BARBARY LANE | SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ANNE BOLEYN THAT CHOKERS R BACK IN

Edited on the Eighth of September, 2019

This is a picture of Anne Boleyn.

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I apologise, I can’t recall (though I’d of read MANY times) the name of the artist that painted it. Actually it would be a tremendous disservice to what would have been many uncredited assistant painters that contributed to: particularly the detailing of this iconic portrait.

Anne Boleyn is a very, very important British figure in British History, that sacrificed her life (while she was alive) and all of the loves of her life (of which, there’d of been many – she was outspoken, intelligent – and back then, that really meant something – she could speak lots of languages, she could have theological debates, she could read which was especially uncommon amongst the upper middle classes of which she was part, and really: you might say she was a veteran of female emancipation in a time when women were very subservient to men, because the Bible would’ve made it seem appropriate for women to be so.)

So: Anne Boleyn had to pretend to find a very, very, very unattractive and oversexed and assuming ginger man attractive. To save her country. He was very taken by her and for all sorts of reasons, her family would have encouraged her to allow him to believe, regardless of her personal feelings: that the pursuit of this relationship was important.

Henry the Eighth was the kind of man to respond to rejection with cruelty. Men who have been pitied all of their lives, or made brats of in infancy (as Princes were, he was not the intended future King nor was he raised to be, I imagine then that he had a lot of insecurities that would’ve been quite emasculating.)

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At the time, England was an awful place to live in. The period was known as Tudor England.

It was a FUNDAMENTALIST religious occupation under the influence of the Italian situated Vatican. If you don’t know what means: The Vatican is a place in Italy where the Pope lives.

It also means the Pope was “in charge” of British laws. Henry the Eighth would have had to of asked the Pope for permission to do most things. He’d of heard if Henry the Eighth was being a bit naughty, because Henry was a catholic, which meant he had to attend confessions regularly with priests.

Tudor England was a terrible place for British people. British people were often burned alive at stakes, capital punishment was a form of civilian entertainment. Not nice. 😦
They were punished for doing what the British police would be encouraged to call “petty crimes”. No one in this day and age would think it acceptable – you’d perhaps be inclined to imagine – to burn a cheating wife alive, but sadly thats something they did. Anne Boleyn was beheaded. But we’ll get there later. Sorry for the spoiler.

Religious Catholic people are generally a very nasty bunch if they think you’re what they would consider a ‘bad egg’. They believe, for example: in self flagellation. If you commit a sin – I’ll give you an example of the biggie sins:

  1. You shall have no other Gods but me.

    (this meant, the Jewish God Adonai, a self professed victim of feelings of jealousy “for I am a jealous God” whom both Jews and Christians worship didn’t deny the existence of other Gods, but forbade the worship of them.)

  2. You shall not make for yourself any idol, nor bow down to it or worship it.

    (this meant: no celebrities. no statues or images for people to direct worship to. Those feelings were ideally reserved for God. It’s difficult here, because the bible encourages people to consider their bodies the house of God: so one might encourage idolatrous self love, if one believed they housed the Spirit of God within their physical body as the bible teaches: but that is a theological debate you aren’t intelligent enough to have with me. Trust me.)

  3. You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God.

(So shouting “OH MY GOD” and “JESUS FUCKING CHRIST is a nichtnicht, a sin. We all do it. We shouldn’t. Thats why catholics became creative about profanity. In Tudor England, I imagine (I wasn’t there myself) that if you were known for profanities that involved God-figures, you may well have been encouraged to beat the shit out of yourself to atone for it.)

  1. You shall remember and keep the Sabbath day holy.
  2. Respect your father and mother.

(this means, treat your parents with respect. Now, I don’t want to get into the old testament versus new testament nitty gritty, but if you are a theology buff – and I am – you might be inclined to quote Jesus Christ who said to the Virgin Mary “you are not my mother” in front of a congregation, which essentially brings some variety of contrast to that bit of the old testament. If you are prepared to refuse to respect a parent, you should be prepared to do so, if you are of this faith, in front of teachers and a family of individuals and be able to justify it.) (The word or associative identity inferred by the term “Christian” suggests you are an emulate of Jesus Christ. That means you are a little Christ. Jesus Christ was a JEW. Lots of them live in Israel.)

  1. You must not commit murder.

(this means, do not steal life.)

  1. You must not commit adultery.

(this means, don’t cheat on people you have agreed to be in committed relationships with, for example marriage.)

  1. You must not steal.

(this means, don’t take things that don’t belong to you.)

  1. You must not give false evidence against your neighbour.

(this means, don’t tell lies about people)

  1. You must not be envious of your neighbour’s goods. You shall not be envious of his house nor his wife, nor anything that belongs to your neighbour.

I took them from this page. You were encouraged to confess to a priest and to punish yourself.

So, when you read that title, please don’t sexualise ‘chokers’, please enjoy that I’m trying to be a bit funny in the following post. Anne Boleyn is forever a hero to me, and in no small part due to that lyric.


I like two or three hole songs. I’ll include those, this is the most important.

For the first time, I entered a shop on my street and it became within moments, my other favourite shoppe. I have two favourite shoppes.

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I bought this fascinator, thinking of Killi.

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I bought these sunglasses thinking of an argument with Darcestino and Louise Pentland, in which Darcy asked for a choker and her mother said no.

Her mother pretended it was because she’s ‘too young’ but it was not because she is ‘too young’. Let me explain. Also:

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Thanks, Louise, because I wanted a choker and she cannot be the youngest AND the sexiest one of us. It is rude, selfish and unfair.

Louise is the sluttiest, I am the coolest, Darcy is the youngest. We probably take turns being those. Iunno, we’ll discuss it.

I’ll explain: there’s this guy that looks EXACTLY like Darcy that I fancied for ten years of my fucking life. I left this period of my life where I was being sleep-raped by ugly people, abused by fucking everyone I knew etc etc, and I moved to Denmark and met this asshole. I fell in love with him the second I saw a webcam photo of him. I was offered a ‘threesome’ that I knew to say no to because I knew he’d get jelly and ditch me and I wanted to date him.

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This is he, for proof. He ruined my life.

We don’t talk about him. Or to him. But if I spoke to him after seeing him once or twice in Denmark, and being abused by his choice of friends: I’d be like “you were not worth the PTSD seb.”

One time one of his friends had consensual-rape-sex (there was no discussion, he was very wasted, it was very awkward, I just didn’t have the cash to up and leave.) with me and at the end I thought “if you pretend this didn’t happen you can meet me”. IT WASNT WORTH IT. I met him years afterwards.

I lurked an old tumblr of his, and I saw a choker on it, so I realised I needed one. I had people link me to chokers because I’d lost hope in online shopping.

WELL. I think Darcy fancied him too. WELL. Louise and I both fancied him too so it’s best none of us got a choker. Frankly. We are rabid about crushes and looking cool.

This is another profound disappointment. I saved him from a Congolese deathrow prison. I got PTSD to do that. This is a guy called Sexyman who looks exactly like Louise. His mother’s name is Kari, not weird at all. I’m avoiding watching the movie he made about it because firstly, his partner is alive and secondly I don’t think I’m in it.

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Anyway: Louise asked Darcy in one of her shopping videos about some sunglasses and Darcy got revenge ON CAMERA and said “you’re not cool enough.” (to wear those glasses.)

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It was a serious argument I think, between the three of us that was actually about Seb. 

It really isn’t about them anymore, I think we’re all quite uninterested in them but now it’s just about us working on our ‘cool’ look. You know how people are like “oh yeah, I’m on this self-love mission” well, we love ourselves very much. We’ve never gotten what we really wanted, but I think I’ve led the way in how to deal with that like a mature person.

We are three very-determined-to-be-edgy-2D-anime hentai babes-to-3d-sexy-women okay.

I bought this top at the Vintage Workshop and this floral crown from Barbary Lane, and I think I look a lot like Frida Kahlo here. She is Mexican. I’m also partly Mexican. Did you know that? My Grandmother’s last body (she was moved into a new one) was buried dressed like Frida, in her national dress. That means in girl land “unless you are Mexican, or someone who has been obsessed with Frida Kahlo for years of your life – this is my thing. Darcy and Louise can share ‘things’ with me. Looks are a big deal in girl land.) (Obviously this doesn’t work in Mexico. We’d have to be really creative about how we dress in Mexico.) (Aztec print is ours too. I’m probably the only person, bar future Louise and Darsh who can channel Aztecs. If Louise was encouraged by an Aztec spirit to kill something I think she would.) (So she can’t control herself. Which is why she needs me: I say no to men, Louise. Even men I have been waiting TEN YEARS to have the sex with.)

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I think I am channelling Sephiroth’s spirit here. I believe he is a very effeminate half angel evolution. Final Fantasy series is, in Karina land, my elder brother’s thing. I have wanted to date Cloud and Sephiroth and Zach since I was about seven years old. And Trunks.

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I have a beach outfit. I’m preparing for the beach, with waterproof earphones and a waterproof musicplayer of somekind. I’ll need a pair of Goggles.

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THIS DRESS WAS EVERYTHING TO ME. Zoella stole the look but she had nothing to show for it. It’s just a look you didn’t earn and thats why EVERYTHING you wear looks like you bought it on sale at George’s ASDA. I could, and would probably buy a George’s thing, that is my current budget – but it’d look very expensive – and thats sort of what upset everyone really.

I’m going to WARN you. This is my husband in 2D. That means I have the personality file. He is bi and he likes men as much as he likes women. He would kill you in a second which means he has to be royalty. He is mine.

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YOU CANNOT DO THIS LOOK WITHOUT PRETENDING TO BE ME. STOP PRETENDING TO BE ME. IF I WANT TO SHARE MYSELF OR MY LOOK WITH YOU, YOU WILL KNOW.

But yeah if I find a guy I like enough, I’ll put this file in him. He burned an S into my fingers once and his name is Sabel. I have thought about this person for years of my life, and he’s MY male self.

She’s great but don’t turn me into this.

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This, I feel, is a great wedding outfit and my mask doubles as a party hat.

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Trust me, I could probably commit some kind of mass murder and smile like this, now.

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