the Ceremony of the Enthronement of His and Her Majesties, the Emperor and Empress of Japan

Everything that I find really interesting about myself is a result of Walt Disney’s imagination and the Japanese artist’s imagination: that root-creativity is the stuff of my older brother’s and my life. Everything to everyone I’ve ever met or thought worth meeting.

I do not currently affiliate with the adult industry but that was what I wanted for a significant portion of my life, that was what I wanted to do with my life. I admired (and very much still do) Mary Magdalene, the most iconic “prostitute” archetype that has ever existed.

I’m disinclined to believe she was a prostitute but it’s entirely impossible to be certain of anything unless you ask the person yourself. I probably really, really could but I wouldn’t unless I had a teacher around that could tell anyone who was overcome with jealousy to shut-the-fuck-up. Once I reminded Russell Brand – an Essex boy Jew who once name-dropped Jesus Christ with his mother – that Jesus Christ had temper tantrums in a synagogue and at the time he probably looked insane for doing so.

I’ve learned that if you are a talented medium, you can access the memories of figures in history and confuse them for ‘past life memories’. I don’t know that Jesus Christ really died at all, I have a feeling he didn’t, but I do believe that he could have used figures to communicate his work at times. Russell Brand is probably a medium too, it’s a genetic gift, but I’d sooner believe that he was one of “Jesus Christ and Mary Magdalene’s” children. There is a blood line that the Catholic Church keep secret – in any case I believe that Jesus Christ, Mary Magdalene and Judas Iscariot represented three figures of a twinflame set and that there would have been many versions of them around the World at the time doing similar work to catalyse evolution.

I don’t believe a Jewish woman could have survived, in that time-period, if she was selling her physical sex. If you’ve ever spent any time around Jewish men, you’d probably agree. She couldn’t of hung out with thirteen or so men and made-money without upsetting them.

However I do know of one account, (One of my spiritual teachers – when we made our initial introductions I asked if she knew of Mary Magdalene and she asked me if I knew of Enoch) told me that the details provided in the bible are wrong) Jesus Christ interfered when a woman was going to be stoned for adultery and that it’s possible that Mary Magdalene filled the space that introduction made in his life.

I was raised in what you’d understand to be a fundamentalist Christian home, I mean there are Christians that go to church every Sunday, there are Christians who go to church on Christmas day – then there was my mother. My mother speaks in tongues and we only ever really exchanged dialogue to have a theological debate. Once as a child I said “do you love God more than me?” and she said “I love God before I love any human being”.

DID I RESENT IT? YES. I WAS JEALOUSE OF GOD. But it’s the only thing about her that I had respect for because I was a very angry teenager, am a very angry adult and interestingly enough I’m great at conveying messages from angels now.

Back to Japan, my vision of erotica is about 60% inspired by Japan and 20% inspired by religious iconography and 20% inspired by catholicism.


Here is a half-naked Goddess Kali. She wears a necklace of severed heads. She wears Jewellery. She hangs out in flames and has piercings. MADNESS.


Your favourite games programmers are either Japanese, Chinese or Korean and if they’re not, then their favourite programmers probably are.


I would like to congratulate the honourable Emperor and Empress of Japan on behalf of the United Kingdom for being my favourite couple and for the Enthronement of His and Her majesties. I know you both know I wanted to be a pornstar so it isn’t awkward, I hope. Actually I’m probably quite kid-safe viewing in Japan and I really appreciate that. (That is a joke, it is an attempt at a joke.) I also always wanted to sell my underwear at those kiosks but I didn’t think I was good enough to do so because the school girls in Japan have much more-awesome uniforms than we do over here in the UK.


I know you two must also know that I’ve always wished I could’ve been a geisha (I am quite frankly not worthy but it’s so important to have wishes) and that I hold Japan in the highest esteem.


Thankyou also, for keeping my generations children in the United Kingdom entertained, we forget that without you we wouldn’t even have Pokémon. Or Yo Sushi. Or grocery-made-sushi Or Hello Kitty. Or Silent Hill. Or Street Fighter. Or the Sims, I imagine. Your country and your artists keep our young people alive and dreaming, I believe. You’re probably entirely responsible, as a nation, for many anorexics trying fish for the first time too. For all sorts of reasons I believe you’re the reason that many of us are still actually alive.

I would also like to thankyou in earnest for hosting my runaway grandmother, Conchi, who I am sure celebrated with you both and the idea of it gives me fantastic butterflies. I know deep down she must’ve spent her entire life wanting to elope to you two and I’m sorry that your generation are so graceful, decent and diplomatic about these things because our whole family would have encouraged and celebrated it.



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