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we buy shit game for 1p
we make 49 p profit

no one want play fifa anymore


i LOVE cex

(Amazon prices for stuff I’ve wanted – and been looking at on and off – for MONTHS have mYsTeRiOuSlY gone up since I told them that their business practices are frighteningly unethical and that their investors clearly know fuck all about good design/work “ethics” and that they should treat the people whose spending habits (and therefore privacy they invade) that they so closely observe with a fuck load more respect. I guess being schooled about business by someone whose only ever really run a café/that companies have been scared to hire because she does a better job than many of their higher salary bracket professionals must really, really hurt.)

My flaw is my energy levels and not being interested in “deadlines”, but that is what happens when everyone wants to be you.

Oh I ordered some edible gold foil – sold as “real gold” – mmk – and upon trying one I realised that it must’ve been made from some pretty poor “gelatine”. It had no list of ingredients so for all I know it could’ve been made from human bone glue. The thing is, karmically, I’m not responsible for that at all. It had a little Indian-art inspired logo with an elephant on it. Maybe I ate an Elephant. That’s not on me – that’s on you. Thats on who sold me the item. That’s on who facilitated the item being sold to me. Thats on anyone who knew and did nothing.

Years ago I knew that at some point I’d be hired by freemasons for chats in cafés for advice as to what to invest in.
Karma and business. A book I should’ve really authored by now – when I ran a café I would try and see some deeper spiritual truth to everything I did. When you are tired as fuck, and in physical pain – waitressing hurts by the way, if you’re doing it right – it really hurts. So my thoughts were entirely focussed on the deeper meaning to that work.

Before University I sat on a train reading a book about karma – the author whose name I have rather rudely forgotten had a conversation with a very wealthy woman about her spirit guides and essentially told her that her spirit guide was a beaver. You might be surrounded by lots of very successful people that make you feel important, you might be unimaginably wealthy – but like the kind of people you attract in “the game” – y’know, the better you think you’re doing, the hotter people come your way – wherever you find personal value in your life. Good for you – you do that – that is a reflection of who is watching over you spiritually. I’ve got a few your Planets very favourite Gods and I’ve got Lucifer, my personal favourite. I’ve also got time on my side because … you know.
In this book – the author said that it’s technically bad karma to come to work if you are suffering with a contagious illness – because you could potentially pass it to other people. It’s bad karma to borrow pens from work, it’s technically being paid to steal. (When I worked in the café I wouldn’t even take my own TIP money unless it was directly handed to me by my boss. And it was never handed to me – from her angle she had important stuff to do – from mine – I felt like that belonged to the independent business I was working for, that I knew was having financial difficulties.)

Why do you think the BEST business people are SPIRITUAL? And have an understanding of SPIRITUAL LAWS? I’ve been using Amazon since 2005. Treat loyal customers better, they know your service better than you do.

Spiritual practice begins with service. Lesson one. You’re welcome.


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“police cuts” my fucking ass

I had a close friend and one of his bestfriends was an undercover policeman. A skinny black boy. They’d get him to wear smelly clothes and walk into clubs pretending to want to score some drugs.

Basically when the three of us went out one time in our teens we came across a guy abusing a drunk woman – they were in a relationship. I walked up to them and stopped it – he was so fucking obnoxiously violent towards her. The guys I was with were pussies and I think to an extent they would never have done what I did because they’d of thought that guy would punch them. I think I suggested he tried to. Men that have had experiences like that are targeted by the police – they look for people who don’t feel like they can do anything and say “but if you join us no one can touch you”


A relative of mine had a black friend whose brother was a (z-list) celebrity and whose half sister is a fucking supermodel. He got beaten up by the police. Like truly beaten the fucking shit out of. Ganged up on (LIKE I WAS – a girl everyone knew of as an Arab – yuck amirite?) and literally not legally allowed to defend himself. That kind of fucking torture makes you scared not to go out without some kind of protection. Police work is a fucking game. Years later by some coincidence – he ended up in Prison as I understand it.

This is the thing about British culture – finding vulnerable people – often kids, honestly – and making them believe they’re empowered by giving them a job that somehow gives them their “self worth” without any kind of real character development. We’ll make you a superhero/we’ll make you a celebrity. You’re scared to stop men abusing women? We’ll make you untouchable. Women don’t fancy you? We’ll make you wealthy. Women still don’t fancy you? We’ll let you rape them and protect you if you get found out.

The moment you work for any kind of “entity” that has you targeting kids that have been labelled as drug dealers – telling you that they’re funding terrorism for example – when actually terrorist groups are more often than not indirectly funded by governments (yes, including “jihadis”) – the moment you become the kind of black kid who has been so lucky as to have food placed on his table every night by a mother who was lucky enough not to have to work a night job and forget that technically you “shouldn’t even fucking be here” you’ll realise that you’re perpetuating some pretty dark shit. Your self esteem issues are not any kind of indication as to your inner purpose or the kind of work you should be doing.

Black people ended up in the UK post WW2 when British people needed their streets cleaned after the bombings. Don’t forget that. EVER.

Sirens are fucking noise pollution. And the worst thing is that the Police use their sirens to get out of traffic. There’s a build up of traffic at certain times of the day, quite near me. My immediate area is roads, a corner shop and a swimming bath. I hear police sirens ALL.THE.TIME. Is someone stealing an ice lolly or a pair of goggles, how are there daily emergencies in my area?

Oh wait – one time a neighbour had someone trying to break into their home. There was a pregnant woman who wasn’t from our area, in the house. The police took half an hour to arrive. Of course they got to run the second they heard the sirens, ha. I know no one wants to hear it – haha – but the Police target people like that. That is what they do.
What kind of retard tries to break into someone’s house knowing that they’re inside? How is it that by coincidence the Police were too busy to help out?

Society is kept stupid. I love Lush for this brave campaign. Thanks.

Also thanks to whoever took the photograph – I’m sorry I don’t know your name. If you ever come across this feel free to ask me to credit you. Or even take the photo down. (:



Yesterday I got really angry with Amazon. Backstory: I bought a shitty mp3 player because I’ve misplaced my phone and I need some source of music to connect to, for my flight to Copenhagen to pick up my PS4.

I had a really tough time trying to dialogue with their zendesk staff and ended up having the kind of conversation that could be pretty fucking ruinous to Amazon – but I love Amazon a lot and I think that in their reading through of the conversation that seeds have been planted that will encourage them to think a little more ethically.

The problem with shops being run by people who are very wealthy is that they kind of shut off the capacity to empathise with people who genuinely actually love their stuff – even if it’s not very expensive or well made or even all that well designed.

I’ve said this to every shop or mall that I’ve had a negative experience with – I am literally your dream consumer. A dialogue with me about my experience with your service is something your company has the potential to grow from.

I am the kind of person who can honestly and proudly say they know they would spend money on something based 100% off well designed packaging. And actually in an age when there is a wealth of knowledge available to people that allows them to make their own stuff – if you aren’t going to up your game don’t even bother selling people stuff.

Consumers like me keep people in business. So treat us well. If you can’t establish trust between your company and a consumer it’s a downwards spiral.

Anyway I kinda redesigned Amazon and my version is better, lets be honest. Now I’ve gotta say – I kind of winged it, it wasn’t sketched out – it didn’t take me long and it’s the kind of thing I imagine a person should spend a long time doing – I used some terrifying legal jargon (did you know “throughout the Universe” was a statement featured in the contract girls featured in Front magazine were asked to sign in exchange for the ownership and reuse of the nude photographs of them being used without their being paid – that magazine I negged a million years ago that went bust?) (their idea of revenge was hilarious – I was mean about girls who get naked for free in exchange for fifteen minutes of fame – I used my ‘free nudity’ to teach people stuff and forever influence society in a way they wouldn’t ever be able to shake off) as a marketing tag line and I think it works for Amazon. I’d like to spend more time on that little label-string but the project kind of bored me and I think I made my point. And if I didn’t I think I shall

I can do what you do – easy – believe me

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So I found some products on Amazon that quite obviously hadn’t been properly moderated – it raised a few issues regarding Amazon’s staff’s concern regarding the health of the kind of women who would buy their cosmetics & hygiene products off that website.

I LOVE Amazon – as a person who is extremely introverted and loves to shop but hates going out, a person who truly enjoys being able to picture a design/material desire in their head and somehow manage to locate something to that very effect on Amazon – a person who would literally spend every last fucking penny in their bank account on Amazon to the point of not having any more cash to spend for the next month.

HOWEVER. I was NOT HAPPY with your customer service and it made your entire company look bad. Like if I sent this chat (which upon first glance is merely a hilarious borderline psychotic read) over to say, Condé Nast, who have influence over not just young people but y’know, serious business women – who publish articles for women in a multitude of mediums… in that chat there is actually a lot of inspiration for some pretty fucking serious stuff that could destroy your company completely. Like overnight zero credibility damage. If you can’t be trusted with selling inexpensive things that function as they’re meant to – you can’t get away with selling luxury items because things work on LEVELS. If I order something cheap and the box it arrives in is fucked up – how on earth would I risk buying something expensive? It’s not me – I can’t afford your expensive stuff – but if I could why the fuck would I buy it from you at this point?

I could send that chat to a LOT of important people – everyone has access to everyone’s email addresses and I don’t think we’re still pretending people don’t know who I am. At the very least my emails are comedy gold and always worth a read. My laptop has been hacked by literally EVERYONE. I could destroy you.
Why don’t I? Because the potential for your service is great. I love Amazon. I think if it were run by the kind of people who actually SHOPPED at Amazon you’d be a forever unrivalled service and the death of consumer culture as we know it. Do you know there are elderly and disabled people who can’t leave their homes – and have the right to a great shopping experience?
If they knew about AND TRUSTED Amazon – which they don’t – you’d be making a lot of people’s lives better. No – stuff can’t make you happy – but it can do a lot of other stuff, like inspire, influence, make an otherwise very tough or lonely life easier.

Rich people should not be making executive decisions about your shop because they do not understand what money is worth. I don’t blame you for not empathising with people who can’t afford to spend thousands on a face peel. But I can blame you for hiring the kind of staff to run a zendesk that would say something like “our products are put under expert surveillance” – and yet not be able to clarify what that even means.

You give a lot of creators the ability to sell their art and you give people like me who love interior design but can’t afford obnoxious retail prices the chance to have a cute house/bedroom too. You sell stuff that other people would struggle to find and that means I can own things that might not be very expensive but that other people don’t own.

Moulin Rouge – the movie – lesson in love (in marketing there’s a term called “love brand” – anything I buy from Amazon is no longer a product being provided by a seller – it’s  “FROM AMAZON” so this means something) WITHOUT TRUST THERE IS NO LOVE.


Also never choose to be the kind of company that would give it’s shares to just anyone. That is irresponsible. I do not want to buy things from an irresponsible company.

And fucking redesign, it’s fucking 2018



There is a tiny snail sitting on my 3DS. I wonder what they get upto when they’re sleeping. So I made a youtube-thumbnail before I started making the video but you get the vibe I’m going for, right? I’m really excited about this one.

Screen Shot 2018-06-01 at 14.37.28.pngThe bee was illustrated by >> curlytail <<
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So I went to this girls school a million years ago (I’ve been to two girls schools) and in both of these schools my first week was quite eventful. In the first one, during a music lesson – picture the new girl in a class full of super bitchy girls – it was a really sunny day and our music teacher had left the door leading to a fire escape to the playground open, to let some air in… a bee flew in and landed on me. I screamed the-scream-of-pure-fear and fell onto the floor and curled up into a ball. Really. That was a fantastic social suicide actually.
In the second school I got drunk on my first week. A girl brought in a flask of some maybe rum? And we drank over our lunch break. I am a lightweight. So I was scribbling in a science class and I glanced at the clock and wrote on this note to myself that it was fifteen minutes til the end of class. I glanced at the clock again and it turns out we were fifteen minutes INTO the class. Either that was some fantastic dyspraxic clock reading or I time travelled. At the time I was certain I had time travelled.
The teacher teaching that class did not appreciate that I wasn’t listening to her and probably knew I was drunk, too.

Anyway I am a time travelling Bee Queen. This Planet needs many, many Bee Queens. Bee Queens keep the Planet beautiful because they make the flowers grow, and that is the mantra of this little video.

Also I edited this sometime later to add that my snail has disappeared. I am a terrible baby-snail sitter. THERE ARE NO ACCIDENTS THO

When I lived in Dubai I used to be obsessed with dinosaurs and collect beetles.

I had a nurses bag that I wandered around with, and put the beetles inside of. One time my older brother, sister and I were in a jeep and I dropped the bag and they all kind of swarmed a bit and it freaked them the fuck out. That’s where I learned to be afraid of insects I think. The way that people treat insects that they’re afraid of can be pretty violent and I think that says a lot about human nature – that we kill what we’re really afraid of.

My brother did a lot of drugs and he’d have hallucinatory freak-outs where he’d see spiders in his bed and thought that I’d put them there.
I did a mini-meditation with a spider and thought a lot about anansi – you know, overcoming tiny fears is an important part of getting through much bigger things.

The last time we hung out we saw a spider and he wasn’t afraid of them anymore either.

Edited 3rd June to add – LOOK WAT I DID DANCEY DANCEY



Let’s play “pretend” okay, this is me “pretending”/describing what you might like to believe are “alteregos” – fragments of myself. Pretending.

Lets call this one Jaeger – a Private Investigator for the Illuminati. Is obsessed with technology and answering questions no one knows the answer to. Is a fantastic psychic (gets it from me). Is the kind of thirty year old who would have millions sitting in a bank account and still choose to live in the basement of the home he grew up in. Has trust issues, as anyone who knows too much would.

At some point in his teens he arranges for his own satellites to be launched into Space.


Lets call this one Blood – she’s got a hidden disability. She’s autistic – but she’s really pretty so people don’t treat her in the same way they might treat a kid with downs. She does not do friends. She could if she wanted to but they wouldn’t ever know anything about her. She hangs out with her brothers and thats about it. She’s got a temper problem and doesn’t experience love the way you think she ought to. She is honest to a terrifying degree and has no guilt function whatsoever. Wants to be a mercenary.


And this is Levi. He’s an artist, has dyslexia, is good at everything, does ballet. Has no idea what he wants to do after military service, because he’s good at everything. Including genetics, time travel and not overdosing – because he really enjoys drugs. He is the best babysitter on the Planet. He takes girls out on phenomenal dates and buys them presents and basically plays “the game” to get girls out of “the game”. If you “play” “the game” well enough – no one will even bother trying to beat you and his sister has a license to kill and has 0 issue with murdering rapists. In the future – non physical rape is considered and judged as rape just as physical rape is considered rape.

He also has a younger sister who is the kind of sex addict that would allow herself to be roofied, so as to catch rapists to have them tried and executed. The future is great.


One day I’ll write about “shape shifting” and why I always look different – and why “models” always look different. It’d probably actually really weird everyone out though and put them off having sex unless they actually wanted to have a baby. Especially with people that do “baby voice”. Brown rings around nipples usually indicate pregnancy and I get them often – they come and go actually. I haven’t had physical sex since 2017. (And that was *very* regrettable. I actually don’t remember it – and I was completely sober. I called the person up because I knew I was pregnant and asked them if they liked the name Levi – I knew it was a boy. I “lost” it. I later found out that hobbitdwarf – someone who this person fancied a lot – had told me often about her fertility problems – was pregnant. Somehow, by some coincidence, she got pregnant at around the same time and by some further coincidence yet, it was a boy.)

My mother managed to have three children although she technically has a “child’s womb”. She was told she’d never have children.

Stealing is bad. *looks at you*
So don’t. If only because in about five years or so – this stuff will be common knowledge. Your kids will know who you stole them from. If you want kids, look after people and create connections with them. Be genuine. Really – be capable of loving people and treating people well, even if you don’t want to have sex with them.
Many of the people who have treated me badly have tried to have kids and not been able to, either because they don’t love themselves, don’t love their partner, or have never treated people well without wanting something in return. Having a pet is a good start to having kids – at the very least it teaches you to put the needs of another being before your own. If you ever hang out with kids, be the person you’d of wanted to meet when you were a kid – don’t put an act on. Be genuine.
A lot of people are reluctant to adopt but this Planet is over populated. There’s nothing wrong with having lots of kids, but if you can’t have kids – adopt before stealing eggs from fertile women. There are many stories about women who struggled to have kids, adopted and were then able to conceive.

There’s a character called “Charlotte” in Sex and the City – all she wants is a husband and a child. Everyone has a dark and a light side. She was obsessed with love but had never been in it. She was deeply caring for her friends but often didn’t value them for who they really were. People confuse “motherliness” for making people feel bad about themselves. Charlotte’s character is deeply judgemental. (I am pretty judgey too Charlotte. DW.)
My personal analysis from a “spiritual” perspective is actually that she had never been in love. She meets the Jewish lawyer (I LOVE bald, jewish men btw, and he is the best guy in the entire show) and she constantly tries to change him (making him wax his back isn’t what I’m referring to – that was legit her doing him a favour, actually that honesty-from-a-place-of-love was probably the first step to her being able to realise love) and I think she actually falls in love with him once they’ve already adopted, which is how she ends up getting pregnant.

Soul fragments do not want to be born to people that have not learned how to be themselves, soul fragments do not want to play family – because familial roles are outdated and don’t serve this Planet at all, and therefore kids do not want to be a replacement for your parents or the brothers and sisters you never had. (Some people want a family because they’ve never had one.)
When you have kids the person that your kids want you to be is the one you are when you’re with your best friends. Don’t be boring, kids don’t want boring parents.

Some people don’t have kids because they’ve been made to feel like they couldn’t do it. I knew a wiccan girl who was in a difficult relationship and she told me she “asked the goddess” to resolve her relationship issues and did a spell for resolution of that. She ended up pregnant, and they broke up. Esther Hicks says that sometimes parents are just a way for souls to “get through”. You might think “getting pregnant” is the easiest thing in the World, it’s actually not. I think you’d offend a lot of women suggesting something like that actually. This girl was the carrier for a disability that affects males – she grew up with a brother who had Muscular Dystrophy and who had exceeded his life expectancy by far, though confined to a wheelchair and resentful of the fact. This girl had watched her mother struggle with her brother and knew she personally couldn’t have had a disabled child. So she waited into the pregnancy to have a VERY invasive test done – and it turned out that the child was female (if the child was a boy they’d of had the disability) and that the child didn’t have the disability. I know nothing about genetics but I know the likelihood and odds of that are fantastically unlikely.
This girl’s brother would never be able to have kids, so her having conceived a child meant he could’ve at least experienced raising a child.
The guy with whom she conceived this baby was terrified of her having it – he was one of those ultra Christians that lived in a commune of Christians, whose parents were prominent in their weird ass church community. He wanted her to get rid of it. So all of their friends ganged up on her and made her think she had to get rid of it. She went to his parents, thinking “Oh, they’re Christians – if anyone is going to be on my side about this it’ll be them” … nope. They stood with their weird son, who shouldn’t of been having sex at all because they weren’t married. Its weird, to me, how people can pretend to practice a religion when it suits them.
She had a fully formed baby aborted and none of the people who forced her to do that ever apologised, and they ostracised her socially too. That is some weird shit, but that’s “people”. Thats what society is like.

When I was younger I used to always say that she would’ve made an amazing parent. An amazing friend – no. But an amazing parent. When I couldn’t tell my mother things, or when I had questions/fears about the female body I’d tell her. Iunno. It’s weird to look back on things. One time when I went crazy I showed her a photograph of herself and said “Thats what your daughter would’ve looked like!”. Someone in Denmark had Rosie… (when I “recovered” I let go of everything I learned during my “awakening”/psychotic breakdown whatever-sits-right-with-you and someone was playing “stork” on my behalf. I accept no responsibility for it.) (I imagine it makes them feel bad for giving me a dirty look, when I had a spoonful of spaggetti from their fridge when I was starving)

People were cruel about Blue Ivy when she was a baby (It’s okay Blue, if you ever read this somehow – I know you’re going to be a laid back super model cum super academic chica with hundreds of casual degrees and stacks upon stacks of books and an epic horse rider. I was a HIDEOUS and SUPER FAT baby and you’re technically one of the youngest supermodels ever, having been in high fashion editorials during the first twelve or so months of your life – and fully grown women were already jealous of you in the first few months of your life)

I’ll tell the universal-you this – you know that Beyonce and Jay-Z were thinking of each other when they were having sex (IT MATTERS).
Also this is super weird – I used to call my ex (the one that cheated on me lots – the one that looked a lot like a male version of me) “BLUE”. We used to mostly communicate using noises (it weirded people out a lot – but actually we always knew what we wanted.)

I lost a baby that I conceived thinking about a mutual friend of ours (I was never in love with that ex), went crazy (my Pleiadian guides removed the foetus from my body – it was important – it was always going to happen. If only to some extent, so that I could be sitting opposite a nurse who could look me in the eye and say “you weren’t pregnant” after closely observing the foetus – with a protruding and absolutely immaculate umbilical chord. The NHS LIE.) and then a fragment of my teacher Lisa (who looks a LOT like Beyonce) came to my home and was really kind to me – when no one had been genuinely kind to me in YEARS.


Super mortifying – I went to an acting class once and I actually did this gesture

Oh I’m gonna drop a bomb on you here – it’s not people with vaginas that “want” babies. It’s people with penises. Think about it… a lot of you think about sex every four seconds – doesn’t it make sense?

This is information you can further understand by studying with The School of Economic Science, who discourage people from either masturbating or having sex, even if you’re married: unless it’s to procreate. That is a little bit extreme to me, I’m quite sex positive if I’m in love with a person – but at least the choice is “informed”. Y’know – it’s important to know the truth about anything.

Onto the reality of abortion – I know Northern Ireland made it legal. I am pro choice because I am against anyone telling women what they can and cannot do with their bodies. But I also know that abortion clinics transfer and sell people’s eggs, use eggs for stem-cell research and even keep them in test tubes – which would be fine if I didn’t know for a fact that embryos are sentient enough to be able to communicate with words.

Abortion clinics are just another way for the Patriarchy to make money off women. But you still deserve full autonomy over your body, so


So I’m multitasking – I’ve done some arty painty stuff for my boutique (scribbles and flicking paint onto paper), I’m editing a little video diary of the last week before I uploaded my kids show, I’m pinteresting for recipe ideas and listening to this song because a lets-bae-er/a gamer totally just channeled Snoop for about thirty seconds.

Memory lane:
One time this girl that went down on my then-boyfriend in my bathroom, in my flat,
was scared to go out because some girls I used to live with were ganging up on her. They had basically destroyed my reputation and social life by going around telling my secrets, telling their own secrets as if they were mine – they never cared to admit that I was the reason that they looked good (if you dress thinking “I want to look better than her” – you’re sharing energy with ‘her’, ‘her’ is dressing you.) (If her is me, her wants you to look good so she doesn’t feel overdressed. Most hers are not like that.)

Those girls were hosting some kind of t-shirt sale at a local “anarchist” run cafe, after one of them saw some tie-dip-dye tops I got given as a gift in Syria by Mango (my “family” sold my grandmother’s house to the shop.)
I jokingly sent the girl they were ganging up on an Eminem/Dre song and said that if anyone gave her shit to ring me up. She didn’t get my sense of humour, english girls are very, very rarely funny. They’re excellent bitches, but seldom funny. Behind every funny British girl there is an Arab girl or a Black girl. In my experience.
Anyway, I got asked not to come to this event because she told everyone what I said. It’s ok, I’d have left after twenty minutes anyway.

Anyway that is basically, to me, the essence of feminism but I’m 100% into *~fraternity. I don’t want female friends my age, I don’t want to hang out with girls ever again unless they are super hot and aren’t the kind of person to waste their thoughts on negging me with observations they don’t have the guts to verbalise. That said, I think it’s important to teach men not to bully women. Every man on this planet has fragments in female bodies. So when you bully a girl, remember that there is some male version of you bullying some female version of you.

Here’s a tip, also – if you THINK someone is cheating on you – THEY ARE CHEATING ON YOU. NOT NECESSARILY PHYSICALLY. Lil Kim would advise you do the same, to minimise the drama. Love the one you’re with, if you really love the one you’re with.

Here is a Lil Kim song – the video is about fragments. Simultaneous lives. Because people keep doing the same thing, living the same story, the Planet has become a factory of twelve souls. The people that know and keep quiet about it accept something they want – fame or money, often. The big mouths that find out and have learned not to want anything are often put in psychiatric wards – energy slavery – or prison. Everyone else is sentenced to wage slavery, and energy slavery.

They tried to do that to me but realised that it’s essentially a terrible, terrible idea. Also that I’m royalty to a good.. terrifying percentage of the Planet. I don’t need subscribers or friends or followers, I leak into your brain when you look into my eyes and thats the human chain and the butterfly effect.

When I was little – REALLY little – I wanted fame for power. I saw a kids film called “ballet shoes” about three sisters who wanted their names in the history books. I once stole fifty quid out of my dad’s pocket because I wanted money so I could buy paint to fix up my mother’s shed cos that’s where me and my fake friends used to play.

If you aren’t me, if you were lucky you probably had a friend or sibling like me – or you were background noise because someone made you think that being boring is how to live your life


7 D

 I asked my guide to help me understand what being seven dimensional meant, and they said that the Mona Lisa was a piece of 7D art, and they said to write some “personal” observations about it. I never did but the suggestion stayed at the back of my mind. The most obvious being the unanimously agreed “wherever you stand in a room, the eyes will be looking at you.”

I’ve never seen the painting in person, but when I think of it the colours brown and green come into my head.

This is one of the pieces I handed over for my final year at University. I didn’t get a mark I personally found acceptable. That’s happened throughout my entire life. At the time I was simply trying to make sense of a lot of very frightening stuff that had happened to me – that many people knew about and had experienced non-physically – leaving their bodies to observe me – and yet still had lied. Probably out of shame.
There is – what you might refer to as a cult – called O.T.O. It’s rooted in I suppose the practice of understanding the ability for all beings to feel love of some kind and the evolution of that – amongst many of the things they teach people is how to leave your body – it’s called sex magic. Some people use heroin to do it. Some people use meditation. Some people sleep. Honest people have since told me, that I can do it – and perhaps I can, but I can’t see. What helps me believe it most was an illustration my brother did of me many years ago – a blue woman – when I was a child.

You don’t have to believe me – actually I’d encourage you to manifest a spiritual journey if you were prepared to do so, that allowed you the ability to come to your own conclusions.

No one had really accepted the possibility of my being a medium at this point in time. It was easier to think I was crazy, easier to think anything but that I could do something that they had perhaps decided that they couldn’t. I’m not special – certainly to anyone but myself – but if I can do stuff like this it’s because I spent a lot of time in a state of what I understood as being alone. And I never knew I was doing it. When I finally accepted it, when I said it outloud – someone asked me if I had read something and I had – twice – and it had impacted my life so profoundly that I got a chill down my spine that I ignored the real significance of until I started listening to Abraham Hicks. I said to that person “I have, but I don’t remember it.” In my life I would sometimes get opportunities and I’d be too tired or perhaps my memory would be too poor to be able to go through with it. I got a role (that I didn’t want, at all) in a school play of Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night (The super boring school favourite got the lead role) and I asked to be excused from the play because I honestly didn’t have the memory for all of my lines. Also I think I was lowkey insulted at the role. I remember being taught that Shakespeare essentially had three ‘token’ female characters, the chaste woman, the slutty woman and what I understood to be a kind way of phrasing ‘the filler’ woman. Y’know, like a maid or something.
I was given a role that sort of combined ‘the slutty woman’ and ‘the filler woman’.
I got the slutty barmaid. Kind of obvious, to me. There were two different casts performing the same play – so everyone got a chance to have a role. Girls schools are so bitchy that everyone decided that there was an “a cast” and a “b cast” and actually that was a pretty interesting means of observing your place in a school that taught Vedic mathematics and sanskrit, taught meditation and yoga, and was built on a system essentially mostly inspired by Eastern Philosophy – which the school also taught. Haha, intelligent people are the worst kind of evil to be honest. Intelligence can sometimes enable people to remove themselves from a self awareness that no matter how much you know, there’s always more. I guess I’m grateful I was always put in the bottom groups for everything. The girls in the “top” groups were hella competitive and I’m … well it’s not that I’m not – but I’m not. At my worst I look at people who I admire for some desired talent and basically use them to gauge my own standard.

I created a series of books accompanied by a little phone video that was curated nicely and projected above ascending stairs with scrunched up photocopies taken from old sketchbooks that I left in the assessment room/a space in the uni that had been converted into a gallery for the end of the year show. The breakdown preceding this piece of work was marked by two – sort of three – very sad deaths. I wanted to call this “By Peaches” who was in my thoughts so often as I tried to recover, mediumship begins with acknowledging people are in your thoughts. Sharing energy.
I think it speaks to a lot more people than the family she left behind so she’d probably prefer that I didn’t.

The photographs – I had taken in the first year of University. I was so fucking terrified of ever sharing my work with people that no one in my class got to see the collection of photographs. I don’t like performing for people or speaking publicly. I have never been the kind of person to show my artwork and not feel tremendous anxiety to quickly hide it.

So these are the projections I had above my staircase with crumpled up photocopies of sketches from studying Fashion – an idea offered by a professor at the Uni who was actually a hacker, doing his PhD.

I called this one “Leatherbook”.

This one was called “Paperbook”.

I made the videos because I supposed it’s a bit stupid to do a film degree and make books – the books were all I could handle making because the medication I was on killed my creativity and my experiences had killed my self esteem.

I told that teacher that he could keep all of my work and he said maybe the Uni might like to. That was the last time we ever communicated. Rude, right?

Initially I had wanted to do an animation about a ‘pantheist cat’ – a three headed cat with the names “Pathos, Bathos and Logos” who hung out with an infinite-intelligence time travelling computer called “Big Sister” – a kind of homage to “Big Brother. I wrote a script that has since disappeared, kind of an attempt at writing comedy – but I wanted to use it as a chance to discuss Pantheism, the interconnectedness of individuals who repeat history and some how offer some resolve that children could comprehend regarding my opinions of Israel, something I feel a really strong sense of personal responsibility for. As I typed that my “father” (ugh that word) accidentally coughed (in a film that’d be some kind of pathetic fallacy) and he’s one of those really clever people that watch the news and believe everything (Like when I jokingly told him about a documentary being narrated by a female “ex journalist” and that apparently there were MASSES of women who claimed to be kidnapped by Isis who kept in touch with her using their iPhones. I was completely amused at the thought of there being some kind of rota for these women to charge their phones, a kind of parallel to the queues of people in the psychiatric ward waiting to offer their phone to a nurse to charge it for them in the staff room – also I wondered who was paying for Isis’ electricity bills.)  because y’know, people think that if you have enough sense to identify that certain news channels on TV are reporting lies then you’ll have enough sense to be able to determine which ones are telling the truth. When of course… if any news reaches you, it is ultimately still by some “entity” that is trying to control you. We are drawn to and attract the kind of information that we WANT to hear, for whatever reason.

Spiritual people that hate Israel and Jews are the fucking weirdest bunch ever – I’ve never been able to make friends with them, bar my teachers. If you take a closer look at the stock room quality art you (the universal you but I did have a picture of someone I dislike in my head – who once posted something about how her brother joked that she had never been punched as a child and I think I’ve done that to her nonphysically a few times) surround yourself with, it’s rooted in Hinduism and Judaism. WHICH ARE ACTUALLY BOTH PRETTY FUCKING GRUESOME RELIGIONS ACTUALLY. But they both also have elements of truth, particularly in their use of art, including the character art of their languages – I know nothing about aramaic but I do know that it’s older than sanskrit – and also more importantly, discuss the quality that is “wisdom” – y’know, the kind of intelligence you associate with a nice old woman that has some kind of cute saying for every experience.

In Panstheist cat there was some kind of joke, where the cats watch a Hitler speech, and it isn’t translated. In my head I visualised the iconic image of Hitler speaking German quite aggressively, something that I have since learned was already somewhat a meme.

^ my favourite

Ok wait so – SEGUEWAY 3 – for those interested in the future. I made my brother a meditative ipod with energy uplifting songs to help him heal. I put in this clip of one of the very few white characters that have ever existed, who were allowed to have dreadlocks. You have to play it and then play the next song immediately after – like it is on his iPod

Here is yer favourite AK in an ‘L’ hat, catching Pokémon. I sent this song to my brother.

Here is an old picture of me that I purikura’d. (This is funny to me especially because I dreamed I had a vision that my kids genetically modified animals – they needed a serious incentive to go to school because they already have spirit guides like Abraham Hicks, with access to infinite knowledge.. I told my brother about the “pokémon” and he said “you’ll run into some ethical issues there” – and I thought he was going to go boring but he said “copying designs”.

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So – in Pantheist cat – “big sister”, the computer, airs a speech of Hitler’s while the cats try to solve a mystery. They solve mysteries because of their boredom, and their responses filter according to their personalities. I remember having fun writing their responses in keeping with their personalities. The cats just watch him speaking but they don’t know what he’s saying and Big Sister chooses not to translate …

Initially I found it quite funny and I think I wanted to poke some fun at Hitler.. But there was a much deeper reason and I suppose I know why now. I didn’t then. Let me explain.

Today I watched a speech of Hitlers that had been translated and remembered when I had my “awakening” (mental breakdown if that sits easier with you, and at this point in time it probably does)  that I had very publicly admitted that I was Hitler. It was nice to have an explanation for why my life had been more rubbish at points than it had been good, and also an explanation for how I ended up being born to a mother that had no idea she was royalty to the most hated country in the World.

Two observations that I imagine Big Sister would’ve made – because I made them – the first, Hitler was actually an excellent speaker. In a Panstheist sense he was speaking for people who had been mistreated.

Hitler was seeking revenge for what had been done to him – being rejected as an artist by his own people (he was a Jew) and projecting that energy to Germany’s revenge for the fucking terrifying reparation sanctions imposed after WW1.

The second observation was that If you were to remove certain words – for example if you were to replace “Germany” with “Israel” – if you were to replace “Marxist” with “Military” and “Socialist” with “Monarchist” – this speech describes very well a country that has had to become tough as fuck to survive

Also I’m sure Big Sister would’ve been able to show to the Panstheist Cat that actually Hitler was a Free Mason, which meant he was attached to a hierarchy of Power that was mostly occupied by Jews. Israel was paid for with Jewish blood and a World that… for the most part allowed them to die. Hitler was doing a much greater work than he could’ve possibly imagined. And also – for you to think for one moment that Hitler didn’t know what Schindler was doing would be complete stupidity.

This song had something to do with a song my old-old friend group used to listen to, about TwinFlames.
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This is the song we all used to like. I’m talking.. when we were like thirteen. “Clouds” ha. FF7 in-joke. Aeris looks at Cloud and sees Zack. Zack dies and reincarnates into Cloud’s body to continue his work.


(Aeris’ twinflame is, of course, Sephiroth – of whom Zack and Cloud were fragments – who is a female version of her pursuing the same goal …pretty violently…)

The thing about stories like FF7, Twilight etc – is that they are about the soulmate and Twinflame dynamic. Your Twinflame is your most elevated point of personal growth, not necessarily a love dynamic.

I only ever really felt this song applied to one person in Uganda (Congo) and we’ve actually never ever had a conversation but we have had the sex, but I was on a lot of valium and it was a big, big mess. It’s fine @baes – he’s bi and so are you

{Someone I knew as Anachron, a musician and producer on GodsGirls who was kinda into Rap when I knew him online – he used to call me “Mags” and joked that I was ghetto once, when I said I wanted to start bringing my own lemon out with me to restaurants. YOU CAN SPIKE LEMONS WITHOUT DIFFICULTY – WAS THAT SO STUPID OF PAST-ME?!!? He was one of the few people that stuck up for me when that website of girls ganged up on me for falsifying my ID… as if none of them had ever gotten into nightclubs underage and made out with adult men) (girls will find any excuse to hate someone they’re jelly of)
(i’m not generally that way inclined because I fancy girls. sometimes. rarely. I look because they’re cute, I fancy because I like their personalities. hence the rarity of the fact.)

So for many many many many lives, that PREDATE EARTH – I have been directly given a purpose. Have you heard of the Lyrans? >> The Cat people? <<
They’re actually called “Lyres”. That sort of very loosely explains my use of “Cetra” (a word I came across through Final Fantasy VII, also – Cleopatra VII. Haha.)
Hitler had orchestrated for terrible medical experiments … including human to cat hybrids. Trying to create bodies… You think he didn’t believe in extraterrestrials?

Funny further – Jews have been described as “Gods” chosen people – well actually the Jewish God is Lucifer, “Lord of Lies”. The star of David, an upwards triangle – represents male energy and that was written about in Da Vinci code as representing “knowledge”. The downwards triangle represents female energy – which represents “wisdom”. Truth is the six sided shape/hexagon in the middle.

THIS IS PANSTHEISM. It’s for hyperactive thinkers like Big Sister, and I guess this is why she wouldn’t of wanted the Panstheist cat to translate what Hitler was saying.

WHICH BRINGS ME TO THE PYRAMIDS – that it’s been joked about – were built by Jews that had been made slaves of. Actually an Egyptian ex of mine made a joke about it.

Intelligent people, haha. You’ve fucked this Planet up!

This is one of the most important bits of this blog so I’ll make it very big. One sec.

Observe, beneath the table – how everyone is sitting. How you position your feet helps you direct the energy you often feel – a pain in your rectum that you’ve been taught is your need to pass wind (fart, whatever). I get that pain – you get that pain. You might think you need to take a shit, well, it has NOTHING to do with that very natural need for people who eat matter. You’ll see it in many interviews – Sasha Baron Cohen has to sit in ‘socially unacceptable’ ways that you think is him trying to convey a character’s personality. Actually he’s trying to redirect and control the pain.

I got mad at a girl once because she said Hitler had the right idea – but actually she was very racist. That is as bad as getting a swastika tattooed on you, without being a part of the culture in any way – or practicing the faith the symbol it’s actually associated with, without ever really studying it – (my idea of studying is either through meditations over many years or under a spiritual teacher).

But Panstheist cat would (maybe Logos) would say “well, maybe he did have the right idea – humans are so oblivious to their true purposes” – and Bathos would ask “who is worse? Him, or the people who watched him do it and did nothing about it?”
Actually in my opinion, anyone who didn’t die in a concentration camp is as guilty as Hitler.

Bathos would continue “And as far as results go – it seems like he did them a favour”. And then Pathos would ask to be fed frankfurters coated in cheese, while they fell into a food coma and napped, and left their body for further investigations.

Panstheist cat’s twinflame is Cerberus. Or is that too obvious? Why not big sister?
[she ponders as she stares lovingly at her laptop]

Eve that two-faced cheating bitch responsible for the internet – Lilith, that bitch responsible for spirituality – also, Eva Braun, Hitler’s wife.

Here’s a video of a re-enactment of me in a past life marrying Eva Braun – Russell brand. An Ashkenazi Jew that chose “fame” and sort of (can’t prove it, not a big deal) actually had me tortured – before realising I was his people’s royalty. And that when he met me he actually should’ve bowed. He has no manners though.

Hitler actually did not take his own life – his last memory that I’ve had access to – was being in a metal chamber screaming that he’d be shot dead, “like his dog”

And in a past life, Hitler was the Prophet Mohammed – who was also rejected by his people. He uh, wanted to make some reforms to Judaism after some chats with Gabriel who is by far the worst angel to spend time talking to, ever. Sorry, catty business from way back when.

When I was in Uganda I was given a CD that had the words “African Queen” written on them (also I was given a tribe.) Africans are Jews. All those cultures that originate in Africa? JEWS.

1 continent down, a few continents to go and then before you know it the Planet will acknowledge the truth and that will be when my family will begin the process of realising Einsteins belief that the only logical means of governing a Planet… is actually a One World Order.

Wait wait I’m not done!

This is Levi. It’s a cartoon character of ME as a BOY. Also my future son. Everyone’s favourite cartoon character since Goku etc. Check out his Hitler do. Also Attack on Titan is about … “Titans”. “Titans” is another word for “Giants” – the bible calls them Nephilim. My surname is a poorly spelt variation of “Jared”, also a character referenced in the bible, Torah and Koran.

Also some people know of the Nephilim as “ANUNAKI”.

Basically … there’s this bit in the bible about Lucifer ruling the Planet, God’s ordinance.


Obviously I need a law degree and to become a Judge, after I do military service of some kind. Probably some kind of diplomatic AID work in countries of Jewish origin.

Here’s some stuff I put together, at a point where I had the worst depression because no matter what I did it felt as though nothing I wanted mattered. I woke up from a dream where I was told to “sacrifice” myself to a secret society (“Be Bathsheba”) – a secret society who can leave their bodies, ’til I met the head of that secret society.

Basically watching me shower, listening to me thinking in the shower, is the least sexy experience ever and was… perhaps important for these individuals to learn not to sexualise the female body, to learn empathy, to learn that “gender” is an energy form – not a physical one.

Also I can do some really fucking weird stuff in my sleep and that is a conversation for a much more honest time when people acknowledge this…

the man attired as a stringed instrument – a lyre – who lisps “I only speak the truth” – also played Tybalt, Prince of Cats, in Romeo and Juliet… I have always identified as two Shakespearian characters – Puck and Tybalt.
Puck because I make chaos in order to bring about order and I am a bit of a trickster and also Tybalt because I am the only person I know who is antisocial enough and would be enraged enough by the mere presence of people I despise to say something as obnoxious as “PEACE? I HATE THE WORD”. Also he’s a sssuuuuper gay man and I am a ssssuuuuper gay man in a woman’s body. If the voice you use to read the stuff I write was a mega camp gay man’s I’d probably be a bit less annoying and more fabulous.

Well.. Harmony is a better word and if you’re into music as I am – as Romeo deffo was – peace actually kind of indicates some kind of stagnating silence that is maybe interesting for a few minutes, where harmony requires a lot of work but is much more beautiful

And also faux-hippies that make peace signs actually offend me

Whenever I watch Moulin Rouge – one of my favourite films of all time – I remember when I was at an ex’s in Kent. His parents were fostering three little girls. The oldest was a tomboy called Roxanne, she had two younger sisters – a toddler that loved dresses and a 1 year old baby.

That was the first baby I had held in a long time. I remember she was passed over to me and I was weirded out holding another human. I placed her on the carpet beside me and  she played a song with by slamming her hand on a toy and… being terrible at talking to infants I asked “IS THIS YOUR JAM!!?!?!?!?!”
Then her older sister Roxanne – came and sat near us – unusual, because she was withdrawn and the kind of little girl who stuck to herself. (I offered her a sparkly bracelet from my wrist once and she said “No thankyou”.)
There were toys scattered on the floor and I said to her “which is your favourite?”

She picked up a toy of a white woman donning a black wig, dressed in ancient Egyptian attire and said “Cleopatra.” I raised an eyebrow and smiled, fully impressed that she knew who Cleopatra was.

Later I picked the baby up again and took her out in the sun. I sat her on the grass. I picked a daisy and handed it to her. I held her ribs and made her try and stand up on her own. “Roxie Cleopatra” I thought recently, a fragment of me! (Have you heard about the nonsense with Foxie Cleopatra, Lil Kim and Nicki Minaj? Fragments of the same person… Leave a void and only you can fill it, this body or the next.)

Then I heard some time later that she had already started standing and walking a little. A ONE YEAR OLD!

I used to go on walks for hours, listening to music and meditating. I would see myself as a very very plump cat in a dress coat and boots and we’d all just run on this strange landscape in… basically circles… because I have no sense of direction.