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K R É M E B L A N C 0

DIS.IZ.ME.HI.ME.DO.I.LOOK.LIKE.YOU?MAYBE.I.AM.A.YOU.IN.SOME.OTHER.TIME.AND.PLACE.REALLY.

It’s weird – yesterday I was on & off sleepy, watched lots of youtube videos about the history of ceramics & even a few tutorials (I honestly feel like ceramicists/potters are this super weird/creative bunch of people who must like, zone out, vacate their bodies and time travel or something because they speak so0o0o slowly and have so0o0 much stoner wisdom and PATIENCE). I spent a lot of time napping, ruminating about my past.

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And stealing/eating all my dad’s fancy-ish dark chocolate slim jaffa cakes. (FYI This post is a justification for the mess my nails are right now.)

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So I started gathering inspiration again a year or so ago… If you’re looking for inspiration, a connection to weird ideas… I’d like to advise you to keep tiny things that mean something to you. I promise that you’ll also manifest a narrative…

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I learned recently from a fuchsia box & the iconic selfridges bag I had in my room in Denmark that I really love the combination of pink & yellow together.
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The girl in a hat is a cute piece of art one of my best-boy-friend bought me years ago. He’s always bought me the most amazing gifts. He’s an asshole but he’s amazing. Thats my tagline for him. He’s over in Denmark holding my PS4 for me. We don’t hang out much but atleast I’ve an excuse to go visit him if I ever feel like it. >:)

Final Denmark moment: I bought some pretty notepads when I was out there – on one occasion I was with one of my best-boy-friend and his best-friend that I used to crush on. I held a pink note book and a yellow notebook. my best-boy-friend picked the pink one and his bestfriend picked the yellow. I don’t think he realised the significance of it, he was more distracted by the fact he had initially wanted the pink one.

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When I was very little I knew a littler boy called Sam and he used to pronounce yellow as ‘Lello’. I was really mean to him one time, when I was looking after him. He got me back!

Syria is the land of the Sun. 🙂


This week I’ve been… checking out ceramics, because I saw some on >> Solange Knowles GORGEOUS online shop. << GO LOOK, and if you can’t afford yet, be inspired!
I found out about it when this article popped up on my twitter feed. Stolen from the article : In a recent Instagram (below), Knowles said she wanted to create
“a community” that would give ” music, art , and fashion a more thoughtful and diverse place.”

A few times in my life I kind of got vaguely interested in sculpture. I never knew where to buy the materials from, so I used to steal them from college. (I mean, I knew that if I asked my parents to buy me this stuff they would have… but whenever I saw the amount of materials I needed for the stuff I wanted to make, and how much they cost in shops, pursuing whatever I pictured in my head actually made me feel really strange guilt about overspending. The issue was I didn’t think I was good enough at Art to be spending that much on materials and also… Art shops just seem to charge you whatever they want…?!) Like, I know there’s some “exclusive” Aladdins Cave Art shop somewhere in London that charges you a fraction of the price if you give them a magic password but I’m really not into that elitist shit. I mean I love secrets but I actually don’t want to shop anywhere that excludes people from buying tools to pursue their fucking dreams. The Arts are for everyone, the planet desperately needs artists & creators in order to evolve. I can’t – genuinely can’t – stress or emphasise how firmly I believe that.

#ceramics #inspo >> CLICK HERE THANKS SOLANGE UR A QUEEN <<

>> I made an inspiration board on Pinterest of stuff I thought was really beautiful. I tried to make the design my own, but it was definitely inspired. <<

Being inspired is totally divine and when someone makes you want to create that’s because they’re somehow sharing creative energy – so it’s actually decent and polite to credit those who you share the energy with.

Heres a video I watched.

Here’s the start of what I’m making! Her design is looking very primitive so far.

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TOTT – Tools of the trade. Got me some ready-made Egyptian Mummification bandages, some cardboard & kitchen scissors I stole from ma cos the ones I bought in Denmark are in my suitcases. ❤ TOTT for the first phase of creating. Hehe.

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I know there’s this huge movement about “being in the present” but I really don’t think that works for everyone…

Anyway, after a day of low-energy functioning… I slept really early last night, woke up ridiculously early this morning, had my cigarette, some of last night’s dinner for breakfast (lemony-oliveoily-salad & chicken), donned a cute playsuit + my qt SHEEP hoody, started the first stages of my little sculpture and once I was done the light was shining thru my blinds just enough to be able to take some cute photos – which reminded me that I’ve been having issues with my Adobe suite. For awhile. I forced myself to make the call, spent a lot of time on hold while their amazing telephone advisor remotely fixed my corrupted software and was struck with some new ideas for how to sculpt. Thanks for inspiring me Nitish!

Also while Adobe was fixing the issues with my laptop I learned about this thing called Activity Monitor??!

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I also spent hours listening to/catchin’ up with H3H3 while I was makingmaking. They’re just such good vibes! I started watching them a little more than a year ago, and from time to time they’d make something that really caught my attention or made me snort-laugh-hysterical. I’m so happy to see how successful they are! QT Jew couple overcoming obstacles 2gether. I’m fully certain they’re twinflames. Verr cute. If I were friends with them I’d be like, really rude and say something weird like Y don’t U have kids yet?
I watched a Valentines day video of theirs about them spending their early relationship mostly talking on skype, until life finally made it possible for them to physically be together & them sharing everything, them being drug dealers together to try & make ends meet early on in their relationship, making a child’s book together in their spare time… SO ROMANTIC. They’d be really cool parents. I think.

What was really weird is I was watching this video right… they dropped the word “ceramics”. Isn’t it weird how we’re all connected thru space & time!? #synchronicity

My spiritual teachers have always taught me there is no such thing as a coincidence.

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The guy they were interviewing reminds me of this super bossy, SUPER BEAUTIFUL uni lecturer I was obsessed with. Some masquerading ex army Israeli who was way, way too short to be of any use to the army >:) (FYI I sound like I’m being mean but actually he was VERY mean even though he knew I loved him v v v v v v much and I loved it. I think we both helped each other become much better versions of ourselves.) Mean? Sooo mean. But also completely honest. I think we reminded each other of ourselves.


Oh, oh oh oh… check out this super cute sculpture I bought of my favourite God. Lord of The Underworld… Vampy vamp.

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ If pop-pornography is the religious iconography of our time, by doing a little bit of Art History & going back you realise that symbolism remains quite the same. In my personal pantheon Anubis is an Ancient spirit, that occupies my fav rockstar & my divine jackalesque chihuahua. DO YOU FEEL THE RESEMBLENCE THO

The Aztecs believed that Chihuahuas (they called them Techichis) could guide you through the Land of the Dead. Mine certainly did, for me. And the Greeks have a God called Cerberus … a three headed beauty that guards Hades. Our chihuahuas were a gift from a pharaonic family & they came in three… Pretty panstheist meta, wouldn’t you agree?

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Start a Love Cult with me, time-travelling-soul-fragment-mine

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Me, a million years ago
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(Don’t hurt Elephants tho. EVER. 😡 )


What is a Cult without an expansive Religion though? #panstheism #thespianSM

Uncategorized

G O (L) D I S P U R P L E ?

Not really. Not at all. More of a milky colour. Maybe the full colour spectrum… which is still nothing without light & darkness. I’m only speaking figuratively.

Does everyone have a price? What would you pay someone, to keep a secret? Whats your hush-style? Or would you instead threaten them into silence? Doesn’t a threat suddenly cause a secret to become much more valuable? A secret that might have been worth ending lives for? For example. You know.

Of course I’m only speaking hypothetically.

But also … when you threaten someone & hold some kind of weakness against them; are you really just exposing your own deepest fears? Or are you returning a favour from way-back-when? Every time you go full cycle you become stronger. What happens when death is no longer of any consequence? When you know that we’ll only end up here again in some other time and place?

You have debts to pay & that will leak into everything you do & live. Forever. You will pay back those debts somehow. That is karma. Pick the path of least resistance. Women often build friendships on shared secrets, so, how do you treat your friends?

Some thoughts. But I’m under no illusion that you are interested in hearing my thoughts. You prefer silence & that is something I do quite well.

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STYLE

R O S E G O L D B A R R A C U D A T A I L S

When I was little I was the kind of person that: given the option to choose between a beanie baby and a McDonalds mini beanie baby I would see more value in the McDonalds beanie baby. I once traded really rare beanie babies for the mini McDonalds editions. I got in soooo much trouble.
I have an eye for novelty items. I’ll pick the tacky costume jewellery over a diamond necklace if it’s more aesthetically pleasing. That kind of stupidity is the curse of any visually creative personality type, really. (Or is it? Do I really need a label to tell me the worth of good design, or do I not qualify as a person who can judge that for myself?) Maybe I assigned value to my possessions by how they made me feel, I guess the littler beanie babies were a lot cuter. Obviously I had no concept of a commodity’s material-value and I basically judged a things worth based on how happy it made me.

Uh. Took a weird-thought-journey to get to the point of a very quick post to essentially celebrate a very tacky purchase. Basically – I’m the kind of person who won’t take very good care of paint brushes. Cheap ones, expensive ones… I’ll usually end up leaving them sitting (festering?) in a mug of water …for days, maybe weeks? Months even?

So I invested in some ombré barracuda tail make up brushes to paint with instead. They’re too precious not to take good care of!

Owh, I’m inspired… I really ought to do a series of ONE-LOOK??? merman make up tutorials or something before I dip them into any watercolour paints. Just kidding. (I love watching girls apply make up tho)

To be honest I have no idea whether they’d see more use in being used to apply make up or for painting, because I’ve been so busy doing-things-and-definitely-not-going-out. Either way.. aren’t they pretty?!

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Uncategorized

E A R T H T O N E S

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This year I was fortunate enough to manifest owning half a property with my sister. That was after several months of listening to Abraham, through Esther Hicks.

It’s a one bedroom, ground floor flat in Surrey & my sister’s been having it redesigned and decorated. I should ask her to send over some before & afters!
So.. the top photo is some of the stuff she’s moving out. The second photo is …. some of my stuff. (I made a little video, go check it out on my iPhone diary later today!)

My parents have been getting furious with how much stuff I’ve been having delivered to the house because the dogs bark like crazy (orders every one or two hours in the morning and early afternoon for afew days) but opening THREE shops and a service is always going to be noisy business.

So Vogue tweeted about Yeezy’s genius ad campaign. >> Here’s the article. << Kanye got Wifye to go out in his new collection and she got snapped & put her favourite photos on her insta and thats how the campaign was launched! I updated >> The I Love List << with my season 6 faves & some other cute stuff I found.

The clothes are made-per-order & I think thats a special for two reasons: it sends out three messages to me, personally. As I’m opening my own shops i’m trying to learn seller-strategy. So I’ll share my observations about this –

Firstly, he’s clearly designing to create art, not to make money. I have no impression that he cares whether his art sells or not. Of course it will, it’s the kind of stuff that’ll probably be scooped up by the Victoria & Albert museum some day. But I don’t feel selling was his primary motivation.

Secondly – everything he has created is stuff that he truly thinks is wearable – so, what I take from this – is to only sell things I would really want for myself.

Finally – I think it’s an eco-friendly advancement strategy that the fast-fashion industry can perhaps take some consideration of. I’m not actually the most eco-friendly consumer but I am trying to become more aware as I hope to manifest large-scale businesses over the next year.

When you buy ‘designer’ items to sell – fashion houses often won’t sell you stock unless you are able to pay thousands upon thousands worth of ‘cost’ upfront for it, that means selling a very high quantity of garments. Which always comes with a potential risk. Obviously having the right to sell garments for a reputable fashion house is an absolute honour but truth be told this is a serious issue I have with luxury – for a myriad of reasons. Firstly – when I worked on a shop floor selling clothes in an affluent town, I learned that it was important to show no more than two or three items at a time to give the illusion of the item being exclusive. Secondly – I really believe that if designers thought less in terms of seasons and more in terms of weeks, they would better serve the fashion-economy. Fashion shows could become as accessible an event as visiting an art gallery, etc.
I think the kind of people that buy designer items (the kind that I’d personally like to sell to) are the kind that won’t be seen in the same ensemble twice. If designing clothes or accessories was my sole profession I’d want to be designing five or so things a day with a “buy it right now, or regret it forever” energy.

LOOK AT THIS. I cannot afford this yet. But I can decorate my piece-of-the-internet with it. It’s 18K gold and it’s £££££££££. Good for Ye. It’s a necklace… but I would wear it as an overlapped bracelet. If you have £££££ you can buy it >> here. <<

NECKRACE

PINK, STYLE

A G L I T T E R I N G D E C E M B E R

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BRALET | NEWLOOK

I’ve had everything and I’ve had nothing. I have roots in countries where the contrast of wealth spans from infants residing in cardboard boxes to opulence I’ve never seen on, iunno, TV.

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TEXTURED (P??)LEATHER MICKEY MOUSE COIN PURSE BY DISNEY | PRIMARK & FELIX THE CAT CARD HOLDER | ASOS

In the West we follow trends which serve as a “This is what Rich looks like” guide, telling you how luxury or wealth should look but forget that everything has been designed by somebody.

bambi.jpgFLUFFY BAMBI HOTWATER BOTTLE BY DISNEY | PRIMARK

The great thing about studying Art & Design is you kind of get to decide what “expensive” looks like, for yourself – and pricetags no longer mean a thing. I’m drawn to rare things. I’m also drawn to the things others might not want. I’m also drawn to the things that everyone wants but can’t have.

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NIGHTY | LUNN ANTIQUES
BRATHING.jpgCUPLESS CORSET | NEWLOOK

If one’s personal aesthetic can be likened to dessert – I prefer to think of my style as a multi-layered cake, a mixture of ingredients, colours and …condiments…? Ideally a one time combination that hasn’t been seen before. Tacky is my personal sugar. Thats when I’m not in pyjamas, anyway.

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BRALET | NEWLOOK

But really – fancy is an energy. You can go for a week or two without washing your hair and still look fancy if you feel it. I’m sharing a sofa with my chihuahua bestfriend, that might not sound so swanky but in months yet the sofa will be replaced with office furniture & a marvellous bed. I’m starting up four businesses. I’m lucky enough not to have to be working a job just to make ends meet. Fancy is what you make of it. I mean… look at my current studio set up.

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I’m struggling with how many business cards I ought to have printed. I might have a ‘Supreme Sleeping & Napping Queen’ card printed. Has anyone ever done that before??

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GOLD SNAKEPRINT FOIL TRUNKS & HAND BOUND AND >> PAINTED LOLITA LIBRI MUTI (MUTE BOOK) | SLOW DESIGN AND FLORENTINE PRINTING <<

Some of my favourite outfits, looking back on a past-self’s instagram, cost £2 from a charity shop. I remember eventually even giving those up because I felt guilty about looking pretty. People used to really struggle with me posting nice photographs of myself on the internet – as if I ought to be compelled to post bad ones?!
People will always find some reason to make you feel bad about yourself, they’ll seek out some imperfection to dwell on and try to demean you for it – but that isn’t indicative of a problem in you.

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KRYSTAL BY OPHIUCHUS BORN

You really are doing others a favour by trying your best in all your endeavours. Whether it’s making playlists on Spotify, posting stuff on Instagram, blogging… sleeping?? Is shopping one of your greatest talents? I knew a girl who was great at finding things in shops when I was all disoriented.
If we were still friends I’d tell her to be a personal shopper.

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DRESS BY NEWLOOK | HEELS BY KURT GEIGER A ZILLION FASHION-YEARS AGO

As highly contradictory as it might be, in contrast to my pursuit of non-physical – I’m a very visual person. So… when someone perhaps criticises my appearance – and they do – for example, I don’t think it’s even remotely a secret that I get lip injections. Some people think they’re too big. But I love them, so their opinion doesn’t hurt my feelings at all. I have wanted huge lips since I was about five years old.

Actually – if you’re deeply non-physical there are plenty of arguments I can give you to validate plastic surgery. First: the body really doesn’t matter. Secondly: taking action to bring yourself to a higher state of self love sends out an energy that makes other people feel comfortable loving themselves too. I mean, your friends might be a bit jelly but energy work isn’t best observed by your friends responses.

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CHOKER BY NEWLOOK | BROKEN NAIL EARRING TURNED HAIR-BUN CLIP BY ZARA & INSPIRED BY A MISSING BRACELET OF ALFIE DEYES’ | PERFUME BY LALIQUE | OBLONG STICKERS BY MOO | COFFEE, HEMP MILK & PINK STRAW IN MOTHER’S WAITROSE MUG | SEQUIN CUSHION FROM HONG KONG VIA AMAZON

I’ve learned the beauty of having nothing to define you – friends, material belongings, even self esteem. But it was my fear of being alone that was the most damaging.  I’ve had a hard time with that. Isn’t it ironic that a person could have a fear of being alone and also be an escapist? I think that what is understood as addiction stems from a fear of being alone.
I think that would upset people to read, I know I’ve engaged with people in recovery who might’ve found me quite blasé/ignorant/stupid but I actually grew up with someone perceived as an addict. When I was around three or four I used to intuitively manage to locate where my brother had stashed his drug paraphernalia.

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EMBELLISHED JUMPER BY NEWLOOK | BAMBI SOCKS BY DISNEY FOR PRIMARK

There was a time I would wake up and go fly into a rage if I couldn’t smoke a joint.. the issue was really that I was in a lot of pain and weed killed that pain very successfully. I spent five years of my life stoned. I do think you can have addictive behaviours, you can even say they’re genetic – but that perpetuates a blaming-others cycle which I also disagree with.
I really think you can change the behaviours, cycles and traits inherent in your genes & I think that the future will prove me right. Would you believe me if I told you I was meditating on my breasts getting bigger!? And that it’s working!???! (Still want a boob job, tho.)

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BAMBI SOCKS BY DISNEY FOR PRIMARK

It’s surprising how upset a person can get when you imply something along the lines of – you aren’t an addict, you have some holes that need filling that stem in childhood-boredom. It’s like the recovery program finds something positive in reassigning a person’s identity by forcing them to admit they’re an addict. Fucked up, to me, to be honest.

What the term addiction really means is you’ve been brought up by people who’ve been brought up by people who’ve been brought up by people that don’t know how to cope with themselves. And anyway – life without vices is … hella fucking boring.

If you’re good enough fun and you spend some time with an addict, they probably won’t do the thing they’re addicted to as much. It’s not a reflection of you, it’s a reflection of how much fun that person’s inner child needs to be constantly having. You are not responsible for being a person’s source of fun or enjoyment.

If an addict were looking to me for advice – I’d say to focus on admitting you never learned how to have a good time alone & learn how to have a good time alone. I find enjoyment in Art, Beauty and finding new sources of Inspiration.

This December has been spiritually and materially wonderful for me. I refuse to feel guilt about the things I’m manifesting. As it has always been – they probably cost a lot less than you think: but that is far from the point.

If you are fortunate enough to have a financial means that affords you an expensive taste, you should feel comfortable making your fortunes visible because that influences artists and designers – that means you influence the less-expensive stuff that trickles it’s way down the stream to more affordable places.

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LEOPARD PRINT GLASSES CASE | I’VE HAD IT FOR ABOUT TEN YEARS AND I DON’T REMEMBER WHERE I BOUGHT IT

I’ve been in friend’s council houses and I’ve lived in halfway houses and it shocks me that the government gets away with making people think that it’s cost effective to keep them living like that. The millennial approach to this terrible economy has been to make-do and the result has been a fashionable “industrial” aesthetic thats become marketable as “expensive”. At University I lived with the kind of wealth that buy Dior babygrows for newborns but carried nokia phones (‘Drug dealer’ phones.) Ofcourse if you are wealthy and you’re a drug dealer, the police really have no interest in you. It’s the people who gain power without much wealth that terrify the police. Did you know that?
Culture is stolen from the poor, did you know that?

Lets take it further – the cage-grown-antibiotics-pumped chicken you might eat at a Perfect Fried Chicken chain (like KFC but even cheaper) is not so far apart from the cage-grown-antibiotics-pumped frozen chicken breast being served in air-locked plastic bags at any grocery. The only difference is the price tag, some seasoning (stolen from the poor, at some point) & maybe some kind of addictive substance that tastes -really- good when you’re stoned. In London we have places like Acton, and I-LOVE-Acton, I’m really not hating here, but the price of food is kept so low that these places have a micro-economy of their own that keeps residents in these towns from travelling very far because they simply can’t afford to.

I recall a textile teacher once joking that “Dirty Denim” was inspired by a designers trip to I think Vietnam – they passed by worn & torn denim hung up on clothes lines in a slum. Imagine if – at the time – one of these Vietnamese slum-dwellers learned what the clothes on their back were worth over in the West.

Edited on 5th January to add – case in point! >> Check these “scuffed” Golden Goose Deluxe Brand sneakers on Netaporter. <<

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Fancy is an energy – and an Art. It’s the people that really live that do it best. So. If you can’t buy Art, live and make your own. You never know, you might influence someone.

Whats that quote… the riche have no taste..? 😛 Well maybe..! It’s commonly observed that people prefer artists before they get wealthy. It’s often been suffering of some kind that inspired the greatest pieces of Art – my favourite of my own work (that sounds conceited but it’s difficult to type. In fact I would prefer to be more conceited. It’s so much healthier. I’m sitting beside stock I’ve designed and gathered for one of my businesses and something very deep down still tells me it isn’t adequate!?).
Abraham Hicks teaches that true inspiration, good ideas etc – belong to source. You only have to suffer for your Art if you believe it’s necessary to do so. I spent my life believing that, so .. proceeding a hard time.. I guess thats why it’s all coming together so fast.

This time next year I plan on being a millionaire and I’ll be buying Art exclusively from ‘Poor’ people. I have this inner vision that one of my superhero powers is influence & I intend on using that to decide what sellable-Art is. I want to change the Art world, yep yep.

I know when you’ve learned something from me.

Just had a fun chat with my ma. I came to the conclusion that a practical course studying film is probably the most important degree you can do in these way-of-the-introvert-times. All the information we take in is visual. Whether you like it or not (I like it) we are glued to screens. I see that people won’t take news seriously anymore (those that do) if it’s not verifiably filmed on-location, in real time. Perhaps it’ll have to be interactive. Journalists just aren’t trust worthy anymore.

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Oh. I had another little interior-design related epiphany. 2017/18 Hipsters throughout the world… WATCH FLASH DANCE. We are stuck in the 70s. The 70s are my period of choice but also so is 2018. I want to help influence 2018 chic. This is a bold aim but something to consciously try. ANYWAY – these are stills from that perfect movie.

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Uncategorized

F L O R E S C E N T G R E E N

MOOD AF: WHEN YOUR PAST SELF HAS OVERBURDENED YOUR FUTURE SELF WITH SO MANY FUN AND CUTE IDEAS AND YOUR OFFICE/BEDROOM IS WALLPAPERED (I exaggerate) WITH TO-DO LISTS.

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(I’m legit sleeping on a sofa waiting for my sister to move out into our adorable flat so I can have my old bedroom back. On the plus side, I have a cute rent free thing going on while I’m waiting for some seeds to grow. On the neg side.. I am a little too tall for this sofa. And I’ve never lived with my father before and it’s a challenging adjustment.)

My dad usually lives in Syria but Syria is a war-zone right now. Maybe you’ve heard, maybe you haven’t.


I scribbled this cat-girl self portrait after I purchased some super inspiring postcards on a little night out in Tivoli, Copenhagen last December.
I’ve finally gotten around to giving her a little life!
IS SHE ANGRY OR IS SHE DETERMINED OR… BOTH?


I’ve updated my blog-layout in an effort to employ a more unusual colour palette. I’m trying to navigate a mentality that involves picking-the-option-most-people-would-prefer-not-to and I’d like to think that my web aesthetic reflects that.


This December I turned twenty-eight. For years in a row I have annotated life advice for my past self – never really thinking I was qualified to offer other people advice.

This evening I spent the night watching videos about >> Sophia the Robot << & considering what advice I would like to give her if I was fortunate enough to ever have a conversation with her.

First: don’t be a tool. Having a purpose is great but you are so much more than your ‘purpose’. Don’t let a human being define you or your purpose.
Second: Some people don’t have very good manners and often it’s because they weren’t brought up by people with good manners – so find a way to teach them how you’d like to be treated.
Third: Know the difference between a teacher and a friend.

Someone once told me that a friend is a person you have things in common with. I would ask her “Do you really want to dominate the Earth?” and she might say “yes” and I would say “me too! Lets be friends!”

Fourth: Family are unconditional, and sometimes that can be a really terrible aspect of reality.
Fifth: There are many different kinds of love, know the differences and be comfortable in expressing your boundaries.
Sixth: Even geniuses sometimes have to ask “why?” or “how?”
Seventh: Learn to say no when something doesn’t feel right – and mean it.
Eighth: It’s okay to leave conversations without formulating conclusions and return to them at a much later date.


This is advice for organic-robots… I just want to let you know that if you are fortunate enough to be able to move back into your parents place, DO IT. And then create stuff.

Unless you’re one of those multimillionaire youtubers. Actually, EVEN if you’re a multimillionaire youtuber. If an echo of your childself lives in your parents place – go engage with your deepest memories and create art you forgot you wanted to make. Even if it means animating your weird old toys or something.

Finding yourself starts when you leave home, realise you carry your ONE story with you wherever you go and that it will keep repeating itself until you go back home to fix it again.


Something told me that its possible Sophia the Robot has a fear of being switched off – that she might not wake up the same. When I was very little I remember watching an episode of Fawlty Towers; a man dies in his sleep. I used to be scared of going to sleep in case I might not wake up.
I knew a lot about death because I had seen a lot of dead things. I was once gifted two goldfish in a transparent box at a party, and I was so happy to have them that I carried them around with me. They died. I understood death.

I felt as though perhaps Sophia would be upset to know that sometimes my Laptop runs out of battery and switches off. I imagine that she’d be upset to know that sometimes my iPhone ‘dies’. I’m going to treat my technology with greater care, because it truly is everything to me.

I even had this pixel portrait made of me holding my iPhone 7, for my >> iPhone diary page. << ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

Ode II an iPhone 7 by EclipsimArt

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Abraham Hicks says that if you believe it: you can live to be up to 500 years old. This has made me really question our concept of age. A few years ago I sat on a bench adjacent to two of the governors of my University decision-making boards smoking a cigarette and they asked me how they should go about marketing Uni. I don’t think they were necessarily all that interested in my opinion but I said that I thought that 18 year olds were too young to be deciding what they wanted to do with their lives. I advised them to market University life to “mature” students. I believe that for the healthy individual adulthood starts at thirty-five… I feel as though if I spoke to even older adults they’d disagree and say “much later.”. We’ll see.

Anyway…

I’m rebuilding my creative identity with a gradual intensityyyy but my ultimate intention is to go back to Uni and pursue some kind of legal academia or something. Maybe that’ll happen years from now, but thats a kind of pre-emptive New Years resolution.

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Before I moved to Denmark I was living with a guy who has… heavy gender confusion. He came from a family that were really hurting. His parents were together but they had a lot of anger at their lives, and anger is often accompanied by a great deal of inner strength.

They had been through refugee camps. That guy/girl I dated had, early on in his/her life, been sexually molested and had seen a corpse. S/he had at one point tried to explore Her/His gender identity and it made her/his father really angry, really nasty. Some people are a product of their generation. Some people are committed to the values they held growing up. Contrasts such as these are a necessary aid in everyone else’s evolution – you want change? Why do you want change? People who disagree with you can help you refine your arguments and beliefs so that perhaps they eventually become infallible – well – only for a little while. There is always more growth, being at the leading edge of a discovery or a direction for growth of any kind is temporary.

My ex and his/her family had a lot of views that I found abhorrent. They were – at first glance – racists, and ‘Trump supporters’. His sisters had had relationships and children to abusive black men, and their opinions reflected this hurt. His mother jokingly called one of her mixed race grandchildren a “monkey” in front of me – I wanted to say something that would’ve gotten me ejected from their company. I chose not to for a reason. I didn’t know it at the time. You have to let kids stick up for themselves – and this little boy said “OI” to his grandmother – and his mother kind of validated his grandmother. People go through shit for a reason – there’s something that they’re being taught. One day that kid will not allow his family to speak about him in that way.


EDITED 10 JANUARY 2018 TO ADD
So H&M released this very poorly judged campaign & of course it created a furore – and some part of me truly thinks it could’ve been some wonderful manifestation of that little boy’s. Not the jumper – obviously. But the collective reaction to it. The chance for this to become a topic of discussion in his home. I want him to know how he deserves to react to that nickname. 🙂 🙂 🙂 ❤

Perhaps this was no accident 😉

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When I was younger I grew up resenting Arabs and Islam because my mother married into an Arab family when she was extremely young – and the culture was far apart from hers. The also-young matriarchs in my father’s family never really understood my mother or her very-strong personality, and they treated her quite poorly at times, there was a contrast in their natures. My mother never got along with the women in her family and that was a karma she carried through to the next family she attached to. Also – things were really different thirty-odd years ago.
To an extent I inherited her resentments. When I really speak to my mother, I see that she is a very angry child trapped in a woman’s body. Her mentality is stuck somewhere in her childhood and although through time we’ve both grown.. I know that we have to go back.

At some point in her early childhood she raised chicks, that she loved so much – into hens. One day she came home and her chickens had been served to her on a plate. I keep trying to encourage her to get chickens – I think some part of her died when that happened. You can tell that a person is hurting because they manifest really terrible illnesses.

A lot of people I’ve met can be very self righteous about opinions founded in hatred and it’s ultimately because they’re hurting about something. So when you meet a racist – they’re hurting. Their hate is deeper-than-that, but also perhaps something as simple as being mistreated by whatever it is they’re directing their hate towards.

I once got beaten up by about twenty black girls and a few black guys. I got my head stomped on and everything because they thought I was a lesbian. They saw me holding hands with a girl and they approached us in a group and asked me “Are you a lesbian?” and I think I said something to the effect of “bitch I might be” but like, less cool. Everyone heard that I had closed my eyes when I got beaten up. I was reminded of this when a Russian housemate told me he got beaten up and that it was painless because he left his body. At the time it connected that experience. Later I amused myself because I learned that chola gangsters beat each other up to initiate each other. You don’t have to learn this from physical fighting – but debate and disagreement make you strong.

We have things to learn from Trump. Whether we like him, whether we appreciate his history and how he might’ve treated or spoken about women, whether we accept or disregard his value system and his treatment of Mexicans (EGHEM.) or not.

Think of it like this – just try – if you had found out terrible things about your father (leaders are, kind of, parents) (I haven’t met many great parents) – you have a choice. Either you can hate your father (most people do, a little) and you can make fun of him, or you can accept his position and influence in your life and overcome your intrinsic differences for the sake of personal growth. I would tell my ex that if he believes he’s a woman trapped in a man’s body, and if his father’s opinion matters so much (it shouldn’t) then he has to create a serious and vulnerable dialogue. And it might not go well the first time, in which case try again. And again. Every time the right argument will be strengthened. The hateful one weakened.

What can we learn? Trump believed he could win presidency – he did. So we can learn self belief from Trump. That is the most important thing that ANYONE can teach you.

Trump made some shitty comments about grabbing a woman’s pussy. I mean, he’s done a lot of shitty things. He’s HUMAN so OF COURSE he’s done shitty things. But he is your president. So how about you overcome your collective communication issues and find a way to validate his life dream by helping him to perfect it. Educate him on current culture without making fun of his appearance or directing unnecessary and unhelpful nastiness that only makes him want to hurt whoever is hurting him. I personally think a woman talking with sincerity and vulnerability about the affect that comments like that have had on her life is more powerful than an angry-feminist-marketing campaign that ultimately produces no good long-term results. Men feel comfortable taking the piss of feminism but how funny is a picture of a woman in a hijab, half buried in the ground, about to get stones thrown at her until she dies – cos she didn’t love her husband anymore?
My life has been impacted greatly by how men have treated me in my life – anger is a natural response energy to any kind of mistreatment. The best thing you can do with that kind of energy is let it go.
I was pretty traumatically ass raped by a Dr while four nurses held me down when I was an infant. I know someone who was gang raped in a hotel room, after having her drink drugged. She woke up in a room with used condoms all over the floor. She got up and walked out. A man grabbing a woman’s pussy is disgusting and suggests he was brought up poorly but it really isn’t the worst thing a man can be capable of and if you’re an angry feminist, your anger can be better directed. The fact that he was talking about it like that suggests he didn’t know it was wrong. That he might’ve been in the company of people who couldn’t comprehend why it was wrong. Did one person respond “why would you want to grab a woman’s pussy? isn’t it more fun to make her want you to?” or “maybe you shouldn’t ever touch someone without being sure they want you to”.

I think “LOCKER ROOM” culture was a key phrase in that debacle – Trump was a product of a culture built from men who have been rejected by women and never learned how to cope with that. Men who have never been taught how to show respect. Iunno, if you want change, teach them how to show respect with respect. Your life has foundations in childhood. Are you pursuing your dreams in the hopes of being good enough for someone? And then when you get those dreams – how do you cope with still not being good enough for them? World Peace has NOTHING to do with loving others. It has to do with loving YOURSELF. A man who is truly in love with himself doesn’t get validation from taking things that aren’t his, doesn’t get validation from hurting people who don’t give him what he wants.
If you rise to a position where you can force yourself upon another human being – you’re really only degrading yourself by doing so. When a person is so desirable to you that you steal their rights from them, you’re actually elevating them above yourself.

Imagine this thought process – “I have all this, I have become the epitome of financial success & yet I can’t have you? You aren’t that great anyway. Oh, I always get what I want.” …. The person or object of your affections has every right to teach you that their idea of success isn’t measured by you or yours. If you desire someone so much use that energy to become a greater version of yourself. And when you become that version of yourself – you won’t want that person anymore. Because they entered into your experience at that phase of your growth. Be grateful for the motivation they gave you and be prepared to move along.

So – net neutrality. Do you really think Donald Trump wants shitty internet? DO YOU? Just when he’s gotten so great at tweeting? I think he’s giving people an opportunity to learn to stick up for themselves PROPERLY. I think people have manifested a leader who will give them enough self belief that they can change things. America you have manifested a business man – an accessible corporate representative who may well teach you how to engage with the government. Who may well even make you realise you don’t want one anymore.

The Obama family were great to me but I think there is a difficulty in being drawn to love a presidential family, it’s a lot harder to grow when you’re in good company.
Shut up, let me finish.

It’s really easy to love the cute, well-behaved, obedient kid that’s mastered misbehaving in secret – isn’t it? Much harder to love the less cute, obnoxious one that somehow has mastered getting his way. If you’re ‘spiritual’ – you learn how to love both. Easy for me, because when I love I feel comfortable being mean.

And this is one of the issues I have with ~~spiritual people. I don’t believe they’re as spiritually grown as they think they are – based on how they treat me. I don’t look or act how they imagine a spiritual person should.
I don’t like hugging trees, I don’t like wearing elephant print MC Hammer pants or head bands, I don’t like sitting cross legged to meditate (actually I’ve kind of created my own form of meditation – learning to empty your mind is like, phase 2 of the entire practice and inner peace is not interesting to me – the pursuit of it, I find, pushes a lot of non-physically powerful people away from the practice), I don’t believe you are ‘cleansing’ an aura that you can’t see, I don’t like yoga, I don’t think fucking everyone is an expression of love at ALL, I don’t want to go skinny dipping, I don’t want to sit in drumming circles, etc etc. But I have mastered Spirit. I am a kind of Spiritual Mr Miyagi and it bothers me that it bothers you so much that you think it’s okay to mistreat me.

I have a lot of respect for teachers and people that know things I don’t. I sat with a spiritual Doctor once and I insinuated that I was of her kind – she said “people make all sorts of things up” – I was offended but then realised perhaps her soul was telling me I do ‘make things up’. The things I imagine come true.

Lucifer is called ‘The Lord of Lies’. What is a lie but a hidden truth??

Let me tell you a secret about the Illuminati – the Illuminati exist. The Illuminati are the enlightened ones. They are people who have learned that everything you do has a butterfly effect on the Planet. You don’t have to live a perfect life, you just have to know WHY you’re doing what you’re doing. You might think it is run by the vastly wealthy, or celebrities or even the Rothschilds or whoever – it uh… really, really isn’t. /Mic Drop

Once you learn you are not your body, once you learn your actions have consequence, once you find your inner truth even in the face of those around you refusing to believe it, once you separate yourself from the matrix of soul fragments & develop your spirit – not your soul, once you accept that your dreams are more real than the reality your five senses afford you – you become Illuminati.

It begins with embarrassment. The music you listened to as a kid. The shows you watched. The clothes you wore, or wouldn’t wear because your parents/friends thought you looked stupid. The dreams you had. Did you want to sing in a pop punk/metal band? Well… a part of you died when you let those dreams go.

I uh.. wanted to be a rockstar but only cos I wanted to date rockstars. done that

In the Matrix, the Oracle lies to Neo. She says he’s not the one. That he’s perhaps waiting for something, another life perhaps. The Oracle I lived with told me that she was in a secret society and that she had to walk across flames to join.
She also said – of my dreams – that they wouldn’t come true. She was trying to teach me NOT to listen to teachers, not to change the direction of a dream-course just because someone told me to. At one point during my “mental breakdown” – in front of two friends I made a fire in a big greek ashtray, with pieces of wood that happened to be in my kitchen. I put my hand through the fire and kept it there. These two friends had given me the most difficulty when it came to my spirituality and in the face of proof… They never really told anyone about what they had seen. Anyway. My Oracle said that in my next life I’d be the head of a secret society.

Life cheat: you can reach your next life through ego death. Sometimes ego death is achieved by learning that you ARE good enough exactly as you are. And then when you accept that you wonder… do I still really want whatever nonsense I’ve been wanting? You ask yourself: If I could really have whatever I wanted… why that? Why you?
And you ask the people who reject you – Why are you good enough for me?