This is a painful thing to write. Like really. The idea that guys need to have it mansplained: “dis naked film is no real. dese girls no really enjoy dat sex. dis is performance. dis no real. like wrestling – dis no real. dis is ACTING. in the uk we like actors – that is one of the only things we have that makes this country NOT ENTIRELY FUCKING SHIT. girls are afraid to become actors because of creepy british men that don’t know how to control their imaginations or libidos.”

Our “queen” looks like my ass – but like – drained the fuck out of with trenchfoot. Can you get trench foot on your ass? Cos if *I* could, the queens face would be how it looked. I know already.

Her kids, their kids and their inbred fucking cousins with egos that engulf their penises  or otherwise fill up their borderline personality fucking gaping vaginas and make them think that they’re relevant unless I make them so. They’re not.They’re badly dressed. Badly made up. Looking to either their aunts or their mothers or celebrities for style tips. These aren’t hot British girls. So the “wealthy” have to scout around poor people cos they’re desperate for genuine relationships and girls who ‘do hot’ without looking like hideously boring carbon copies of one another in matchy matchy.

DW – IM DOING IT. LETS GIVE THE BRITISH UPPER CLASSES THEIR ATTENTION COS APPARENTLY THEY REALLY DESERVE IT. Here is how we feel about you – I mean the universal we. People that worked for their cash, people that worked to live up to their own name etc – not people that were shat out by someone who considered themselves aristocracy but don’t know what it actually means.

do you know – a lot of girls DONT do porn because there are SPECIFIC people they dont want watching it? it’s not like “my boyfriend/crush might get jelly” it’s like “the idea of that person bashing their dick to my body makes me want to projectile vomit. which sucks cos id be good at that job”

Name a hot, naked, BRITISH girl that isn’t trying to be me-ten-years-ago. After being bullied my whole life that was my revenge – that I finally had a group of friends that were mine and that was fucked up. I stopped being internet famz (all of my “fans” were cheap lurkers that never ‘followed’ me or ‘friended’ me – actually people generally just pretended I didn’t exist.) and I did the humble university girl thing. Apparently the entire alumni ended up being my stalkers.
I finally got my moment – and you know I did – and I DONT mean that vice shit – and you all had to ruin it. You were so jealous you had me sectioned so I wouldn’t find out that you’d been using me to have sex with Luke.

Years after a load of messed up fucking shit – in which I had to turn fucking humanitarian being tortured by a country because I was a bigger deal than their royal family. We’ve got Zoella – thats our british girl – (hows her channel doing?) who I’ve seen one hot selfie of – and she used one of my angles (as a photographer – as in – as a person who studied photography seriously – there’s no way you can pretend you came up with those angles. Girls didn’t do those angles before – which means you were stalking me too zoe – and I’m not gonna forget about what you’ve done.

As someone who has done the fame thing – I mean I was a big deal but I had nothing to show for it – your drop is gonna hurt.

Lets go with that photography/angle thing though. You think it’s funny but it isn’t – this was the kind of thing I could write thousands upon thousands of words about. How does a composition infiltrate our consciousness?

I used to hold up a HEAVY FUCKING CAMERA (a man’s camera – with a man’s lens. bigger than the one I have now.) with ONE HAND and MODEL at the same time. These were not things normal girls could do – that was a heavy camera. Girls were using tripods and both hands to hold their DSLRS. THOSE ARE MY ANGLES BECAUSE I HAD TO BE FUCKING STRONG TO HOLD A CAMERA AT THAT ANGLE.

(I developed the strength cos this guy called Tom told my mother to punish me by putting me in a corner with my arms in the air. She’d do so for hours because she’d fall asleep while I stood with my face in a wall. It was a sometimes daily punishment that taught me not to talk to my mother. “the corner.”) (I recovered – learning that in Uganda the kids have to do headstands if they piss their teachers off.)

No one wanted to take nice photographs of me though – so I know my angles.

I can look at a photograph and I know who inspired the composition – that is how limited the internet is. Ask one of your favourite internet photographers who their favourite photographers are – go on. It doesn’t matter what names they give you – they won’t know the names. By sixteen I deserved to have my work featured in art galleries – I was photographing adult women at sixteen or so. They wouldn’t use me because realistically – it bothers people that I’m “Arab” – how the fuck would they of let someone with my genes in this country become a thespian that studied at Rada and made Shakespeare good?

Everyone picks up a camera and gets the settings perfect and is an instantly made photographer. Sad men invest in magazines like Front (it’s done – cos they didn’t feature me. They know it, I know it – I rinsed the fuck out of their photographers ‘tom barnes’ – who stole my photographing style. DOES IT BURN? EVERYONE KNOWS IT.)

I wanted to work for Front magazine – before I got angry. I was so eager to be a photoshopper so that I could use my earnings to buy land in Africa. I wanted to buy a cooperative with the money I earned being a photoshopper. They knew that and they didn’t hire me but as far as this country goes – I was the best. WAS. I don’t know who would have the audacity to seriously pretend that they could work in this industry, in this country, without me.

The ‘Kylie’ look, the duck pout – that was mine. I was taken the piss for it but I didn’t mind too much because I looked hot doing it and the only person I wanted to convince I could be hot was me. I wanted to photograph other people.

You know how ‘wavey’ hair is really in?

this is what inspired wavey hair:

Screen Shot 2019-06-28 at 14.43.10.png

This was not how women used to do their hair. If you want proof – look at photos of women taken before 2012. I took this photograph at seventeen. Not a big deal to you cos I made it seem like everyone could be a photographer. The idea that I could be talented was that hilarious to people, actually.

So as far as sex goes – my opinion matters. As in your perception of sex is skewed and someone HAS to fix it.

Men have damaged women – over the last ten years – beyond your imagining: because we don’t really explain how fucked up we are over this – convincing themselves that porn stars marketed as ‘the girl next door’ could really have considered them romantically.

Believe it or not – your favourite naked for cash girl isn’t into you. Once upon a time naked internet girls were normal human beings that did some equivalent of playboy and made friends with all of the people that used the sites they posed on. They’d do meet ups where they’d wear normal girl tshirts and jeans – these were girls that the world obsessed over that were photographed on poorly lit sets

They all got stalked, raped in homes that were arranged for them, made so insecure that they had to delete all of the incredible art that they and the artist friends they’d made put so much effort into creating. We all disappeared. We later learned that these men were so fucking stupid that they really thought we were INTO IT.

Footballers started making women think that they had to wear heels and ‘sexy outfits’ cos thats what their dads were into but none of them could get a woman into those outfits without making her feel hella fucking insecure – thats not the kind of sex you should be having. Stop copying porn stars. Stop deciding what you think sexy is – men have no idea of what sexy is. Stop attempting to pretend otherwise.

This is Apnea – she’s studying physics. She’s an original naked girl blogger. As in she was considered a model in a time when we weren’t really acknowledged by the media for what we were. But she’s doing physics at university. This makes her more intelligent than most of the human beings – this makes her an ‘academic’ – she’s still a ‘naked girl’. Still a human being of sorts. For awhile: these internet girls were self made super models who had more fans than women like naomi campbell and kate moss etc.

You can’t enjoy it for what it is – no porn star will have that sex with you in real life if you are not paying. It isn’t fun, it’s a performance – thats why I want to make a porn site. So people can learn to sexualise more than a naked woman bouncing up and down on a guys penis.

Porn stars and naked girls are normal human beings that don’t want to be sexualised by EVERYONE and they don’t EVER date the people that DO sexualise them. It’s CREEPY. Not necessarily because they don’t want to – but because those people are generally conditioned to believe that their porn star crush should walk around like a hairless prepubescent, posturing as if she’s REALLY offering for you to penetrate her with your mediocre fucking tiny baby dick

Thats why celebrities don’t date “fans” – it’s creepy. I am a Ralph Fiennes fan – like I am an actual fan of his. He’s amongst my many favourite actors. If he hit on me (why would he) but if he did – I’d die. I’d be like. HOLY SHIT HE HIT ON ME.

I fancy him more because of how he portrays characters – because he is legitimately talented. He’s a serious classical thespian. He’s the kind of person you give serious roles to – roles that invite people to consider the underlying nature of very specific kinds of personalities. It doesn’t matter why I fancy him though. I wouldn’t date him – even if i had been given the opportunity to.

As a spiritual person I’ll explain the creepiness of this:

Relationships affect the entire Planet. Every genuine relationship on this Planet really does contribute to everyone else’s emotional landscape. You experience life changing transformations in relationships that actually bring to question EVERYTHING about who you are as a person.

Aside from the disillusion inevitable – because Ralph Fiennes in real life is not necessarily Voldemort in real life (certainly doesn’t dress like him in real life) – as a vibrant human being with a personality of his own and struggles and pains and whatever else it is that structures a person’s being – the last thing a man like that needs is a person who thinks the sun shines out of his ass.

He needs a person who pushes him to do more with his life. As we all do. Someone who can help him analyse the fuck out of his work and I would rather not attempt to pretend to be that person – and generally you should regard other human beings in the same way. It’s unlikely a person can grow from your company, occasionally it happens – and that is magical.

I would never seek out Ralph Fiennes, even if I had the contacts or the financial means to do so. It’s CREEPY. Imagine if he later realised that I’d taken time to create a situation through which we met?

Sadly the naked internet girls were never considered that they could be celebrities, even if they were recognised. It is sad because they weren’t paid what they should’ve been paid. It is sad because if they’d of known who they were, and what they were entitled to financially for those appearances and that kind of work, they’d of been able to invest in protecting themselves.

They weren’t the kind of girls who needed to have lots of body guards around them incognito because frankly they were the kind of girls who could throw a punch. It takes guts to get naked for strangers you know. It takes guts to throw/take a punch too. (I’m the kind of person that can be beaten up by about twenty people at once, get up and walk on.)

But yeah: thats why you see porn stars/instagram models etc dating mediocre looking guys – because somehow those guys managed to keep it chill and not creepy.

So sometimes you THINK of someone watching something you’ve appeared naked in and you actually FEEL repulsion. You are amongst the last people on this planet i’d of invited to sexualise me – even for cash.

Like literally – the idea of certain people watching me physically repulsed me. I had to find alternate names and things like that – but that doesn’t really change the reality of anything.

I am reluctant to make a british porn site because I don’t want the royale princies to use it/use other people to use it. Fucked right?

They are the antipoon-bonerkills

Like prophylactics – I’m allergic to the mere thought

Imagine worse – “the uk doesn’t want you to make a porn site because the uk doesnt want those guys seeing/sexualising british women, even though we acknowledge that your intentions are deeply positive for young people – it’s a risk because they are irresponsible. We can’t ensure that people who appear in that kind of media won’t be stalked BY THE PRINCES AND THEIR WEIRD FRIENDS and we are not prepared for what happened to you – because of them – to happen to anyone else. It’s a shame because it would’ve been a lot of fun to have a British adult industry.”

 

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