“Is she a version of you”
No. And if she’s reading this: YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE ME. MY LIFE IS SHIT.
There are people in the Universe that find me attractive. I don’t know why. I really don’t. Is your girlfriend me? Is your wife a version of me? No, but she might be amongst my most very dedicted and gifted stalkers.
If you have observed my life story, it is wholly unlikely that she is a ‘version’ of me that ‘survived’. Most of them kill themselves. If you had lived my life it is likely that you would’ve killed yourself.
We do not like to look like one another. We do not like to act like one another. We respond to and cope with different things in different ways.
Before I could have possibly believed in or understood chanelling, I was contacted by ‘The Sun Cats’. They gave me an intention to work towards that sat with me comfortably and that was to influence evolution.
I overheard the word ‘Talmud’ in an animation or a song or something of that nature, I watch the same kinds of things on repeat but I’m an ADHD phase of ‘creativity’ and more so sublimation, I recently had a collection of vivid dreams that involved seeing clones of myself (I was raped in one of those dreams by someone who had drugged me and ‘the struggle was real’) and before I digress onto some other horrendous thought journey, what came to my imagination immediately therein was the scrolls. I prefer ‘scrolls’ to ‘I am certain someone was being raped and that they thought of me’ and ‘I have PTSD’. There’s nothing I can do.
The angel Lucifer taught me that physical life is either BDSM or service. If you have ever aspired to work in the adult industry you would stay far, far away from BDSM unless it was motivated by service and even then it is horrible to imagine creatures competing for their lives. Life is a struggle, whatever it is that motivates you. Every form of life will tell you that is what we have in common. If you need friends, if you need people to have something in common with you, lets talk about our suffering, but only if we can laugh.
I’m trying to piece together a ‘story’ using scientific evidence.
This is a play called the Crucible. It is about the Salem Witch trials. It is by Arthur Miller.
Sooner or later you’ll accept as I have, that women compete with one another for men. It does not make much sense to me, I can’t imagine anything worse than seeing men compete over women’s affections (It does not look good) but here I am defending everyone and their blonde friends:
First of all: stay away from people I find attractive. They like women to compete after their attention, they were not loved as children. They won’t love you. If you think they love you, they are thinking of me when they talk to you. They are not inherently loving beings. If I were attracted to ‘loving people’ I would date an ugly guy. I apparently enjoy the company of men who need to remind me that they would be better off dating very attractive women that I would not compete with. They are so desperate for me to prove that I love them ‘the most’ that they will do very nasty things.
They might be very dedicated to pretending otherwise. They might actually marry you and have children with you to see if I get jealouse.
They are doing it specifically to upset me.
They know they can do better, I know they can do better, they know there are much prettier women than me, they know that you have a lot of friends that they can also have sex with.
They are very slutty, promiscuous and desperate to be unconditionally loved and sometimes when you are indulging their ‘sexual addiction’ you are perpetuating what might have been ‘child abuse’ to them as infants. If you read this and you know this and you still do it to them, it’s on you.
Some men’s mothers were “pedophiles” who were very convinced that their babies were long-lost boyfriends that were very desperate to have sex with them and as a result of that, their childselves were dehumanised (who’s inside you) never loved in a non-sexual way and they had to do very strange things growing up, to cope with that. I think women had to also resort to a lot of terrifying understandings to cope with everything that we are still learning about the physical body and ultimately, I think we need to accept that people under the age of sixteen are ‘physical’ beings and they are collecting all sorts of life forms to share a body with.
If I cannot speak to you like this, I am not compatible with you. I pick the weird dialogue. Sometimes it is not me dialoging but also sometimes I say things you would not say for money and I am a valid being for it, even if you think the things I am saying are indicative of insanity, it is very easy to walk away from a dialogue with me. I won’t chase after you and I won’t force myself on you and that might be your love language but that is not my love language.
I am not defending your pedophile mother, I might be projecting how it feels to realise that if I had children, and hugged my children, they might’ve been unknowingly occupied by my incestuous ugly cousins. That is also enough to make me not want children.
Don’t think about them. (children/men I find attractive)
Don’t talk to them. (children/men I find attractive)
Don’t sleep with them. (children/men I find attractive)
Don’t stalk them. (children – if you think “that child looks EXACTLY like me and might actually be mine, talk to the mother or father, check they’re not being abused, be glad you have more time to meet men/men I find attractive)
I’m doing you a favour by saying so.
I can make you believe that you are attracted to a cartoon character that lives alone/that would sexualise a person in a straight jacket. If you have ever been threatened with having your autonomy taken from you, you’d realise that is the very least sexy experience you can have in life. I have had almost all of the experiences. You don’t want that one. I don’t want that one. No one wants that one.
Here is a time traveller defending you for the above paragraph.
First of all. You might be very sensitive to my strong emotions.
You are not compatible with the people I find attractive.
I can make you want after ANYTHING that I really want.
If you pretend to be me (I don’t know why the fuck anyone would want to do that because I am very difficult to cope with) to people I find attractive you will trigger their trust issues and they will want to kill you eventually. It is likely that the people I am compatible with really need to feel guilt all the time, to function normally.
I am a very damaged person. A person that was raped at three is never not going to be damaged. There is no psychiatrist that can change that. I actually don’t mind, especially, being a damaged person.
When I am happy it is very easy for me to hide that I am a very damaged person. I am constantly looking for reasons to be happy, and that pisses people off. I have more reasons than you to be sad and none of those are self inflicted, but that which I do to myself is sometimes worse than the infant rape.
I am attracted to damaged people. If I am attracted to someone they are also very damaged or they are in trouble with the police or have otherwise recently had an altercation with the police who like to arrange for ‘good looking’ people to commit petty crimes so that they can go to University/have sex with me ‘consensually’. Whatever. Eventually you’ll realise that many of the people that claimed to be listening to rap weren’t actually listening to the lyrics that say things like ‘fuck the police’. People do not say things like ‘fuck the police’ without risking their lives. It is not a pop-reference.
My female stalkers are very ‘clever’ and it is very difficult to know whether a female person that I do not auto-despise is me or a stalker.
I have many female stalkers.
My female stalkers are not especially interested in me, they like to compete over the interests of men that I find attractive and to abuse men that I find attractive. The men I like might actually enjoy being abused by those women, I still don’t really understand it, but service-me encourages you to accept that I am a very loving person (to the point of ‘unconditional love’ and it is not a good thing but it is the real me and so I need evil friends) and if I do not like someone – if their nature is so heinous that it overwhelms me to the point of no-communication, avoid them with me because if I can’t cope with them neither can you. Being ‘liked’ does not make you a ‘people’ person. I have had more ‘friends’ than you have had in your entire life. I do not know who you are pretending to be when you are around friends but if I could not cope with that, neither can you.
If she ‘reminds’ me of a ‘friend’ I had as a ‘child’, stay the hell away from them.
I should. But I didn’t on this occasion because it was about my alien friend hH, I was trying to make hH jealouse.
It was disasterous but also very funny. I have PTSD.
I have to keep the kind of company that would not be weirded out by me saying something like “a tattoo artist called ‘xam’ is very convinced that we are being farmed for vampire food” and then they have to accept that if I have just exited a bathroom, (after having used the toilet,) “I gots the PTSD again”. Have you ever had a terrible existential drug trip? The only thing that might keep you from wanting to die, (be it the comedown, be it the enlightenment) might be a cute, colourful cartoon and clean sheets in not-too-many-colours and ruffles.
I have joked about stalking people, but I never do: because I am really lazy and broke. There are people who don’t know when I’m joking and they do the thing I joke about doing but more often than not would never do. I actually wouldn’t stalk a person. On one occasion I went to a photoshoot because I fancied someone. That went well for everyone involved. (When you no me, you get one of my stalkers. They have been waiting for you for years. You do not conceive a me by saying no to me but you might get one of my pedo-stalkers. You might not have known before but you do now: women are also pedophiles. Be careful with humanoid-dwarves.)
I have many, very dedicated, very weird stalkers with a number of motivations. Some of those motivations include ‘wanting children’. You do not want to use my thinking ‘your hand looks nice today’ as an excuse to ‘steal an egg’. Trust me you don’t want that one.
It is a struggle for me to do anything if I am not being paid to do it. Imagined relationships are the new struggle for me. If I find out that you are being paid to ‘imagine date’ me, (there are a lot of mes, they are nosey, if they don’t like you, good luck with the dwarves/stalkers/pedos.) or that you are ‘defending’ a blonde that I “fancied” when I was running for my life from rapists/stalkers/torture etc, good luck.
Eventually I’ll learn that if I like someone I sort of have to say no now, so that they appreciate me. I am very damaged and I am very late for appointments and my room is VERY messy, and I smoke a lot but I’m not a pedophile and I don’t care about your money. Actually I am very suspicious about your money.
There are some consistencies: they LOVE mum stuff. They tell people how much they want children. They are not repulsed by the idea of having children. They use words like ‘babies’. If they have children they dress them in very particular garments. They defend Peaches Geldof, my ‘mum’ told me that Peaches was ‘working to uncover pedophile rings’. That is a thing that pedophiles say.
I have wanted children since I was about three years old. That is a very weird thing to want, but I think it came from wanting to be cuddled/loved by my family. Obviously my motivations and aspirations in life have developed tremendously but apparently it is an adult industry niche that works very well for me. I know too much about my story to want children. I do not want children. Sometimes the hormonies tell me that I want children. I do not want children.
This is me doing mum stuff for a chihuahua friend. I went to one particular stalker who owned a shop. I got him a very masculine grey tshirt. She referenced the bad-acid-trip-moomin-orgasm and said “there you go”.
I will explain the cursive look. It is, to me, an innocence lost look. Like, girl in fucked up boots donning a pristine floral dress with smudged lipstick. It is a reference to the American ‘riot girl’ movement. It is a feminist movement. It was a response, supposedly, to women who would have sexual intercourse with men in bands rather than aspiring to be in bands themselves.
The youtuber look with ornate wallpaper and mock-victorian motifs is a reference to that moment in time. I am not defending blondes for popularity. I enjoy stories and personalities and atleast three Nirvana songs and Hole songs. Frances Bean and I would despise of one another and I would probably ask Courtney to throw something at her because my ex cheated on me with her in imagination land. Feel free.
It is a look that has been bastardised by my stalkers who did not get what I was trying to do and the maths work associated with the development of that look.
You need to actually have PTSD and fucked up life experiences to do that look.
I sexualise lactating women. I would get pregnant with an animal so that I could take selfies with breast milk. I am repulsed by children. I enjoy the company of intelligent children but really I like upsetting “good mothers” by saying things like “your child has manic depression because she is sensitive to colours and she doesn’t like the colours in her paint palette” to guilt trip people that thought they’d be better parents than me. I do not want children but when you can’t look after them anymore I will pass them on to someone that you think is wiser than me. I am vindictive and not nice and my shadow self likes it when you think you know better than me, as if I am not a child-self in forever-PTSD when I am happy, constantly avoiding reliving her childhood memories. You know better.
No, wait, there are reasons for me liking women:
1. I am trying to make someone jealouse
(I have discovered that it is alot of fun to play the jealousey game with women against hH the alien, because he ruins their lives to prove he a.) exists and b.) loves me, which is the point of the game. It isn’t a game that healthy people play I’d imagine, but if you want to find out if someone ‘loves’ you, play the jelly game.)
I was very dedicated to the jealousey game on this occasion. It isn’t a good idea to play with beings that have siblings but we’ll get to that another time. I wanted nice clothes for Space.
This is one of the things I had embroidered into a playsuit I found on Amazon, ripped off of a design that I illustrated and that doesn’t fit me properly. She embroidered a lollipop onto it. The woman that I would have befriended and taken to Space as a bestfriend and jellymaker. I think she is an actual scat fetishist.
So hH invited me to Space. Which makes sense because I’m not Earth compatible. I’m here for the animals and the shops, the coffee table books, Final Fantasy and cheap fabrics in colours I’ve waited all of my life to see the shoppes stock. You think it’s routine to find a baby pink nylon-organza in your local ‘Fabricland’ but it took years of really wanting it and defending blondes.
By the way, chances are you do not like the colour pink if you are blonde, and that you don’t like the idea of ‘unconditional love”. I do like the colour pink, because of Aerith, ballet shoes and Hello Kitty. You do not want me to love you fullstop, but I unconditionally love lamp. Which is funny now that I have a doll that does creepy things to indicate that she is sentient. For example, just afew days ago I almost lost my balance and kicked over a very expensive (for me) pot of glue and it moved to the otherside of the room. I didn’t see it move but it did move and she (Jenova the Blythe doll) was competing with Miss Kittie and the Black Butler, from the anime Black Butler. Magical things really dis/like the jelly game. The jelly game makes people go insane actually.
Anyway. So lets discuss the last woman I attempted to befriend, to make hH the alien jealouse.
She indicated that she was having a thing with a blonde guy I liked for ten years after seeing a photo of him once. I didn’t care.
Incase you don’t know: I got not-violently but awkwardly raped several times (by his bestfriend, possible sibling) in order to meet him. I didn’t mention it to the blonde because I didn’t want to be a debbie-downer.
Needless to say, it didn’t work out. We met twice. He was okay. If I did not have PTSD from being raped in a psychiatric ward a year or so before our meeting I might have been more fun/hotter/told him that only one or two of his friends were attractive enough to hang out with him. I almost had sex with him once and I had fake blood on my nose and said no to the sex because I wanted to marry him. Which is very normal behaviour on my part. Saying no to sex doesn’t actually work with men you want to date but it is good for being friends if they don’t rape you in your sleep/leave their body to watch you shave your asshole with ALL of their friends in the bath etc. (People that do things like that to me pretend that their lives are great but if I hate you, your life is ruined because I control how people feel about you. The ‘defending the blonde’ thing is annoying but eventually I’ll find a superior blonde for them to defend.)
If he was not blonde I could watch him die and feel nothing, but he is blonde. I said/did nothing about her hinting that she was hanging out with him because I was trying to make hH the alien jealouse.
She indicated that she was having a thing with a guy that had the same name as a pedophile headmaster, the dad-of-one-of-my-worser-stupider-rapists, a wellspoken drug dealer that got compensated financially by the University that he stalked me to attend. It would be convenient for everyone to lynch mob his dad, who would leave his body and occupy him. He married a short woman with very large breasts. She uses words like “nesting”. She has “au pair” experience. She dated a guy called Jack. I promise you: all Jacks are gay. If they are ‘not gay’ they haven’t realised that they are gay yet.
I learned that pedophiles are very aware of the illusions society uses to profile pedophiles. If he is a wellspoken whiteman, he’s not a pedophile. If she is a blonde or a trustworthy brunette who arrives on time to her appointments, she’s not a pedophile.
Incase you have forgotten: there are reasons for me liking women:
2. I am physically but not necessarily sexually attracted to women
This confuses butch lesbians. I am not interested in butch lesbians. I am very angry with the police because they introduced me to two butch lesbian dwarves that stared at a photograph of my older brother, who was also a victim of pedophiles. It must be very weird for society to realise that they were contributing abuse to the victims of pedophiles. I am very glad I have rejected society.
So to be clear: I can look at a woman and like her long hair and breasts and long nails. You’ll fancy her if I do. You’ll cheat on me with her but you actually shouldn’t, because if you don’t cheat on me with her, we might actually both fancy you at the same time. If you are into me taht is a good thing, if you are using me to find women you should say so very honestly because I can find you all of the women and help you keep them on a fuckgirl roster.
You’ll regret it if you fuck me over for sex-all-day because I actually don’t mind that if we are just-friends. If I really love you I’ll let you mind control me to not want you to want to kill yourself. That works until it doesn’t.
I can also make men attractive to everyone in the Universe, but when I stop fancying you, you won’t be that popular with women. Every guy I have ever fancied has been the hottest guy in town for atleast afew hours of his life. Who remembers Luke? Good because I don’t remember him all that well. We dated for four years. But based on that experience: I can promise you with certainty that you do not want to be in a co-habiting relationship with one other person.
3. I have mummy issues. I am subconsciously looking for my mother. I have to find my mother sexually attractive because when we make eye contact she is my most recent sex partner and my other sexual partners can’t compete with her. I cannot live with my mother because eventually my sexual partners will prefer her to me. I would prefer to live with my mother but I would need my own wing with an internal farm area, like the one the Goth family have in the Sims. Not my “birth mother”. My hair literally falls out when I think of my mother.
4. We have stuff in common. Sometimes they remind me of me. I like it when women remind me of me.
5. Sometimes they remind me of me because they have been thinking about me non-stop for atleast the last ten years.
6. Sometimes they make me laugh, which is really good for people who have PTSD and have been raised thinking that their mother was going to be raptured to the Heavens and that they weren’t.
To prove she is me it is likely she’ll have to go through torture.
Tetuba the Hen and Haulix? The Hen
I can joke about calling a hen ‘Tetuba’.
Because first of all: I relate to Tetuba. I would sell my soul to Lucifer for pretty dresses and plane tickets. I really would. I did actually sell my soul to Lucifer, for ‘revenge’. My mother sacrificed my body to God when I was an infant so I imagine that’ll be a story for their grandchildren someday.
Anyway, Tetuba (the character, not the hen) is embroiled in a court case about black magic with lots of women.
Second of all: I flirted with thoughts about killing my mother as a child but I knew never to do it because I knew I’d get caught.
She is a woman of colour embroiled in stuff she knew never to do because she is a black woman and she would get caught
I am going to be nice: looking at a naked child/wiping them and experiencing ‘sexual energy’ or arousal doesn’t automatically make you a pedophile. It is common and babies stolen from me are very gifted at transferring energy. They can’t use all of their energy lying there all slobby-and-baby-homer-simpsony, and it can be very uncomfortable for a child to have any sort of energy build up. Actually too-much energy of any kind is a form of torture. I don’t know what’ll teach humans to stop stealing other than to be forced to live with their mistakes and to tell people their mistakes. I don’t want to adopt your shitty-ugly kinds with shitty-ugly names and shitty-ugly wardrobes.
If you are pedo-brigaded and you remove yourself from the grid so that you can live your boat life dream/or you run to a country like ‘Turkey’ and you find the ‘house of your dreams’ that is a huge no-no, because you might be sold into sexual slavery.
It is possible to enter a persons home in the UK and forcibly give them an abortion, or gas them in their home and rape them and their children (the ginger prick does it all the time), or replace their body with an identical one and it is much easier to do it in those countries.
If you are a pedo, seek psychiatric help, stay away from children, ask to have surgery that blinds you, whatever.