Louise Pentland did a half eye with liquid eyeliner and I copied.

_MG_5505.JPG

This necklace, I bought for £2.50 at a local charity shoppe. This bra, I bought at Primark about .. a year and a half ago. This hairclip is from The Vintage Workshop in Brighton and it cost about £4. These shorts are also old. The ribbon around my waist is old. The crimson bracelets on my ankles – one is from the packaging of a Lalique bottle and one is a lindt bunny bell. I can’t work out who my lindt bunny is.

_MG_5516.JPG

I’ve got green glitter in the hairs on my head.

_MG_5499

Today I’m thinking of David Bowie and his wife, and if they’re the same person, a lady I shared on facebook some time ago: that said she found other women attractive, (because, at least if you have all the body parts of a female person,) if you do not find other women attractive it’s quite impossible to be attracted to yourself.

_MG_5500(That video was a fast forward response to all of the meditations I was doing – I wanted the truth – I was telepathically being made to feel ugly, I was too insecure to dress up, I was robbed of the energy to be able to go to school, I have a disability – shitting twice a month is a big deal apparently.)

I met a guy called Porter when I went to uni, he faked a death I think? I know he’s not dead because his toes changed the shape of mine a bit, but they’re going back to normal now. Wherever he is, he’s wandering around barefooted.

I’ve always found other women attractive but they’ve always been the abusive ones and I have to stay away from those because I let people that I love abuse me. It’s actually quite rare for me to find men attractive which is why it’s so rude that you’ve been stealing from me all these years.

But trust me, if I were into BDSM, if I could justify being an abuser… I could do worse than all of you.

Screen Shot 2019-08-27 at 11.36.15.png

this uh. This is not BDSM. I mean, these looks might be a thing that ‘turns you on’ but it is not BDSM. If you don’t have the guts to walk around in outfits like this then it’s a performance and theres a dishonesty to performing, be yourself when you’re having sex.

To adopt a Mark from Peepshow voice: I know the Eurythmics released a song years ago that said “some of them want to abuse you, some of them want to be abused” that is not an either or spectrum of life. I do not want to abuse people and I don’t want to be abused either.

I hung out with this guy that I nicknamed ‘kinky artist’ or something. I did it to make a guy I’d been ‘secretly’ in love with for about ten years jealous. Then I developed real feelings – the first time I met him I gave him evil looks. I fancied him a lot but I saw my first boyfriend in him and uh. Well we didn’t do anything for years.

He was too insecure to have floral dress and thigh high boot sex with me. His idea of bdsm was to put me in a bathtub and cut my pubic hair off?? I laughed because I’d let a ‘best friend’ do all of that nonsense. Literally everything he and I did was snuggling and it was not sexy, or sexual. We had the sex but it was uh. It was better when I refused. I am not endorsing rape here – it is a lot more fun for two people who know they are in love with/attracted to one another (don’t flatter yourself too much, I can fall in love with anyone) to mess around with each other by pretending otherwise.

It’s a “I could have anyone I want” thing.

It was tough to play that game in Denmark when I had PTSD from a series of abuses at the hands of the NHS who have avoided responding to a letter about it, because I know and the NHS know that their staff are probably losing a very significant portion of their licenses to practice. Maybe you guys can emigrate to Denmark.

I was being raped – in the hospital – by ugly people that I wouldn’t of accepted MILLIONS of pounds to have sex with, (sold by my “sister” and “mother”) and I was on medication that made me lose a LOT of hair (I mean, I would softly brush out huge clumps of hair. And it was visible. It is growing back – slowly.), affected my brain chemicals (which made the PTSD MUCH worse – what the NHS pretended to confuse for ‘insanity’ was actually just my personality, and they asked my RELATIVES about me – my relatives knew nothing about me, they didn’t even really speak to me when I was growing up), slowed my metabolism and gave me parkinsonism, and also – you really have to TRUST people before you start having sex with them because when you have sex with someone you’re connected to them forever and that is an STD of it’s own. If you are psychic and you hang out with untrustworthy people, you will feel it and it’ll affect you a lot. You might not know why they’re untrustworthy, but the first impression is correct.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s