One who has been given a challenge is because he can take it

“Imprinted” “Imbedded”

Success depends on freewill. 


“Judaism needs to focus on being less exclusive”
Rabbi Kin

One time I was pregnant and I think only my then boyfriend and a few friends knew – it wasn’t a very pleasant pregnancy and there were a lot of arguments with my mother – who I later learned was pretending she didn’t know. One time we had a really horrible argument and I went to bed – I heard footsteps and someone walked into my room and I continued to pretend to be asleep. I felt someone stroke my face. The next day I asked my mother if she had stroked my face hoping it might’ve been her first time apologising after an argument and she said no – and continued being unpleasant towards me.

I channelled Lee Alexander McQueen last night. He said to a person – a fragment of my mother – that he is one of the few people that would benefit from dying because there are things you learn in death that you cannot learn in life.
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One time I went out in Ealing late at night trying to distract myself from being upset about a guy I was kind of in love with. I took photographs of a blue ballet leotard and a pink skirt at the ballet school close to my primary school, North Ealing. The backdrop the leotard and skirt were fastened to with a safety pin was brown.

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Today I realised that I had taken this the day after McQueen had died, and earlier that day I had posted this photograph of me in an Alexander Mcqueen scarf that I had been given as a gift by a family member who regularly bought herself designer items.
I remember, and it is quite funny – that I learned at LCF that the colour green is sold the cheapest because fashion sale data suggests it’s the least desired colour. A year or two before I had seen a man in a green shirt and told everyone his name was “sexy man”. And he was the prettiest thing I’d ever seen. I’ve written previously – that his mother and I have the same name.

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Fyi if I were a man I’d be Hugh Hefner because there is absolutely no woman I can’t get. And he died one night when my previous Twinflame pissed me off, after i posted a weird tweet saying “I’d like to make a sacrifice to the 2D Anime Gods”

I remember finding out about the death – and I ran to put on my scarf and I tied it in a bow around my throat.

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Levi wears a green cape in Attack on Titan and theres some nonsense about feathers – which Anubis uses to weigh against people’s hearts.

Above that little eulogy… I posted

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Here’s a funny two references in the post above. The first is a song called Mono by Courtney Love. the CD art depicts scribbles by Francis Bean of fairies and the cover – Clove as an angel.

This song came out before a trip back to Uganda. I had apparently had sex with him when I overdosed on diazepam. 11 x 5 mg tablets. The night before I’d had sex with a friend of his purposely trying to make him jealous.
55mg is a lot of diazepam to mix with alcohol and cocain and I don’t remember a thing.

I named a rooster – Juan – before all of that. I realised sexyman’s codename was John when the guy I’d had sex with to make him jealous sent over an article about how he was on deathrow. I did it without having known his name. He got put in prison and years later I got him out by tweeting like, everyone on the Planet. Thats sort of how I explained who my family are too. That twitter doesn’t exist anymore and I wish it did.

It’s important, for me to tell artists and anyone who makes something out of nothing – you’re really not telling your OWN story. You’re telling so many stories simultaneously and once you create the Art really doesn’t belong to you at all.

Where’d you put the keys girl? One time a guy at uni left his keys on the counter top of the kitchen in 77 – that girl I was friends with slept with him – too soon. She could’ve been with him if she hadn’t of done that. She knew not to sleep with someone until they’d hung out with her for two weeks, and she did anyway. If you don’t force someone to get to know you in physical, if they don’t insist on hanging out with you for two weeks – it’s going to be about sex. They’ll never know you and it’ll never be love. I made all the mistakes and told her about them in detail – she knew the script and she did it anyway. But it’s important – his keys had a green cover on them. She bitched about me to him a lot and she really shouldn’t have. He started making art with calligraphy and words when he saw and liked scribbles in my room of little sentences I liked in messy ink.

A lot of the girls that hung out with me had daddy issues (I had mummy issues and that confused a lot of the guys who “pursued” me who didn’t realise that my joking analysis of them wasn’t me projecting myself onto them but actually me understanding them.) and to an extent, due to the human nature to fill holes – I was like a weird dad to girls that had those issues. Gross, right?

Growing up was a little weird for me. I never really got to know my mother or my father and in my early infancy I thought my brother and sister were my parents. I’m a whole other ballpark to most women and that’s probably what ended up fucking up all the guys that literally had to team up to get me alone and to ruin mine.

I once sent this song to a girl I had spent years of my life babysitting non-physically and said “I feel like this is Kanye telling us off” what I meant was “this is Kanye telling you off.” I once told her that I’m her dad in another body – and that was before I really understood fragments. Sometimes your family don’t really work with you in their current bodies, for one reason or another. So you find some other person to be-that for you, so you can grow.

This girl was really “different” to me, out of any girl I had ever known. Although I realise now she’s probably my sister in another body.

The kind of person who doesn’t treat the people that really love her and care about her right.

When we were little and my mother would have her strange psychosis moments – she’d argue with my sister and the only person who ever truly defended her was me. She never thanked me or appreciated it – although I do remember one time she returned the favour. My sister was a strange influence on my karma – I had a habit in life of never finishing anything and learning to leave situations that weren’t good for me, like schools where I was bullied. She taught me to do what spiritual people refer to as “running”. So – when you know that someone is the person you’re meant to be with and you choose to leave every time you meet them in some form, it’s called “running”.

My guide Lucifer gave me a new twin flame. What is interesting is that although he’s a fragment of myself, the nature of our relationship mimics that of my sister and I.

My previous twin flame was a fragment of my mother. My future children don’t like him and I certainly don’t either. And when things came down to it, although I spent my life dreaming of running from my mother I never did. And when things came down to it, he did to me what my mother did – which was find some quiet means of abusing me and trying to convince me that it was love. I think there are some fragments that exist to teach you to be careful not to love anyone, and when love is all I really know – that means not being myself.
Before I was born my mother said to my sister that she was going to raise me “saying whatever I wanted”, she didn’t keep to that agreement.

Probably because no one had ever really stuck up for me in my life. I learned how it feels to have someone stick up for you when I was about four – my mother, brother and his friends and I were in a car and a prodigy song with terrifying laughter started playing and I felt genuine fear at this laughter. I curled up into a ball and I was wearing a nighty with an elephant on it. My brother just knew I was scared and he said “Switch the song off, she’s terrified.”

Believe it or not – men can watch your memories and hear your thoughts – they use the knowledge to create relationships with you based on your fears and in doing so try to be what you need, even stooping so low as to create scenarios that will trigger you. Men often repeat cycles of their own in doing so and I suppose that serves as their karma.

I had trusted her a lot – and she used to talk a lot about me behind my back. I got her out of a home that she hated living in and gave her a life better than the one she had been living. We were surrounded by people I hadn’t shared my life with, that for the most part knew a side of me that was their own fantasy – and she told a lot of our secrets.

At this point no one really understood why my life had turned out that way, why it was me that had to talk about things that are kept secret on this Planet. Why I had to go through insanity – why it was important for me to try and find friends to replace my “family”.

I had always wanted to be famous and for a large part of my journey in realising that my thoughts were often telepathic conversations thrown to and fro, I learned that someone had an issue with the fact that I wanted to be “famous”. When I was little I watched something called “Ballet Shoes” – and there’s a bit where these three girls agree they want their names in the “history books”.
Do you know what some famous people go through? Energetic exchanges that cause them pain. When people look into your eyes they can send you negative energy and you feel that. You can get a bad stomach etc. If someone looks at you and notices something you’re insecure about – it’ll riddle your thoughtspace with insecurity that you don’t need. They say you sell your soul for fame and you do.

Also “I” came up with an idea for a movie premise of some kind and I think someone should steal it – it’s not my movie to make.
I’d never realllyyyy known why I wanted to be “famous” but I realise now that it was a lot bigger than anyone could’ve ever imagined and it had nothing to do with the list of reasons I might’ve been forced to think when people were too cowardly to admit that they were talking to me telepathically cos they were too fucking scared to address me to my face.

Have you ever read about Candy Jones? She was an MK Ultra experiment. There are some people whose eyes you can look into and see their memories and it had to take a person like that to be able to prove the truth. Yes being famous would mean people could see every repulsive/scary/embarrassing/sad, boohoo thing that had happened to me but also if they thought hard enough

A girl at University once viewed my memories – and she was quite proud of herself for having done so. She adopted an internet handle called “C0nArtist” or something. Most people that do it to me feel quite special for it and think they’re the only one who can do it. I’m sorry to inform you that you’re mistaken. And that you have VERY bad manners.

In this little “Secrets” project she did for University – which went viral actually – she put authored a secret of mine – a story about an Australian girl who penetrated me (painfully) in a disney tent with a nurses toy.
I had a lot of very weird sexual experiences as a child that I look back on and realise were actually really fucking sinister.

That wasn’t some child to child romp that girl witnessed – it was simply one experience amongst a series of sexual experiences that were being observed and controlled by pedophiles who could leave their bodies.

I engaged in so many weird experiences like that, got blamed a lot for them, got discussed for them etc – when you go through enough weird shit you learn to leave your body in your own way… and sometimes it’s the dead that substitute.

Just because you CAN do something – doesn’t mean you SHOULD. Consent is of absolute and utmost importance in anything you do, that involves other people, especially ME. If you think it’s cool that YOU’RE able to access my past – remember that it’s possible that there are children who might be living in some future accessing my present. (There are by the way, there really really are.)
And then remember that you teach through action – not words. So if you’re teaching someone it’s okay to do something like that to someone else that TRUSTS you – you’re likely teaching a whole bunch of little people too. THEN remember that humans evolve in stages – so if you’re invading the privacy of and betraying the trust of a person that takes care of you and looks out for you – you’re sending out a message to the Universe that “this is okay” and you’re also inviting a lot worse to happen to you… and the person that might’ve saved you from that karma will probably have fucked off by then, because distrust is a feeling. Even if you don’t know why you’re experiencing it, it’s a feeling. You’ll do what you can to stop feeling it too.

*looks at YOU, miss anonymous browsing girl with fuck all manners*
OH – and there’s another girl I wanted to address. I know he put some easter eggs in his stuff for you – that was specifically to piss me off and make me jealous.
One time I tried to set you up with a guy I had a huge crush on – he was bi, not gay – and you really should’ve considered it because when someone is so addicted to sex that they can’t force men to get to know them, bisexual men really are your best bet at a long lasting relationship. There’s potential for you to have more than one, y’know? AND someone to help fix your make up when no girl wants to be around you because you’re a fucking two faced back-stabbing bitch. (P.S I know I’ve made a point of never actually stating my sexuality but I’ll go ahead – I LIKE WOMEN. PROBABLY MORE THAN MEN.)


So here’s my idea for a movie. It’s incomplete you’d need an ending, iunno.

2 norwegian mercenaries go on a trip to the amazon to stalk a really hot cam girl, thinking shes 24.

One of them is really good at hypnotism and one of them is really good at mind control and they can both observe people’s memories by looking into their eyes.

they see her and shes a goofy looking normal person in ballet slippers etc and basically looks nothing like her photos. actually she looks a mess because she’s just had a break up and they find out she is definitely not 24 (shes 18)

the three of them end up missing the coach for their guided tour

they pretend not to know anything about her at all. and start getting to know her. she is really nice and acts like a little kid.

they go to the amazon without a guide because their tickets were very expensive and the mercenaries insist that they are great survivalists

they realise she has a split personality and that she isn’t actually all that nice.

and everything becomes a weird horror movie and they realise a little too late that she is actually a secret military experiment who can kill things with her mind… when she’s in a bad mood one night and they wake up and apparently there has been a massive planetary tragedy. And that she can get pregnant from having sex dreams about people she’s never even met.

She has no idea of any of this, or so it seems

Then they realise that she’s part of a family that were intended to be royalty for the most hated country in the world and that her mother has been brainwashed and that her father isnt actually her father at all because the real her was replaced as a baby when she died because she was allergic to milk. she tells them “I used to have blue eyes that turned green and then eventually they went brown” in passing and says “apparently some babies are born with blue eyes”

they glance at each other and nod awkwardly

also her father sold her as a child into a marriage because his sister’s brother thought that she was his dead wife. and that she was used as an energy source by arabian royalty.

shes great at predicting fashion trends and really likes eating hotdogs and junk food. they survive for a large part of the trip eating hotdogs.

one of them jokes about seeing something about how junk food doesnt go bad even if it isnt refrigerated.

she becomes very attached to places because she has no sense of direction because she is also a medium. so she mostly refuses to explore. which is apparently really great for things like zombie apocalypses.

they realise that they are also military projects and that their entire shitty lives have been a complete fucking lie.

they realise that they are part of an apocalyptic experiment and it really weirds them out

they see her having alien sex and it really weirds them out

she tells them that she was taken to a psychiatric ward at some point because she went “crazy”

and they realise that she’s MK Ultra

She puts make up and stuff on and becomes a completely different person and then offers to webcam with them. one of them looks on the chat and has a panic attack because he realises that all of the people in the chat are fake.

They realise that the aliens were trying to get her to become famous so she could exit the experiment and out the entire thing to the entire planet

they tell her about it

and she says that in her opinion the majority of people on the planet have screwed her over in spite of the things she’s done for them or how well she might’ve treated them and she’s not all that bothered or inclined to believe that it’s her job to save anyone

and that she just wants the things she wants. and she tells them that when she was little she really wanted to be “happy” and to have a little book shop. and that the only reason she even went to university was so she could have purple hair. and she had never been to university and had never dyed her hair purple.

they tell her that to the best of their understanding a large part of this project is that everything she wants gets taken away.

at this point she explains that she’s a vampire and that it’s essentially just a waiting game in the very worst case scenario

then they say “why didn’t you tell us that you were a vampire?” and she responds “because i didnt really think you’d believe me and i’m not interested in proving it either. i’ve been put in a psychiatric ward for doing and saying a lot less. they do not see a psychiatric ward in her memories but they see her writing a story as a teenager about having been in a psychiatric ward with a leaky sink.

also she explains she is disturbed by the concept of vampirism because she doesnt want people to think she is stealing energy from them – even though she knows they’d do it to her – and she says ” i don’t drink blood, even though i am sure i’m supposed to.” they visit a memory of her in a sushi place in London as a child, spotting pancakes with red jam on a conveyor belt – and thinking they look good. she asks a waitress if the jam is blood.

they realise that she knows really complicated martial arts and is a contortionist in spite of the fact that she has never studied martial arts and does absolutely no exercise whatsoever

they also see that she sometimes she can talk to animals and sometimes she can’t, and that she can predict the outcomes of boxing matches without knowing anything about boxing or the people fighting

she likes cartoons and strategic games. her favourite game is age of empires although she builds huge walls and occupies resources but never really attacks neighbouring countries unless they attack first – and they always do. her consistent response to attack is generally to build defences and expand her land

she has a solar powered charger for her laptop and other electrical items that aren’t available to most people and has no idea about it and doesn’t get bored, and can easily fall asleep when she is bored

then they realise that she’s a time traveller and she wakes up at different ages

My book arrived! And I’ve been stitching ^_^
I’ve updated my Flickr & my Tumblr

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If you’re creatively inclined I can’t emphasise how amazing it is to see your work in print. I’ve wanted to make a coffee table book for years. Take every dream you’ve ever had and make it happen, and by clearing that backlog you’ll realise new ones, and maybe even help other people to remember to pursue their own. That energy comes back to you.

In other news I am extremely grumpy 😡


Here are some stills from my next Miss Kittie video, which I ought to get to editing when I’ve had a little break.

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I watch a lot of Louise Pentland’s videos even though I’m probably not her ideal demographic. She’s really funny so on the one hand I enjoy her self deprecation but I actually think she’s incredibly beautiful. She’s always pointing out her flaws and ultimately her flaws relate directly to the fact that she’s considered overweight. I love it when she dresses up and I always wish I could go shopping with her because I’d love to pick outfits for her (I love taking people shopping and picking stuff out for them)

My cousin recently told me I should exercise. Obviously I told him that telling any female person to exercise is synonymous with asking to be stabbed. I think he was amused. It’s weird – I could say something like that to some people and they’d take it quite seriously and I could say it to others and I’d get a grin in response. I prefer the grin. If I’m being serious about something like that I’d be much more likely to say nothing at all. I’ll explain: Have I told you about the time my brother was coming up the stairs, and I was taken by a curiosity as to whether my 30 cm ruler was really “shatter proof” – spoiler: it wasnt – I smashed it on his head – and he didn’t really do anything in revenge. But the next morning I just walked into the bathroom and shaved off my eyebrows? No? I’m sure I’ve blogged about it somewhere.
Well. My Grandmother was quite similar to my brother – they actually got on really well with one another – my Grandmother and my brother. Except she was probably a bit meaner. She used to tell me off for drinking hot water out of the kettle – I knew no one ever used it so I’d just go ahead and drink the water straight out. One time the kettle was simply left on and I did the thing. My tongue burnt and I immediately erupted in huge boils. My first instinct was, quite naturally, to grab some ice from the freezer and put them on the boils. That was a different kind of burn. I ripped the ice off my tongue and in doing so I also ripped open the boils. My tongue was a huge open wound.
I do not drink water straight out of the kettle anymore.
A girl I knew once told me that the thing she envied about me was that at some point, when I got upset or irritated by the people I was talking to – they’d actually stop and listen. (Though they’d never really let on to the fact, and it certainly wasn’t something I ever noticed.)
One time I was angry with my then-boyfriend and said something to the effect of “I’m literally going to throw an actual brick at his head.” I would never have done something like that, that was just coming from a place of anger – I cope with anger and sadness by either laughing hysterically (when you suffer enough, when you come from a culture that has suffered enough – something I’ve learned from black people and jews – you learn to laugh. you become funny in some way.) or by saying something quite abrupt. She started telling people the things I’d say in anger that I’d never really act on (do you see me throwing a brick at someone’s head – someone whose rent I am paying, someone whose food I am paying for etc??)
I mean it makes sense in hindsight that she’d tell people that I scared her and things, because she was fucking him

But from that observation she was kind enough to make about me – cos I’ve never had any idea that anyone had ever paid any kind of attention to me – I think she was inspired to start having very dramatic temper tantrums about inane shit and it made the guys I had known quite tired of her. If anyone has ever listened to anything I’ve said/written it’s probably because I actually don’t speak very much at all. More of a listener/reader.

I bond with people very quietly, just by entering their personal space or perhaps even inviting them into mine. Listening to music with them/watching cartoons with them/just being around them. I’m not much the kind of person to make food for myself or for other people but I’m very much the kind of person to invite them to share mine. Anyone who has ever, ever known me – knows that there is not one thing I have that I wouldn’t share /give to another person, no matter how little I have and how much they have.

(The one thing I DO NOT share is men btw – and that is really important because I am allergic to pretty much every kind of birth control that exists. ESPECIALLY condoms. And by the way – you can give people STDs through non-physical sex. So be careful with that.)

You might not believe mind control exists, or time travel, or telepathy – and that’s because it is all very subtle. Different people have different talents.
And with anything you do, the most important thing to keep in mind is your intentions because your actions carry karma. And if you can believe that hypnosis, telepathy and mind control exist – and they do – I promise that you need not be afraid of people practising these abilities on you because of the knowing that karma exists. My advice when it comes to intention – is to insure that it comes from a place of love. And love has fuck all to do with sex.

As Esther Hicks says, words don’t teach – only experience does. But I do think that words sink into your subconscious enough to force you to manifest a learning experience that will help you understand the magnitude of anything you’ve done. But even I had to learn that, and I’m lucky I learned that at an early age. Even if it was mostly through taking the blame for things that other people were doing.

OH. I updated my Style Inspo page and I edited the photos. By edit, as usual – I mean I specifically altered the colours and light. But here is the transition of colours – because it is the combination of colour and light in photography that is what is ultimately important to me. Photography is “painting with light”. But I know that – particularly younger people – can be susceptible to falling victim to “beauty” standards that aren’t necessarily real. I don’t have an issue with plastic surgery, I think insecurity causes society a lot of damage – but again – its your intentions that matter. If you’re going to get something “done” – for me, it’s my lips – and a few other things perhaps when I’ve the time (I’d love some botox on my forehead for example) do it only motivated by yourself. I get my lips done to keep them in proportion to the rest of my face, not for example – because someone said my lips didn’t look kissable or something. (I actually HATE kissing and don’t want people or their appendages or body parts anywhere near my mouth.)

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This is the original.

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This is the original with more light.

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this is the final edit I chose.

If anyone sees this I really don’t want you to think I “look” like this. I am totally contorting in an unnatural way to emphasise what I like about myself.
I am breathing the fuck in here and using what little stomach muscle I imagine must be somewhere inside of me to make myself look thinner and take up less space (which is not very feminist actually but I try to even that selfish irresponsibility out with ignoring other beauty standards that have been imposed on women)

I think being comfortable being overweight or even underweight is the most feminist thing you can do for human kind – I think rejecting the idea that there is a ‘normal’ or ‘average’ weight is probably for the best because in most avenues you can venture your thought or art or practices towards… being “normal” is maybe the worst thing you can be. (Apart from boring.)
I think I actually got over anorexia because I saw beautiful curvy women and thought I was too small. But I remember in my teens that there were girls I had been acquainted with who wished that they could be bigger, and that they struggled to be any size outside of their own in spite of eating “a lot”. Like I said – if something bothers you that much, go ahead and create a body that suits the proportions that you want. But don’t let your thoughts (which truly might not be your own) be what decides whether you’re attractive or not.

I really, really don’t want to mislead anyone into thinking I look like that all the time. I do not. I am also arching my back in a way that most people can’t and I am super uncomfortable. And I’m going to go all out and flatter myself here – I’m a bit of a contortionist. I hate exercising – like passionately hate exercise of absolutely any kind but if I DID exercise, especially when I was little, maybe I could’ve been an athlete of some-kind. I had a leg injury as a teenager and it was so traumatic that I’d have nightmares about it for years after. (The muscle on the outside of my thigh was stronger than the muscle on the inside of my thigh – so the muscle on the outside of my thigh would pull my knee cap up and out of place. Thats called “dislocation”. Now if you can imagine – my knee cap moved to the side of my leg and then I fell on it. In the rain. I had internal bleeding and all of that stuff. I am ONLY bringing this up to explain that in meditating with Abraham Hicks and Esther Hicks and NOT EXERCISING apart from maybe standing on one leg and stretching a bit … my knees look like they’re healing because my kneecap doesn’t move slightly out of place anymore when I lift my legs up.)

Anyway, I prefer the Arts to sports or movement at all and if you’d of had the injuries that I’ve had you’d probably feel the same.
Also – more importantly – I don’t think you should do anything if you don’t love it.

I’ve got quite a bit of fat accumulating in bits of my body – I’m eating a lot and not exercising at all. I recently watched a woman having a fat transfer – she was fully awake and could see everything that was going on. Surgery is pretty serious to me although I guess thats easy to forget when you’ve had as many operations as I have (All of them non-cosmetic, although I was going to have breast surgery once when I was abroad for a summer holiday and by some coincidence it turned out that I had “food poisoning” that prevented me from being able to get it, even though I am the kind of person that can eat ANYTHING without getting ill.) (I wanted to do soft-core porn and I never did because I was embarrassed by my breasts.)
So as a person who has had anorexia I’ve found a lot of comfort in looking at the fat on my body and deciding where I’d prefer to put it, because it’s actually a lot healthier to use your own fat than it is to have implants. (FYI I am having some of my arms and belly put on my hips/ass/breasts.)

Also.. as far as many of the classical Arts are concerned… womens bodies are designed to make the best shapes whatever size they might be. I imagine that somewhere in our evolution men got scared of women being bigger than them because I mean, their penises are so fragile aren’t they? and their penises often, i guess, to some extent, dictate their proportions. Which is also ridiculous because have you seen statues of Adonis? Your penis really has nothing to do with either your masculinity or your beauty or how attractive you are. Or at least not to me.

So0o I was thinking today that when Kim Kardashian was pregnant she was technically “overweight” (like, thats what happens when you are sharing a body with more than just one ‘self’) and that was probably the prettiest that I’ve ever found her. There were trashy online gossip sites that posted photographs of her swollen feet in heels and I felt embarrassed that there are people who read that bullshit and that that’s how they acquire a sense of self esteem … through looking at what other people are doing and thinking they’re better or something.

Again… it’s all because we live in a kind of sad culture that thinks it needs to make people insecure to sell things. You’d sell a lot more stuff if people loved themselves. It’s kind of a scientific fact.. I’m sure you could actually see the differences in the brain activity of a person who hates themselves unconditionally versus a person who loves themselves unconditionally.

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This is the most incredibly beautiful catalogue photo I’ve ever seen and I’m buying this playsuit from Zara.

In my head there are two books I think need to be turned into TV series, and thats “The Book of Night Women” by Marlon James and “Tithe” by Holly Black and basically I keep looking for editorials depicting black women and trying to work out the perfect visual aesthetic and colour palette for a series that takes place during Slave-Trade America that isn’t predictable and oversaturated – you can’t beat or repeat the Colour Purple, which I’m going to watch today. I know that I’d probably want to film it in Mexico though. It’s really important to me that black people acknowledge that at the root of their culture is actually a pretty magical practice of Judaism and Kabbalah. (Wendy Williams joked that her son Kevin had had a “blackmitzvah” and I think that was a really significant identity reclaiming moment in both Black and Jewish history.)

I kind of want a cast of all the beautiful, tough black women who are totally responsible for people thinking I’m scary when I’m actually super nice.

I already know how I want Tithe to look though because I fully get/adore Holly Black’s brain and sometimes feel like I walked right out of it. (Kaye in a purple catsuit…)
I don’t think anyone understands Marlon James’ headspace though because it’s probably always changing because he’s a weird wizard that is constantly changing energies and visual landscapes because he shares energy with all of his characters.

More on the colour purple – one time I was helping someone to understand colour theory. The problem with University is that a lot of lecturers expect you to go in – which means they brainwash you with their opinions. A lot of lecturers also expect you to validate your own opinions using texts that have been authored by other people, rather than creating and formulating your own language.

So for me – the notion of Pantheism was deeply important because I think that to find truth you have to take information from every perspective. Film is a language on it’s own but its roots are in art and arts roots are in religion, self expression and documentation. For example you think of cave art … how did the people doing the cave art decide on their colours and how did they decide what they associated colours with?

I looked at Dorothy’s red shoes in the Wizard of Oz and I felt like they signified slavery. Hmmmmm.

OMG imagine if I could beg Oprah to be in The Book of Night Women? omg. DREAMS DREAMS DREAMS.

Also – I remembered something just now. This girl I knew once told me a story about Whoopee Goldberg (who was one of my favourite actresses as a child, particularly in “Bogus” and “Sister Act”) (I admired Left Eye in Sister Act before you all did) (Lauren Hill)
(My spiritual teacher once joked that my older sister was into black men – even though my first crush was Sanka in Cool Runnings – and that I am into black women)

Anyway she told me that apparently Whoopee Goldberg was watching Star Trek and saw a black female character in it and said “look mama there’s a black woman on TV and she ain’t no slave” and that made her want to be an actress.

I love this song like I’m LEEEEEVIIIIIII

omg ok serious chats, because shoes are serious to me. So I was on Asos just looking for shoes and I felt like I was cheating on Public Desire and then I was like “I’m not finding any shoes I like” and then I found some nude thigh high boots ON SALE and I was like “OMG I’m IN LOVE WITH ASOS AGAIN” and then I clicked on the thigh high boots and they were Public Desire. That was fun.

The boots came in the post and I put a cute playsuit on just to take a photo. I dress up for my shoes.

I look miserable here but that is actually just me modelling. Ha this girl used to bitch about me behind my back – she once said that I liked to look miserable. Well first of all I am very hot when I’m miserable and second of all no one is miserable when they have a new pair of boots. I just wasn’t wearing any make up and this look worked. Also I am sexually attracted to dark eyes and would never try to hide them. Google “L from Deathnote” and “Levi Attack on Titan” and you’ll understand why.

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This bra is wayyyy too small for me, which means it fits perfectly. The shadow is a little unflattering and I very almost deleted the photograph but this has been taken with a macro lens and also most – not all, but most – of those ample cleavages belong to women donning implants or push up bras that you’ve never seen up close look like this up close. Also I have a little belly. I like little bellies because I like belly dancing and belly dancing doesn’t always look good if you don’t have a little belly. Also I like biting people where they have squish – not in a sex-way but in a AW CUTE NAMNAMNAMNAM way. Both of the guys I am presently interested in a very serious relationship with in have little bellies too. I probably wouldn’t bite their bellies though because they don’t wax their stomachs. The guys I’m in a very serious relationshipses with are apparently concerned for their privacy so they don’t mind if I say stuff like that because you are never going to find out who they are anyway. (And actually as a time traveller, I’m going to tell you right now that they will regret the request)

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If I lean back like this it looks a bit better. Also. Behold. The boots

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Dw there are more photos of the boots.

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Oh, basically I do a bunch of things when I fancy people. I give them cute nicknames that are unique to them and often better than their real names and I also like to show them pictures of shoes I think would really suit them.

So if I fancy you, I just wanna say you’d look really good getting married to me in the amazon via yes or no button wearing >> these << in our four man tent, separated with zip compartments and padlocks. Tintin really likes to have his own space. For privacy/leg room/humping teddies, so you guys could probably quite happily share your own compartment. I need my own. I really need him around because he pisses on your stuff when you’re fucking me over and/or cheating on me. And you can’t even get mad at him because he’s adorable.

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Omg when I was little I used to cry in shoe shops because the cute shoes never fitted me  – it was always the ugly clompy shoes that fit me, but heels fit me really well and it’s hard to walk long distances in them, so I have a legitimate excuse for not walking when I join the Israeli military.

Fyi If you are male and I ever send you a pair of shoes that aren’t brogues or boots of some kind I am fucking with you. That means I am either lowkey mad at you or I am flirting with you.

J’amie is my future daughter Blood, Courtney is my future daughter Khleo

Kwami is probably Jaden Smith/Jacob Sartorius or something listening to B talking about George before he realises hes gay

Also they have at least two mostly gay dads and a million French maids, so…


For a moment I had a thought-chat-exchange with Levi – like, I scrolled past a Levi fragment that I used to call a babe all the time. If I fancy a person that I know I will never ever be with – I will like, tell the universe I fancy them really obnoxiously.
If I fancy a person I think I could actually have any kind of chance with, I might indicate it or hint at it or be really bitchy towards them. And then the chances of me ever acknowledging the fact ever again – even if I date them (and if I date them, perhaps like about four years into doing so) might I actually post a picture of them. And probably not in my vicinity. Unless they are rude, embarrassing or I am trying to save them from a death sentence in the Congo or some other such ridiculous circumstance in which it would benefit them.

I scrolled past pictures of this fragment that I had posted and I thought “did you post that?” and glanced at a colour that means “yes” and then I thought “would you ever actually admit it Levi?” and I scrolled past this

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It’s only vaguely amusing or strange if you read forum posts from a million years ago on GodsGirls – I once wrote that if I had a son I’d call him “Byron Oedipus Othello” – Boo for short. And I had a thought chat with him earlier this year where he said “Don’t you DARE call me that”

And then someone I call sexyman who hasn’t thanked me for saving him from deathrow in the congo told me that he’s Mahjin Buu and I realised that his mother and I share a name and it’s vaguely awkward for a lot of reasons

And actually that fragmentation nonsense is probably why I should date Aliens but Aliens don’t want to visit this Planet because they don’t want our negative energy. Like y’know when we get “stomach aches” and things – they don’t want that. And because our Planet is so preoccupied with embarrassment or some other excuse not to tell the truth a lot of people are prevented from meeting their Spirit Guides who are often far better romantically suited to them than the humans, because they vibrate on the same emotional frequencies. Your spirit guides emotions are literally connected to yours, so when you feel like shit – your spirit guides feel like shit. When you are happy and in love and paralysed into some kind of utopian inability to do anything, your guides feel the same.

Also when a person falls in love with their guides they end up raising their vibrations and people are attracted to them. Kind of like what happened to me after I sat in a Dodecahedron in Lisa’s room listening to a meditation about Pleidian Guides.
The concept is relevant here – as above, so below.
Have you ever been really into someone who was kind of distant and then someone came into your life that was a lot easier to be with – and you ended up being with the easier person but spending all your time thinking about the distant one? Well. Yeah.

Anyway. Negative energy.

That is literally why Aliens don’t visit.