When I was younger I saw amazing candy-dispensaries for selling and distributing school girl’s underwear in Japan, on television. There are many taboos and the fetishisation or sexualisation of adolesence is amongst those. I don’t resent attraction between two people. Once I quoted Germaine Greer about society wishing that young girls wouldn’t fall in love with older men in their lives, but that they do. I don’t compare those instances with people who seek images of children being compromised in documented scenes of abuse.
The word pedophile is very tired for a person who was raped at three and who was very content to sexualise herself from a very young age.
As for the school girl underwear novelty: the girls would basically visit the stalls in the morning to collect their underwear, wear them to school and then return them in little cute pop boxes to be sold.
People have sordid sexual fantasies. Feel at liberty to explore a sexual landscape, feel very safe doing so in the confines of your imaginations but nothing is private anymore.
This is female discharge. It is clean and it is not-clean because discharge is how your womb cleans itself. Mine smells faintly of dettol on days when I use dettol – which is a medicinal grade antiseptic. When I can afford to buy it, when it isn’t “sold out”.
Spiders are OCD.
This is some green ribbon I purchased from John-Lewis. They have a good in-shoppe haberdashery, if I recall correctly from my childhood.
Everyone should have a flower or ten of choice and everyone should have a ribbon or ten of choice. What I mean is: know what you like.
Aztek Anubis is the fanciest Anubis around isn’t he.
If Killi the bird reads this, I miss you.
These plants make me very happy but I probably make them quite depressed sometimes. I like to think they have an ever-expansive emotional intelligence and landscape and that they appreciate a variety of feelings.
If you asked me, of my maggots, which were the most emotionally intelligent, it would be the ones that peacefully existed in the ‘Tintin’s soil stash’ that were left alone but were aware of stimuli, such as music that I’d play for them. A pretence that Tintin was a teenager growing weed, by enriching the soil first. I think maggots are as good as worms are, at interacting with soil, but that’s intuition and not based in scientific ‘fact’. How someone would really test that, and I’m sure it is possible – is to me – very unethical. Again, it is my intuition that tells me so. Magicck is art and science and the absence of that which is clinical. If you were to ask me which of my maggots were the most physically interesting – I’d say “the ones that had been abused, had been raised in poor circumstances (a plastic bag.) created the most ground breaking results in terms of their metamorphose into becoming a fly. And they made sure to wait, made sure that I saw their bellies – they wanted me to see what they had meditated to become” the most intelligent ones – the ones that know to HIDE – are the ones that had to experience my bird-friend Killi haphazardly and without any kind of care towards her personal safety, launching herself onto the balcony and quite violently helping herself into their home and eating some. Esther and Abraham Hicks would say that the magnets (I prefer ‘magnets’ to ‘maggots’) chose that fate for themselves.
I had to accept from the moment that I brought her upstairs that I had a choice: that if I had chosen to kill her and feed her to them, it would create a very different kind of result. I chose her because I know that she was more obviously interactive, and cute, and because I could hold her and there was less struggle to interact and less for me to overcome in terms of growth. And that is speciesism.
I have learned to hold maggots that wander too far from their home with my bare fingers and that’s terrifying for me, even though as an infant I used to gather insects – beetles from the pool side. I’d save lots of them. And snails, I remember once going out after it had rained and I gathered snails and put them all on a lamp post outside of the place I called home in my childhood.
Lucifer likes Fererro Rochers. That is a a lot of glorious packaging to be reluctant to recycle and I am using one of them as a propagator for some chilli seeds I scooped out of a chilli that I then fed to my magnet friends, and they really like eating chilli.
When I was in Farnham, I had a lot of avocado seeds that had grown and grown – I kept them in water that I didn’t often replenish because something told me that the exchange of fluids and the avocado skin etc was actually nourishing to the avocado seeds. Plants are not for “clean” people.
There was a lot of jealousy because of my plants, the avocado plants especially – and I was enraged when I came back from a stay at a research hospital (that I was put into because a WHOLE TOWN was jealous of me) where a person had died after I said “someone is going to die” (and they did) to find all my plants dead.
Coming back to find that these plants that I had poured love and memories and body fluids and TALKED TO – were just left to die. That was the last time I experienced genuine heartbreak actually.