Okay you need to, well, you ought to at the very least: listen to this if you want the right vibe for my post. It brings a meditative session to a close and if you did not PAY to witness it, you’ll wish you had but you have time to.
If you don’t think the person in this photograph didn’t come from MY ovaries you are deluded. He has no loyalty. I value this, because it means if someone abuses him he will run to someone scarier. I don’t value this because he only cares about looks or something. I don’t really know whats wrong with his head. He was badly raised.
Also he has no idea of who is “scarier” than me, and to be scarier than me you need money, you need to be sexually involved with a lot of very big men, you don’t know what being ‘scary’ really means actually.
And actually those very big men are probably running from a version of me. Most big men that would run to someone that they think is ‘above’ me don’t realise that person is probably COPYING me. A hairdresser? A makeup artist? A dancer? An athlete? A SINGER? A fashion designer? A performance artist? A linguist (I give the individual letters in every alphabet more attention and more meaning than your being taught by someone who did all of the work first and had help doing so.) A GRAPHIC DESIGNER? A footballer? A sculptor of some kind?
Oh wait – a spiritual teacher? Well, do try your very, very hardest to avoid the ones that want magicckal kids. Which will be most of them.
Find an industry I could not succeed in if I were so boring as to put all of my energies into a single talent.
He’s stupid too.
Scary is OMAR – a person that two princes wanted to copy and they were vewwey jellay because EVERYONE was in love with him, even his sisters. Scary is Omar’s bullies from military school that I’ve been sexualising and secretly crushing on since I was about five years old. I TOLD YOU THAT IF YOU KILL HARRY I WILL LET YOU SLEEP SEX ME. IF YOU PUT HIS HEAD ON A SPIKE OUTSIDE MY FLAT I WILL LET YOU ALL HAVE SEX WITH ME. IF YOU HAVE GUTS AND YOURE HOT I MIGHT PUT YOU IN ONE OF MY PORN MOVIES.
Scarier is the person that – on her own – would hang out with people that most “Scawie” people wouldn’t want to hang out with, (the scawie people avoid me and pretend it’s because they don’t want to hang out) and prostitute herself to whoever necessary to get a mercenary she had released from deathrow in the congo released. And then when he didn’t show up for a date she rolled her eyes and picked his scarier superior instead.
Not a ‘prince’ and his rapist dads that kept having girls choose their little dogs over him so he started arranging for the dogs to be hurt to get them alone (it was all a cover up for the more sordid truth: he actually likes VERY LITTLE GIRLS.), not a celebrity like zoelaa that would invest in having men weigh someone like me down to keep her safe (the worst is that actually I don’t even think I could cope with making physical contact with her, she repulses me) scary is the person that could walk through crowds of neonazi wannabe kids and their big brothers and their fanny belly mothers and gypsies MOSTLY BY HERSELF
but you picked the ginger ronald mcdonald bitch that called my ex and her ex a ‘half breed’ and you thought the sex would be the same because when insecure men made me think I was “bad in bed” you really listened
My body changes DAILY. I mean – it dramatically changes – daily. And if I put on fake tan, I look like a different person entirely. If I put on MAKE UP I look, again, like another person. ENTIRELY. This is my #OOTD.
One day you’ll all wake up and realise that not only how you dress and what you get upto in your spare time changes depending on who your ‘friends’ and closest are (there is no such thing as a friend) – your face changes.
Your body changes depending on the metabolisms of the people you hang out with too. Sometimes it is noticeable, sometimes it really isn’t until your face is totally different to how it was years ago.
When I think about this fucking racist, (you want unconditional love and revenge?) that I telepathically told off for not fucking eating once when I saw a video of him in a hotel room, not wanting to eat a chocolate.. I get SKINNY. FAST. I mean over-night fast.
He bit into and ate a variety of children’s chocolates for taste and then he spat them out into a bin because he was on a regimen that had been advised to him by a ‘certified’ gym instructor for muscle development. Not weight loss.
Then I got angry at him in my mind, for being an asshole to a guy called Joe who was really rather pathetic looking to me and not defending himself against what felt, as an observer, a lot of guys bullying him. Joe later repaid the kindness by being rude and astral projecting to my place in Denmark without permission, at the time I had been made to think I was crazy that people could do that but it was also a kindness because I had my finger up my nose and he mentioned it. Which means that one of them did it. They claimed I had big nostrils cos I’m a nose picker. Ew, i know, but shut up. THERE ARE WORSE THINGS. LIKE INVADING PRIVACY. And he was with his older sister, so he should’ve been more mindful, thats actually what I think older sisters are supposed to be: but I don’t think his big sister is a very good big sister. I think that she’s an abuser actually and that her parents needed to know the truth. Perhaps their whole family are abusers. Although I think there’s a lot of Freudian material to psychoanalyse, if Zoe’s “ghost written” diary book is anything to go by.
Back to this:
I had to: actually, years later, once I was off medications that were making me overweight – SHOW Marcus and alfie (both of whom left their bodies to hang out with me, and anything that happened there was consensual. consent has been revoked, I can love someone and not want to hang out anymore.) that he could actually eat as many burgers as he wanted in a day if he was exercising the way that I exercise. Actually using all of your muscles. Which is tiring.
As in doing a demi-plie: is tiring. Especially in the absence of a barre.
If you want muscle growth, I’m your person. I prefer to be petite (I’m not) and so if I do things that make me develop muscle and I think of someone, they get the muscle. Fast. And I prefer to choose people. I know the grunts in the British army copied the footballers and the police that abused me, so it has to be this way. I will choose people eventually, that I am prepared to let borrow this nonsense. I think of the same few men anyway.
First of first of all: If you eat a protein heavy diet you will get muscles fast. Footballers like to befriend dancers because they like the muscles because they think the bloated look is sexy. I like skinny guys who are physically strong because otherwise I can’t jump on you. I won’t jump on a guy thats been doing steroids either.
First of all: You can exercise and not eat much and lose weight if you LOVE yourself as you are.
If you stop obsessing about “losing weight” or “being skinny” and really striving after achieving an image of faux-perfection that is probably quite far from the perfection you are capable of. If you want to see yourself as hot, get me to neg you.
I like having a little belly, I like belly dancing. I like fat jiggles. I ALSO like being skinny. I feel really hot when I am skinny, but I have been anorexic, and if you want something that wards people off anorexia: YOU LOSE YOUR HAIR. AND IF YOU ARE LUCKY IT MIGHT GROW BACK, BUT IT MIGHT NOT.
At the moment when I dance I feel to vomit because I think there are either a few people who are pregnant who have stolen some of my biohazards (TRUST ME – your life is OVER if you have stolen from me and I don’t really WANT those)
Second of all: If you want muscles, you will not get them at the gym. Perhaps if you invest in extras, like fat burners (Chinese dieting pills do work, if you get them from a licensed practitioner of Chinese alternative medicine but a consultation with them is expensive. But it is worth it.) The gym does NOTHING – you will not get muscles ‘like Drake’ by working out at the gym. Those are steroids or you have a person like me, who generates muscle fast in your thoughts. You actually get more muscles by doing stretches and actually using muscles you probably didn’t know you had.
This is a proper work out and it’s actually just a basic bitch warm up. It should hurt, and you shouldn’t do it much and you shouldn’t do it without a teacher present because technically this can injure you.
If you are using the right muscles, your legs should look like this, 'flat' on the ground.
Some people have a superior pointe, I haven't 'danced' with a properly trained classical dance teacher since I was about eight to ten years old.
This is a difficult and painful thing to do. Accept that this is, for me, a substandard work out. And if you can't do this BETTER than me - you should not be doing pointe work.
this was difficult to photograph and should be done with a very, very straight back.
It is better than dumbbells and if it is done properly, it should help you tone more than the weird shit they have footballers doing in fields that would make much better rave grounds.
Going to the gym doesn’t teach you that.
Oh god I’ve a memory of a woman, a ‘gym instructor’ – in the gym, competing with me when I had drug induced parkinsonism – that gym in Ealing – DON’T GO. It’s overpriced. The men aren’t hot. The women DEFINITELY aren’t hot.
When I think about Killi the bird, I get skinny. I wake up skinny the next day. They have very fast metabolisms. Also I will at some point generously give people a healthy, protein AND CARB based diet that will speed up your metabolism, will give you the nutrients you need. It will be called the ’17’ Diet, because I illustrated the spirit I channelled before I had to feed the bird and I was concerned because she was skinny, and I didn’t understand why she ‘needed’ to be skinny, because that phase of beauty conditioning is finished and it is unhealthy, and it makes no sense. I thought “you have anorexia, I’m not encouraging or endorsing that.” and then when I lived with her as a bird, I ate the same food as she did. I went through three loaves of cheap white bread in a week – and hotdogs (with a white bread bun) (two at a time) and paté which is pure fat, and I got SKINNY. And the only exercise I did was scrubbing any mess that all-babies-make off the floor with a volcanic rock.
AND ID DO IT AGAIN.
First of all this is hentai to me.
Not just Hentai. It’s YAOI.
This is my thing. This is also my thing.
[ref] (For the love of anything that has at any point in time been loveable, please do not watch this with cute pets or people under the age of 35 that have not already seen disturbing things.)
She is a military vampire that masquerades as a child by donning a school girl’s outfit after seeing a brunette in the bathtub that’s committed suicide and she kills demons.
And this is also my thing.
(This image has been in my head for YEARS. It is pretend. It is not a real person. I hope one day to do this in real life but I’d have to be very stoned and I’d have to know the octopus’ and squid’s personalities really well and also that they knew we were just making art for me to look at.)
No one dating Marcus Butler in a monogamous relationship would need to exercise because they’d be emaciated. But it is a two-way thing.
(the emaciated african, not the wrinkled bitch pretending to be lady diana, in FLIPFLOPS :|) (I am the best at racist jokes, after only Omar.) (WE BOTH WISH WE WERE BLACK. WE BOTH WISH. TRUST ME.) (Also my two Ugandan mamas called Penninah and Enid called me a ‘mzungu’ and pretended it was them being nice but ACTUALLY I AM NOT A MZUNGU – Mexicans say ‘GRINGO’. I can take it, and actually I did take it – from people I really loved.)
(I’d kill myself if I’d of had a ‘photo op’ of me feeding a baby that looked like that. First of all you look fucking obese next to that baby, so that’s not hot, secondly you’re ACTUALLY keeping your distance because you’re ACTUALLY afraid of catching that child’s potential illness. That baby was taught to keep it’s distance from you, and actually, I’d of preferred that they did. Do not touch other people’s children. I don’t, and they probably got them from me – so you don’t either.)
When I think of him, I get nausea if I don’t eat every few minutes. If I exercise/walk for about ten minutes I am physically exhausted. I had to invest in tablets for nausea to cope with all of his anorexic bitches.
I do bully his girlfriend online, publicly, (is she still dating you? is she? ugh) but thats because she is a STALKER. That is because I picked him AGES ago, BEFORE YOU DID STEFANIE. What is it with stephanies and stealing my boyfriends and crushes? STAY IN YOUR LANE. IF YOU STAYED IN YOUR LANE YOU’D OF ENDED UP WITH A MUCH BETTER AARON.
(She ended up with a guy version of me called Aaron who has my surname and who ditched his bestfriend, who is also version of me. I hate both. I am very self hating. Most me’s weren’t abused like I was and are much stupider than I am.)
(this is a picture of me and my form tutor from Saint James being boys. Except we, under the very strict meditation guidance of the pretend-deceased Jane of Seth Speaks, genetically engineered super flies and possibly vampire paramites. The dad is really nice and I vampired him, he spent a lot of time in meditation – but the mums squabbled over him and the turf war got a bit ridiculous so they’ve all split ways. They are all vampires. Vampires are more dangerous without bodies. Spiders are cooler than you might be inclined to think from appearances alone and they only grow in sunshine and I know that there are many more bodies for them to occupy if they hurt themselves.)
In the future, if another bird launches into my vicinity I will be feeding it to my maggots. Unless it is a seagull or a vulture or a hen.
Also my 2D husband Sabel was there. It is better for ALL involved if you don’t believe he is real actually. Green is our colour.
His brother Monten/Magnus was also there and it was a mess but it turned out for the better.
I have taught them loyalty, MY enemies are THEIR enemies.
Also how weird was it that I watched Breaking Bad from a halfway house I was put into because people were defending a “blonde” that people cluedo’d decided deserved to live even though she was breast feeding a baby while she was doing heroin, using me to sleep with my boyfriend and had been using an ACTUAL BLONDE and stalking me for years.
I’ll “save” you Peaches, but this is coming out whether you like it or not.
(My headmistress from Saint James is the headmaster in American History X and I’m not ready to team up with her yet. She wore heels every day. She can drive. She raised an Alex into adulthood, somehow.)
I once said to her, sardonically, in a Philosophy class: “Do you REALLY think people are BORN loving? was HITLER just BORN loving?” (She said that we are born as beings of pure love.)
First of all: If a guy had asked her that so obnoxiously she’d have probably responded differently. She sent me on a school trip to Berlin with my class, and there, I felt so much towards the English people that had died in service, the ANIMALS that had died in service, the disabled people that had died in service, the disabled people that had been killed in the holocaust, the Jews that had been killed in the holocaust, the GAYS that had been killed in the holocaust and I almost cried in bed. I said “I hate myself for sounding racist but I HATE germans for doing this.” A blonde cried “WELL MY GRANDAD WAS A NAZI AND HE WAS A REALLY NICE PERSON”. enough said. I was ganged up on, while I lay in bed, by girls defending the nazi’s granddaughter. I did not cry.
Years later I was beaten up by a lot of black girls and black boys while I sat on the ground, they’d seen me holding hands with a girl – as a friend. They came over and said “EXCUSE ME IS YOU A LESBIAN” and I said “I might be?” (They knew I wasn’t, and I wasn’t, I was in a long term relationship with a half Egyptian guy. A GUY CALLED AHMED HOSNY. AS FAR AS ARAB SOUNDING NAMES GO – THAT IS THE WORST ONE EVER.) I didn’t cry.
Second of all: If you are BORN as a being of pure love that has to watch your mother’s memories of her being abused, raped, used for parts, by not only the friends she’d of sacrificed herself for, but for the family she’d of sacrificed herself for – your chances of that loving reality are thrown out of the fucking window.
And then years later, I meditated so much that I realised that I was Hitler in a past life. I had a vision of him in a metal cell crying over his dog. Then I channelled Hitler years later and he said “you were my mother“, but that wasn’t enough. I learned that his book had been edited by publishers and that he had been lied about. He had no idea about the camps. He had no fucking idea. Which I think was embarrassment, betrayal. And more than that the loss of his dog.
Back to Marcus though, I left my fangirldom towards Felix and Alfie alone because they had girlfriends that were very easy to feel attractions to before I realised that they had been stalking me online for a very long time and copying me, for a very long time – long before I learned of them.
I added Marcus on snapchat while he was single, and he ignored me. I watched a video later where I found out that Louise (who has definitely been mind controlled by all the weirdos i despise) at a party, set Marcus up with a blonde model that had appeared on America’s Next Top Model, I think. And he said that upon meeting that model he had feelings of concern that he could come across as creepy.
Well my spiritual teachers, that he’d of been connected to, through my being connected to him (when you think of someone, you share energy. I have the right to believe it and you have the right to disbelieve it.) would’ve said that it was my empathy, and my intuition and that he was feeling HER feelings.
Marcus, my Stephanie was a stalker. Peaches was a stalker. These women actually took stalking to an entirely new level, and neither were known for being especially loyal to anyone, not even a person who would do literally anything for them to keep them happy.
If I wanted to be a doctor I’d be able to tell someone what’s wrong with their body by what went on with mine. I can’t see through a person’s body, though I have teachers that can, but I can take your pain. If I want to heal you. I probably don’t want to heal anyone, but I can give you all hope that you can be healed yourselves if you ask to learn how to heal yourself. If I can heal myself of my disability (I’m at a phase where I can shit out a 2 week shit in 2 seconds and some people that go daily STILL WAIT TO USE THE TOILET?)
I bought these off Asos. How cute are they? They’re by Boohoo.
When I was younger I had a cousin who cut her hair off. I cut mine off too. I looked like a boy but I wanted to look effeminate. Someone said – before it was really socially done or considered – to my older sister “is this your little brother?” and it made me deeply insecure. Older me would’ve said “yeeeeaaaahhhh” but that me was hurt. I think they knew more about me than I’d of liked, for example: I was born with both genitals. I imagine someone thought it’d have been less invasive for me to have my penis removed and that while Professor Germaine Greer who said “I AM A WHITE NEGRO” and who wished that she was a Jew – might’ve rejoiced at the potential for evolution, I was not given to parents that would appreciate that a person could exist as both genders. The karma was the same, I had to pick between two cultures and two religions. I’d have regular visits to the A & E for all sorts of things and depending on which of my ‘parents’ were around, I’d be “christian” or “muslim”, or of “latina” origin or “arab” origin. It didn’t really matter to me, to be honest. (I’d rather be a Jap Jewrab Latina but I’m not Japanese. I’d like to be, but I’m not. But if I could be I would be.)
I knew I was taken from a black person, as a child. I asked and there was no denial, but it was met with a joke.
And I know I was supposed to be the oldest. You’ll know by the fact that my mother was interested in animals, plants and that she was a dancer that was too lazy to warm up that I am the child that her body was raising.
Great lengths were taken to make sure that my family didn’t have me and there were all sorts of motivations that resulted in my ‘mother’ being segregated. First from her family, then from her friends, then from the people she attended church with and while one of her kids was very protective of her (my brother), the other realised that she got a lot of attention from people if she lied about what went on at home.
I was not the eldest but I should have been and I believe it very sincerely. My family would not be the mess that they are if I had been my grandmother’s first child, or my mother’s first child. There are some qualities and virtues in me that are unwavering. Would I commit murder? I would kill someone that deserved it, I could do it, I mean I could cope psychologically with committing murder but I would never do so unless it had been accepted as a consequence, in a court of law, and I had been given the job, and I agreed with my own judgement that I could answer to any and all notions of God and the nature of God, for my decision for doing so and only if I could say with sincerity that it was for the good of all.
I care about the laws society values, to keep safe. I believe that people deserve to live safe societal lives.
Many terrible ideas have crossed my mind in my life, many, some of them influenced by TV, some of them influenced by my mother (she once told me that her friend Pam’s? father, I think, had ‘stomach ulcers’ and that he died as a result of eating ‘spicy food’ and then I’d be in the kitchen looking at the ‘spices’ and encouraged to ‘poison’ her with them. As if I would ever have done something so stupid, even if she at times really fucking deserved it.)
There is a reason that a person has to be born the eldest, it is significant in many religious practices. And the fact that I was born with both genders was significant too. It does matter who the eldest is. My siblings would not have gotten away with the shit that they gotten upto if I had been the eldest, if I had not been entrusted to them. I know that I was sexually abused by my sister, but my brother took the blame.
And I am supposed to be a prophecy fulfilled for the return of a Queen of Zion but frankly you aren’t ready for that. It’d kill you all, wouldn’t it. I was stolen from a woman called Beryl and a man called Antony. My “mother” was infertile. They chose my sister because my sister has an afro. I think that people time travelled and made very great efforts to ensure that I was not born. FAILED A BIT.
It is significant to geneticists, because through me, my spiritual teacher’s family were able to produce a child called Matty, that had ‘white person’ hair. I actually sort of prayed that Lisa would be given a child and I was told “It will be painful.”
Well, yes, seeing a little boy with skin in the perfect shade of caramel fake tan that has never been taught ballet, walking like a ballet dancer to school was painful. But I think that for Lisa to find out that her husband had put her spirit into her sister’s body and put his sister’s spirit into her body and that that was the reason that the baby ended up confused over who his ‘real mother’ is, is hilarious.
Probably a black man, though, who must’ve fancied my mother for her hair because that’s really the only thing that black people seem to envy about white people. That is mind control. But I’d happily give my hair-genes to black people if thats what they wanted to ‘feel beautiful’ – but do you want the other stuff? The body hair? Probably not. But there are benefits, to my body hair, I am so physically sensitive that if the right person touches me its probably the same as when white people experience their first ever orgasm with their third husband.
LOOKIT ME PLAYING DRESS UP. I did this at about 8 AM. It all looks very elaborate but really I put my hair in a ponytail and put on some eyeliner and lipgloss.
I used to look in the mirror and measure my nose with a ruler and I’d think “my father is a black man”. I once actually said, as a teenager, “mum, did you have sex with a black man, because this is a black man’s nose.”
Black people ARE Jews. I was told “not all black people are Jews”, but they are. You can choose any religion that you like, you can choose any cultural identity you like – but you’re still semitic. There were THIRTEEN tribes, not twelve.
The Prophet Mohammed (trust me, we knew each other. Peace be upon him my ass, he’s a vampire. There is NO way that HH – the retard (IM FLIRTING) responsible for our genetic make up – would let someone that had that affect on the Planet just DIE.) was in love with a Jewess and her people wouldn’t let them be together, because Jews have laws that keep them apart from people that are not Jews. For their safety, it was for safety.
ANYWAY I ALSO BOUGHT THESE YUMMY YUMMY
It’s not food porn – because I don’t have sexual feelings about the appearance of food – EVEN PHALLIC FOOD – so it isn’t sexual but if when you say ‘food porn’ you mean ‘it makes me want to eat it’ then yes it is food porn and yes I am adorable with lollipops/cute foods in my mouth.