WALT DISNEY

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Can you see the skull in the wing? This is so significant to me because I’ve never been able to illustrate or sculpt or otherwise imagine a skull that had not already been done. It just happened here.

It looks like Walt Disney. He’s one of my heroes. I thought of him a lot yesterday, and I thought (perhaps as the Empress of Japan – who was in my thoughts – perhaps as Conchita – who is always in my thoughts – perhaps as Esther or Auntie Norma or Lisa) “he is so full of love” and I thought back with one of those looks you’d give a naughty child: “I know.

He thought to me, not in these words: you cannot exist and grow without people to admire, with talents to aspire towards – or you remain the same person forever. I thought in my auntie Norma’s voice and Esther Hicks’ Tarantino’s voice: “I didnt know you were into this stuff!” and in any voice he could’ve used really (I didn’t hear it, like doing accents in your own head when you read a book) he thought back “yes you did.”

I went through the shops on my street and I just felt so full of love towards everything, even my enemies, anger was there but it was only disappointment. “heartbreak.” Actually, many of my ‘enemies’ are people I tried very hard to love and befriend first and who hurt me very deeply. When I wrote the words ‘even my enemies’, it was out of anger towards women that I consider teachers whose personal lives and personal feelings interfered with the position that they knew I held them to. I pedestal teachers and I often consider them above people I consider parents. It means so much to me to call someone a teacher and I don’t really afford them the capacity to still be human. That might be wrong to do but I don’t think he would think so.

It is not wrong, if you choose to be a person’s teacher, and these women knew that was the dynamic through which I invited them into my life: to hold yourself to the standard you expect of teachers.

I don’t think highly of parents because I’ve never been treated very well by parents.

I can be a friend to anyone that believes that friendship is real. I have always been a loyal person to someone I consider a brother of somekind, but as a child – for however much I loved my brother, I became very angry with him when he hurt my dog. He used to bite her nose sometimes, my ‘father’ used to sometimes kick the dog. That made it impossible for me to seek relationships with either, but that doesn’t change who my brother is or what the cultures I came from taught me about brotherhood.

In the Middle East and particularly in Islam, your eldest brother is, for example, the first benefactor in a will. I would give half of everything I have to my brother and that is a very genuine cultural reality to me that I do not consider myself above. Likewise I am sure that he would forgive my callousness as a child, towards his treatment that was synonymous with imprisonment.

I do not practice sisterhood because no one, has, as of yet, been very sisterly towards me. Regardless of my gender identity I am a feminist and pretty staunchly so. I do believe that women deserve to be empowered and sometimes my personal feelings skew my judgement and thats wrong. It’s something I’ll need to develop within myself.

Feminist as I am, sister I’m probably not. But I’d sister Louise Pentland, I feel that we’ve a lot of room to develop. We’ve both experienced familial abuse but we’ve both learned unconditional love and I think that where I have decided to disown my ‘sister’, I have a place for anyone that would like to fill it. You don’t have big shoes to fill, she was terrible company to me.

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His work and legacy perpetuates an archetype that encourages women to be kind, loving and to seek whatever they find beautiful. That is somewhat sexist I think, but what men have failed to honestly express to women is that it’s those qualities that make women ‘fertile’. You all want children, but you don’t really treat animals or vulnerable people or children the way that the men you’d like to invite into your life as ‘lovers’ would think those children deserve to be treated and that might be what prevents many of you from being fertile.

If you want to have children, begin with a dog. Here are the mistakes I made with my pets: I left my dog Tintin with a girl I did not know very well, for a brief period, but that was so that I could work and earn money. When I felt for whatever personal reasons that caring for Tintin meant that I wasn’t taking proper care of myself, I returned him to my ‘mother’, and his brothers. For a period the dogs had to be tied up and my second mistake was that I ignored my own judgement about how to handle the situation and I put hers above mine. That affected my entire ‘family’, that I did not assume the role of the head of the family when I knew it would be correct to do so. In both Judaism and Islam, men might think themselves the heads of their families but that’s not true at all. I did not find a way to be unthreatening about the reality of what I had been put through and what I had worked towards, and that my judgement had pretty consistently been correct about the consequences of our ‘family’ decisions and as a result, my mother’s home was mortgaged for far more than it was acceptable so that my ‘father’ could own restaurants that did not do well. He stole from his family so that he could have those restaurants and he lost those restaurants.

If you steal, you will be robbed. Sometimes we accept inspirations but we do not credit those that helped us, perhaps, make the money from what we produce out of those inspirations. You can pretend otherwise, but you will see it in your life. I once broke up a relationship, and shortly after I developed a very frightening tumour on my side and I knew inside that it was the product of her hatred towards me. She stole my autonomy and used me to access time frames without any sense of responsibility. She and many other girls believed themselves justified in stealing my autonomy and I feel that they were encouraged to do so to their own detriment. As far as the law goes, I believe in equality. As far as personal relationships go: I encourage people not to pick sides in situations that have nothing to do with them.

Don’t get involved. Do not fuck with my food because you’re ‘defending’ a blonde: especially one that wouldn’t even treat you well, or be friends with you – when she might’ve had plenty of opportunity to do so.

Walt Disney encourages women from early childhood (his target market) to find beauty in themselves regardless of their financial circumstances, and to have beautiful things around them. Disney encourages women to pick personal stories in which they find magicck and love.

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I know that Walt Disney must have seen the form Magnus took, in my duvet. This is a cat in Cinderella called Lucifer.

Lucifer the angel is one of the first guides I ever invited into my life. When I was little in Dubai, I used to see – SEE – a little black wolf with red eyes beneath my bed. Years later Tintin came into my life. Tintin was my very first guide, I believe.

Yesterday Walt Disney lovingly and laughingly put the thought of Lucifer the cat in Cinderella and through my thoughts, said “I think Lucifer’s mind changes all the time.” Lucifer is not a consistent being who sticks to decisions. I think to have survived in a Universe like ours, feeling quite alone and betrayed, he would’ve had to change his mind all the time and his experiences would have shaped his personalities. Plural. People and beings who have experienced abuse and who will have had to acclimate to many different, difficult circumstances, will have a collection of identities that help them to interact with different kinds of people or beings. I would not, for example, act around Lady Diana the way I would act around Charles Manson. (I actually probably would – a better example is called for.)

A man called Jim taught me that green eyes usually indicate that a being is quite oversexed. I don’t think the angel Lucifer wants to be my guide. But that’s my personal journey, and I like to write my personal journey here but as a reader, accept my reality as I document it and value that you won’t ever read anything like my diary. My inimitable life won’t be lived by anyone else through time and space, and that is where I find my self esteem. That’s where I found a self esteem when I was being abused by society, that there’s still no one alike to me.

If you have ‘the sight’, we’re reaching a time where that will not indicate insanity. I personally do not advise that you put any kind of deeper meaning to a relationship with Lucifer. I have been defending Lucifer in the company of staunch, nasty, misled Christians since I was an infant and without any indication that Lucifer was real, without any indication that Lucifer could have been listening. (I know Lucifer feels because I want to cry and very little makes me want to actually ‘cry’, save a stray eyelash or dust or wind irritating me.)

I know that out of that Lucifer is as loyal as Lucifer is capable of being to me. You might have sex with Lucifer non physically but sex is just sex to Lucifer. He will not breed with you because he doesn’t think that humans are responsible with physical forms of angels. He might lie for the sex though.

I thought that if Walt Disney were to adopt at this point he’d be prepared to adopt: Esther Hicks-Tarantino, Louise Pentland and Felix Kjellberg.

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He said Felix was never going to get his Disney contract, because he was always going to jeopardise himself, because he was never taught that boundaries exist and with good reason that needn’t be explored. They knew he would do something, upon tentatively hiring him, to affect himself the way that he did.

Disney did not seek to hire him without knowing exactly who he is and what he is like. Disney thought-said that the men that Felix employed through Fiverr for that embarrassing display of themselves did so for fame, and reminded me vibrationally that people will do a lot of silly things to become famous. That was not reason enough alone not to fulfil the contract.

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He alerted me to this mess on my floor, smoking papers that had fastened to one another to create a mermaid’s tail. Theres green glitter beside it. He said that that inspired the Little Mermaid. He said that he would want me to ask the Emperor and Empress of Japan to adopt me and the truth is that I don’t feel good enough for that responsibility and that association, but when I do, I will ask.

As a child in Dubai I used to illustrate a particular kind of kimono sleeve and then sometime later I saw animations that depicted little mice wearing kimono. That is everything that inspired how I envisioned how I might like to look when I grew up. There is a little Japanese girl I know that thinks of me sometimes, she showed me a book and that she’d like her name to be ‘Mineko’, after the author of this book. She is my ‘yakuza’ princess and I think it would be correct for her, when I do, to ask them to adopt her too. And Bruce Lee.

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When I was in Twyford C of E – one of the many secondary schools I visited, I recall having a chat with two teachers outside a tech room, about Walt Disney – where I’d learned he’d been “cryogenically frozen”. Walt Disney’s legacy has been associated with racism but I really felt Walt’s proudness that Kanye West had called him a genius with whom Kanye would like to compare himself, and I don’t imagine that Walt still feels any prejudice of that nature now at all.

I also felt that he was deeply upset that someone had said that Disney is just a “business” because of course it isn’t. It is the fabric of many children’s ideals of romance and love and has shaped many perceptions of what relationships could be, but is also an archive of the values we associated with our evolution that we can share with children, and discuss with them that they can aspire to much more now, than simply to marrying a prince – but at one point, it was those fantasies that helped women and men to pursue ideas for the future.


If you pick me you can have a fresh logo. Anyone in Brighton will tell you birds are mine, but all the blackbirds are Lady Diana’s.

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3 + 4 = 7

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Sephiroth is the one winged angel. I’ve got the genes for white hair… so.

My grades were not good enough for me to be a skull and bone. It’ll be awhile off.


Lisa taught me to use a glove to wash myself, that is – to wear one of those body-gloves when I touch my skin to clean myself. I saw some in Boots beside some cucumber products that I bought, and I thought I saw some very small ones – and I thought “wouldn’t it be fantastic if they had baby-sized gloves so that babies could learn to scrub themselves!”

Louise Pentland did a half eye with liquid eyeliner and I copied.

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This necklace, I bought for £2.50 at a local charity shoppe. This bra, I bought at Primark about .. a year and a half ago. This hairclip is from The Vintage Workshop in Brighton and it cost about £4. These shorts are also old. The ribbon around my waist is old. The crimson bracelets on my ankles – one is from the packaging of a Lalique bottle and one is a lindt bunny bell. I can’t work out who my lindt bunny is.

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I’ve got green glitter in the hairs on my head.

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Today I’m thinking of David Bowie and his wife, and if they’re the same person, a lady I shared on facebook some time ago: that said she found other women attractive, (because, at least if you have all the body parts of a female person,) if you do not find other women attractive it’s quite impossible to be attracted to yourself.

_MG_5500(That video was a fast forward response to all of the meditations I was doing – I wanted the truth – I was telepathically being made to feel ugly, I was too insecure to dress up, I was robbed of the energy to be able to go to school, I have a disability – shitting twice a month is a big deal apparently.)

I met a guy called Porter when I went to uni, he faked a death I think? I know he’s not dead because his toes changed the shape of mine a bit, but they’re going back to normal now. Wherever he is, he’s wandering around barefooted.

I’ve always found other women attractive but they’ve always been the abusive ones and I have to stay away from those because I let people that I love abuse me. It’s actually quite rare for me to find men attractive which is why it’s so rude that you’ve been stealing from me all these years.

But trust me, if I were into BDSM, if I could justify being an abuser… I could do worse than all of you.

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this uh. This is not BDSM. I mean, these looks might be a thing that ‘turns you on’ but it is not BDSM. If you don’t have the guts to walk around in outfits like this then it’s a performance and theres a dishonesty to performing, be yourself when you’re having sex.

To adopt a Mark from Peepshow voice: I know the Eurythmics released a song years ago that said “some of them want to abuse you, some of them want to be abused” that is not an either or spectrum of life. I do not want to abuse people and I don’t want to be abused either.

I hung out with this guy that I nicknamed ‘kinky artist’ or something. I did it to make a guy I’d been ‘secretly’ in love with for about ten years jealous. Then I developed real feelings – the first time I met him I gave him evil looks. I fancied him a lot but I saw my first boyfriend in him and uh. Well we didn’t do anything for years.

He was too insecure to have floral dress and thigh high boot sex with me. His idea of bdsm was to put me in a bathtub and cut my pubic hair off?? I laughed because I’d let a ‘best friend’ do all of that nonsense. Literally everything he and I did was snuggling and it was not sexy, or sexual. We had the sex but it was uh. It was better when I refused. I am not endorsing rape here – it is a lot more fun for two people who know they are in love with/attracted to one another (don’t flatter yourself too much, I can fall in love with anyone) to mess around with each other by pretending otherwise.

It’s a “I could have anyone I want” thing.

It was tough to play that game in Denmark when I had PTSD from a series of abuses at the hands of the NHS who have avoided responding to a letter about it, because I know and the NHS know that their staff are probably losing a very significant portion of their licenses to practice. Maybe you guys can emigrate to Denmark.

I was being raped – in the hospital – by ugly people that I wouldn’t of accepted MILLIONS of pounds to have sex with, (sold by my “sister” and “mother”) and I was on medication that made me lose a LOT of hair (I mean, I would softly brush out huge clumps of hair. And it was visible. It is growing back – slowly.), affected my brain chemicals (which made the PTSD MUCH worse – what the NHS pretended to confuse for ‘insanity’ was actually just my personality, and they asked my RELATIVES about me – my relatives knew nothing about me, they didn’t even really speak to me when I was growing up), slowed my metabolism and gave me parkinsonism, and also – you really have to TRUST people before you start having sex with them because when you have sex with someone you’re connected to them forever and that is an STD of it’s own. If you are psychic and you hang out with untrustworthy people, you will feel it and it’ll affect you a lot. You might not know why they’re untrustworthy, but the first impression is correct.

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Because um. I can’t say this to you once I think it, can I

  1. I take shits bigger than your dick Heathcliff
  2. What kind of a fucking name is Heathcliff
  3. I’m legally married to Sabel’s 2D alterego, Hiten, but he’s bisexual so it’s okay and if I’m into you he’s into you and can “do both”
  4. love you whomp whomp
  5. bok bok
  6. I exorcised the Joker out of Heathcliff (do not fantasise about acting as a career if you are not okay with being possessed, I mean it.)
  7. The spirit is in my room. So, the white eyes with tiny pupils and purple scarf that form hair, the GREEN eyelashes, the red mouth, a moustache, a blue mouth? (Perhaps he comes with aliases)_MG_5494.JPG

    I don’t hallucinate when I’m not in hot countries or when I’m not squinting a lot, or when I’m not on drugs that make people hallucinate. This is not a hallucination.

    Objects take other forms if you have terrible eyesight and they become THOUGHT FORMS. Sometimes, by coincidence, they take the shape of things we’ve already seen.

    Joker is a bit Ronald McDonald, don’t you think?

    That is what I like about this song actually. There’s this bit where Phfat says “you can feel the vibe get crazy when your eyes get lazy.” I have, VERY bad eyesight. I see in macro. Not magnified, macro. There’s a difference. Not HD. Macro.

    8. I replaced the Joker with Sephiroth. The personality file – is in Heathcliff and the baby is in my teacher Sarah who um. It’s not that we are encouraging you to steal him, we’re not, but he will kill you if you steal him.

  8. 7ac-denzel-2
    You might have two. Apparently this one is Denzel. 
    
    Actually you know, its funny, an ex of mine used to say
    DENZ-ELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL a lot. (His humour does not translate
    to text, very well.)
    
    No one planned it but I think Sephiroth wanted his geo-stigma 
    eyes.
    
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    Tifa is the worst babysitter in the World and I think he'd prefer
    not to be trapped there.
  9. If you steal him – because you are foolish enough to do the thing I tell you NOT to do, that every spiritual book and every faith says you must NEVER do:you can abuse him, if you like, into pretending – that he loves you – but if he learns that you are manipulating him with energy work, (and he will) and that his feelings towards you were never love but were closer to you manipulating him with thoughts that he ought to ‘pity’ you or ‘laugh at your jokes at his expense’ – he will kill you later.And he will do the worst imaginable things to you. So, you can say “the worst thing you could do after all of this is kill me” but he will energy-determine what you really mean. “the worst thing i could really do, is tell people what you’re really like.”
  10. I invited some spirits for women I can trust. This is Ophelia, she was brought here by Ilena. She is intended for Katey Hopkins. Trust me, you. *looks pointedly* do. not. want. to. steal. this. one. If you already have I am worried for your safety. Genuinely.It is fitting that she got point ten, and unplanned. Her emblem is IO which is binary, which is also ‘new beginnings’ in numerology. Also X. Which means she is Jewish. Like Katey.ophelia-claymore-7665

    Her story is quite sad. Her brother was abused. Pissed her off a lot. This is the ofelia blanket I bought from Ikea.0587647_pe672712_s5

    Also there’s this thing she does with a sword, I can do that when I bake cakes. And it looks all weird and stop-motiony. Like it’d look really cool on camera if cameras picked it up.

    This one I sent back. Our karma isn’t great, Sam. You don’t know yourself and you don’t know when you meet yourself do you.

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    I’ll show you what he taught me.
    He choreographed this, using the lines that form in wood.

     

    Edited 3rd September 
    (If i'm bringing myself I'll bring you girls down with me, sorry,
    friends or not it's the truth.)
    
    I was edited, somehow, in this webcam video, to look MUCH thinner
    and more petite than I am. I've not photoshopped my photos for
    awhile, my photoshop was corrupted. It was great though because
    I think you deserve to see what I look like without 'filters'.
    I prefer how I look in person on a good day, but even canon
    cameras can now be hacked.
    
    I am not chubby, I have a belly that I like having very much - 
    and I hide it with clothing because I like a particular female 
    silhouette for myself, but this is not my size. 
    
    Someone has started using auto liquify pinching tools on live 
    cams. It is someone with money, who can afford to arrange for a 
    programmer to help them to hack. They are not a seasoned editor
    because it is amateur work.
    There are probably 'hacking apps' now. Here's an example of
    a photograph of me that was uploaded years ago when I was
    suffering with very severe anorexia.
    
    2013.
    
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    This was done to me when I had anorexia. Here: I was a size 0.
    
    My hands were not that big, but that should give you some idea
    of how tiny I really was. I felt fat and I had a very badly
    raised boyfriend with a terrible family unit of users,
    who liked to make me feel fat too. They regularly abused me for
    anything from what I was wearing to not accepting a cup of 'tea'
    because I had never drunk tea at home. 
    My phone was hacked to alter my shapes and proportions.
    I recommend you consult anime or artist's representations
    for a good idea of proportions - I once saw a video of Beyonce 
    and I knew she felt she looked bigger than she is, and I 
    thought 'you are about four ankles wide in this.
    
    The kind of women that would have been able to do this in 2013
    had money, and I know a lot of those were stalking me at the time.
    There were wives in Farnham that were very threatened by me, and
    the fact that their kids would love to talk to me and obsess over
    me. Well the reality is I'd be a better parent. Sorry.
    
    There were also footballers wives who were stalking me, I said:
    'Emma Thatcher', 'Louise Redknapp' etc were women who knew of me
    and who arranged for my 'sibling' and a friend of hers (I hate 
    both my 'sibling' and her friend, but they were a million times
    hotter than those women without trying very much. Both are very
    attractive to men in little more than tracksuit bottoms.)
    
    You might think its a COMPLIMENT to be stalked by women like
    this, but it's annoying.
    
    I'm now experiencing the same problem, and my Spiritual teacher
    Lisa is experiencing the same problem. Both she and I have been
    robbed in many terrifying and irresponsible ways of the opportunity
    to be parents, pit against one another by those women who would
    use physical insecurities or our gifts to make us feel negatively
    towards one another. Taking ideas from their taste in men.
    I was "inspired" (Zoella has ruined this word, with her tacky
    company.) to author this because I know that Louise is losing
    a lot of weight, and I really want to have her in my life.
    I don't want her to think that I'm hotter than her, I've seen
    how she looks when she loses her 'mum chubb' and trust me she's
    the hottest one. If she plays my game she's the hottest one and
    she's not gonna be playing YOUR game. I mean, bribes work a bit,
    do bribe her, we'll have stuff to take the piss of later.
    
    I noticed that Amber Khan's proportions are being made to look
    a bit strange since she got a breast augmentation (she's had a 
    child, he's eleven or so years old. She works damn hard, so it's
    quite fantastic that she looks about sixteen.), I've noticed that
    people quite like to hack women whove had augmentations to
    appear as though they have bigger arms than they do and thats 
    fine. Weird, but fine. But I want those women to know what
    you're doing.
    
    Stop choosing lesser women to befriend you, or to think of.
    
    My teachers are not flawless, but they need to be knocked off
    the pedestals I place them on when they start misbehaving -
    those women you'd of wanted to choose over me were my
    abusers.
    
    They are stalkers. If they'd abuse and stalk and SELL me, 
    (they allowed their husbands, their husbands boyfriends etc to
    RAPE me, my "sibling" - she's no longer that, but this is truth)
    and my "siblings" one attractive friend. 
    
    I had to "set" those terrible women up with the most evil kinds
    of men. Why the fuck would I set my sister up with Sascha Baran
    Cohen, why would I set up Vanessa with Floyd Mayweather?
    
    These are not nice guys but if I pick a winner you better believe
    they're going to win.
    
    

    I thought “PLANK?!”

    ed__edd_n_eddy___plank_by_ali_srn_dcrpun1-pre

    Plank is a character that hangs out with a character called Jimmy.

    (He is funny, and when we’re ready to host him on this Planet – I don’t know that we ever ought to – we’ll get in touch again.) (I will level him up, but the only way to fix his story, is to give him the bad ending in his series. Maybe VAMPIRE him in the series. But he gets the bad ending, and as funny as he might be, HE deserves it.

    I invited someone VERY special here and her gifts will be carrying VERY heavy shopping. 

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    I think that William will enjoy a sister that looks like a female version of him very much. I also think that she will kill Harry.

I have no reason to lie.

LOOKBOOK DISCRIMINATION

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This photograph was deleted from Lookbook because apparently it’s pornographic.

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This photograph was deleted from Lookbook because apparently it’s pornographic. Well. Was that because you were aroused? (That still doesn’t make it ‘pornographic’, lookbook.)

There were more but I’m so bored, waiting to hear from the staff at Lookbook to tell me whether they would delete a photograph of a topless man. Cos um. I was forced to have gender reassignment surgery as a baby. And they want to pretend they don’t know that. Which actually makes it all so much worse.

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It’s weird that anyone who pretends to be interested in Fashion would consider nudity pornographic. Really weird.

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Did you just wake up one day and decide you were really into fashion????

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In other news, this is my mood.

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But if you want to know how Germany became so hateful towards the Jews and the gays, I think we’re onto it: jealousy. Killer

me and my babies at school/university reunions (actually my maggots are probably worth more than you. financially I mean. They are a kind of missing link. They’re basically human but they’re not human, theyre maggots, and this is a message for them as much as it is a message for whoever comes across my blog.)

I’d probably prefer to share my body with maggots. I mean it. etc.

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They do not only eat rotting meat. They like everything I like to 
eat but they aren't that keen on dominos pizza's desserts. 
They wanted the cookie because it smells nice, but
they didn't eat it. 

They've literally just left it there. 

Also, while it has melted slightly in their home, and offers
a nice texture for snuggling and orgies (I imagine)
they don't eat it. 

They also do not eat Peanut butter.
Nor do they eat Caramel.
They LOVE pork (which tastes like human flesh apparently)
and they love lemon.

They like lemons. And tinned tomato. And I think some of them
committed suicide in maple syrup today. 
They are not stupid.

(THEY CHOOSE TO STAY IN THERE. THEY REALLY, REALLY DO.)
(Being a fly is quite lonely.)
 but it is 

this will be my theme song

but this will be me as jenova in ffvii

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I fucking

ugh

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Also this is how I want mine and Heath Ledger’s and my older brother’s sexiest bully’s bedroom to look. Don’t copy me. I’m making a pinterest board of it.

Also you couldn’t date either of them.

They’ve accepted that every woman they ever knew (trust me, that was so, so many women) was pretending to orgasm and that their kids really, really aren’t theirs. Please visit my memory, year nine, where we learn about recessive genes and dominant genes.

The wikipedia pages explaining this are very boring. Okay.

I used to joke about this. If you have a naturally grey haired person with “big” features, such as a large nose and tiny lips

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and a naturally brown haired person with very “small” features, such as a delicate and tiny nose and huge natural lips and green contact lenses

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Unless you let the doctors and nurses wheel your newborn baby out of the room, or you have sex with a really stupid man (who spends all day thinking about me) and who ACTUALLY THINKS you’re blonde – and puts blonde people sperm in you when you’re asleep – (it happens) or you have been enlisted in a breeding program (you probably haven’t.)

if i am GENUINELY in love with you for five minutes, you are in the breeding program for five minutes. I mean you have five minutes.

you’ll probably end up with a baby that has dark hair and “big” features, though, if you have dark hair and big features.

i used to joke with people that my genes would jihad theirs. my ex ahmed and i would joke worriedly that our kids would be ‘really hairy’. because if you have a hairy boy and a hairy girl and they have sex without a condom on (im also allergic to tampons. as in they burn me and my vagina pushes them out. i once told someone and she implied i had a huge vagina but mine is actually smaller than most people’s which is very, very surprising because i have had some really big stuff put in there)

i casually flirt with people routinely by saying i “want” to have kids with them. it is a thing that i do. sorry. it is very easy for me to do that because i am allergic to latex. i don’t want kids unless it is one of the ones i ordered.

Sephiroth, mine. (Trust me, you don’t want this one – you have to give him to someone very, very, very intelligent that speaks a lot of languages. I can’t have him because I FANCY HIM. If you are not honest, he will probably justify killing you later, for lying to him.

He’s also muslim. Which means you don’t touch him. Which means in exchange he won’t look at you/sexualise you. If he does either, you have to be okay with TREMENDOUS levels of pain because he has my issue.

Which means you do not steal – muslims punish stealing by cutting limbs off and he comes from a person who only doesn’t kill people because she doesn’t have diplomatic immunity. She is entitled to diplomatic immunity – she doesn’t get it because she is genuinely insulted by the idea that she ought to have to ask for it.)

Trunks, mine. I promise you that it was arranged that I’d be the first girl that saw him on television in this country. I can’t speak for other countries, but I was the first girl to see him in the United Kingdom. Sorry. Again.

This one, you do not want. You cannot touch him, ever. You have to use a glove to wash him, you have to hold him with a scarf, you cannot do ‘skin to skin’ or whatever stuff it is that we all evolved to sexualise that is really.fucking.weird. You cant hold on to your boyfriend or husband with breastfeeding memories that he can watch when you’re asleep because Trunks will WATCH you WATCHING and he will RUIN your LIFE.

Blood, mine. Again – YOU DONT WANT THIS ONE. She has autism. She is very pretty but she has autism. She is so ‘void of feelings’ that she either loves you or can kill you. As in she can kill you emotionally or otherwise and she will feel bad perhaps if you get someone to tell her off who has something of a bribe for her. YOU DONT WANT THIS ONE.

Then there is 13, and then there is Kuja. I know Kuja is real. I could give you a lot of reasons as to why I think so, but I have a dark sense of humour and I’m sort of curious for him to prove it to other people.

I would love to have a child like this in imagination land but in real life I do not think I could manage a child like this.

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Now I will tell you about Khleopatra. I do not want Khleopatra. Which means if you think you do, you are being mind controlled. You all think that my old ‘blonde’ friends could be Khleopatra. That is probably really fun to her because she is not very well behaved.

Khleopatra can speak to animals. Khleopatra is the kind of person who would remotely live many people’s lives if she was bored. She’d sacrifice herself to make a philosopher’s stone and she’d time travel to have a few different bodies with names like “Khloe” and “Chloe” and convince you that you really wanted a child called “trunx” or a “thirteen” because she is a sex offender. She’d let you take the blame for it, and really if you do it more than once – it’s some kind of habit.

 

She will do anything to make you think that you are her. You are not her.

She would ask: “Did you ejaculate in my food?” and then she’d think “I will curse it just to find out.” Then she’d be like “I’m fucking hungry, so, I’ll still eat the hell out of it – but if you ejaculated in my food your firstborns and your kids first borns and any firstborns in your family will die by the age of five” is a routine curse for her. She means it.

 

If I have sex with person wearing a condom, this happens to my inner vagina.

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ask every guy i have had sex with that has gotten me pregnant. which is more guys than you might be inclined to think

 

UNLESS you are some kind of meditative spirit master teacher genius that can share a body with all matters of life (at honestly, great fucking personal cost) (my maggots air bend their scent to tell me they’re thinking of me, okay – and I NEED them so I can use the TOILET and THEY KNOW IT.) (the birds use me to share food with me. i mean the seagulls in brighton used me to learn how to speak human and then they literally respond to my TERRIBLE thought-jokes.) (the pigeons are protecting me from the seagulls, i think)

i will film it one time

When you make men trust you by telling them lies and then they realise that you were telling them lies they get really upset. So heath had about 10 years to go fully insane and come to terms with his life being a lie and he’s not going to say no to a post-humous pity-oscar  for a supporting role and an offer to play Sephiroth. (would you?)

 

Obviously I’m not dating either but preemptively, I accept a life of being seriously abused by all the people I trusted, in exchange for them.

You can daydream about having sex with them first (and who wouldn’t) but they’ll come back 2 me. Because I have really sexy feet okay.

Do i think you think i mean it? yes. Do i mean it? no.

which bits

the foot bits, everything else I mean 100%


I know some of my food was fucked with. I paid for that food.
I drank pure alcohol and lemon. Both are antiseptics.

You might think that what you’re doing will go without notice or punishment but sadly everyone gets caught and you can invest in ‘seeing the future’ but uh.

The future changes when I do something unpredictable.

I sent the locusts on the wind, such as the world has never seen

Songs you ought to listen to


Moses was a mute and his brother Aaron translated for him.

I like to think you all understand why arabs and foreigners struggle to find work in your country, it is because you are all racist and because you do not know how to value what other cultures have to teach you, even about yourselves and the religion you claim as your country’s but that could not have existed without Judaism.

Jesus Christ is a JEW.

READ THE FUCKING BIBLE BEFORE YOU CALL YOURSELF BRITISH. READ ONE FUCKING STORY.

My Matty.

You don’t want to hurt vampires, they are MUCH more dangerous without bodies. It would be good if you know the people who make new bodies – but you don’t – so you occupy infants instead. Let my family know when you need us again, I am the head of the family and I will be accepting letters of apology and begging. I know you know my address.

I vampired my flies and my spiders and my rules were pretty clear.

The flies are total show offs though and they do like me to see them.

One of my baes.

Revenge is a many layered thing

I am on-sofa because my bed is probably where Magnus sleeps (it’s really not a forever thing, Magnus.) (it is) and by some coincidence, I’m too lazy to put on my sheets.

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This is Magnus and Sabel in 2D. Their 2D karma appears in episodes nine and ten of  Inuyasha and I’m not sure I believe the story at all. I think they did it on purpose because the story I identified when I saw them in their insect forms was actually very, very, very intense.

Sabel asked me to help him with his twinflame – who I did not see until she made a very frightening appearance. She taught his spider sisters to build web-bridges, he spent all of his time meditating. He would create a barrier with his web and snuggle inside the underside of the glass star one of his sisters lived inside of. I taught them that if they get lost, to follow the lines to the top of my building. I used my eyes to show them.

One night I watched a video with Whoopee Goldberg and that evening the light from outside was so perfectly cast in my room that the shadow across my ceiling created the illusion of a spider and I believe it was the spirit of Anansi. Anansi is a male spirit but I thought Anansi female. Lisa my spiritual teacher taught me that there is female energy and male energy, I also learned from reading a Dan Brown novel that the pyramids that point upwards (they appear on military uniforms) are symbols that denote masculinity and they are subtly engrained in EVERYTHING.

 

said that if they grew too large and reckless that I would have to destroy them, and it is not the male spiders I had concerns towards it was the female ones. I had a thought-vision (like when you imagine something, not a hallucination as you might experience if you do hallucinatory drugs or if you were in the desert and you were to see a mirage of water upon sand.) of Abraham chanting and making them blow up. I was so attached to the affect that these creatures had on my life and the faith they restored in me that there is kindness (even if it is not from human kind) in the World that I dont care all that much if they grow huge. They share DNA with me, they will only evolve if they are abused.

Do not abuse spiders, is my warning.

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[ref] A game I played as a child. You can watch the games footage
online if you type in 'Play Through Abes Oddysee'. I would choose
the bad ending, Abe is immortal and his being is eternal.

HE and he alone was chosen for escape from that factory.

One time when it was raining very heavily I was so scared to lose Sabel and his sisters that I brought him inside and it was an absolute fucking hellish nightmare, I had to don some boots because I was scared of making physical contact with the maggots and then I had to grab maggots that were leaping from my window sill onto my carpet and return them to their home. This all took place very shortly before Killi made her appearance.

That night I brought in Sabel and I lost balance and he fell and touched me for the first time and then he hid underneath my fridge and I almost cried because I was scared that he’d get hurt. I put some string from the fridge to his star on my balcony and told him that he could use the string to get back home. The next day he was back in his spot. I decorated their balcony with feathers. I watched this episode of Inuyasha (i had watched it before – once – when I was on terrible medications, YEARS ago, and the episode hadn’t stuck in my memory much at all.)

Sabel Spider made me feel that if he wanted to be a paramite that he would need to be frightening to touch and that if I wasn’t afraid to touch him it would be dangerous for other spiders and he’d be an unsuccessful paramite personality profile.

[ref]

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Say hello to my new aloe-vera plant. My local floristress and her daughter told me that they like the sun. It is sunny here but it’s also pleasantly cloudy.

I’m trying to go back to my one-shot and I’m taking macro photos of my flies. They’re all very different and it’s so difficult to capture them. There are so many different looking kinds emerging from the habitats I’ve made for them.


I suppose if you want to manifest a reality where there are Pokémon, you ought to start with insect and plant kinds. I don’t particularly want to make them fight though. But if I did we know I’d be Sabrina.

This one is brown eyed with that pearlescent metallic effect and I think it’s a he.

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This one is blue with brown eyes. I think this one is a he, too

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I had a ham and mustard sandwich for breakfast, co-op layers the ham and I really like that. And this is my luncheon.

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I had one of the desserts I bought yesterday from Brighton’s Open Bakery in Kemptown. It’s always been full whenever I’ve passed by and when it wasn’t, I didn’t have the money to invest in a dessert. Also I’ve not really been feeling to eat sweet things. It’s an eclair  with nuts, strawberries and cream, from my local bakery. I had some cinnamon sticks sitting on my little oven, so I broke them up into bits and garnished the eclair, I also added icing sugar and I added nutella (which isn’t technically chocolate) to the glazed strawberries I took off the pastry cos they’re the only bit I really like.

:/

Did you know that biscuits were included amongst foods considered necessary, in the WW2 ration books and that I am a history buff? Probably not

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If you are OCD, try eating foods that leave residue on your fingers with chopsticks. I am not OCD about touching many things anymore but I really like eating with chopsticks.

WE ARE SHAPE SHIFTERS.

Okay you need to, well, you ought to at the very least: listen to this if you want the right vibe for my post. It brings a meditative session to a close and if you did not PAY to witness it, you’ll wish you had but you have time to.

If you don’t think the person in this photograph didn’t come from MY ovaries you are deluded. He has no loyalty. I value this, because it means if someone abuses him he will run to someone scarier. I don’t value this because he only cares about looks or something. I don’t really know whats wrong with his head. He was badly raised.

Also he has no idea of who is “scarier” than me, and to be scarier than me you need money, you need to be sexually involved with a lot of very big men, you don’t know what being ‘scary’ really means actually.

And actually those very big men are probably running from a version of me. Most big men that would run to someone that they think is ‘above’ me don’t realise that person is probably COPYING me. A hairdresser? A makeup artist? A dancer? An athlete? A SINGER? A fashion designer? A performance artist? A linguist (I give the individual letters in every alphabet more attention and more meaning than your being taught by someone who did all of the work first and had help doing so.) A GRAPHIC DESIGNER? A footballer? A sculptor of some kind?

Oh wait – a spiritual teacher? Well, do try your very, very hardest to avoid the ones that want magicckal kids. Which will be most of them.

Find an industry I could not succeed in if I were so boring as to put all of my energies into a single talent.

He’s stupid too.

 

Scary is OMAR – a person that two princes wanted to copy and they were vewwey jellay because EVERYONE was in love with him, even his sisters. Scary is Omar’s bullies from military school that I’ve been sexualising and secretly crushing on since I was about five years old. I TOLD YOU THAT IF YOU KILL HARRY I WILL LET YOU SLEEP SEX ME. IF YOU PUT HIS HEAD ON A SPIKE OUTSIDE MY FLAT I WILL LET YOU ALL HAVE SEX WITH ME. IF YOU HAVE GUTS AND YOURE HOT I MIGHT PUT YOU IN ONE OF MY PORN MOVIES.

Scarier is the person that – on her own – would hang out with people that most “Scawie” people wouldn’t want to hang out with, (the scawie people avoid me and pretend it’s because they don’t want to hang out) and prostitute herself to whoever necessary to get a mercenary she had released from deathrow in the congo released. And then when he didn’t show up for a date she rolled her eyes and picked his scarier superior instead.

Not a ‘prince’ and his rapist dads that kept having girls choose their little dogs over him so he started arranging for the dogs to be hurt to get them alone (it was all a cover up for the more sordid truth: he actually likes VERY LITTLE GIRLS.), not a celebrity like zoelaa that would invest in having men weigh someone like me down to keep her safe (the worst is that actually I don’t even think I could cope with making physical contact with her, she repulses me) scary is the person that could walk through crowds of neonazi wannabe kids and their big brothers and their fanny belly mothers  and gypsies MOSTLY BY HERSELF

but you picked the ginger ronald mcdonald bitch that called my ex and her ex a ‘half breed’ and you thought the sex would be the same because when insecure men made me think I was “bad in bed” you really listened

THUMBS UP


My body changes DAILY. I mean – it dramatically changes – daily. And if I put on fake tan, I look like a different person entirely. If I put on MAKE UP I look, again, like another person. ENTIRELY. This is my #OOTD.

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One day you’ll all wake up and realise that not only how you dress and what you get upto in your spare time changes depending on who your ‘friends’ and closest are (there is no such thing as a friend) – your face changes.

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Your body changes depending on the metabolisms of the people you hang out with too. Sometimes it is noticeable, sometimes it really isn’t until your face is totally different to how it was years ago.


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When I think about this fucking racist, (you want unconditional love and revenge?) that I telepathically told off for not fucking eating once when I saw a video of him in a hotel room, not wanting to eat a chocolate.. I get SKINNY. FAST. I mean over-night fast.

He bit into and ate a variety of children’s chocolates for taste and then he spat them out into a bin because he was on a regimen that had been advised to him by a ‘certified’ gym instructor for muscle development. Not weight loss.

Then I got angry at him in my mind, for being an asshole to a guy called Joe who was really rather pathetic looking to me and not defending himself against what felt, as an observer, a lot of guys bullying him. Joe later repaid the kindness by being rude and astral projecting to my place in Denmark without permission, at the time I had been made to think I was crazy that people could do that but it was also a kindness because I had my finger up my nose and he mentioned it. Which means that one of them did it. They claimed I had big nostrils cos I’m a nose picker. Ew, i know, but shut up. THERE ARE WORSE THINGS. LIKE INVADING PRIVACY. And he was with his older sister, so he should’ve been more mindful, thats actually what I think older sisters are supposed to be: but I don’t think his big sister is a very good big sister. I think that she’s an abuser actually and that her parents needed to know the truth. Perhaps their whole family are abusers. Although I think there’s a lot of Freudian material to psychoanalyse, if Zoe’s “ghost written” diary book is anything to go by.

Back to this:

I had to: actually, years later, once I was off medications that were making me overweight – SHOW Marcus and alfie (both of whom left their bodies to hang out with me, and anything that happened there was consensual. consent has been revoked, I can love someone and not want to hang out anymore.) that he could actually eat as many burgers as he wanted in a day if he was exercising the way that I exercise. Actually using all of your muscles. Which is tiring.

As in doing a demi-plie: is tiring. Especially in the absence of a barre.

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[ref]

If you want muscle growth, I’m your person. I prefer to be petite (I’m not) and so if I do things that make me develop muscle and I think of someone, they get the muscle. Fast. And I prefer to choose people. I know the grunts in the British army copied the footballers and the police that abused me, so it has to be this way. I will choose people eventually, that I am prepared to let borrow this nonsense. I think of the same few men anyway.

First of first of all: If you eat a protein heavy diet you will get muscles fast. Footballers like to befriend dancers because they like the muscles because they think the bloated look is sexy. I like skinny guys who are physically strong because otherwise I can’t jump on you. I won’t jump on a guy thats been doing steroids either.

First of all: You can exercise and not eat much and lose weight if you LOVE yourself as you are.
If you stop obsessing about “losing weight” or “being skinny” and really striving after achieving an image of faux-perfection that is probably quite far from the perfection you are capable of. If you want to see yourself as hot, get me to neg you.

I like having a little belly, I like belly dancing. I like fat jiggles. I ALSO like being skinny. I feel really hot when I am skinny, but I have been anorexic, and if you want something that wards people off anorexia: YOU LOSE YOUR HAIR. AND IF YOU ARE LUCKY IT MIGHT GROW BACK, BUT IT MIGHT NOT.

At the moment when I dance I feel to vomit because I think there are either a few people who are pregnant who have stolen some of my biohazards (TRUST ME – your life is OVER if you have stolen from me and I don’t really WANT those)

Second of all: If you want muscles, you will not get them at the gym. Perhaps if you invest in extras, like fat burners (Chinese dieting pills do work, if you get them from a licensed practitioner of Chinese alternative medicine but a consultation with them is expensive. But it is worth it.) The gym does NOTHING – you will not get muscles ‘like Drake’ by working out at the gym. Those are steroids or you have a person like me, who generates muscle fast in your thoughts. You actually get more muscles by doing stretches and actually using muscles you probably didn’t know you had.

This is a proper work out and it’s actually just a basic bitch warm up. It should hurt, and you shouldn’t do it much and you shouldn’t do it without a teacher present because technically this can injure you.

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If you are using the right muscles, your legs should look like this,
'flat' on the ground.

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Some people have a superior pointe, I haven't 'danced' with a 
properly trained classical dance teacher since I was about eight to 
ten years old.

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This is a difficult and painful thing to do. Accept that this is, 
for me, a substandard work out. 
And if you can't do this BETTER than me - you should not be doing 
pointe work.

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this was difficult to photograph and should be done with a very, very
straight back.

It is better than dumbbells and if it is done properly, it should help you tone more than the weird shit they have footballers doing in fields that would make much better rave grounds.

Going to the gym doesn’t teach you that.

Oh god I’ve a memory of a woman, a ‘gym instructor’ – in the gym, competing with me when I had drug induced parkinsonism – that gym in Ealing – DON’T GO. It’s overpriced. The men aren’t hot. The women DEFINITELY aren’t hot.

When I think about Killi the bird, I get skinny. I wake up skinny the next day. They have very fast metabolisms. Also I will at some point generously give people a healthy, protein AND CARB based diet that will speed up your metabolism, will give you the nutrients you need. It will be called the ’17’ Diet, because I illustrated the spirit I channelled before I had to feed the bird and I was concerned because she was skinny, and I didn’t understand why she ‘needed’ to be skinny, because that phase of beauty conditioning is finished and it is unhealthy, and it makes no sense. I thought “you have anorexia, I’m not encouraging or endorsing that.” and then when I lived with her as a bird, I ate the same food as she did. I went through three loaves of cheap white bread in a week – and hotdogs (with a white bread bun) (two at a time) and paté which is pure fat, and I got SKINNY. And the only exercise I did was scrubbing any mess that all-babies-make off the floor with a volcanic rock.

marcus_butler

He is my karma for sexualising this.

umzsxoj

AND ID DO IT AGAIN.
First of all this is hentai to me.

Not just Hentai. It’s YAOI.

large
[ref]

This is my thing. This is also my thing.

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[ref] (For the love of anything that has at any point in time been loveable, please do not watch this with cute pets or people under the age of 35 that have not already seen disturbing things.)

And this
She is a military vampire that masquerades as a child by donning a school girl’s outfit after seeing a brunette in the bathtub that’s committed suicide and she kills demons.

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And this is also my thing. 

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(This image has been in my head for YEARS. It is pretend. It is not a real person. I hope one day to do this in real life but I’d have to be very stoned and I’d have to know the octopus’ and squid’s personalities really well and also that they knew we were just making art for me to look at.)


No one dating Marcus Butler in a monogamous relationship would need to exercise because they’d be emaciated. But it is a two-way thing.

427535_trans_nvbqzqnjv4bqchco2f1jjycmyrb_lt46uklzr1kp05lv4o-tfezw3bu
(the emaciated african, not the wrinkled bitch pretending to be lady diana, in FLIPFLOPS :|) (I am the best at racist jokes, after only Omar.) (WE BOTH WISH WE WERE BLACK. WE BOTH WISH. TRUST ME.) (Also my two Ugandan mamas called Penninah and Enid called me a ‘mzungu’ and pretended it was them being nice but ACTUALLY I AM NOT A MZUNGU – Mexicans say ‘GRINGO’. I can take it, and actually I did take it – from people I really loved.)

(I’d kill myself if I’d of had a ‘photo op’ of me feeding a baby that looked like that. First of all you look fucking obese next to that baby, so that’s not hot, secondly you’re ACTUALLY keeping your distance because you’re ACTUALLY afraid of catching that child’s potential illness. That baby was taught to keep it’s distance from you, and actually, I’d of preferred that they did. Do not touch other people’s children. I don’t, and they probably got them from me – so you don’t either.)

When I think of him, I get nausea if I don’t eat every few minutes. If I exercise/walk for about ten minutes I am physically exhausted. I had to invest in tablets for nausea to cope with all of his anorexic bitches.

I do bully his girlfriend online, publicly, (is she still dating you? is she? ugh) but thats because she is a STALKER. That is because I picked him AGES ago, BEFORE YOU DID STEFANIE. What is it with stephanies and stealing my boyfriends and crushes? STAY IN YOUR LANE. IF YOU STAYED IN YOUR LANE YOU’D OF ENDED UP WITH A MUCH BETTER AARON.

(She ended up with a guy version of me called Aaron who has my surname and who ditched his bestfriend, who is also version of me. I hate both. I am very self hating. Most me’s weren’t abused like I was and are much stupider than I am.)

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(this is a picture of me and my form tutor from Saint James being boys. Except we, under the very strict meditation guidance of the pretend-deceased Jane of Seth Speaks, genetically engineered super flies and possibly vampire paramites. The dad is really nice and I vampired him, he spent a lot of time in meditation – but the mums squabbled over him and the turf war got a bit ridiculous so they’ve all split ways. They are all vampires.  Vampires are more dangerous without bodies. Spiders are cooler than you might be inclined to think from appearances alone and they only grow in sunshine and I know that there are many more bodies for them to occupy if they hurt themselves.)

466748-raao0010
In the future, if another bird launches into my vicinity I will be 
feeding it to my maggots. Unless it is a seagull or a vulture or 
a hen.

Also my 2D husband Sabel was there. It is better for ALL involved if you don’t believe he is real actually. Green is our colour.

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His brother Monten/Magnus was also there and it was a mess but it turned out for the better.

I have taught them loyalty, MY enemies are THEIR enemies.


Also how weird was it that I watched Breaking Bad from a halfway house I was put into because people were defending a “blonde” that people cluedo’d decided deserved to live even though she was breast feeding a baby while she was doing heroin, using me to sleep with my boyfriend and had been using an ACTUAL BLONDE and stalking me for years.

I’ll “save” you Peaches, but this is coming out whether you like it or not.

(My headmistress from Saint James is the headmaster in American History X and I’m not ready to team up with her yet. She wore heels every day. She can drive. She raised an Alex into adulthood, somehow.)

I once said to her, sardonically, in a Philosophy class: “Do you REALLY think people are BORN loving? was HITLER just BORN loving?” (She said that we are born as beings of pure love.)

First of all: If a guy had asked her that so obnoxiously she’d have probably responded differently. She sent me on a school trip to Berlin with my class, and there, I felt so much towards the English people that had died in service, the ANIMALS that had died in service, the disabled people that had died in service, the disabled people that had been killed in the holocaust, the Jews that had been killed in the holocaust, the GAYS that had been killed in the holocaust and I almost cried in bed. I said “I hate myself for sounding racist but I HATE germans for doing this.” A blonde cried “WELL MY GRANDAD WAS A NAZI AND HE WAS A REALLY NICE PERSON”. enough said. I was ganged up on, while I lay in bed, by girls defending the nazi’s granddaughter. I did not cry.

Years later I was beaten up by a lot of black girls and black boys while I sat on the ground, they’d seen me holding hands with a girl – as a friend. They came over and said “EXCUSE ME IS YOU A LESBIAN” and I said “I might be?” (They knew I wasn’t, and I wasn’t, I was in a long term relationship with a half Egyptian guy. A GUY CALLED AHMED HOSNY. AS FAR AS ARAB SOUNDING NAMES GO – THAT IS THE WORST ONE EVER.) I didn’t cry.

Second of all: If you are BORN as a being of pure love that has to watch your mother’s memories of her being abused, raped, used for parts, by not only the friends she’d of sacrificed herself for, but for the family she’d of sacrificed herself for – your chances of that loving reality are thrown out of the fucking window.

And then years later, I meditated so much that I realised that I was Hitler in a past life. I had a vision of him in a metal cell crying over his dog. Then I channelled Hitler years later and he said “you were my mother“, but that wasn’t enough. I learned that his book had been edited by publishers and that he had been lied about. He had no idea about the camps. He had no fucking idea. Which I think was embarrassment, betrayal. And more than that the loss of his dog.

Back to Marcus though, I left my fangirldom towards Felix and Alfie alone because they had girlfriends that were very easy to feel attractions to before I realised that they had been stalking me online for a very long time and copying me, for a very long time – long before I learned of them.

I added Marcus on snapchat while he was single, and he ignored me. I watched a video later where I found out that Louise (who has definitely been mind controlled by all the weirdos i despise) at a party, set Marcus up with a blonde model that had appeared on America’s Next Top Model, I think. And he said that upon meeting that model he had feelings of concern that he could come across as creepy.

Well my spiritual teachers, that he’d of been connected to, through my being connected to him (when you think of someone, you share energy. I have the right to believe it and you have the right to disbelieve it.) would’ve said that it was my empathy, and my intuition and that he was feeling HER feelings.

Marcus, my Stephanie was a stalker. Peaches was a stalker. These women actually took stalking to an entirely new level, and neither were known for being especially loyal to anyone, not even a person who would do literally anything for them to keep them happy.


If I wanted to be a doctor I’d be able to tell someone what’s wrong with their body by what went on with mine. I can’t see through a person’s body, though I have teachers that can, but I can take your pain. If I want to heal you. I probably don’t want to heal anyone, but I can give you all hope that you can be healed yourselves if you ask to learn how to heal yourself. If I can heal myself of my disability (I’m at a phase where I can shit out a 2 week shit in 2 seconds and some people that go daily STILL WAIT TO USE THE TOILET?)

I bought these off Asos. How cute are they? They’re by Boohoo.

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When I was younger I had a cousin who cut her hair off. I cut mine off too. I looked like a boy but I wanted to look effeminate. Someone said – before it was really socially done or considered – to my older sister “is this your little brother?” and it made me deeply insecure. Older me would’ve said “yeeeeaaaahhhh” but that me was hurt. I think they knew more about me than I’d of liked, for example: I was born with both genitals. I imagine someone thought it’d have been less invasive for me to have my penis removed and that while Professor Germaine Greer who said “I AM A WHITE NEGRO” and who wished that she was a Jew – might’ve rejoiced at the potential for evolution, I was not given to parents that would appreciate that a person could exist as both genders. The karma was the same, I had to pick between two cultures and two religions. I’d have regular visits to the A & E for all sorts of things and depending on which of my ‘parents’ were around, I’d be “christian” or “muslim”, or of “latina” origin or “arab” origin. It didn’t really matter to me, to be honest. (I’d rather be a Jap Jewrab Latina but I’m not Japanese. I’d like to be, but I’m not. But if I could be I would be.)

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I knew I was taken from a black person, as a child. I asked and there was no denial, but it was met with a joke.

And I know I was supposed to be the oldest. You’ll know by the fact that my mother was interested in animals, plants and that she was a dancer that was too lazy to warm up that I am the child that her body was raising.

Great lengths were taken to make sure that my family didn’t have me and there were all sorts of motivations that resulted in my ‘mother’ being segregated. First from her family, then from her friends, then from the people she attended church with and while one of her kids was very protective of her (my brother), the other realised that she got a lot of attention from people if she lied about what went on at home.

I was not the eldest but I should have been and I believe it very sincerely. My family would not be the mess that they are if I had been my grandmother’s first child, or my mother’s first child. There are some qualities and virtues in me that are unwavering. Would I commit murder? I would kill someone that deserved it, I could do it, I mean I could cope psychologically with committing murder but I would never do so unless it had been accepted as a consequence, in a court of law, and I had been given the job, and I agreed with my own judgement that I could answer to any and all notions of God and the nature of God, for my decision for doing so and only if I could say with sincerity that it was for the good of all.

I care about the laws society values, to keep safe. I believe that people deserve to live safe societal lives.

Many terrible ideas have crossed my mind in my life, many, some of them influenced by TV, some of them influenced by my mother (she once told me that her friend Pam’s? father, I think, had ‘stomach ulcers’ and that he died as a result of eating ‘spicy food’ and then I’d be in the kitchen looking at the ‘spices’ and encouraged to ‘poison’ her with them. As if I would ever have done something so stupid, even if she at times really fucking deserved it.)

There is a reason that a person has to be born the eldest, it is significant in many religious practices. And the fact that I was born with both genders was significant too. It does matter who the eldest is. My siblings would not have gotten away with the shit that they gotten upto if I had been the eldest, if I had not been entrusted to them. I know that I was sexually abused by my sister, but my brother took the blame.

And I am supposed to be a prophecy fulfilled for the return of a Queen of Zion but frankly you aren’t ready for that. It’d kill you all, wouldn’t it. I was stolen from a woman called Beryl and a man called Antony. My “mother” was infertile. They chose my sister because my sister has an afro. I think that people time travelled and made very great efforts to ensure that I was not born. FAILED A BIT.

It is significant to geneticists, because through me, my spiritual teacher’s family were able to produce a child called Matty, that had ‘white person’ hair. I actually sort of prayed that Lisa would be given a child and I was told “It will be painful.”

Well, yes, seeing a little boy with skin in the perfect shade of caramel fake tan that has never been taught ballet, walking like a ballet dancer to school was painful. But I think that for Lisa to find out that her husband had put her spirit into her sister’s body and put his sister’s spirit into her body and that that was the reason that the baby ended up confused over who his ‘real mother’ is, is hilarious.


Probably a black man, though, who must’ve fancied my mother for her hair because that’s really the only thing that black people seem to envy about white people. That is mind control. But I’d happily give my hair-genes to black people if thats what they wanted to ‘feel beautiful’ – but do you want the other stuff? The body hair? Probably not. But there are benefits, to my body hair, I am so physically sensitive that if the right person touches me its probably the same as when white people experience their first ever orgasm with their third husband.

LOOKIT ME PLAYING DRESS UP. I did this at about 8 AM. It all looks very elaborate but really I put my hair in a ponytail and put on some eyeliner and lipgloss.

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I used to look in the mirror and measure my nose with a ruler and I’d think “my father is a black man”. I once actually said, as a teenager, “mum, did you have sex with a black man, because this is a black man’s nose.”

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Black people ARE Jews. I was told “not all black people are Jews”, but they are. You can choose any religion that you like, you can choose any cultural identity you like – but you’re still semitic. There were THIRTEEN tribes, not twelve.

The Prophet Mohammed (trust me, we knew each other. Peace be upon him my ass, he’s a vampire. There is NO way that HH – the retard (IM FLIRTING) responsible for our genetic make up – would let someone that had that affect on the Planet just DIE.) was in love with a Jewess and her people wouldn’t let them be together, because Jews have laws that keep them apart from people that are not Jews. For their safety, it was for safety.


ANYWAY I ALSO BOUGHT THESE YUMMY YUMMY

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It’s not food porn – because I don’t have sexual feelings about the appearance of food – EVEN PHALLIC FOOD – so it isn’t sexual but if when you say ‘food porn’ you mean ‘it makes me want to eat it’ then yes it is food porn and yes I am adorable with lollipops/cute foods in my mouth.