back from time to time, years later. Life is long. Much longer if you continue to hope for things and work towards dreams. Esther Hicks and Abraham Hicks changed my life – you don’t need to care for the spiritual stuff, only the message needs to have any importance to you – and the message is universal. Live your dreams, choose to find beauty in yourself. The future depends on your ability to love yourself, on your ability not to make someone responsible for loving you in place of your family. And not to make your family responsible for loving you either, no one has to love you except you.

I will never bring a man home again, I would like to leave my home as soon as I can – I don’t trust my sister or my mother. And they never really invited me to believe I ought to. Not to run, running creates new problems – but just because I’ve been taught that is the natural course of things.