Categories
BRIGHTON KILLIKILLI Nagging WIDT

ARTING IMP

THIS DESIGNER CALLED LAURA HAD ACCESS TO MY MEMORIES. And my imagination. The outfits I DREAMED of wearing. But she’s not the only one and really she’s the best of them.

This is another Laura. She is a very famous celebrity. She might be amongst the most dedicated stalker-cum-one-night-stands that Russell Brand could’ve possibly invited into his life actually.

nintchdbpict000353102967
[ref]

This was a topshop haul I could afford shortly before this photo was 
taken. Money can't buy you taste can it.

Screen Shot 2019-08-19 at 23.06.41

 I uploaded the images to this album cos I needed to clear
space, because my laptop was being hacked and I couldn't use it
to do fucking anything.
Screen Shot 2019-08-19 at 23.07.25.png

It is weird cos I recently watched an episode of Wendy Williams and she said something like “the way you get him is the way you’ll lose him.” I ‘got him’ when he was single, when he was living alone (actually I think he had some weird people living with him and I communicated that at the time) and when he sort of seemed grown up enough to be interesting to me. I was SO mistaken and for every mistake he made I did something that I think was hurtful to someone whose ego had been massaged by every single person that he had dedicated his penis? to.

I want it to be known that I lost respect for him when someone who clearly believed that he is the reincarnation of Jesus Christ confessed in a church and infront of a lot of people, and there was a priest there too – that she had cheated on someone she was married to and he fucked it up because he turned it into a gossip moment when all he had to do was talk to her sincerely about what happened in her marriage to make her feel unloved enough to cheat on someone that she should’ve probably told the truth to before cheating. He is not a person that you should have sought advice from, and I know she knew she should have spoken to ME but the reality is that people don’t want to accept who I really am.

And the karma is the same.

Find any woman you like and pretend she can do a better job of being the ‘spiritual leader’ you think that you need – ANY WOMAN. I can even offer women I think better than me as spiritual teachers but I promise that you’ll be redirected, eventually, right back to me for the solution.

I prefer shifting what you’d call blame onto my spiritual teachers, I prefer believing with all of my heart that there are people who are wiser than I am but that isn’t true, it is only true when it comes to people that I am attracted to. I act nice.

But some people can do energy work and they do it to make you think you’re attracted to them.

Screen Shot 2019-08-19 at 23.08.20
Were you defending a blonde, lifecfiono?

She is quite honestly a disgusting person, we’ve never held a chat with one another but I’m a people person. I know you already. I don’t know what kind of fucking person would drag a ‘celebrity’ baby to a meeting in a church filled with addicts, and then sit in there while the baby fucking cried.

Stalking her own husband – with child – into a dangerous fucking place. Thumbs up. Cool stuff.

Screen Shot 2019-08-19 at 14.52.46.png
RUSSELL BRANDS BITCHWIFE STARTED EMBROIDERING THIS SHIT SHORTLY
AFTER I ORDERED TOWELS WITH THE WORDS BLOOD RARE ON THEM. 

INSPIRED BY MY GRANMA CONCHITA WHO SEWED AND EMBROIDERED WRITTEN
SENTIMENTS ON CUSHIONS FOR MY FAMILY AND MYSELF.

But I'll take time to explain why. Firstly - she's not blonde. 
She and her ashkenazi Jew boyfriend/husband? left a hospital with a 
blonde child. You want to pretend that blonde child is theirs? 
Dooo you? The doctors must've thought she's a real blonde.

A LOT OF WOMEN HAD TO DYE THEIR HAIR BLONDE TO ESCAPE SOME
VERY SERIOUS BULLYING DIDN'T THEY.

She began this ‘JoyJournal’ company after seeing my memories, where I had a little baby towel embroidered and it had the words “BLOOD RARE” on it. Because that would’ve been my dream daughter.

I have the Blood Rare towel and I’ll find a photo but til then, this is one of the things I ordered.

Screen Shot 2019-08-19 at 23.07.54

At the time I was having an internet-relationship of sorts with Russell Brand, she was a one night stand he’d met about ten years before all of that, and if any of the Lauras I’ve known in the past are something to go by, she was also a looong time stalker of mine. They got pregnant/married/engaged etc while I had conveniently been shipped off to a psychiatric ward where I was fed sedatives I did not need (I can fall asleep whenever I want) and betrayed by everyone I knew to protect what was a really disgusting secret at my expense. I wouldn’t be surprised if he wasn’t trying to make me jealous, but the reality is that he was single when I started wanting to hang out with him and he kept being retarded.

He hung out with a lot of people that felt comfortable being very controlling over him and I think that out of love he allowed them to do so. Every time I gave him five minutes of my trust, something weird would happen moments afterwards which indicated that there was no privacy anyway, which meant if he didn’t want to hang out it’s because he wasn’t that into me but was probably quite taken by the fact that he and I are both probably reincarnations of Jesus Christ and Mary Magdalene.

I don’t think they got on or if they did, they didn’t really. Or there were a lot of people influencing their relationship and she probably just wanted to be with Judas and he wasn’t that interested because he was an intense guy with a lot of issues.

There are so many theories I think around this and ultimately my initial impressions of Jesus Christ’s ‘virgin’ mother were that while she might’ve been persecuted for having a sexual relationship that she had to keep quiet, she was also a fucking cunt.


I had a friend called Tim that I introduced to some girls I was at school with, and they introduced him to their female friends – and amongst those a ‘wiccan’ called ‘Laura’, and until now he claims that she had told him she had managed to enter a long term relationship with him because she had cast a “love spell” on him. Tim is the son of a scientist, and he is not the kind of person – wasn’t anyway – that believed in anything of that nature. Actually the mere idea of it then, would’ve been funny and nonsensical. But she was a stalker of mine. And she remained one when I had set up friendship groups and when I left these people’s lives. I was pass the parcelled with Latymer boys, I ended up being pushed onto a guy called Felix who ALSO had a girlfriend called Laura who I tried to ‘steal’, he stayed with her, she copied me and my look. Felix picked Laura over me and every felix and laura in the world will be paying for all of this stupid shit that keeps happening to me.

TRUST ME, MAGICCK IS REAL.

But you better stop copying me. It is STEALING.


When my Granma was a diplomat, my grandfather an AMBASSADOR – a very well decorated one in medals that Paraguay wanted out – they were invited to either JAPAN or to the UNITED KINGDOM. My granma and my grandfather were both in love with the Emperor and Empress of Japan and it was another time, where bisexuality was not socially acceptable or even really a thought that crossed people’s minds, especially not MARRIED people’s minds. My grandfather chose the United Kingdom because my granma was in love with the Emperor and Empress of Japan, and he said “you do not compete with the Japanese.”

ef967e79ca3bb1e86d6e12a48328abde

When I was younger – I wanted to have my legs shaved down. I was FOURTEEN years old and I, with my mother, said to a doctor “I want to have the muscle removed from my legs” because all the girls I knew had skinny legs. I played Street Fighter and my brother telepathically said “she has big legs and you fancy her, don’t you?” “yes”

chun-li-streetfighter-akiman_capcom

I preferred playing as Sakura. Sakura is a character called Ryu’s ultimate fangirl. I am ultimate fangirl to a few people.

sfa3_sakura

 

Then this was aired at 3AM in Paraguay when I visited Granma, and I had jetlag and it’s about a girl called Card Captor Sakura. I got upset because my siblings had been gifted lots of creative items and I felt I hadn’t really been given anything. I wasn’t allowed to keep my cushion because I was probably really too young to appreciate how much work it would have taken for my granma to sit in a hospital wing hand sewing and embroidering it. My ‘mother’ lied about it later in life and it was a compulsive lie atop many compulsive lies – and compulsive lying is a mental illness.

I liked playing as Rose too but a girl called Amy stole her from me because she was shit at Street Fighter and the scarf move gave her distance.

 

rose

[ref]

It’s fine, I chose – when she stole my character – badly

RAINBOW MIKA. Which she then also stole.

screen-shot-2015-08-27-at-21.39.38

This is our signature move. The hair flip.

mtns03

[ref]

Which later inspired LEVI.


First things first. I’m cheating on Alexander McQueen. (He is gay. It’d start out with me playing dress up in his performance art mansion where he’d host as fashion aristocracy (because Karl is fashion royalty) all sorts of beautiful people making art and being art and eating ONLY art ALL DAY. He would eventually get bored and mind control me to have a sex change of sorts and we’d be responsible for unleashing to the world some of the most ridiculously beautiful people ever to have existed. And then he’d probably lose interest again (because that is the nature of fashion, that is the nature of artists) and I’d say “I HAD A SEX CHANGE FOR YOU!!!” and he’d say “HAVE ANOTHER” and guiltlessly so, because that is his honest self, because I value honesty and genius that accompanies cruelty, because I look for people that can TAKE MY ABUSE. And it’d be my fault if I agreed to it, because who the hell just does something like that because they’re influenced to? I’m a performance artist too, inside, damnit)

I WOULD have sex with Alexander McQueen, but he would be USING me to make people jealous. Thats it. He didn’t love himself until recently, when I really got upset that I thought he’d died and I actually really felt towards the him that probably created of him that artist. The him that was a bit chubby and terribly attired. This genius that could (WATCH PAPRIKA.) envision beautiful clothes for women, and still be so understated and really that wasn’t him. He didn’t like men’s clothes. He didn’t even have a chance to be himself.

If we got together prematurely, he’d LEAVE me for someone “BETTER”. And if he found someone “BETTER” I’d be like “oh. god, i won’t compete with that.” First of all, I’m HONEST. I’m a bitch but when I’m a bitch I am SO honest.

And then there might be some part of him that thinks “Why isn’t she fighting for me?” WELL ALEXANDER. The issue with loving people is you just think they’re right about EVERYTHING. (Well, me, thats what I do, when I love people. I listen to them. I stupidly fucking listen to them. ALSO. WHY NOT IZZY. WHY HAVE YOU NOT DATED IZZY. She was married, he’d say. Technically she is still married. Why didn’t you date both? SHUT UP

If you love someone, let them go if they want to go. If you really love someone you value their right to GROW. If someone picks someone else over you, and you know you are the one that can show them the love you know that they deserve – and they choose someone else – they are not ready for you. You might be a lesson they have to hold onto forever. A lesson that has them sitting in a rocking chair going backwards and forwards in some sad OAPs home because they were uncomfortable that you had more body hair than some bitch called ‘laura’ or ’emma’ or ‘rachel’ or ‘liz’ or – god – give me a name that sums up the hairless white-looking woman with a tan? (I have room in my life for one or maybe two of those, and they better be more magical than I am because otherwise I’d find them all quite annoying and what a genetic holocaust that would be.) (I have been called stupid my entire life, but at least I know that two dark haired people can’t have a blonde child.) (Were you defending a blonde to steal that child?) (Don’t worry – you can give her back all her blonde kids, and I’ll be having one of my Levis.) (Unless she says “no, I prefer this one – and you can let them keep those kids. Trust me: they despise of their parents.) (I’d reply “Good, because he knows what he wants and I think he makes good decisions. He deserves to feel wanted.”)


Whats that line? I’m the price you had to pay (If you have to ‘abuse’ someone to get a child, say “i’d rather fucking not.”) (Unless you were abused by that person first and you’re being KIND by returning the favour. Guilt is HELL.)

_MG_5370

Before you shit your lingerie – I can’t actually afford Alexander McQueen, I’m not REALLY cheating on Alexander McQueen. And if I were to cheat on him he’d be using me to cheat.

But once: I paid him in attention. For what? I have no fucking clue, to help him shit? Like it’s a compliment? To help him design? (LETS BE HONEST. I WANTED CLOTHES LIKE THE ONES THEY HAD IN FINAL FANTASY AND I COULDN’T GET THEM. YOU CAN DESIGN CLOTHES LIKE THAT MCQUEEN, BUT YOU WON’T FIND MANY PEOPLE THAT KNOW HOW TO WEAR THEM. DO YOU THINK CHERRENE AND HER FRIENDS WERE GOING TO BUY YOUR CLOTHES? THEY WORE SHIT LIKE THIS. IN PUBLIC.)

s-l300

[ref]

I will say though, these were a trend started by two Jewish sisters. I read through their ‘about me’ page on their site.

Let me, um. Get thsssspechificc about what I KNOW I did for you.

ONLY I CAN TAKE THIS (AND LOVE IT)

Screen Shot 2019-08-17 at 19.20.09.png

AND THIS (AND LOVE IT)

Screen Shot 2019-08-17 at 19.20.19.png

Screen Shot 2019-08-17 at 19.20.27.png

And turn it into a cardigan donning PERFECT ANGEL.

Screen Shot 2019-08-17 at 19.21.45.png

“no loyalty” MY ASS.

Screen Shot 2019-08-17 at 19.21.32.png

I will show you “no loyalty”. You and my old friends – further back than I care to remember anymore – that waited for ME to disappear to ‘do me’.

_MG_5380.JPG

_MG_5384.JPGScreen Shot 2019-08-18 at 09.22.26.png
I used >>PaletteGenerator<< To find these colours.

How fantastic are these colour pallettes? (I learned that word from Pokémon I think. I misspelt pallettes but how beautiful are double L’s and double T’s?)

The designers that watched my visions and saw the look I imagined for myself and made sure I didn’t get the things I DREAMED of having.

_MG_5372.JPG
"don't worry, it's not finished", is the thing it took me years to
say to myself about every single piece of art in my room. In fact
every single piece of art I have ever done, I have felt insecure
about. 

If you feel insecure showing your work, that is the best motivation
you have to get better at creating. If you created a piece of art
in a DAY, that is not an art. It is a creative journal entry.
You keep adding to it. Journal entries might even BE your art, 
in which case you should keep making them. I like to add three things
to every page of a sketchbook everytime I open it.

Even if it is a few dots, a slightly more dramatic eye sparkle.

The right thing to say
is 

"this is an art, it is incomplete but it will evolve, and when I feel
to: I add something towards it."

I don't know what musicians are doing, releasing new albums
every fucking year. You felt all of this in a year? DID YOU?
No. RERELEASE ALBUMS.

Screen Shot 2019-08-18 at 09.28.55
I wanted to manifest a style and an artist's identity when I started
listening to Esther Hicks. I wanted an Art Gallery in a Squat.
I wanted to design a game. There are things I wanted to do and
apparently in teaching myself to animate, a lot of little kids
very creepy dads started picking up the skill too - and without
in any way crediting me but making sure that their kids weird
play videos were seen by me. It is great that I've given so many
parents ideas for how to bond with their kids though, I hope that
has lessened their kids suffering. Deeper down I hope with all of my
heart that those kids parents are not pedophiles.
To be clear - a pedophile is a sex criminal - a person who doesn't
even give a child the chance to knowingly consent or otherwise to
a physical or non-physical relationship of any kind. Who doesn't
tell the child the truth before that child makes contact with them
that the adult will perceive as sexual. It is very likely that child
has no idea that they are doing something sexual because children
are not sexual beings. 

I am going to embarrass someone here - but I do so only out of love
and kindness and it is an invitation to come back and be the head
of my family if you so choose to forgive my weird family for the sake
of my aunt who was & is loyal to you, if a bit of a material girl. 
I don't think she believed for one moment that you had really passed.
The 'psychic' gene comes from both sides of my family. That is, we
had to learn to use intuition because if you are really from a family
of many generations of humanitarian work or power, you need to go by
more than physical evidence if you want to survive. It is something of
a gift that you develop over many, many generations. Unless you are
connected to me - my first impression used to be absolutely flawless
until the police, the army, the princes of uk etc started stalking me
with such tremendous efforts that they didn't consider that I was 
a distraction. Kind of like this healer archetype.

soraka-celestine

I have been able to channel spirit since I was an infant. 
A non-related relative once was certain that I was the reincarnation 
of a wife he loved very, very much who he thought had passed away. 
Well I will tell you that I have no doubts that she was trying to
communicate but that she did so unethically. 

I can forgive anything once I have the truth. But it's a choice.

(Hurting my animals, hurting my older brother - is something I assure
you that no one who knew either my animals nor my brother will 
forgive you for. Maybe my 'sister', but she's a MESS. She has not
loved ANYTHING. IN HER ENTIRE LIFE. but as far as my animals and
my brother go, if you hurt either, you have made an enemy of all the 
little girls that would say "my friends (I was not) older brother 
Omar will kill you if you hurt me" and they MEANT it.) 

When you are a child you learn - if I tell the truth about this 
naughty thing, I've done.. it is likely I will be punished for it. 
Cause and Affect/Effect. Consequence.

That can be frightening and it can deter you from telling the truth, 
but you also need to learn in LIFE - that if you DON'T tell the truth,
it will eventually be found out.

You cannot hide the truth. The consequences are often much worse, if
you keep what you've done a secret. It makes sense that our british
princes would have run from the truth, would have arranged for the
police to abuse my brother and i, would have arranged for the 
military to abuse us. 

I return to this relative: I think he married me to save me a lot of
shit, thinking with sincerity that I was someone I was CHANNELLING.
I once wrote in a blog that those that you love but are not around
are energies that you pour into people that you speak to. If you
spend all your time thinking about somebody, you will make the person
that you project that love onto that person. 

I used to sit on his lap and tense/relax and somehow I had 
prematurely learned to enjoy that physical sensation and I am
entirely mortified that I did that to him. I mean obviously there
was weird stuff going on - it was either my mother or my sister 
that were encouraging me to do that, or someone who was time 
travelling that I would have had to of trusted as some kind of
authority. But imagine if you had plenty of reason to truly believe
that a child was the reincarnation of a person that you had lost -
to the point that you'd say so in a religious court - what could 
really stop you from interacting with that child as you would have
with the person that you had loved and lost?

The police only matter to a solipsist if they have attempted to
give themselves significance. Some people are desperate for 
significance. I was sexually molested and stalked by police who might
have given tax payers all sorts of excuses to escape the reality that
they were suffering with addiction. 

I am gifted in that I can help ANYONE overcome a physical addiction -
I can help people get over any drug or habit that i do not have 
myself. The sacrifice though, for me, isn't always worth it.
(Like you need to be hot, incredible etc - for me to be okay with it)
(the police know that the second that they put on that weird little
outfit, or start doing the undercover cop thing, they are essentially
walking irritation, they are acne on the skin of this country,
the are unattractive. So they use people they've touched without
permission to remotely view people.) 

Those Alcoholic Anonymous sorts that Russell Brand hangs out with are
a very controlling and weird cult that to an extent keep society safe
but to help an addict you have to have been one. 



I think it is sad that my belongings - belongings I had collected at
great personal expense to myself and my being were either left in a
flat occupied by people that had no idea of their value (Five
thousand pounds or so worth of Saffron flowers that had been 
individually picked in Syria - my stupid parent didn't have a clue
as to how much Saffron was worth.) and either sold them or trashed
them. Promise that some of my belongings are worth more than most
of the people's worth walking through that flat.



I'm sure my old landlord is mortified that he showed off that a girl
whose "dad was in iron maiden" was occupying a room of that flat.
Is that how you all introduce yourselves? Through your parents
accomplishments? Is that how you feign status? Your parents might be
epic, but if they are celebrities of any kind I advise that you do
not go around telling people, no matter how proud you are, because
it is a risk to your personal safety. And your "friends" personal
safety. (Unless your dad went around saying "I'm in Iron Maiden")



I still do. The issue is that everything I wanted seemed to be
assumed by someone that was listening in without permission.

First I will have to manifest privacy. Consequences met to those
who without invitation invade my privacy, thoughts, inner sight etc.



IT OKAY BECOTH I FIND BEAUTY WHERE OTHER PEOPLE DONTNAE FINDAE THAE BEAUTAE.

_MG_5371

DEAD FLOWERS. THE FAKE STUFF. THE TACKY, CHEAP STUFF.

(You want to tell me that my sister and her friends were the kind of people to ‘really like’ artists like Vince Ray?) (I once saw a metal trunk full of invitations that I helped to put in envelopes for events at a club called ‘AURA’ or something, it had invitations that had been illustrated using a Vince Ray graphic novel. SOo00000oo0o CHERRENE AND HER FREIHASNDKSFDSSSSSSS isnt it) (You chose the most DISGUSTING kinds of people over me – the insult of that will never go. EVER.)

3391-98606

[ref, image accessed 17 August 2019]

Are you sure my “sister” was paying for those Alexander McQueen scarves with her Harrods salary? ARE YOU QUITE CERTAIN. She’s a fucking whore! (OR was she whoring someone else out?) (perhaps a few of their artist friends?)

There’s this line in Memoirs of a Geisha where Mameha says to Saiyuri after she’s been molested abit “YOU SOLD YOURSELF FOR A KIMONO?!”

And she’s like “I AM NACHT WORTHLESS” cos she really didn’t.

I liked Saiyuri because she had blue eyes and black hair and her character fell off a roof and she was reduced to nothing throughout her youth because someone encouraged her to do something stupid – and she did so to chase after a sister that didn’t give a shit about anyone but herself.

I liked Hatsumomo more – because she paid for fucking everything. Pumpkin wanted a HAUSU but didn’t put the work into having that HAUSU. Hatsumomo just wanted to love. She did not perform kindness, she was a cold hearted bitch and she made sure you knew that.

tumblr_ny8fz75oht1uqlov4o1_500
[snitching ref]

This skirt was RIPPED OFF FINAL FANTASY X-2. THE ONE I REFUSED TO PLAY FOR SOME REASON. All I wanted was to look like this. I used to cut my hair myself, but also I’d ask hairdressers to cut my hair but leave a bit longer, for the plait when I got negged for my hair.

I was doing these hairstyles.

4y00l2litcr11

maxresdefault

yuna20wardrobe20theory

 

WHAT CAN ARTISTS LEARN FROM MATHEMATICIANS? Me included btw – but when I showed this I did say “these are not ALL of my illustrations, SOME ARE – these were taken from a storybook” but I didnt credit the artists, photographers etc.

 

In life you ought to value that kind of honesty – I always did. But it came with a threat – “I am the biggest regret of your life.”


I was meant to buy an iPhone. Just an iPhone 7, to replace the one that was removed from my room. It’ll be replaced again because stealing my things has really scary consequences. Ask all the people that have stolen from me.

I used my iPhone as a camera and an mp3. I chose THESE. There’s just so much I~N~S~P~I~R~A~T~I~O~N. I mean you could, quite honestly, base a whole collection on these shapes, colours, textures.

_MG_5374.JPG

It’s Tom Ford’s (CAN YOU TELL OR NO?) and it makes me smell good. And it makes me shiny. It’s not a pour on oil, it’s a perfume bottle, or I’d make one of those very tacky videos of me pouring liquid gold on myself.

_MG_5378

_MG_5379

_MG_5384

I have been dressing up and putting photos of myself in various states of nudity on the internet since I was about fifteen years old, and if you ‘did not know that’ you are lying. Or you are from somewhere in Vietnam and you genuinely don’t know me or of me because you don’t have access to the internet. That is one of the excuses they used to section me.

_MG_5388.JPG

No but, uh, this is about more than that. Actually it isn’t, I’m still fucked up over everything. The damage of this card is real. If you’re not arranging for me to be compensated, it’s because you’re going through something similar.

ten-of-swords

If only because – I promise you – the person that’s been stabbed in the back that many times – the subject in the card is ALIVE. You know that video of that woman, singing on the table dancing in front of a webcam? She knocks the table over and then she rolls around on the floor a bit cos she’s in pain and uh, yeah.

I’ve spent my life recovering from something.

_MG_5386

Check out me Jabba the Hut earphones. Apparently you can wear them upto a meter under water, and I’ll do so when the suns next out. I live by the beach. I also need goggles.

 

You didn’t know that I am a very strong swimmer, did you. That if you were to go unconscious I would occupy you and swim you to wherever you needed to go. I can go through currents and I promise, the jelly fish will avoid you.

_MG_5368.JPG

I’m not talking to her at the moment, but Susie Whitaker sewed into her photography and in part that is what I was thinking of when I sewed into this scribble. I was also thinking of the cute boy in that speech Oprah did at Harvard that was sitting behind someone that looks like my uncle Carlos. It is an old scribble, and if you know whats been going on lately you’d know how weird it is. I like going back to things and working on top of them and thats something I learned from Steve Littman, a lecturer at Uni that guided me through my BA.

_MG_5366

mg_5369-1.jpg

If you want to DEFEND a BLONDE – do so by TELLING THE TRUTH.

Not by hurting the person that they HURT.

_MG_5375.JPG

This is a snapshot of art and ideally it will speak to people who were given sex changes as infants because mummy or daddy wanted a daughter (in some cultures having a daughter is death, in others it is very lucrative. Have a daughter that you treat well, have another daughter that you sell.) or even to women who didn’t get to be with the ‘posh’ english boy that they wanted because they were too hairy. I mean the excuses are endless but that’s really what it boils down to.

It is fine, because I know your hairless girlfriends feel nothing when you “fuck” them.

If I have ever consented to you snuggling me while I am in some kind of comatose sleep, if you have ever convinced yourself I was subliminally consenting to it – I UN-CONSENT. If I want to do stuff with you, you’ll know. Ideally you’ll get in touch. If you have the guts you can say outloud “I have rape fantasies and I can’t do them with my girlfriend because that emasculation I was avoiding by being with you is three times worse with her. I mean I still prefer her and I’d rather be seen with her in public and stuff but I really want to perform these rape fantasies” then I will do some weed and if you’re hot enough (you probably aren’t. thats why its rape.) I will even let you film (if we set up some mirrors right I’ll film you raping me)  one of those violent rape scenes with me for your wankbank. FOR FUH-RHEEEEE

_MG_5383.JPGThis is a PERIOD. THIS IS NOT ME CUTTING MY GENITALS. WHY THE FUCK WOULD I CUT MY GENITALS YOU FUCKING FREAK.

I WILL NEVER FORGET THE DOCTOR THAT WANTED TO SEE MY GENITALS AND THAT HE PRETENDED THAT HE HADN’T ALREADY. SO FAMOUS. SO IMMORTAL.

Don’t choose guilt prison over the truth, you’ll realise years into one of those loving relationships that either you or the person you love or both are being sleep-raped by ugly people or one another. And it probably isn’t someone hot doing it, it is probably either the military or the police pretending that they care about what happened to me when really they just joined in and want more people to do it to cos once you’ve done it one/two/three/four times it is weird. And waiting to die is apparently absolute hell

No, it doesn’t make you Christian Greys. It doesn’t give you sexy vibes. It gives you ‘that creepy indian guy that isn’t allowed in his mum’s house during the day’ vibes. (I CAN MAKE THAT JOKE. YOU CAN’T.)  The point of Christian Grey, I imagine, is that firstly: there is no one that would not want to have sex with him. I have dated that guy and wanted for someone else – thats really how you get Christian Grey. You WANT someone ELSE. That means that Christian Grey cheats on you throughout your entire relationship. He obsesses about his ex that ‘abused’ him. (Does him telling you that story help you to connect with him? Me was so hurted by this person and it left one of those unfillable BPD psychic holes.) (SAME CHRISTIAN, SAME.) (BEFORE YOU GO LOOKING FOR GIRLFRIENDS, PICK A BESTFRIEND.)

And that isn’t complimentary, everyone fancying you – and if Christian Grey NEEDS that to feel attractive then he is putting on a performance by gallivanting around as some kind of master of sex.

Someone encouraged me to get back with an ex of mine and I think it’s because he’s a middle eastern and I’m a middle eastern and I’m the only girl that he ever dated that didn’t actually abuse him (one threatened him with a razor, for example) – you generally have a choice between being abused or abusing someone and I can’t abuse people I love. I can make ‘awful’ jokes at their expense but if you look carefully, listen carefully, notice the subtlety, I am generally insulting myself much more than I am insulting anyone else that is the butt-of-my-jokes because self deprecation is the best form of humour I think that we have other than fake arguments. Most people can’t do those.


Sikhs consider cutting your hair a form of self harm.

_MG_5389.JPG

Actually there are a lot of behaviours that are technically self harm. Eating a bit too much is a form of self harm – not if I do it, I have a very big torso which means when I am hungry – I am REALLY hungry. Dating someone that makes you feel like you aren’t good enough for them is a form of self harm. Talking to relatives that abused you is a form of self harm but if you have been gassed and raped by strangers in your flat, who convinced themselves that you wanted them to, you have to pick the abusers that at least wouldn’t physically rape you, if only because it’d be a bit awkward. I couldn’t tell my “mother” or my “sister” or my “old friends” I was being raped because they got JEALOUS.

I literally called out for help, and it didn’t work. If you pretend you can’t see my life, you can contact local doctors in Surrey – because when I felt unwell, in any way, I communicated that to them. If I felt rage, I called up 999 and said “I FEEL to do XYZ, and this ISN’T normal”, when I realised I had anorexia (not one of those teenager fad diets) the kind of hellish anorexia that PREVENTED me from eating (that is, I felt no hunger and I physically couldn’t keep food down) – I TOLD a doctor. MORE THAN ONCE. I TOLD my “best friends” that I was fucking suffering and I got a “not my problim” (which would’ve been fine if I hadn’t of done all the stuff I had done for them)

Will I forgive you? ho ho ho, no. Will I love you unconditionally? I will NOT.

Breaking spiritual laws, like – stealing is a form of self harm. Stealing time from a person’s life – if you are a judge of some kind – what makes you a judge? I mean what qualifies you to be a judge? How can doctors steal women and men’s autonomy from them and hospitalise them and pretend it is to keep them safe?

ARE YOU SURE THEY ARE NOT BEING ABUSED BY THE PEOPLE TRYING TO PUT THEM IN THAT HOSPITAL?

WHY THE HELL WOULD HE STEAL FROM A SHOP AND THEN CALL THE POLICE?

ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO PERPETUATE A STORY LIKE THAT. ARE YOU SURE. ARE YOU PREPARED TO DIE FOR THAT BECAUSE THAT IS A WARCRIME. PROMISE.

 

By KARINITA

www.kariii.co

One reply on “ARTING IMP”

Leave a Reply to EARPHONE PURCHASE GUIDE Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s