One day you’ll all wake up and realise that not only how you dress and what you get upto in your spare time changes depending on who your ‘friends’ and closest are (there is no such thing as a friend) – your face changes. Your body changes. When I think about this fucking racist, (you want unconditional love and revenge?) that I telepathically told off for not fucking eating – that I had to SHOW could eat as many burgers as he wanted in a day if he was exercising the way that I exercise (not at the gym, the gym does NOTHING – you get more muscles by doing housework – you just have to actually use them. And the gym doesn’t teach you that. Oh god the memory of that woman, that gym instructor – in the gym, competing with me when I had drug induced parkinsonism.) when I think about Killi the bird, I get skinny. I wake up skinny the next day. They have very fast metabolisms.


No one dating him would need to exercise because they’d be


If I wanted to be a doctor I’d be able to tell someone what’s wrong with their body by what went on with mine. I can’t see through a person’s body, though I have teachers that can, but I can take your pain. If I want to heal you. I probably don’t want to heal anyone, but I can give you all hope that you can be healed yourselves if you ask to learn how to heal yourself. If I can heal myself of my disability (I’m at a phase where I can shit out a 2 week shit in 2 seconds and some people that go daily STILL WAIT TO USE THE TOILET?)

I bought these off Asos. How cute are they? They’re by Boohoo.


When I was younger I had a cousin who cut her hair off. I cut mine off too. I looked like a boy but I wanted to look effeminate. Someone said – before it was really socially done or considered – to my older sister “is this your little brother?” and it made me deeply insecure. Older me would’ve said “yeeeeaaaahhhh” but that me was hurt. I think they knew more about me than I’d of liked, for example: I was born with both genitals. I imagine someone thought it’d have been less invasive for me to have my penis removed and that while Professor Germaine Greer who said “I AM A WHITE NEGRO” and who wished that she was a Jew – might’ve rejoiced at the potential for evolution, I was not given to parents that would appreciate that a person could exist as both genders. The karma was the same, I had to pick between two cultures and two religions. I’d have regular visits to the A & E for all sorts of things and depending on which of my ‘parents’ were around, I’d be “christian” or “muslim”, or of “latina” origin or “arab” origin. It didn’t really matter to me, to be honest. (I’d rather be a Jap Jewrab Latina but I’m not Japanese. I’d like to be, but I’m not. But if I could be I would be.)

I know I was taken from a black person, as a child. And I know I was supposed to be the oldest. And I am supposed to be a prophecy fulfilled for the return of a Queen of Zion but frankly you aren’t ready for that. It’d kill you all, wouldn’t it.

Probably a black man, though, who must’ve fancied my mother for her hair because that’s really the only thing that black people seem to envy about white people. That is mind control. But I’d happily give my hair-genes to black people if thats what they wanted to ‘feel beautiful’ – but do you want the other stuff? The body hair? Probably not. But there are benefits, to my body hair, I am so physically sensitive that if the right person touches me its probably the same as when white people experience their first ever orgasm with their third husband.

LOOKIT ME PLAYING DRESS UP. I did this at about 8 AM. I used to look in the mirror and measure my nose with a ruler and I’d think “my father is a black man”. I once actually said, as a teenager, “mum, did you have sex with a black man, because this is a black man’s nose.”

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Black people ARE Jews. I was told “not all black people are Jews”, but they are. You can choose any religion that you like, you can choose any cultural identity you like – but you’re still semitic. There were THIRTEEN tribes, not twelve.

The Prophet Mohammed (trust me, we knew each other. Peace be upon him my ass, he’s a vampire. There is NO way that HH – the retard (IM FLIRTING) responsible for our genetic make up – would let someone that had that affect on the Planet just DIE.) was in love with a Jewess and her people wouldn’t let them be together, because Jews have laws that keep them apart from people that are not Jews. For their safety, it was for safety.



DO YOU KNOW WHY I HAVE NO TECH? Apart from that it was my brother that insisted that we were a techno family, and the British princies were jelly of him so they arranged to have him put in a hospital (trust me, when he looks himself – he’s a million times hotter than any guy ever, and the Arabs (being an Arab, I can say “the Arabs”) accepted it and kicked my family out – the British guys just lied. We are all British passport holders – my siblings and myself – and my family on my mother’s side SERVED here, POLITICALLY. We were INVITED by your ROYAL FAMILY to do so. Back when people took your royal family seriously – that was a long time ago wasn’t it.) (you look worse because what is there for me to lie about? They’re gonna have someone hold a weapon to your heads and have you tell the truth about this on live TV so prepare yourselves.) (Wait: the issue with having ‘disabilities’ – my brother is autistic but he is not stupid and he is not out of control either, and he is not a vulnerable dependent. He likes to have fun. What your country has done to my brother and to ME and even to Russell fucking dickhead brand is why the World is becoming a police state 1984 shithole. ITS YOUR FAULTS. WHOEVER RAISED YOU AND FAILED YOU’S FAULT. You will be held accountable. Trust me.)

I am serious about DESIGN.

My room is an earphone graveyard.


These purple earphones are from Tiger. They cost £1 or £2 quid. 4.5/10


They were inexpensive, but they work with my laptops full volume – although I can hear myself finger-clicking if I finger-click loud enough. So far… they’ve lasted for a month or two. They fall out if I dance, masturbate or walk hard. They were not designed for people that can dance/masturbate/walk briskly. I like the colour and the design, although I don’t like the ‘jelly’ ear piece variety of earphones, and they aren’t hygienic. I have to clean my ears more than most people because I listen to music loud. And if I don’t this happens:


I’ll still wear them, wax and dust and all, but it’s not-okay.

Also they don’t appear to have a mic so i can take a shit in them.

If I have a boyfriend, we can hold hands on the streets – but I’m still donning my earphones and they’re going to be full volume.

I am certain that either Omar (my elder brother) or I am the reason they have those consideration stickers on buses for people listening to loud music. I can listen to loudish music with them on, although I don’t think they could stand a heavy bass. But for the price that really isn’t a problem for me.


These are Goji earphones. These are not good. The company don’t even have a website so I can’t link you to them. I’m embarrassed for you, Goji. They were a thoughtful gift though. A sincere try. I give these 2/10. They look good. They are pretty earphones. They make the briefest cameo in this video.

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The wireless/bluetooth function is also great but you can’t go up/down flights of stairs with them. Most people don’t enjoy the music I listen to because they think it’s embarrassing and these degraded slowly – I got the bumble bee vibration fuzz (that I enjoy and I’m sure it helps me when I meditate)

This is a less attractive design with visible stitching on the leather, which makes them look cheap. I don’t really personally want to see the stitching work on leather. Sometimes it looks good, mostly it doesn’t look good.

These are Jabra “150-years-of-sound-innovation” Elites. I give them.. uh… a very honest and very generous 1/10 because as far as I’m aware, they have charged for fifteen minutes and they are not giving me the promised 1 hour. Why invest in a writer for the manual copy and lie?

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The one out of ten is because they are actually quite cool-LOOKING to wear, although I didn’t test them underwater.


And I wasn’t expecting that they would look cool on, either. They do not stay inside my ear enough for the music to be loud enough, so wearing them in the SEA would be USELESS.

They are bluetooth, and that means that they can be hacked. But ideally that means they can be remotely fixed too.

I’m going to leave them charging for 24 hours and see if they decide to work a little bit better.

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This is Kylie J and Headphonesty giving you the side eye on my behalf, in the best earphones I’ve ever had. I picked the rose gold ones but these look so fucking good. I’ll get back to the design of them because thats what I struggled with.

I prefer them with the wire in. It might be a generation thing, the wire.

The Apple store in @Westfield gave us some Dre Beats as a gift, when we bought ourselves some MacBooks and an iMac. Lisa taught me to be more selective about the gifts that I accept and these were accepted absolutely without regret, but like Salt N Peppa doing anime, the design is ahead of it’s time.

(Who did Trunx’s look first you ask, a meditation-ESP sesh with babysitter Tupac who came to tell his me that black people did the military-anime look first.)



..I think they want Sephiroth though..



I’ll wear them with these


I recently went swimming in Brighton with the Dre Beats bluetooth function and the waterproof iPhone 7 model. The iPhone can’t go deep underwater – and that’ll be what sways me to an upgrade.

“this wan goes to elefen” is a Spinal Tap joke. You should watch Spinal Tap. An ex bestfriends dad (the guy who basically runs the show at RADA but can’t fake being gay  to save his cotton socks and still hasn’t written to me about my honorary scholarship) told us to watch it and you need to. Need to. (Love you Hugh)

Anyway as far as sound goes, I choose tinnitus. It HURTS. The first night that you lay your head down on a pillow is terrifying because all you can hear is a frequency that makes it difficult to sleep, but eventually you sleep. It becomes unnoticeable eventually. But it is distressing at first. I saw in an episode of Southpark – written and animated by Jews – that theres this ritual where they place a bell on boy’s heads and bang on it and it induces tinnitus, telepathy and interconnectedness.

Cute styles.

My period stained shoes.


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Oprah said “don’t cheap out on shoes” and that’s partly why I wont buy these, but I do like the design of them. I’d be more inclined to buy cheap shoes if brands were honest about who they copied the designs from. I feel weird buying them now, because I felt that Karl Lagerfeld had endorsed this company – his cat Choupette was following Public Desire on instagram – and that felt like an okay from a fashion GOD that made me want to buy them, and now he’s fucking disappeared. I don’t believe he’s passed away, or the eulogy in Vogue would have been an entire fucking year of mourning. Do not EVER undermine what it really means for a man to have replaced Coco Chanel.

And by the way – Anna Karina the Danish actress’ real name was more Hanne than Anna, and Coco Chanel picked that name. Do you know what I am like about NAMES? I won’t even use a tumblr with a shit-name.

I don’t care whether he’s eloped with Alexander McQueen or not, the coincidence isn’t acceptable. I think that this company is owned by footballers wives and girlfriends and to pretend otherwise is to shit on everything I have fucking worked towards about telling the truth. Do I want these shoes? YES, do I want to endorse these people stealing designs – no.

I feel implicated, actually, in his disappearance, because I ENDORSED THESE. Whether someone bought them because-of-me or not means fuck all. At the time, I felt and even write – “Karl is so0o designing these, he’s doing a shadow-secret-cheap-brand-thats-sort-of-Fendi-but-for-POOR-PEOPLE”, and what is quite scary actually is that I really, really thought so. These women used me to time travel (yes, it sounds pretty stupid to me too but its not MY life we’re writing about) access memories and to access information from the School of Economic Science, who through many stages teach people to ethically access truth through meditation, discussion with teachers and proper guidance towards a life that makes you ethical enough to be trusted with the kind of truths that help you access higher consciousnesses. The idea that these women used me (they did, but it isn’t about me right now) to do these things is absolutely disgusting. It is terrifying.

If Karl and I have anything in common it is that we pride ourselves on the idea that we can be alone, can exist alone, that we take pride in making other people shine. And I think that I feel quite concerned deep down that he was abused by people who could afford to buy him and his clothes. Not many people can afford a heritage Classic like Chanel – but those women can. And I know that they used to traipse from Fashion House to Fashion House and that while they didn’t have a shoppe that could host Chanel nor Fendi, they could afford to arrange fittings and to meet him. I am genuinely worried that something was done to him and that it is being kept secret. The French police are not renowned for their honesty, nor are British police. Nor any really.

Why these colour palettes @publicdesire? What inspired you originally? If you are a designer this is exactly the kind of thing you need to know. If you are a designer, it is the kind of thing that will keep you the hell up at night.

Why hasen’t (I’m leaving that typo there, ugh) your brand appeared in any real fashion magazines? NO ONE considers GRAZIA a FASHION magazine. It is on par with HELLO magazine, and some weeks after appearing in it, Louise Pentland’s infant Pearl looks completely different. You can look through my memories – I could communicate with that child through a fucking screen. I’d make a face at her and she’d make a face back. She’d cry for no good reason (believe me, I’d know vibrationally if your baby was crying because it was SUFFERING) and I’d shout “CHUT UP” and she fucking chut up (I’m sure my kids through time and space would say “that is so her”, because thats 50% how I speak to things that I love.) and now she looks like a bloated version of her father and I know Louise is too polite to say anything about it but these women, and my “sister” and her friends need to be stopped. You can observe my memories to see me walking through the streets of Denmark on my toes because the ribbons on my shoes kept coming undone and some time later I saw her – A BABY – doing the SAME THING. WALKING ON HER TOES. And then there’s the segment in Louise’s video where she wouldn’t crawl on her knees, she did a military push/pull thing and I communicated that it was painful for babies to learn to crawl on their knees.

It’s so weird, there was this thought journey I took listening to music awhile ago where I was asked by an air hostess I recall meeting at an Emirates interview who asked “if you were asked if you’d give up your body for a ‘better one’ would you accept?” and I can’t help but think that baby agreed to something. I am secretly concerned that my sister and her friends are preparing alternate bodies (YES, it CAN be done) for themselves because when you realise what they’ve all done – you’ll all want them dead.

Cos people really weren’t wearing nudes until I brought a collection of pieces in tie-dye skin tones and khakis back from Syria, Penelope and Monica Cruz did a collection for Mango – which had also been gifted to me.






I’m thinking of selling underwear. Years ago in Farnham I sold a pair of knickers in exchange for a trunk. I never sent the knickers. The guy that purchased the trunk for me and never got his knickers got a really good time and used the unsold knickers as an excuse to do some very strange stuff, to make me feel guilty, not really considering that when he invaded my privacy – he stole from me first. Stealing privacy is theft. It is a choice. So he lied, stole and paid in advance to do so with a wooden trunk and consider it equal now. It isn’t equal your life is hell and I know it but I accept apologies and I prefer apologies in writing.

When I was younger I saw that there were these amazing candy-dispensaries for school girl’s underwear in Japan, on television. The girls would basically visit the stalls in the morning and get their underwear, wear them to school and then return them in little cute pop boxes to be sold. It is a novelty-cultural-thing that I imagine is very much to do with hentai, and I am all for it actually. I don’t think anyone is actually sexually into sniffing underwear but I do think that people enjoy being weird and having weird gifts/objects that belong to specific people.

There is a cam-girl-gamer-girl selling her bathwater to a youtuber that I’ve co-adopted as an incestuous nephew – he is over twenty one but he looks WAY younger but he acts WAY older (none of it matters, I’m offering a description of a person, not giving sex criminals ideas for how to justify something that is inherently fucked up and weird. Family that are sexual with one another would be right to be honest with and to replace one another, as an infant I failed my older brother who was on drugs when I gave him a blowjob in his bed – and once we have our revenge I am finding him about five women to replace me with, in his life. And then I will find him another five or so to replace our fucking weird sister who I hold responsible for that.)

I am not naive, I know that people have sordid sexual fantasies. I know we all feel at liberty to explore a sexual landscape and that sometimes if we do so it feels as though nothing else will work. I actually experienced that for a very weird month or two! I didn’t enjoy masturbating unless I watched someone being beaten the shit out of (they had to enjoy it too.). I’ve done weird things and most of those things were done in childhood. The last thing I did that felt weird was that I murdered a magnet to feed a spider that didn’t really want to eat the magnet because he felt GUILT. (He got over it when he realised that they have a sense of humour – but suffering of any kind is primitive. If you are going to do live-feed, if you are going to kill an animal, cover it’s eyes – drug it with weed. A LOT of weed.)


There are not many people that can honestly and void-of-judgement both find you genuinely attractive after confessing to doing something weird like arranging for someone to be hospitalised so that they can be drugged and put to sleep so you can rape them (HARRY. WILL. IF ANYONE ACTS LIKE THEY DON’T KNOW IT IS BECAUSE THEY’VE DONE SOMETHING THAT RIVALS YOUR CRIMINALITY. I’ve never found either physically attractive – but I am confessing FOR them – on their behalf – what they did.) (Getting your friends to do it too doesn’t save you from what you’ve done.)

The reality is that in every culture I come from, the things that those princes have done (and trust me – the reality is that their mother is probably writing this) to ME specifically – are the kinds of things that would get them shot. And then taken into warehouses with underground warehouses and underground warehouses and they’d be resuscitated where they’d be tortured etc. If you know how the world works, that is a kindness to them. I prefer to wait for their mother to return and for her to tell people the truth, and to see who she chooses.


This is female discharge. It is clean and it is not-clean because discharge is how your womb cleans itself. Mine smells faintly of dettol on days when I use dettol – which is a medicinal grade antiseptic. You should be able to FEEL your vagina’s health, and see it in your discharge. Yes our vaginas also lubricate themselves but discharge is how your body removes stuff that isn’t wanted in there. It is a normal and healthy function.

You think it is no big deal that I know that, and you probably ALREADY KNOW THAT but there were, for example in the United States: women who were cruelly tested on, some women purchased as slaves by doctors that used them to learn about the female body. These doctors were so stupid that they believed that everything to do with female sexuality equated to pain. That women had no sexualities to speak of and that stupidity was probably a very large part of why men and women are at such different stages of sexual evolution.

When I first found discharge in my underwear it was terrifying, I was prone to hypochondria and I thought there was something wrong with me. My first period was horrible.

I have to be a bit extra-careful because I am still afraid of my insect familiars and that they like to come in and perch on my things sometimes and I’ve been taught they are unclean animals. They really aren’t, I’d think they’d say “you are messier than we are!” Especially spiders. Spiders are OCD.


This is some green ribbon I purchased from John-Lewis. They have a good in-shoppe haberdashery, if I recall correctly from my childhood. Everyone should have a flower or ten of choice and everyone should have a ribbon or ten of choice.


Anubis is the fanciest Anubis around isn’t he.


If Killi the bird reads this, that little green saucer is only a TEMPORARY solution to the fact that these plants do want to feel quite special. I’ll invest in pots and your saucer will be returned to your green trunk.


These plants make me very happy but I probably make them quite depressed sometimes. I like to think they have an ever-expansive emotional intelligence and landscape and that they appreciate a variety of feelings, the physical experience is rife with lessons and occasions and to be able to respond to something in a way that no being has ever responded to anything is probably what makes anyone rich. Doing something differently. Appreciating depression and sadness and anger and fury and pure fucking rage and I guess what it really takes to create some of the most vibrant beings that have ever existed.

If you asked me, of my maggots, which were the most emotionally intelligent, it would be the ones that peacefully existed in the ‘Tintin’s soil stash’ that were left alone but were aware of stimuli, such as music that I’d play for them. A pretence that Tintin was a teenager growing weed, by enriching the soil first. I think maggots are as good as worms are at interacting with soil, but that’s intuition and not based in scientific ‘fact’. How someone would really test that, and I’m sure it is possible – is to me – very unethical. Again, it is my intuition that tells me so. Magicck is art and science and the absence of that which is clinical. If you were to ask me which of my maggots were the most physically interesting – I’d say “the ones that had been abused, had been raised in poor circumstances (a plastic bag.) created the most ground breaking results in terms of their metamorphose into becoming a fly. And they made sure to wait, made sure that I saw their bellies – they wanted me to see what they had meditated to become” the most intelligent ones – the ones that know to HIDE – are the ones that had to experience my bird-friend Killi haphazardly and without any kind of care towards her personal safety, launching herself onto the balcony and quite violently helping herself into their home and eating some. Esther and Abraham Hicks would say that the magnets (I prefer ‘magnets’ to ‘maggots’) chose that fate for themselves.

I had to accept from the moment that I brought her upstairs that I had a choice: that if I had chosen to kill her and feed her to them, it would create a very different kind of result. I chose her because I know that she was more obviously interactive, and cute, and because I could hold her and there was less struggle to interact and less for me to overcome in terms of growth. And that is speciesism.

I have learned to hold maggots that wander too far from their home with my bare fingers and that’s terrifying for me, even though as an infant I used to gather insects – beetles from the pool side. I’d save lots of them. And snails, I remember once going out after it had rained and I gathered snails and put them all on a lamp post outside of the place I called home in my childhood.


Lucifer likes Fererro Rochers. That is a a lot of glorious packaging to be reluctant to recycle and I am using one of them as a propagator for some chilli seeds I scooped out of a chilli that I then fed to my magnet friends, and they really like eating chilli.


When I was in Farnham, I had a lot of avocado seeds that had grown and grown – I kept them in water that I didn’t often replenish because something told me that the exchange of fluids and the avocado skin etc was actually nourishing to the avocado seeds. Plants are not for “clean” people.

There was a lot of jealousy because of my plants, the avocado plants especially – and I was enraged when I came back from a stay at a research hospital (that I was put into because a WHOLE TOWN was jealous of me) where a person had died after I said “someone is going to die” (and they did) to find all my plants dead. Coming back to find that these plants that I had poured love and memories and body fluids and TALKED TO -were just left to die. That was the last time I experienced genuine heartbreak actually.

there’s this bit where kouga says ‘piri piri, curry curry’ and i smiled

26:02 minutes in – that is not racism – especially not if you were raised in part by a sri-lankan or if you have mexican roots. or if you have an actual close friend – I dont think any of my present stalkers do – that can claim that you’ve somehow been let into their life so much that you are family enough to be that familiar. it is offensive otherwise

if you were close to me you’d call me kari or kaz or kittie but no one is close to me

and i think the reality is that no one will ever be close to me again and theres a whole new kind of restraining order that will need to be implemented. and if you can’t stop yourself from stalking me you deserve to be executed.

one day someone will say on behalf of a very rude species residing on a very rude planet

“im sorry we don’t know how to tell the truth, how to cope with feelings of envy and embarrassment and being responsible for a life of tragic loss after tragic loss and defending the people that abused someone that actually didn’t abuse anyone at all”

People you didn’t know were Jews.


I enjoyed her in a few things. I don’t think she’s a nice person. But she’s a Jew. She did a lot of work with Emirates Airlines and actually, Arabs really do adore her.

This is Heath Ledger. Heath Ledger is one of those fancy sephardic jews (Sephardic like Sephora, like Sephiroth etc) which is only less fancy a variety of Jew than the Cohens


This is a Jew playing a character that was based on my Syrian dad





I used google image and these actors names to find the images. I don’t own them. I don’t know who took them. I’ll add more images of people you wouldn’t of thought were Jews later.

Like me, though, they’d of had to of whitied themselves up a bit to get work/co exist with white people.