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DATING ADVICE

narrate the date in the past tense as it occurs (to yourself) (in your head) (funnier for him to watch later) (technically it is the foundation for ‘obsessive compulsive thought patterns’ but the potential for one time speed run neural development has such fantastic long term benefits)

“he is staring at my arm hair”

“he hath HD zoomed in on a hair i could discreetly remove with the tweezers in my bag. he hath begun to cruelly, relentlessly and unforgivingly telepathically neg my arm hair, only to stop himself – to observe some of my most traumatic memories, to avoid stirring erectile arousal perhaps”

“correct your sentences”

“he had begun to telepathically”

“??? no ???”

“it took me years to come to terms with that arm hair so i can tell already how this relationship is going to go. i’m not going to go home right now, im not even drunk. i wonder fi he’s roofied me. he had the shadow of a glistening erection forming at a cute bubble beside his sad flies. im gonna pretend he’s as hot as my favourite cartoon character and try to get pregnant (because I am never agreeing to meet or see him again. he’s paying for the food now. why do i feel guilty that he’s just paid £10 for this hamburger)

otherwise this evenge means nothing”

#datingadvice

By KARINITA

www.kariii.co

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