“she will never live a normal life” is code for “we got addicted to her” and “it was as though she was trying to work out the truth beyond any reasonable doubt” (that is because I was and I will continue to do so.)

and “we know you’re owed billions in compensation and we keep creating excuses for you not to get it because we’re afraid that you might use the money to do what we would’ve done but what is worse is that actually the truth is we know you wouldn’t invest in making our lives miserable by arranging for us to be stalked and to have a shit time but you’d use it to do humanitarian things – like building a cooperative in Uganda that you’ve been planning since you were 16 (that makes it very hard for us to portray Israeli people as cold blooded murderers and we know that WE’VE never done anything decent like that)

“you might invest in having a much nicer home than we have and we’ve learned about ‘the game’ and we are stuck in it because we never developed personalities and didn’t realise that the best way to get through ‘the game’ was to have developed one of those – and to have paid attention stories like ‘aesops fables’ and the ‘religious stories’ they told in school”

“jealousy is the most difficult human emotion to cope with”

“we know that the longer we prolong this the more jail time we are likely to get and that the sooner we go to jail the better because the death penalty will be reinstated but we’re trying to work out which we’d honestly prefer”

 

I used to watch this on repeat. I know there was a book amongst my childhood belongings that taught that this was supposed to illustrate the downsides of communism

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b4egC00K7Dg

I recall that in a drama class, I was cast as the horse for a theatre production – who I don’t remember appearing in the animated version – with a liking for ribbons. I think her name was Clover.

And that was because I had a terrible memory and she had very few lines, but later in life I do think she was the perfect character for me. The idea of there being a character in an allegory about a kind of communism that was so fundamentally uniform, as that of Soviet Russia – and as my drama teacher mentioned at the time, was really quite an important one. That communism could rob some people of their identities or the freedom to express that identity. This horse symbolises the occasional human being that has something inside that it expresses through fashion (I think that the metaphor can go much deeper but lets leave it there because certainly at university, it was my clothes that pissed everyone off – and I still looked good in a XL nurses shirt and shorts when I was in a psychiatric ward – so good they gave me a drug that made me ugly, actually.)

  that likes ribbons is quite an important one – that is: the idea that there could be people who aspire to be individuals and who quite like to use their short lyfe to bring beauty to others and to find beauty in everything

The-me-that-went-to-University (not to imply a SEPARATE me – she is still very much a PAST version of me) would’ve responded to being told she was royalty with “so? we are all equal” (and maybe have thought: but even if we ARE equal – I win cos I’m hotter than thou)

(And maybe later yet she’d of had a nervous breakdown because she’d have memories of her sister being given an education worth more than the house she lived in with her mother, designer clothes worth thousands of pounds, holidays worth thousands of pounds, and I can assure you that amount of money was never spent on me – not once in my entire life – and the first holiday I went on was a trip to Uganda when I was older. I mean I went on a weird trip to Spain at some point with my “ma” but she spent the whole time telling me off – I mean it – The WHOLE time – telling me off. A Spanish waitress once told her to let me enjoy a sandwich because she kept giving me “etiquette” tips and I was about to cry at how much I hated being on holiday.)

(I have a choice between laughing or crying about being abused, and choosing to laugh doesn’t make me a robot.)

(I realise at one point someone told me “at XY school the entire school is required to stand up when a Prince walks into the room” (they had, I think, some Al Saud boys in the school and perhaps it was to see what I’d say – or perhaps it was only out of coincidence she told me – but I wouldn’t of wanted anyone to do anything like that for me if I had been brought up the way the “British royal family” had been.)

but this me would say “actually we’re NOT all equal, we are divided by the lessons we have learned in life” and she’d really mean it.

I’m still not into people doing anything like that for me, but I would probably do that for my auntie. Or my teachers.

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I invented a really great dessert.

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His name is Gepetto. I put some caramel and nutella I had to melt out of the jar on a digestive biscuit and then using whipped cream I created his form. The mohawk is made out of sliced apple. I turned a dessert glass upside down and placed the biscuit on top and added some beautiful eyes. 

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Gepetto is very poor and he can’t have any real children, and even if he could he couldn’t afford to feed them because he makes clocks and puppets for a living. He never aspired to anything more because he was comforted by having little and still being the envy of all the other men in the village. He was single and could pull off the ugliest fucking outfits – or so he thought – cos he had many a one night stand. But no love.

As I said: Gepetto was a clock and puppet maker. No woman over thirty would find that attractive enough to stay with for longer than an hour or two – maybe a night – and in the morning when all he had to feed them was an apple or something, they’d fuck off to perfect fried chicken. (He would’ve been lying, he’d of hidden his good food. Only Gepetto eats Gepetto’s food)

People only want/need so many clocks and creepy puppets in their home. The thing about Gepetto though, is he only wants what he can’t have.

So one night – a blonde, white woman broke into his home and ruined his favourite hand carved puppet by reanimating it (it used to be a tree.) She gave the puppet ONE instruction – and that was to not lie. The puppets name is Pinocchio because wood doesn’t die.

Lying was the puppets only talent in life so that was a cruel irony wasn’t it. 

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In other news I’m going to get this printed and and put it EVERYWHERE

I’m having a snuggly period day. I contacted the Citizens Advice Bureau regarding my issues with the Job Centre and quite frankly that was exhausting. I have emailed their ‘manager’ and he’s yet to respond – either he is stressed out because he has to fire at least three people or he’s in on it. I read somewhere that 83% or so people in the UK have a job. If that is the case – why did the Job Centre fight to justify giving me £317 pounds a month to live off? As if this country is struggling? The amount increased after a conversation I shouldn’t of been forced to have – but they really tried pushing that I should be able to live on £317 a month.

Either way I have to locate a small diary of mine and start an official complaint with DWP. I can’t locate my phone either which is a nightmare. Not because I use it to socialise but because I missed a call from Tescos about a shop and I was asleep when they were scheduled to arrive. I’ve no idea how I didn’t hear the bell, the bell is loud and my flat is small. And I quite like it like that.

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I’ve finally invested in a clothing rail. It’s from John Lewis and it’s very sensibly priced. If you’re looking for a rail that’s under £40 that won’t slide to the left with a few heavy items then click here. I’ll get a better picturegraph soon, when I’ve colour coordinated and arranged as many garments onto it as I can manage.

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A neighbour is coming over to help me organise my flat, install a lock in my bathroom and on my window and to put up a feature wall with some wilko wallpaper (I want to insert one of those big grin emojis but it’s actually a very nice wallpaper). That bottle of wine on my counter is for him. I’ll need a better photograph of that too – the art is inspired by a Titan Goddess called Eon and I bought it from a local shoppe here. It’s not an old wine but I think it’ll look nice ageing in his kitchen. I ought to get him some other bits too.

Edited to add: Here's the photo of the wine that I promised myself I'd upload.

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And the back.

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"Eos is a Titaness and the Goddess of the dawn, who rose each morning from her home at the edge of the Oceanus to announce her brother Helios, the sun. 
As Goddess of the dawn it was her duty to open the gates of heaven so Helios could drive his chariot across the sky every day."

[edited Wednesday the Seventeenth of April, 2019]

I watched a few episodes of Salad Fingers and Marie Antoinette today. I want to invest in adding sleeves to everything I own. I am a sleeve person.

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I had elderflower cordial, lemon and nectarine noodles with lemon, red pepper, sweetcorn and garlic and a ferrero rocher today, before having 1000 mg of a painkiller (paracetamol – every tablet is 500mg) that has yet to help the pain at all. I know that people have been prescribed weed for my bowel condition but the fact that women can have period cramps like mine and sooner be encouraged to take harmful medicines that stay in your body for twenty five years (and trust me – they do) is terrible. If you really think that both the NHS and the pharmaceutical companies manufacturing these medicines don’t benefit from the lies that pharmacists and doctors are often bribed to tell, to endorse these drugs you’re completely foolish. Did you know that as far as the sciences go, we’ve reached breakthroughs that mean that technically NO ONE should experience pain? It shouldn’t be a thing anymore. As in the NHS and their manufacturers sell you medicine that keeps you ill and test their new drugs on you (they do, and they do not have to tell you they’re doing it either) – you might’ve heard the phrase “it’s a new drug” – thats code for “you’re a test subject”.

When I was about seventeen or sixteen I had a birthday in Camden. My friends and I smoked shisha at a bar there and some strangers came and sat beside us. It was a heterosexual couple and I remember them often. The woman, as I recall, wore a hat and had short hair. She told me that she worked for a company that manufactured drugs for people with AIDS and that the disease officially had a cure. This was years ago. She told me that it was technically an inexpensive drug.

A teacher of mine once told me, knowing that I had an “audience” of sorts of promiscuous and irresponsible gay men who weren’t pursuing love but were pursuing as much sex as they possibly could – to avoid gay men. She did not explain why. She taught me (a person who sort of used to wish she was a boy and who used to scream “IM A BOY” at her mother and who might’ve been born a hermaphrodite but whatever) not to have sex with someone until I’d been in their company for two weeks. Some people can have sex without getting attached emotionally, those people – she told me – make fantastic prostitutes. Some people get attached emotionally when they have sex and obviously they do not make fantastic prostitutes because it ends up damaging them psychologically. The gay men I thought of at the time – some of which were actually probably more effeminate than me – ended up having successful, first attempts at serious long term relationships using her advice. If you have sex with someone before a two week period of spending time together constantly – it will only ever be about sex. It’ll be a prolonged one night stand. At the time I didn’t realise why she’d said what she said, about homosexuals – an uncle of hers had died of aids and had not been told he had it by the STD clinics. It is a form of population control. She is a person of colour, and the virus was initially administered to people of colour and it was easiest to do so through homosexual men. Do not trust the NHS or STD clinics – if you are promiscuous and if you have unprotected sex (I am not promiscuous but I do have unprotected sex – I am severely allergic to latex) invest in a private GP. I recommend Dr Coxon – Lady Diana visited her. She was tested positive as pregnant shortly before her murder. (Not awkward at all)

Fortunately people can be moved into new bodies, a fact I’m sure people have become aware towards. (They’re not ‘computers’, they’re new bodies. AWKWARD ISN’T IT)

The NHS refused to continue employing Dr Coxon after she made a habit of insisting treatment for children whose families were being lied to about whether they could benefit from said treatments. As in – children who were going to be left to die by the NHS.

Nothing is free, the NHS convinces you it is – but it isn’t. And be careful with giving out sperm for STD checks – they do sell it on if you’re fertile and free of STDs. Why on Earth do you think that they need to check your SPERM for STDS?

If I am given a prescription to smoke weed – and I should be, if not for my condition then at the very least for the PTSD that the NHS are responsible for and a life story that would  probably make me quite eligible for euthanasia in certain countries – I will probably test the weed being provided by the NHS, but realistically when I know (trust me on this) that most of the weed being sold on the streets is being sold by the police (sad, isn’t it.) and that the pharmaceutical companies are so deeply invested in keeping people on drugs that give them more problems than they solve, and that the uneducated social “elite” (we can’t call you that anymore, you are comparatively less educated than most of our countries poor people that you keep poor) are still convinced that cannabis perpetuates proletariat subcultures and gang warfare when – it is really just our police – I will probably have to research the laws on growing. And even then I’m uncertain and uneducated about the strains attached to the seeds being sold on the market.

I recently telephoned the police with regards to making them aware that I was pretty certain my laptop was being hacked by locals (I went to University with a ‘youtube celebrity’ so I have no doubts that there are ‘youtube celebrities’ that know who I am, I was unimpressed by ‘youtube celebrity’ then and I continue to be for the most part. External beauty I am always impressed by, for a time) and I did discuss the local laws pertaining to weed here. No one will share a contact with me because they all know that I’m stalked by the police, too.

Who cares that I’m in constant physical pain. Haha. Who cares that I’m probably tired because my body has to exert energy to not feel that pain. Haha.

Imagine if all the footballers, police and other stupid people just dropped fucking dead. Haha.

O0o Dinner is an avocado, an onion, a tomato, lemon and seven prawns. But it’s being served with vintage silver wear on a tray (I think the fork was a tenner from the local brick-a-brack) so I’m still fancy. #5vegetablesaday

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(I’m sitting here laughing that people actually think that this is a legitimate meal portion. And technically I’ve eaten more king prawns today – fourteen – than most people are served at Chinese Restaurants in a single portion.)

In 2012 I made my friends at Uni watch Mein Kampf with me in our kitchen at 77.

Tintin liked this post in 2013

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Here’s a moment on his twitter
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“jagerswag”

(Jaeger Bombs were a big thing at the Student Union)

Here’s a post tintin liked by a guy who directed a music video me and a fat gfriend were in – no, she’s obviously not fat, but I hate her and in this we’re having a pillow fight with a guy called lee cooper

I’ll tell you what happened. Lee Cooper was held back a year on our course and he was in our class. I was in a relationship that I wanted to be over. I invited him back but because I didn’t want my then-boyfriend to think anything was going on and I didn’t want him to think I was interested in him, I invited my entire class over (I am the least sociable person ever). My Tintin bit him and he said it was “okay” because if they do it once then you can teach them not to do it (he liked football and upon revision that is the most rapey thing you can possibly say). He ended up having a flirtation with my “friend” – who was already having a “flirtation” with my “boyfriend” (they were definitely fucking) and then ditching my friend group for another friend group. I fed him salmon and samphire and all sorts of food that I doubt anyone else would’ve spent on feeding him with but we make choices in life. I’m actually glad I noed him so I could invite better ones in. Like HH.

Anyway we got Levi – who was a trusted friend of Golda Meir’s. Golda was the name of three of my goldfish and an alsatian that I obsessed over as a child.

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Whenever it happens. You’ll never get a proper Levi if they’re raised by people who don’t dress them properly and who let them like football.

Knowing what you know though

A child once picked up one of my jackets – before i watched this show, but I’d seen pictures of Levi – I was “KENLEE” at Uni – after a weird song, and also cos I’m totes Bruce Lee – and I said “I’m LEVI and I’m KARINA’S SON and this is MY Jacket” and that was before I knew any of you could do this stupid shit to me and my family.

code for you’re allllll gonna die

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Here is mess and messy feet and the most uninstagram worthy image uploaded to the internet in the last six months.

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I love my tear-drop Mary-Jane shoes. I got these years ago in the summer that I lived in 77. If you spend a little bit extra on things that you really love, rather than going cheap – the things last for longer. Thats what I enjoyed about ‘capsule dressing’. As if she really bothered doing that. I like to look different. I don’t like the idea of ever having worn the same outfit twice in my entire life. I don’t go out much so it isn’t difficult.

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I just got back from the cornershoppe. I had a lot of fun with a stranger that reminded me of Omi. I know that most people might be offended by the comparison but you can find the people that you think the World of anywhere. They both can make me happylaugh apparently. Like I was in a shitty mood and he did something pretty fucking annoying but I ended up laughing. I assure you that there aren’t many people in the World that can get away with that.
He is my favourite person in the World. Omars always are. There’s Kanye Omari West and theres Tupac Amaru Shakur (I had a Syrian longhaired hamster called TAZ as a child, rabbit in 77 that I called “Carlton Tupac Shakur” and my housemate Arther changed it to “Walter”, which I think the rabbit felt suited him better. Walter is a Walt Disney, a character in Silent Hill 4 and a guy who babysat me and taught me about animation. He joined the Navy after going to Art School.
About a year later I met someone that I ended up resenting a lot but who made me laugh before that, and he told me that he’d had a rabbit called Biggie Smalls. Before that, I used to call Tintin “Mr Biggles”. I also call Tintin @El_Tintino 

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I’m watching Walking with Dinosaurs on Netflix to cheer myself up. Please ignore the caption. I know that the things I post on the internet have a way of turning out pretty meta and I know that there will be people who will “thats what she said” the caption and I can’t blame you for it but this… this is about the chihuahuapods.

These are little sauropodlets. They aren’t real sauropods.
I think that they must be genetically very similar to chihuahuas.
Sauropods grew to be the very biggest dinosaurs that have ever walked on the earth and I like to think that of my chihuahua friends.

They both make me happy. Digital Sauropods and Chihuahuas. I’d like to have a dinosaur tamagotchi when virtual reality is a thing that people dedicate their homes to. I’d like for my chihuahuas to have little virtual reality helmets so that they can go on virtual reality adventures with me.

I had a thought chat with Omi earlier. I think Hope tried to make me laugh earlier and actually did so with great success. I wish someone could animate what he showed me. I had my eyes closed and saw something in static. Omi saw the vision too, and thought-told me that he laugh-snorted-out his meal. I’m sure he looked very sane. Hope might be the most hilarious being on this Planet right now.  I am aware that there are people who lie a lot and are jealous so I recommend you watching Sheila Gilette videos – she works with a group of arch angels that call themselves Theo. When I say “thought chat” that is not to imply I audibly heard anything, but I thought the chat with Omi as if it were my own thoughts I were thinking and I know whenever I see him next I will mention it and he will confirm it. Omi if you see this – don’t discuss it with your dishonest NHS staff. Don’t take up the invitation to be honest. But if they ask if you’re experiencing anything ‘unusual’, do ask “no, are you?” And if they say “no” – they are lying and they’ll shortly lose their licenses to practice. I promise you. Don’t say it but know.

I’ve started just explaining my stupid bowel condition and I can literally FEEL the satisfaction people have when I am forced to do so. It is a bigger thing, than me, that I’ve had this condition and that I am explaining it to people. A lot of people have disabilities that they didn’t know were disabilities, that made and make their lives very difficult. They can’t do the things that they’d like to do and they get called all sorts of names by people who don’t share those difficulties.

I also know that a lot of people are starting to have my condition now and I don’t pity any of you but also that satisfaction you’re feeling really won’t last long. I’m glad that I could toilet train you so you won’t suffer the same way that I did as an infant.

I know that people can choose to access me in a way I wouldn’t like them to and earlier in a thought meditation I was encouraged to see that choice people make as a means of helping them to relate to Adam and Eve – there’s this temptation that you get with freedom of choice. This awareness that you need to – at some point – learn that just because you can, doesn’t mean that you should.
You can do it, no one’s going to stop you – but once you’ve done it there’s no going back and you’ll pay for it. There are people I’d have consented to doing that, the chances of you being amongst them are… slim. I support the death penalty. I know that we pay karmically for everything that we do, but some people adjust to their karmic struggles and frankly it’s not enough. I don’t want people to have to drop their life’s dreams to become ‘police men’, there are few crimes that I truly think deserve that level of punishment  – being touched by a police person. I’d prefer that people were executed. If you are wondering if I mean you, I probably do.

I read a Vice article where someone complained about wearing heels giving them huge, swollen and blistered feet. And I thought to myself “not me“. That day I wore some of my moccasins without a pair of socks for a nightwalk and I got lots of blisters. Jokes on you, I’m into cuts and blisters and they make your feet tough as fuck. I imagine one day I will line up the staff at Vice and beat them all up. My rule – unless my opposition is twice my body weight – is to let them hit me first. First of all it pisses me off – second of all it becomes self defence. He who strikes first does not always win. Actually I’ve ALWAYS said this – LOSE FIRST. Have you ever actually thought you were going to die? When you think you’re about to die you release this very particular kind of energy – I remember hearing about it in a class about “To Kill a Mocking Bird”. I think. Or maybe Of Mice and Men. One of those. A character leaps across a pretty wide gap to save his life. You can do stuff, when you think you’re about to die – that you can’t normally do. I think once your brain has released that chemical – is it DMT? – into your body enough times (I have thought I was going to die SO MANY TIMES it probably altered my DNA or something, plus I lived in a constant state of PTSD growing up in an abusive household with an autistic drug addict that triggered my abandonment issues and a sister who could look me in the eye and lie to me and a mother who only ever hugged me after a fight she would force me to let her win) it probably alters your DNA

(did I mention my mother tried to feed me dog food before I left her house? less than a few months ago?)

(it’s great I have a sense of humour)

(No but really if our playing fields were level I would probably all but kill you if you provoked me to and I didn’t feel like you’d nark to the police)

another thing i do – is tell people how to win. i tell them all my weaknesses. i don’t like to hit people if i know it’d hurt them and i don’t like the police very much. i’d tell you my strengths but i think i only ever got one or two compliments in my life until i was about… well ’til i started using myspace actually. haha.

I’ll tell you how i got my big arms. When I was three years old, I stormed into the kitchen one time and demanded cake. My mother had a guy called Tom over. He was there to help my older brother who was a problem child before people understood autism can affect good looking people. Tom told my mother that when I express myself it is right to all but slam me in a corner – its the bit where two walls meet – basically i’d shove my face in a corner and put my arms in the air. Whats funny is that I learned later in life that if people look at you when your back is turned, you get a rectal pain. you can feel it. I didn’t actually associate that pain with being observed because I had that disability I rant and rave about where I only shit once or twice a month sometimes. Since I was that age.

No, I don’t lift. But I can carry heavy things 😉 😉 😉

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Have you ever had a song stuck in your head your entire life and then actually heard it? That’s how I feel about the Cupcakke song I posted two entries ago.

Do not take that personally anyone. I was thinking about someone in Denmark and how deeply they had fucked me over – and the song showed up on my YouTube feed. I had been dreaming of meeting this person that I fell in love with the second I saw him, in a shitty webcam photo – back when he was pretty dorky looking – for years of my life and I met him when I had accepted that nothing in my life would ever work out again, and then he literally-not-literally (I hope but I don’t know what they got upto when they roofied me) shat on me. With his weird friends.

I’m actually not really a penis person. I don’t want to see boys frolicking in the nude. I like boys in clothes. I like women – not many – probably not any you’d find attractive – to be partially undressed but mostly I like closing my eyes. But I am pettily inclined when I have rages and a childish song taking a universal lowblow to every guy that I probably actually wanted to love for years of my life that negged me and then picked someone over me that was an entirely insulting specimen was ACTUALLY WHAT I NEEDED FOR THE LOLS. I have slept with someone whose penis was 10 inches and I got whatsit. That thing you get that makes you swell up and struggle to NOT pee. He had a temper tantrum about the petrol money it cost him to take me to the hospital. Nice memories. Men are great.

 

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Btw the Dave Pelzer books are nonsense – but I think if I wrote a book about my life it’d be worse.

Just um. Some notes.

Art Class for clever people

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I’m going to do a colour chart for the people that woke up one day and decided they were interested in fashion design or clothes. Everyone uses clothes to express themselves but that does not mean you are interested in or that you understand ‘fashion’.

Do you want to know something? When I was studying at LCF Peaches Geldof (died on the seventh of April I think, got buried at Saint Mary Magdalene’s church after all but announcing herself as Jewish, was an O.T.O initiate and ruined what could have been the most beautiful secret society that puts love before anything. And actually for a person whose favourite art and movies are always either about love or killing things –

it was deeply insulting. People broke up with me because they were weirded out by how intense I am. If I was not intense I would be as boring as YOU. There was nothing loving about that woman.) wrote a style article about ‘capsule wardrobes’ and that made me not ice her. And I saw her wearing frilly socks that I’d obsessed about having but could never see in shoppes. At that point in my life it was that easy for me to love someone.

FYI I’m Ewan’s character. A boyfriend once gave me a special edition of this movie for my birthday. It was the only present I got on that birthday and it was the happiest day in the world for me for years.

this is a peach. I found the image on google.

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People keep rushing to mourn her by labelling colour palettes ‘peach’. I have no idea where they managed to come to any kind of conclusion that the colour that is being marketed as ‘peach’ could be given such a name. It makes no sense. I’ve highlighted the colour that people think is peach – sort of – but thats about it. Stop pretending that NUDE PINK shades are “peach”. GO BACK TO SCHOOL. YOU NEED TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL. STOP COMPETING WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE STUDIED ALL OF THEIR LIVES. WHO HAVE BEEN BROUGHT UP BY ACADEMICS OR PEOPLE WHO HAVE SERVED GOVERNMENTS FOR GENERATIONS OVER. IT’LL WORK FOR A BIT BUT YOU’LL END UP MAKING A MESS. If your education stopped at sixteen to eighteen years old – your brain is stuck there because that’s when you stopped using it.

Here is why I never tried to get a career as an actor. Literally scenes like this. I’m sure you’re all above ‘dance movies’ but in a moment I will tell you why that’s stupid.

This is a scene about a really fun weekend dance class and is why I never thought I was good enough to act. Apart from the level of confidence it takes and the fact that you have to have a good memory – and I don’t – I was under the impression that if you wanted a career in the performing arts you had to be able to DO – EVERYTHING.


Can I remind you of this?

These are some of our cadets. You want to pretend that ALL THREE of these people aren’t on steroids?

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This is an actors appearing in a movie I rented from Blockbusters that never hit the cinema.

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Which one would you cower to the ground from if they were about to kick you in the head? Our boiz 3 versus 1 – or this one 1 versus 1 ^

I was insecure because I could sing notes but I couldn’t READ them. That’s ONE OF THE REASONS I didn’t apply to study at RADA – the real reason I still won’t is ‘mayhem’ scenes. RADA is the only drama school anyone should take seriously.  Lamda is great too – for people that want to be in classical theatre. Not in movies.

I wanted to be in action movies, military movies and thrillers. I actually wanted to play these characters –

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ALL MY LIFE.

Iunno why but I really resonated with their stories. WINK WINK.

When I was about thirteen I saw the Illuminati referenced in an Angelina Jolie movie. I was taken by the relics, the empowered female, the kind of stuff that normal people are absolutely terrified by or otherwise call you ‘weird’ for valuing.

I told my mother that night that I wanted to be in the Illuminati. She took me to my “father’s” weird kitchen cabinet and took out a wine and showed me that it was from a vineyard owned by the Illuminati.

Years later a woman representing the “people of the light” told me that I wouldn’t be a famous actor, that I’d get lots of plastic surgery and I was OKAY WITH IT because she told me that I’d marry my soulmate. I was OKAY with not having ANY OF MY DREAMS because I’d be with a person I was in love with.

YEARS LATER AND THIS MORPHS INTO THIS

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and I realise that OTO teaches people how to leave their bodies. She was dating a guy whose music she didn’t like and using her instagram to take the piss of me. She was the only ‘celebrity’ account I was following.

If you know you know but if you don’t –

WHAT THE FUCKING HELL CAN THESE CELEBRITIES DO? APART FROM GET STUPID PEOPLE TO SPEND MONEY ON STUPID SHIT?

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FYI – I liked her for a bit, too. I was on mind altering drugs. Amongst their side effects were parkinsonism. That thing elderly people get.

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What is your excuse?