When I first moved in with Lisa I had to force myself to stop trying to ask her questions about the future. I had to stop trying to get answers for all of the questions I had.
So when I say this – that I empathise with your addictions to me as a resource for all kinds of information – I mean it. I am not doing anything you could not have done yourselves and until now I maintain I’m not very special at all. It is not out of insecurity or even false humility that I write that. I have an idea in my head of what I would have to be, to consider myself special, and I am not that. I aspire to that but at this point of my personal growth I am not that. I delight in the idea that I can be something much greater than I am and I encourage you to try to do the same.
Because I was deeply unhappy when I met Lisa: I had just had a traumatic abortion in which I had probably died and I was probably lied to about it by the clinic. I’ll never know more than that my ‘latex allergy’ gave them an excuse to keep me waiting for the procedure until everyone else in the clinic had left and that they wouldn’t arrange a taxi for me to go home so I had to walk, on anaesthetic, to a taxi rank. Alone. They knew I had not told any “adults” that I was pregnant but Lisa had known that I was.
Lisa’s access to information that felt true was addictive. I am a person with a lot of questions by nature. It’s great because I can have conversations about anything and because I am not generally that insecure about not knowing everything. I can find out anything I want to – if I want to – but I am also quite happy with not knowing everything. There are that many things that I do not want to know. However it meant that to some extent she was probably struggling because she wanted to help me (she is a selfless, loving, kind person) but acknowledged that I had to be able to help myself first.
A lot of the questions that people want to ask teachers or psychics or mediums – people already know the answer to.
A lot of people don’t like psychics, they consider many of them to be liars and ignore that it takes a lot of courage to call yourself something like that. Until now people don’t really understand how ‘being psychic’ works and it is not as magical a thing to be as it can be advertised as being. The first stage towards being a psychic really is knowing yourself. It’s important to know yourself so you do not project your own shadow and light characteristics onto other people that deserve to be treated as individuals with their own shadow and light characteristics that are as different to yours as their dreams, their right to aspire towards greatness and everything else that makes them a vibrant being with an identity and a very unique story of their own. As we all are.
A lot of men will make women feel stupid for wanting to go to psychics and sometimes it really isn’t because they don’t believe in them, but because when women get readings that make them feel strong and empowered and hopeful, men become threatened by the change in their vibration.
Men are quite comfortable, with women being insecure and unhappy and spending all day thinking about them. And sometimes those readings prevent women from wallowing in that place. In a reading you might be told that you will achieve the realisation of a dream you’ve had all of your life and that tiny piece of information may take years to become the truth, may take a lot longer than the psychic predicted – because in telling you – there was space for interference. Perhaps a loss of momentum because you sat on the idea of it happening ‘at some point in the next six months’ and became complacent and missed opportunities you were not supposed to miss.
I imagined myself years later, after learning about Esther and Abraham Hicks – asking Esther (not Abraham) “what advice would you give to someone like you?” a channel for communication between the human world and the angelic world.
I’ve been called a robot by people I absolutely loved in my life. I’ve been treated terribly. I’ve had people I didn’t love (worse) take credit for dreams that they could see through me – when I’d never of given them permission to access me in that way. And had to see them telling lies to their customers in order to steal those dreams.
People talk to me, without even paying, secretly trying to talk to someone else. You don’t have an excuse to lie to me if I am not close to you – I didn’t think I’d need to say. If we are not affiliated, that is if I don’t say things like “I LOVE YOU” routinely, I don’t care for you enough to allow you to do that. If I find out that you have abused me in this way, I can’t change that you’ve done it – but I’ll never not be hurt by it.
That is a service I would charge for but they feel some kind of entitlement to avoid paying me and they ignore that in order to be a channel, I use a lot of energy. I become tired.
Lisa once told me “he will come back, he will apologise” and “you’ll have a home by the beach together in a hot country”. If you knew how many people accessed that reading you’d also know that a lot of people made a lot of efforts to make that impossible.
It’s not going to happen. A lot of people did a lot of things to me that deserve an apology and I’d prefer not to have the apology because I never want to see them nor speak to them again. If she told me “we needed to know who was doing this” as she has, again, I’d be quite unhappy because I know there’s no guy nor female “friend” that owes me an apology that I’m likely to forgive.
All I wanted was a family, all my life. And when I had a group of friends that fit as a family, great lengths were taken by all sorts of people to split us up. They didn’t really consider that the person in my friend group that they fancied was like that because they were influenced by the close proximity to other people that loved them, mostly strong and vibrant personalities that contributed towards one another’s inner growth. It was a good time for me, I can say that about every ‘friend’ group I’ve had. But the dissolution of those friendships and the ultimate realisation that those friends had been keeping secrets from me about my own body was deeply traumatising. Not just because of those friends, but because my “real family” would’ve been doing it too.
I wanted to get married and have kids and because of this stuff: I will not do those things. And I can’t even really ever be compensated by addicts because no addicts generally want to pay for the thing they’re addicted to.
Do not speak to me, do not lie to me. You think it is a ‘life or death’ situation because I said “unless it is a life or death situation” – I will not be understanding to people that I owe nothing to, I will not be understanding to people who are indebted to me.
Stop looking for attention. Your intentions are the worst. Your attempts at pretending to feel an attraction to me so you could use me, and knowing I’m not saying so from a place of insecurity is painful. You are trying to go back in time to a reading that wasn’t even about you.
I sat in a metal dome with a pleidiol being that had split himself in two and I had visits from an elemental and I think they both tried to fast forward a few of my lives. In my next life I was supposed to be male and I was supposed to be the head of a secret society and I think the idea of my dying actually affected that being. I don’t know that they’d verbalise it with those words or that they’re really that capable of sharing their feelings – but that reading was for ME. And me alone.
You should not steal – that was the one thing I learned before University. Do not steal.
Do not steal people’s time. If people don’t want to be around you, leave.
Do not steal peoples’ belongings. If you like something, or need something, ask.
Do not steal people’s money, do not spend people’s money through them.
Do not try to walk in another person’s shoes to better understand them either. Especially if you could be stealing their autonomy over themselves.