I learned that the only way to get people to ever read anything I wrote or listen to anything I had to say, there had to be some fantastically sexualised element to it. I don’t know when. Isn’t that weird. We’ve all got weird in us, and it’s great to be honest about it. funContinue reading “MAGGOT QUEEN”

I’ve had a fun weekend and it’s only Saturday. I offered to intern at a cafe today but the guy that owns it apparently already has an intern. Apparently she “does ballet”. I ought to have asked “what on EARTH do YOU know about ballet?” but I didn’t because he kindly gave me a discountContinue reading


Today’s dinner was chicken breast in garlic butter. I ate it with Tescos out of the packet macaroni cheese prepared by ma and Himalayan pink salt INGREDIENTS: Apple, Black Pepper, Chicken, Double Cream, Garlic (chopped as finely as I feel confident enough to), Mozzarella cheese, Olives, 2x Oranges, Paprika, Tomato Tomorrow is a really big dayContinue reading “DYING RETIRED GARMENTS & DINNER”


How do you inoffensively write a speech impediment? The video above is a montage of >> Cheese << dialogue, a character from the kids show on Cartoon Network called Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends. Kindly uploaded by @Sara Nelowe Here is a screenshot taken from his >> wikia page. << It is 7 minutes toContinue reading “CEERWEEAL”


Painting the Daisies Purple When I moved from Dubai to London, I had brought no belongings with me and I had said no goodbyes. I stayed at a friend of my mother’s, a council flat in Acton. I must have been aged about six years old, perhaps five. I spent days playing with the littleContinue reading “P.T.D.P”