Can you see the skull in the wing? This is so significant to me because I’ve never been able to illustrate or sculpt or otherwise imagine a skull that had not already been done. It just happened here.
It looks like Walt Disney. He’s one of my heroes. I thought of him a lot yesterday, and I thought (perhaps as the Empress of Japan – who was in my thoughts – perhaps as Conchita – who is always in my thoughts – perhaps as Esther or Auntie Norma or Lisa) “he is so full of love” and I thought back with one of those looks you’d give a naughty child: “I know.“
He thought to me, not in these words: you cannot exist and grow without people to admire, with talents to aspire towards – or you remain the same person forever. I thought in my auntie Norma’s voice and Esther Hicks’ Tarantino’s voice: “I didnt know you were into this stuff!” and in any voice he could’ve used really (I didn’t hear it, like doing accents in your own head when you read a book) he thought back “yes you did.”
I went through the shops on my street and I just felt so full of love towards everything, even my enemies, anger was there but it was only disappointment. “heartbreak.” Actually, many of my ‘enemies’ are people I tried very hard to love and befriend first and who hurt me very deeply. When I wrote the words ‘even my enemies’, it was out of anger towards women that I consider teachers whose personal lives and personal feelings interfered with the position that they knew I held them to. I pedestal teachers and I often consider them above people I consider parents. It means so much to me to call someone a teacher and I don’t really afford them the capacity to still be human. That might be wrong to do but I don’t think he would think so.
It is not wrong, if you choose to be a person’s teacher, and these women knew that was the dynamic through which I invited them into my life: to hold yourself to the standard you expect of teachers.
I don’t think highly of parents because I’ve never been treated very well by parents.
I can be a friend to anyone that believes that friendship is real. I have always been a loyal person to someone I consider a brother of somekind, but as a child – for however much I loved my brother, I became very angry with him when he hurt my dog. He used to bite her nose sometimes, my ‘father’ used to sometimes kick the dog. That made it impossible for me to seek relationships with either, but that doesn’t change who my brother is or what the cultures I came from taught me about brotherhood.
In the Middle East and particularly in Islam, your eldest brother is, for example, the first benefactor in a will. I would give half of everything I have to my brother and that is a very genuine cultural reality to me that I do not consider myself above. Likewise I am sure that he would forgive my callousness as a child, towards his treatment that was synonymous with imprisonment.
I do not practice sisterhood because no one, has, as of yet, been very sisterly towards me. Regardless of my gender identity I am a feminist and pretty staunchly so. I do believe that women deserve to be empowered and sometimes my personal feelings skew my judgement and thats wrong. It’s something I’ll need to develop within myself.
Feminist as I am, sister I’m probably not. But I’d sister Louise Pentland, I feel that we’ve a lot of room to develop. We’ve both experienced familial abuse but we’ve both learned unconditional love and I think that where I have decided to disown my ‘sister’, I have a place for anyone that would like to fill it. You don’t have big shoes to fill, she was terrible company to me.
His work and legacy perpetuates an archetype that encourages women to be kind, loving and to seek whatever they find beautiful. That is somewhat sexist I think, but what men have failed to honestly express to women is that it’s those qualities that make women ‘fertile’. You all want children, but you don’t really treat animals or vulnerable people or children the way that the men you’d like to invite into your life as ‘lovers’ would think those children deserve to be treated and that might be what prevents many of you from being fertile.
If you want to have children, begin with a dog. Here are the mistakes I made with my pets: I left my dog Tintin with a girl I did not know very well, for a brief period, but that was so that I could work and earn money. When I felt for whatever personal reasons that caring for Tintin meant that I wasn’t taking proper care of myself, I returned him to my ‘mother’, and his brothers. For a period the dogs had to be tied up and my second mistake was that I ignored my own judgement about how to handle the situation and I put hers above mine. That affected my entire ‘family’, that I did not assume the role of the head of the family when I knew it would be correct to do so. In both Judaism and Islam, men might think themselves the heads of their families but that’s not true at all. I did not find a way to be unthreatening about the reality of what I had been put through and what I had worked towards, and that my judgement had pretty consistently been correct about the consequences of our ‘family’ decisions and as a result, my mother’s home was mortgaged for far more than it was acceptable so that my ‘father’ could own restaurants that did not do well. He stole from his family so that he could have those restaurants and he lost those restaurants.
If you steal, you will be robbed. Sometimes we accept inspirations but we do not credit those that helped us, perhaps, make the money from what we produce out of those inspirations. You can pretend otherwise, but you will see it in your life. I once broke up a relationship, and shortly after I developed a very frightening tumour on my side and I knew inside that it was the product of her hatred towards me. She stole my autonomy and used me to access time frames without any sense of responsibility. She and many other girls believed themselves justified in stealing my autonomy and I feel that they were encouraged to do so to their own detriment. As far as the law goes, I believe in equality. As far as personal relationships go: I encourage people not to pick sides in situations that have nothing to do with them.
Don’t get involved. Do not fuck with my food because you’re ‘defending’ a blonde: especially one that wouldn’t even treat you well, or be friends with you – when she might’ve had plenty of opportunity to do so.
Walt Disney encourages women from early childhood (his target market) to find beauty in themselves regardless of their financial circumstances, and to have beautiful things around them. Disney encourages women to pick personal stories in which they find magicck and love.
I know that Walt Disney must have seen the form Magnus took, in my duvet. This is a cat in Cinderella called Lucifer.
Lucifer the angel is one of the first guides I ever invited into my life. When I was little in Dubai, I used to see – SEE – a little black wolf with red eyes beneath my bed. Years later Tintin came into my life. Tintin was my very first guide, I believe.
Yesterday Walt Disney lovingly and laughingly put the thought of Lucifer the cat in Cinderella and through my thoughts, said “I think Lucifer’s mind changes all the time.” Lucifer is not a consistent being who sticks to decisions. I think to have survived in a Universe like ours, feeling quite alone and betrayed, he would’ve had to change his mind all the time and his experiences would have shaped his personalities. Plural. People and beings who have experienced abuse and who will have had to acclimate to many different, difficult circumstances, will have a collection of identities that help them to interact with different kinds of people or beings. I would not, for example, act around Lady Diana the way I would act around Charles Manson. (I actually probably would – a better example is called for.)
A man called Jim taught me that green eyes usually indicate that a being is quite oversexed. I don’t think the angel Lucifer wants to be my guide. But that’s my personal journey, and I like to write my personal journey here but as a reader, accept my reality as I document it and value that you won’t ever read anything like my diary. My inimitable life won’t be lived by anyone else through time and space, and that is where I find my self esteem. That’s where I found a self esteem when I was being abused by society, that there’s still no one alike to me.
If you have ‘the sight’, we’re reaching a time where that will not indicate insanity. I personally do not advise that you put any kind of deeper meaning to a relationship with Lucifer. I have been defending Lucifer in the company of staunch, nasty, misled Christians since I was an infant and without any indication that Lucifer was real, without any indication that Lucifer could have been listening. (I know Lucifer feels because I want to cry and very little makes me want to actually ‘cry’, save a stray eyelash or dust or wind irritating me.)
I know that out of that Lucifer is as loyal as Lucifer is capable of being to me. You might have sex with Lucifer non physically but sex is just sex to Lucifer. He will not breed with you because he doesn’t think that humans are responsible with physical forms of angels. He might lie for the sex though.
I thought that if Walt Disney were to adopt at this point he’d be prepared to adopt: Esther Hicks-Tarantino, Louise Pentland and Felix Kjellberg.
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He said Felix was never going to get his Disney contract, because he was always going to jeopardise himself, because he was never taught that boundaries exist and with good reason that needn’t be explored. They knew he would do something, upon tentatively hiring him, to affect himself the way that he did.
Disney did not seek to hire him without knowing exactly who he is and what he is like. Disney thought-said that the men that Felix employed through Fiverr for that embarrassing display of themselves did so for fame, and reminded me vibrationally that people will do a lot of silly things to become famous. That was not reason enough alone not to fulfil the contract.
He alerted me to this mess on my floor, smoking papers that had fastened to one another to create a mermaid’s tail. Theres green glitter beside it. He said that that inspired the Little Mermaid. He said that he would want me to ask the Emperor and Empress of Japan to adopt me and the truth is that I don’t feel good enough for that responsibility and that association, but when I do, I will ask.
As a child in Dubai I used to illustrate a particular kind of kimono sleeve and then sometime later I saw animations that depicted little mice wearing kimono. That is everything that inspired how I envisioned how I might like to look when I grew up. There is a little Japanese girl I know that thinks of me sometimes, she showed me a book and that she’d like her name to be ‘Mineko’, after the author of this book. She is my ‘yakuza’ princess and I think it would be correct for her, when I do, to ask them to adopt her too. And Bruce Lee.
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When I was in Twyford C of E – one of the many secondary schools I visited, I recall having a chat with two teachers outside a tech room, about Walt Disney – where I’d learned he’d been “cryogenically frozen”. Walt Disney’s legacy has been associated with racism but I really felt Walt’s proudness that Kanye West had called him a genius with whom Kanye would like to compare himself, and I don’t imagine that Walt still feels any prejudice of that nature now at all.
I also felt that he was deeply upset that someone had said that Disney is just a “business” because of course it isn’t. It is the fabric of many children’s ideals of romance and love and has shaped many perceptions of what relationships could be, but is also an archive of the values we associated with our evolution that we can share with children, and discuss with them that they can aspire to much more now, than simply to marrying a prince – but at one point, it was those fantasies that helped women and men to pursue ideas for the future.
If you pick me you can have a fresh logo. Anyone in Brighton will tell you birds are mine, but all the blackbirds are Lady Diana’s.
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3 + 4 = 7
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Sephiroth is the one winged angel. I’ve got the genes for white hair… so.
My grades were not good enough for me to be a skull and bone. It’ll be awhile off.
Lisa taught me to use a glove to wash myself, that is – to wear one of those body-gloves when I touch my skin to clean myself. I saw some in Boots beside some cucumber products that I bought, and I thought I saw some very small ones – and I thought “wouldn’t it be fantastic if they had baby-sized gloves so that babies could learn to scrub themselves!”
(That video was a fast forward response to all of the meditations I was doing – I wanted the truth – I was telepathically being made to feel ugly, I was too insecure to dress up, I was robbed of the energy to be able to go to school, I have a disability – shitting twice a month is a big deal apparently.)
Tifa is the worst babysitter in the World and I think he'd prefer
not to be trapped there.
This was done to me when I had anorexia. Here: I was a size 0.
My hands were not that big, but that should give you some idea
of how tiny I really was. I felt fat and I had a very badly
raised boyfriend with a terrible family unit of users,
who liked to make me feel fat too. They regularly abused me for
anything from what I was wearing to not accepting a cup of 'tea'
because I had never drunk tea at home.
My phone was hacked to alter my shapes and proportions.
I recommend you consult anime or artist's representations
for a good idea of proportions - I once saw a video of Beyonce
and I knew she felt she looked bigger than she is, and I
thought 'you are about four ankles wide in this.
The kind of women that would have been able to do this in 2013
had money, and I know a lot of those were stalking me at the time.
There were wives in Farnham that were very threatened by me, and
the fact that their kids would love to talk to me and obsess over
me. Well the reality is I'd be a better parent. Sorry.
There were also footballers wives who were stalking me, I said:
'Emma Thatcher', 'Louise Redknapp' etc were women who knew of me
and who arranged for my 'sibling' and a friend of hers (I hate
both my 'sibling' and her friend, but they were a million times
hotter than those women without trying very much. Both are very
attractive to men in little more than tracksuit bottoms.)
You might think its a COMPLIMENT to be stalked by women like
this, but it's annoying.
I'm now experiencing the same problem, and my Spiritual teacher
Lisa is experiencing the same problem. Both she and I have been
robbed in many terrifying and irresponsible ways of the opportunity
to be parents, pit against one another by those women who would
use physical insecurities or our gifts to make us feel negatively
towards one another. Taking ideas from their taste in men.
I was "inspired" (Zoella has ruined this word, with her tacky
company.) to author this because I know that Louise is losing
a lot of weight, and I really want to have her in my life.
I don't want her to think that I'm hotter than her, I've seen
how she looks when she loses her 'mum chubb' and trust me she's
the hottest one. If she plays my game she's the hottest one and
she's not gonna be playing YOUR game. I mean, bribes work a bit,
do bribe her, we'll have stuff to take the piss of later.
I noticed that Amber Khan's proportions are being made to look
a bit strange since she got a breast augmentation (she's had a
child, he's eleven or so years old. She works damn hard, so it's
quite fantastic that she looks about sixteen.), I've noticed that
people quite like to hack women whove had augmentations to
appear as though they have bigger arms than they do and thats
fine. Weird, but fine. But I want those women to know what
you're doing.
Stop choosing lesser women to befriend you, or to think of.
My teachers are not flawless, but they need to be knocked off
the pedestals I place them on when they start misbehaving -
those women you'd of wanted to choose over me were my
abusers.
They are stalkers. If they'd abuse and stalk and SELL me,
(they allowed their husbands, their husbands boyfriends etc to
RAPE me, my "sibling" - she's no longer that, but this is truth)
and my "siblings" one attractive friend.
I had to "set" those terrible women up with the most evil kinds
of men. Why the fuck would I set my sister up with Sascha Baran
Cohen, why would I set up Vanessa with Floyd Mayweather?
These are not nice guys but if I pick a winner you better believe
they're going to win.
They do not only eat rotting meat. They like everything I like to
eat but they aren't that keen on dominos pizza's desserts.
They wanted the cookie because it smells nice, but
they didn't eat it.
They've literally just left it there.
Also, while it has melted slightly in their home, and offers
a nice texture for snuggling and orgies (I imagine)
they don't eat it.
They also do not eat Peanut butter.
Nor do they eat Caramel.
They LOVE pork (which tastes like human flesh apparently)
and they love lemon.
They like lemons. And tinned tomato. And I think some of them
committed suicide in maple syrup today.
They are not stupid.
(THEY CHOOSE TO STAY IN THERE. THEY REALLY, REALLY DO.)
(Being a fly is quite lonely.)
but it is 
Does this babytalk trigger your maternal feelings? If you are under
35, get an animal friend. Love something that is not yourself.
Spend a few years doing stuff that has never been done before with
your animal friend(s) and then come back to those feelings.
