GOLD / AU / ATOMIC NUMBER 79 / (7+9=16) & 1+6=7

What is a God?

A source of energy. A “self sufficient eco-system”, a teacher told me once. I think, also, a being who has transcended their lights/shadows through integrating them. A being whose existence signifies immortality.


If you were wondering what Gods eat… A box of chocolates might do. I read somewhere that desserts were a luxury because they’re the only food type you eat purely for pleasures sake.


“The Maison Charbonnel is one of the oldest ministrants to the taste for sweets, and upon their counters will be found the latest dainties from Paris…” – O. Wilde


A prevailing theme in literature is that most Gods have many, many names – to suit different aspects of their nature & the various forms they take. It doesn’t matter which name you use and whether they occupy a body that can be perceived by the five senses or not. The energy is the same. Energy is constantly transferring forms.


Not even atheists can refute energy: or archetypes.


Edited 22 November: While smoking a cigarette in my mother’s kitchen I thought: one exists either in the Matrix or the Vortex. (A word I learned from Abraham Hicks)

A moment to reference the Matrix film: No one can tell you if you’re a God or not, you just know it. >> WATCH THIS INTERVIEW WITH KANYE WEST <<
Truth spoken on many, many, many levels

Our next instalment: What is an angel?



Rainbow, rainbow. Inspiration? Co-creation?

Afew weeks ago I wrote about a job application I really exhausted myself putting together, by tailoring a twenty one page book of art concepts and illustrations. Inspired by their brand ambition to empower women, I felt excited at the prospect of working for a company that shared my personal values.

I was not right for the position, a decision I accepted. However, upon perusing their editorials a month later, I came across something that didn’t sit right with me. This is what I saw – beautiful work unlike anything else in their editorial gallery. I’d love to credit the team that put this image together but that’s not possible, and I’ll get to that in a sec.
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Here’s a close-up.
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Here’s a section of a page I included in the book. I thought it was kinda cute.

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This is the final page.


As a detail oriented person.. I’m not convinced that my work didn’t have a part in influencing the editorial.

Of course I could be mistaken: that is to say: after a period of anger, I’ve accepted the potential for the similarities to be pure coincidence. There is nothing like that editorial anywhere else on their site.

I’d like to discuss some of the personal symbolism that featured in my own work.

Colours inspire feelings in me, light affects my mood, profoundly. It’s a purely subjective experience I discussed with a GP years ago – who told me I have synesthesia. Years before that conversation I had a sort-of-colour-blind friend who saw letters and numbers in all sorts of strange colours – and thats what I thought synesthesia was. Well, last year I learned that it actually takes many forms.
On my second day in Denmark, when I was staying as a guest in a mansion occupied by a fantastic collective, with whom a friend was staying – I met someone who told me that everyone has a form of synesthesia. Then we went outside and saw a huge rainbow. That little synchronistic moment was a huge source of inspiration for me – I had been feeling that life had lost it’s colour. I used to want nothing more than to be a creator.

Last year I began an MA degree, to try and explore creating packaging, something I’ve been interested in a long time. (I’m a visual person – I take packaging really seriously. Right down to barcode placement.) That decision didn’t go well for me – because I find working in a team challenging. I didn’t like people taking ownership of concepts I believed to be my own. But I reached a breakthrough that I’ll discuss in a moment. Basically, a negative experience with my MA made me give up.

>> Then at a Halloween party I was introduced to a woman who exuded magic and creativity. She let me glimpse her personal world through beautiful, unrivalled illustrations. <<
She made me excited about art again. In every sense. I told her I think she’s an angel. I once had a necklace made for someone who has a similar energy to her, and it had “angel mother” engraved on it. ❤ I just found out they share a middle name, too.

Here was my personal breakthrough. I often speak about Abraham Hicks online, who I consider to be a teacher of mine – though we’ve never met.
Today when I woke up I put one of her videos on YouTube. She says that ultimately ‘ideas’ aren’t yours – they belong to source. I think if I want to develop as an artist it’s important to credit my sources of inspiration.

So I will accept the entire thing as a wonderful mass-co-creation, from my end, certainly, involving people that probably don’t even know I exist. I might’ve deserved some credit for contributing to that editorial – but then I realised that this company doesn’t even appear to credit their own, fantastic resident artists… Not really a company I want to work for I guess. I’m glad I didn’t get that job because if I had worked on a piece of art for a company that didn’t even put my name to it, I’d be really upset.

Dear NakedCPH, in the event that you read this: my advice, coming from a place of love, is that in business… empowerment begins with the people that work for you.

Basically, there’s this clip I shared on FaceBook advertising a film making course, where Werner Herzog talks about film makers, but I think perhaps he’s talking about all creators really – he says “we are thieves”. Here’s the first breakthrough: I agree.

Here’s the second. One time a spiritual teacher was trying to teach me about “soul fragments” – she didn’t use those words, and she was very ambiguous in her explanation. But now I understand: she showed me a piece of art and said “I made that.” But.. I knew she didn’t physically create it. I just realised now: her soul/archetypal energy made it.

Here’s the third breakthrough: amongst the saddest stories throughout history are those belonging to teachers and muses of artist thieves.

Edited on 20 November to add this – the image was taken from Chris Riddel’s twitter



O C T O B E R F A V O U R I T E S & A R T I N M I N U T I A E // I D U B B B Z R E D

Preface: I know I said I’d learn the names of all the colours, but fuck that, I’ll like, name them myself. ~~~

Thursday 3rd November

Today, when I woke up I found an invitation on the >> House of Hackney << Instagram asking people to attend a spiritually motivated talk on The Alchemy of Space. I’m quite interested to attend “Alchemical Snake Charming” on 16th November. If you are genuinely interested in interior design, alchemy or charming snakes.. you should come along!

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The background of this invitation is from their new Serpentis line, which I think I shall be using to line the inside of my open wardrobe with. Some fantastic, figurative Ragnar-Lothbroke-esque pit of snakes to guard my garments and shoes.

We’re having work done to the house… Teenage me is delighted to know that she’s finally getting her dream bedroom. If you’re curious as to the vibe I’m looking to manifest for mine and my little dog friend’s bedroom, it’s on Pinterest.

(Here’s an anecdote I find amusing: When I was a lot younger and I had my first chance to decorate a bedroom, I went with my mother and sister to purchase wallpaper. I wanted a navy blue damask. I was ten? And um. My sister and my mother didn’t like my choice, so they picked a blue snakeprint wallpaper with a border of pink rabbits. Then my mother got me dinosaur doorknobs for my wardrobe. And blue and white plaid lampshades. Like, I felt really petty recently and brought this up to both of them. hahahas,dfdfg. They both insist kids are supposed to have kid-bedrooms but what if your kid is a really, really, really old soul that takes themselves extremely seriously!?!!?!!)

Friday 3rd November

There’s also an event about the Art of Manifesting using symbolic objects – that sounds fun! Right up my street. I learned a few years ago to recognise the energies in my life by noticing the recurring symbols and colours that people I meet adopt. I mean.. When you experience enough life, you stop engaging with people as individuals and instead realise the energy they are.. but you need physical information in order to do that. The sound of the vibration in a syllable or two of their name, a colour combination, some detail in their clothing… whatever minutiae speaks to you.

>>Here’s a song.<< Maybe it’ll speak to someone that understands what I’m saying. Maybe not. I am Mclovin’.

I find that with most exercises in creating, you have to gather the basic data/tools and exist intimately with them – not necessarily engage – but keep them around. Kind of like an artist that scatters pieces of inspiration about their studio. For example… have you ever bought a book that you intended to read, and eventually you created an entire pile of unread-but-loved-all-the-same books that created a narrative of their own simply by sitting atop one another?

Once I sat with a girl, a glass blower… who moved into a flat I rented with a boyfriend in Surrey… I later realised her to be a manifestation of some younger energy of my own mother – a woman who adores glass (a form of sand, which I spent six years of my life surrounded by when I lived in Dubai – I’m from the desert, baby!) … who lost her greatest love, a little dog called Jojo when we left Dubai to move to London.
With that housemate’s permission, I looked through old, kinda boring drawings in one of her work sketchbooks. Drawings that might not have seemed to carry any kind of deeper meaning. She had, I think, drawn some orange coral? possibly I’m mistaken, and the steeple of the beautifully structured local church. I pointed out to her that if she were to look outside her bedroom window, the church was right there in the angle she had sketched it from. And then I pointed out that her orange drawing was exactly like her little keyring. I don’t speak much, I mostly avoid it, but I observe everything. Even if I pretend not to.

When you study film you learn that there is no such thing as an insignificant detail: everything captured in the frame carries significance. I only really ever cared about the meanings of colours, and of the few lectures I attended in the years I spent at uni, my most memorable was one in which a lecturer I regarded as a surrogate parent (An admission I made to him, that was wildly taken out of context at the time… to people who sadly live such a base existence that they associate and demean such relationships by associating them with sex. I am personally repulsed by girls calling men/boys they’re sexually attracted to “Daddy” – but thats not related.) – one time he showed us a cowboy film, and he compared each shot to a Renaissance painting. I got to ask “What is the significance of red and blue?” I think he told me that those were very valuable colours used in paintings (religious iconography I think?) in the past, that were funded by the church. I considered him a spiritual teacher more than anything and I never had the chance to communicate that to him. I’m sure he worked it out. I still remember him asking me if I had ever heard of the Queen of Heaven, which I associate now with divine feminine energy. He was a total angry-feminist and he often encouraged me to live my dream of shooting feminist-erotica. I don’t think he realised how long it took for people to actually understand the things he was trying to say. One time I sat with him and he was completely exasperated, because he couldn’t understand what teaching methods to adopt for my generation. I pointed out to him that the people he had accepted onto his course were all really damaged in some way or another and that it was possible he was teaching them something more than the Art of Film. I had a soulmate in my class, one of the hardest working students on the course, and whenever he presented work our lecturers gave him the harshest critique – I told him I suspected it was because when you identify potential in somebody, you feel a strange liberty/are compelled to put more pressure on them to create something better. That said – I don’t think people realise that kids at University are actually still kids. I think adulthood starts at 35, for healthy people. Later, for fuck ups.

Another significant lecture I recall, that also carries relevance: is that on one occasion we had a class on creating/writing characters. This was with another lecturer.

Oh wow, my memory is fuzzy.

Give me a moment to recollect. OK – basically our lecturer brought up the film Taxi Driver – and as coincidence would have it I had watched it pretty recently with my then ex-boyfriend… who might’ve projected himself onto Travis. Probably because he was the male protagonist of the story, and men in my life have a habit of thinking they’re some kind of universal epicentre. I know, because I have the same habit. It’s a healthy habit. It may well be his only healthy habit… Also I think at the time I was amused because although he didn’t have any resemblance to Travis characteristically or otherwise… He had a gorgeous friend who did.
Anyway. So. This day, I had the flu – but I still went to class. Pretty unusual. I’ve never been the sort to need much of a reason not to go to school. But this day I went in.

Our lecturer asked us – Why did Betsy lose interest in Travis? And… I raise my hand with utmost confidence. He invites me to answer. I say “Because she was just like everyone else” – those were Travis’ words. The lecturer says “No. Because he took her to an adult movie on their first date.”

Dude, we were both right. But I looked pretty stupid that day to a bunch of people – lecturer included. That probably made me not want to go to class anymore for awhile. But what is interesting upon reflection of that experience was the differences in the details we were inclined to notice. My lecturer argued Travis did something wrong by inviting her to an adult movie. Would it not have been disingenuous for him to have done anything else?
I don’t think you can do anything wrong by being yourself. You need to live your truth to grow.

I’d love to watch an adult film at a cinema on a first date.


In the small details of the things you accumulate: books, decorative objects, clothing, technology etc, you will find that you are manifesting a much deeper narrative that presents itself in your life. The tiny, seemingly insignificant details; such as the characteristics you observe – and when you observe something, you anthropomorphise it – in inanimate objects: have the potential to present themselves in your personal narrative. Your subconscious pays attention to everything. I actually kind of wince thinking about how many telephones I’ve had stolen. Telephones, friends, lovers, etc. This month I’ve been carrying out an exercise in fresh manifestation. New objects of significance. Nabakov articulated it much better than I ever could. Here is a page from >>a journal<< I’m pretty proud of, that I made for a presentation module I did during my degree.


Segue of sorts: I had such bad period cramps on the day I presented this project, that I was lying on the floor in agony clutching my belly – a rumour circulated that I had come into class fucked on ketamine. I’d love to read a book the people I went to University had written about me, about all their assumptions, all the lies they heard from jealous girls etc… In fact, low and behold I manifested an opportunity to act out a bunch of rumours about me.

This is a face I make when I am slightly irritated and/or, mostly: flirting.


I used to get upset about this photo >>>>
But here are the facts: it was taken inside of the ensuite bathroom in a hotel room belonging to a gorgeous Al Saud princess/The hottest woman I’ve ever seen (She was also a psychology masters student/fashion designer… I used to have her on Instagram before I deleted it. I think she remains my biggest account-deleting-regret) … I was in love with her! Like, actually in love. I am super straight but she was sexuality-questioning-magnetism. That is her Chanel lipstick. That powder on her countertop was crushed from her paracetamol.

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I think people confuse classiness for wealth. (I’m being ironic but also not. Could you pull this stupidity off? If so – write me – lets be friends) (Ps I credit Rowan Atkinson circa the Elizabethan episodes of Blackadder, for teaching me this smile. Fuck you! Love you.)
I think people also think that having good taste means you’re rich. Well I definitely have good taste. Kanye West says the greatest luxury is time. I have plenty of that – so I guess I’m rich AF. I only got over how bad that photo is pretty recently. I rang up the Vice Headquarters and asked them to take it down once. They offered to reshoot the photos. Why bother. Why not just write another epic article that discreetly makes light of the war on drugs? Some part of me wonders how many people developed addictions after seeing this ridiculous photograph.


Anyway. Onto the Art of Manifestation. I spent my monthly income on objects intended to attract experiences in my life. I can’t wait to see what comes out of it all! (Psst.. if all you’re seeing is an ordinary object, you’re not seeing right)

(There are more! but I was in a rush to get this blog posted… And I wanted to make pretty animations of everything… so you’ll have to keep refreshing to see the rest of last months haul, I’m afraid)

Lucite heels so cheap and so0o0o astonishingly poorly crafted that I’ve got to paint them to justify the whole.. funding slave labour.. thing. I’ve made a habit of seeing beauty in imperfection… and anyway, perfection triggers my OCD. Don’t need that.

The significance in this little pin featuring a glass of wine, is that, well. Recently I had a chat with a witch/Goddess in an OTO meet up. We had in common a strange childhood experience. I told her that after this experience, I remembered ascending a staircase in my family home, onto a roof top – in Dubai – where a family of cats (that we later brought in) were hiding from the sun in the shadow of a vent or something. But the first thing I noticed was a dead kitten lying in the sun, the blood from it’s nose congealing. I was fascinated by this kitten. I crouched and stared at it. Then I remember seeing myself staring at the kitten from a third person perspective. I jokingly suggested that some part of me thinks I traded spirits with the kitten. We finished our cigarettes and ascended a staircase together and she said “come on, Dead girl, come back upstairs!” That made me think of one of my favourite >> Lil Kim songs <<. I don’t much care for wine, but she poured me two glasses.. and I found it quite symbolic.

Death chic is my aesthetic. This Idubbbz-red-faux-fur compliments that vibe imo. I also bought this fucking adorable succulent. Back when I was living with aforementioned ex I had this glorious indoor-garden that I was deeply, deeply emotionally attached to. I got hospitalised for a period and came back and all my plants were dead. I cried more about the loss of my plants than I did about my break up. Actually, I did not cry about my break up. But amongst the many laws of manifestation is this: the things you lose come back to you or get replaced with something better suited to you.

Years ago I bought a hoodie that read ‘Deus Ex Machina’ & at the time I thought it the best manifest-tool I’d ever purchased. It’s been upgraded by a SHEEP hoodie designed by some epic-asshole-idiot-YouTuber called IDubbbz, who recently proved himself to be an accidental??? women’s rights champion by mansplaining Rape Culture to a dude whose dad clearly couldn’t be bothered to.

This is a 100% real photo of me painted by Botticelli, wearing a hoodie designed by >> Idubbbz <<, inspired by >> Dita <<, >> Lil Kim’s entrance in Christina Aguilera’s Can’t Hold us Down video << (the bit where she throws her cape off fyi, SO INSPIRING + I LOVE David Lachapelle), tentacle hentai (because I also love tentacle hentai) & real life


Design clothes >> @IDubbbz << cos you’re really talented.



M U S T A R D, I V O R Y, S K Y B L U E, R E D & B L A C K

Today I’m really feeling Michael Vollbracht and Gustav Klimt. Two contrasting interpretations of the female form. The Klimt is titled “Allegory of Sculpture”


Then I started looking around me for inspiration and the colours of the day seem to be blue and white.

Starting with the walls of the box room my parents are turning into an office for me (currently though, my “bedroom”) and this strange little mirror my sister picked up from a charity shoppe a few years ago. Then, my work uniform. (I stole a shirt from my dad’s wardrobe, because most of my clothes are still sitting in suitcases in my mother’s entrance. Terrible, I know.)


Then I went out to run some errands (sat in the car daydreaming while my dad ran some errands) and saw this…


While my mother was looking through my Fashion Illustration coffee table book she observed one piece featuring a woman holding an apple – she said “This is Eve holding an apple, and of course the apple is fashion” Loved it.


I *love* overlapping tracing paper with scribbles on to find new shapes…


I asked my sister what her dream dress was, and she said “A-line babydoll” – “WITH RUFFLES!” Thanks sis! Abraham Hicks says that in order to create, you have to start with things that don’t matter. It’s been a long time since I studied how to draw fabric, so I watched this video on how to draw ruffles.

The pose is Klimt. The mood is Vollbracht.


Even if you have the skills to draw like a master you will never be one. But no one can replicate a scribble.


“It took me four years to paint like Raphael, but a lifetime to paint like a child.”
Pablo Picasso – a scorpio, duh.

So begins part II of this entry. And what scribble journey begins without Picasso energy? I did this thinking of Picasso, with a Klimt coffee table in front of me, hence the gold I guess. I think it is really important to feel comfortable making mistakes – in college I got told off because I would throw my work away when it didn’t look the way I wanted it to. I threw piles of sheets/entire sketchbooks in the bin. Learn to find something that you like in everything you do – in this, I liked the textures. Playing with the vibe I got from overlapped tracing paper I kinda messed around with it on Photoshop. Fun.

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Today I was feeling Rodarte and Yoshitaka Amano. I need to work on style. I love how Rodarte draws legs, I love the atmosphere of and movement in Amano’s lines.


This was my first attempt. I love the skyblue/black combination.


My favourite scribbles though – and I actually advise this – occurred when I was listening to music in the car. I’ve never scribbled in a moving car before because I’m usually off in dreamland but tonight some distant thought urged me to bring my sketchbook along for the ride.

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B L A C K & G O L D


Today I met up with Linda & we had a little wander around Covent Gardens. She’s a wonderful photographer from Denmark and she’s moving to Berlin on Wednesday, so I wanted to say goodbye before she leaves. The positive to this is that I’ll have an excuse to make some trips to Berlin?!

I’ve noticed that all the creatives seem to be gravitating towards Brighton and Berlin…

We visited Jamie Oliver’s restaurant and sat outside in the sun. I found it quite charming and understated, not remotely pretentious. Quite like him, I suppose? The staff were good fun. At one point a bee landed on my finger, I instinctively screamed and a handsome waiter appeared as if out of nowhere to delicately shoo it away.


Linda ordered a red wine. I stole the first sip and I thought it subtly-sweet.


She also ordered garlic bread. I stole a piece.


For her mains she had the super food salad.


I ordered a mojito.


And carbs, in the form of ravioli in lemon butter.


Check out the cutest puffy stickers we found in Art Box! Our inner fourteen year olds swapped phones and we decorated them for one another.


I think, though, that – perhaps – this little note was the most delightful moment of my day/week/month/year and it’s in a notebook she bought for me that will be sitting in my bag until it’s quite full






Waiting for paint to dry. August has been a really special month for me.

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Mercury in retrograde. Grumble grumble. Finally hit me. Grumble grumble. Tremendously grumpy. Grumble grumble. Save yourself from the side eye. Grumble grumble. Making scribbles with shedding paintbrushes. Grumble grumble. In my woman cave. Grumble grumble. Emerging only for food. Grumble grumble. Could print a mini-zine I started making last night. Grumble grumble. Going to nap instead. Grumble grumble.




It’s been a long time since I felt like documenting things.

Years ago, before Instagram and even before I started using Facebook – I used to carry a camera around with me wherever I went. I loved to create memories and lived for capturing the little things that I saw so much beauty in. For awhile I stopped doing that. For about three years I lived a life I didn’t think was worth documenting or remembering at all, and carrying a camera around gave me an anxiety I associated with not wanting to take up space. Right now I am full of appreciation for the worst moments I experienced because I know that things can – and must – change. If you’re in an unhappy place: (and I have been in maybe all the unhappy places – so I say this with certainty) it’s temporary.
It might last an age, but it won’t last forever.

So I thought I’d talk a little about where I am in life right now.

I am charging up a spirit bomb of projects intended for print, that; upon collective completion – I’d like to think will be a defining stage in my creative identity. I don’t feel quite right talking about these projects yet, but I will talk about one! The justification being that it couldn’t exist if I didn’t talk about it.

I’m currently putting together a 77 page zine called Scribble Scribble! A mess-aesthetic passion project I see as a very limited edition glossy print. Essentially it’s a curation of art pieces contributed by friends and strangers, and there’s already a really unusual narrative forming, connecting the pieces together in a way I hadn’t imagined. It’s so exciting to put together. The internet is so magical.

I’ve wanted to self publish a zine since I was around twenty-two, so its been five years coming. This is a mock up of the front cover.


The aesthetic is inspired by a girl’s bathroom I wandered into one night around May of this year, when I was living in Copenhagen.


In other, less future-oriented news, I recently visited the Tate Britain and it was so much fun! I walked around taking photographs of strangers interacting with art, came home with a few postcards (one of which is featured in the little collage above) and a gorgeous coffee table book (which I should scan in at some point!) and most importantly an even deeper determination to create-create-create. If you are looking to be inspired I encourage you to visit an art gallery.
Here’s a video of my Instagram stories from that night.

2017 has been one of the best years of my life. It hasn’t been tremendously eventful but I’ve developed a lot as an individual with the help of some really special people (friends/youtubers/abraham hicks and alan watts!) and I am so happy right now.