“she will never live a normal life” is code for “we got addicted to her” and “it was as though she was trying to work out the truth beyond any reasonable doubt” (that is because I was and I will continue to do so.)

and “we know you’re owed billions in compensation and we keep creating excuses for you not to get it because we’re afraid that you might use the money to do what we would’ve done but what is worse is that actually the truth is we know you wouldn’t invest in making our lives miserable by arranging for us to be stalked and to have a shit time but you’d use it to do humanitarian things – like building a cooperative in Uganda that you’ve been planning since you were 16 (that makes it very hard for us to portray Israeli people as cold blooded murderers and we know that WE’VE never done anything decent like that)

“you might invest in having a much nicer home than we have and we’ve learned about ‘the game’ and we are stuck in it because we never developed personalities and didn’t realise that the best way to get through ‘the game’ was to have developed one of those – and to have paid attention stories like ‘aesops fables’ and the ‘religious stories’ they told in school”

“jealousy is the most difficult human emotion to cope with”

“we know that the longer we prolong this the more jail time we are likely to get and that the sooner we go to jail the better because the death penalty will be reinstated but we’re trying to work out which we’d honestly prefer”


I used to watch this on repeat. I know there was a book amongst my childhood belongings that taught that this was supposed to illustrate the downsides of communism


I recall that in a drama class, I was cast as the horse for a theatre production – who I don’t remember appearing in the animated version – with a liking for ribbons. I think her name was Clover.

And that was because I had a terrible memory and she had very few lines, but later in life I do think she was the perfect character for me. The idea of there being a character in an allegory about a kind of communism that was so fundamentally uniform, as that of Soviet Russia – and as my drama teacher mentioned at the time, was really quite an important one. That communism could rob some people of their identities or the freedom to express that identity. This horse symbolises the occasional human being that has something inside that it expresses through fashion (I think that the metaphor can go much deeper but lets leave it there because certainly at university, it was my clothes that pissed everyone off – and I still looked good in a XL nurses shirt and shorts when I was in a psychiatric ward – so good they gave me a drug that made me ugly, actually.)

  that likes ribbons is quite an important one – that is: the idea that there could be people who aspire to be individuals and who quite like to use their short lyfe to bring beauty to others and to find beauty in everything

The-me-that-went-to-University (not to imply a SEPARATE me – she is still very much a PAST version of me) would’ve responded to being told she was royalty with “so? we are all equal” (and maybe have thought: but even if we ARE equal – I win cos I’m hotter than thou)

(And maybe later yet she’d of had a nervous breakdown because she’d have memories of her sister being given an education worth more than the house she lived in with her mother, designer clothes worth thousands of pounds, holidays worth thousands of pounds, and I can assure you that amount of money was never spent on me – not once in my entire life – and the first holiday I went on was a trip to Uganda when I was older. I mean I went on a weird trip to Spain at some point with my “ma” but she spent the whole time telling me off – I mean it – The WHOLE time – telling me off. A Spanish waitress once told her to let me enjoy a sandwich because she kept giving me “etiquette” tips and I was about to cry at how much I hated being on holiday.)

(I have a choice between laughing or crying about being abused, and choosing to laugh doesn’t make me a robot.)

(I realise at one point someone told me “at XY school the entire school is required to stand up when a Prince walks into the room” (they had, I think, some Al Saud boys in the school and perhaps it was to see what I’d say – or perhaps it was only out of coincidence she told me – but I wouldn’t of wanted anyone to do anything like that for me if I had been brought up the way the “British royal family” had been.)

but this me would say “actually we’re NOT all equal, we are divided by the lessons we have learned in life” and she’d really mean it.

I’m still not into people doing anything like that for me, but I would probably do that for my auntie. Or my teachers.

Published by KARINITA


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