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I invented a really great dessert.

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His name is Gepetto. I put some caramel and nutella I had to melt out of the jar on a digestive biscuit and then using whipped cream I created his form. The mohawk is made out of sliced apple. I turned a dessert glass upside down and placed the biscuit on top and added some beautiful eyes. 

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Gepetto is very poor and he can’t have any real children, and even if he could he couldn’t afford to feed them because he makes clocks and puppets for a living. He never aspired to anything more because he was comforted by having little and still being the envy of all the other men in the village. He was single and could pull off the ugliest fucking outfits – or so he thought – cos he had many a one night stand. But no love.

As I said: Gepetto was a clock and puppet maker. No woman over thirty would find that attractive enough to stay with for longer than an hour or two – maybe a night – and in the morning when all he had to feed them was an apple or something, they’d fuck off to perfect fried chicken. (He would’ve been lying, he’d of hidden his good food. Only Gepetto eats Gepetto’s food)

People only want/need so many clocks and creepy puppets in their home. The thing about Gepetto though, is he only wants what he can’t have.

So one night – a blonde, white woman broke into his home and ruined his favourite hand carved puppet by reanimating it (it used to be a tree.) She gave the puppet ONE instruction – and that was to not lie. The puppets name is Pinocchio because wood doesn’t die.

Lying was the puppets only talent in life so that was a cruel irony wasn’t it. 

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In other news I’m going to get this printed and and put it EVERYWHERE

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