I’M A VERY BUSY WOMAN OKAY

This morning, I had a quick sort-of-shower, drank too little water and ate chocolate for breakfast. I decided I’d try to author a paragraph for something, there are so many different things I’m trying to write at once and it is very difficult to condense my thoughts or confine anything to a single paragraph and so it’s a pretty decent challenge. Yesterday I began writing an editor’s note for my magazine, it became an essay quite by accident. I received the first draft of a programmer’s attempt at putting together a site I’ve been dreaming of making for most of my life. I know my intentions towards the site have been perfected – my younger self undermined the gravitas of her dream to direct erotica. I used to question myself as a person who identified as a feminist and yet who also supported the sexualisation of the human body. Everything I’d been taught growing up led me to believe that there was something inherently degrading about offering a depiction of your physical form up for people to masturbate over or buy and sell and swap, as is done online particularly. But it gives you a lot of influence, being able to cultivate what a species thinks of as sexual or even arousing and that’s what I wanted. And it is important. Years ago I was asked “why do you want to be famous?” and I replied “Because I quite like the idea of having influence” – years later I am pretty notorious and I’ve learned that people call internet-famous people “influencers”.

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