i meditated nonstop for about 48 hours and i got this:

“you are the kind of guy that makes women want to wear a burqa

do you know why women wont walk around naked in front of guys? or in their flat etc? apart from the fact that the british don’t really understand how to window buildings so that they are properly lit, it’s generally because the idea of a person sexualising that kind of nudity makes that person look a bit pathetic

like, don’t be the kind of guy that queues of women would roll their eyes at cos he would start wanking in the tattoo queue at the concentration camp

you know when you meet a guy and you can tell he has fantasies about women ‘walking around naked’ and you later realise that they’ve never seen a consenting woman-theyve-just-had-sex-with walk around naked because they’ve literally no idea how women’s bodies move?

the kind of guy that actually makes you feel uncomfortable to even remove your jeans – like he’ll kind of stare at you doing it and you feel it and you just want him or you or both to fucking die

I’m going to help: if you are the kind of person that needs to SUGGEST people get naked – THERES A REASON THEYRE NOT GETTING NAKED AROUND YOU. if you exude a vibration of wishing that you were oversexed you will repel even the sluttiest women.

the chances of a human being (you) being attractive enough and chill enough for women (who aren’t desperate to prove they are one of those ‘free spirits’) to GENUINELY not give a fuck if you see them naked are – not minimal – i think a more appropriate word exists –

one sec




if a woman wont walk around in pants and a tshirt with you – it’s not because they are a prude, I mean it could potentially be because they’re a prude but it is more likely because: “the idea of you seeing me naked and thinking that your seeing me being naked is any kind of invitation for you to look at me being makes me catatonically depressed”

or “i hate the idea and the feeling of your gaze is so palpable that it makes me resent that I have a body.

and .. sometimes

the guy will like compliment you? and you’ll work out it’s cos he’s trying to boost your self esteem (the worst is when they’re rlly famouz and they’re convinced that their being famuz and aware that you exist is an extended favour to you.)


the thing about men who make fun of women who aren’t the sort to sit on you and bounce up and down and pretend thats how you get an orgasm was that they had a lot to say about how they thought women should be having sex and that really damaged me too because i know most women lie about being able to orgasm, i can tell that they’ve seen me have one and they copy.

i had to learn that to cope with what had been said to me, which damaged me too actually. and that made me want to have sex less too! actually

sex makes me want to vomit and it’s not sex – its the idea of having sex with another human being – and its not that humans fault

its that i am so aware of people that i dont find attractive – merely existing –

that their existing also makes me not want to have sex.

so really any sexuality i have is just rage and thats not love at all. so i shouldnt be having sex because im a spiritual person and thats not an energy you should pass on to anyone. its selfish.

i don’t go out looking for boys to have fun with because i live in a country where there are about ten attractive people in any given town at a time. i don’t need compliments, likes, comments, or friends – thats why i don’t have any. i could pay for them. no one would know. and i don’t. that is the kind of thing that would actually DESTROY my self esteem.

i actually don’t like to have a lot of sex because i think it is something you do when you are in love and when/if you want to have kids. i absolutely do not want to have kids. you should only think about having kids when you are vibrating positively and not thinking about how many ugly people there are in the world that plastic surgery cant save (if you are autistic: i mean people who are ugly on the inside. i am good at being able to tell.)

i don’t walk around naked because i really like clothes and for some strange reason i’ve looked like i’ve been pregnant/given birth about four or five times (havent)

(i know thats meant to be self deprecating but i’m okay with it)

no matter what your favourite films or relatives or friends told you – NO woman is lying on their bed looking like a prepubescent child/hairless sphynx waiting for some handsome prince to hop in and make them feel frisky. actually the mere idea of it is just repugnant.

some women spend a lot of time in bed because they need to take a shit. did you know? i’d PREFER to spend a week trying to take a shit than let you think i find you attractive enough to perform that

lets pretend that i am a prostitute – i’m not

but lets pretend that i was charging you for my services

it’d be £7.77 a minute just to chat. that is – just to sit and chat somewhere.

there’d be a sign with a picture of someone relatively good looking above my door or perhaps beside it and it would say “you must be at least this attractive to initiate eye contact or thought contact” and the alien from Abes Oddysee would collect the money and give most of it to a school or something and then he’d chant and occupy and blow people up if they pissed me off

if you aren’t balding so-you-can-look-more-like-your-dad or ginger so-you-can-look-more-like-your-dad and you are one of these kinds of “mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm girls with Brazilian waxes walking around naked doing arabesques and making me feel like they actually find me attractive”

guys i’d like to charge you – personally – 10000000000000000000000000000000000 yen just to like

stand within a meter of me in real life

but that wouldnt be enough to compensate me for how fucking upsetting sharing a planet with people like you is

is the truth


further help yet: from someone who was taking photos of naked 25+ year olds that would pop over to my ma’s little house in little old ealing and get naked at about sixteen years old

people are gonna get really hot soon so if you’re one of those people, the idea of you evolving out of it is probably.. zero? so .. go to hell

you aren’t wanted here

coming from someone who can literally probably actually fall in love with a flower


letters to people

if you sexualise making a monster of a kind person

it’ll be the way they kill you

that is a poor motivation and that is your only motivation for anything

the sensation it affords your pelvis

do you see the damage you did, helping men get women they weren’t ready for


rejection is important in evolution

well they take out their rejection on me

it is why you reject them

“youre just looking to have sex” code for

  • you don’t know how to talk
  • i dont think id enjoy your company enough for me to genuinely want to have sex with you
  • it’ll be weird
  • you make me feel like a walking vagina, cos i know youre not interested in whatever it is that makes me feel like someone that could actually be attractive to someone

like there are things that make me feel attractive

and you aren’t interested in any of that

i dont want to verbalise this to anyone

when people make me think they just want sex they make me feel unattractive cos im not a sexual person and i dont express love in that way

people who feel insecure dont have good sex

its the least loving thing i can do – have sex with someone

yes because its a selfish act

im not interested in anyone else when i have sex

“you creep me out”

“you aren’t trustworthy”

“i can tell you like really weird sex and its rare id consent to that – because its against my principles – especially the idea of causing or inflicting genuine pain on another human being – youre attractive enough for me to not hate myself for that

but i dont trust you

if i have sex with someone i dont trust

i know it won’t go well because its all ive ever done

and i know i teach kids to do it too – and its wrong and selfish of me to do that with someone i dont trust

i will make you think what youre doing is okay, which means i will encourage you subconsciously to continue

and later be responsible if you do it to other women who aren’t – as i am, quite amused by my flaws

i know that sounds prudish but im not a prude at all. i just dont trust you to be able to get to that place with you

if you neg a person you know is insecure theyre never going to enjoy sex with you. do you have any idea how many people ive had sex with that couldnt even say “i like you” or “you’re beautiful” and actually mean it without it sending out a message that is really “i am complimenting you because if i compliment you i feel like you’ll have sex with me and thats all i want to do” not because you actually experience an attraction to me.

most people i’ve slept with, i haven’t felt were attracted to me at all.

and so i get that youd want to ‘compliment’ me cos that makes you feel bad but thats not your problem. it makes you look worse. makes me want to have sex with you even less.

you hearing ahmed and i “insult” each other?










no one spoke to either of us like that before

truth + absolute pure love + funny + kill me + i love you so much

but i wouldn’t have that with you cos i cant trust you

as best as i could i knew he found me attractive, so i enjoyed the humour between us as we insulted whatever it was about us that made us less than perfect to each other when we hung out

an inability to listen when i communicate on very basic levels – ‘dont look’ ‘please turn around’ means that if i consented to having your weird sex – if i told you something wasn’t okay i don’t know that you’d listen. that is not okay – its dangerous.

if you cant have good sex lying down half asleep, you wont have good sex any other way.


you dont care about my well being – thats the vibration you sent out

so if i had sex with you,

it was because i was mind controlled

i ignored how i was feeling

to convenience you


because i was too lazy to go home

thats all i wanted when you started trying to touch me

because you were fumbling like a child that had to stick his thing into something

it wasnt hot

if i feel insecure cos youre looking for everything that you dont like about me im not going to enjoy being naked in your company

if youre looking to compliment me to “build my self esteem”

you do the opposite


you dont

you look desperate

why do you compliment people

cos something about them made me happy

i dont really compliment people that often

if i dont want you to look its because if you look when i ask you not to it causes me distress

distress isn’t hot

distressed people aren’t looking to have sex, they’re looking to leave

if you look at someone when theyre looking in the mirror in a room alone,

it is the same as watching them take a shit

Published by KARINITA


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