I prefer my flat to your mansions @allthefamousyoutubersthatrelocatedtoBrighton

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This mess requires annotation – if you didn’t read my previous post, I moved all of my belongings over from my mother’s. I was served a legal eviction notice and I’m glad of it, she started telling lies in front of me and it broke my heart.

My mother is a borderline fundamentalist Christian, or she was when I was growing up. She spoke in tongues, dragged me to church when I really was old enough to not have to legally go, used to stand outside my bedroom door screaming in tongues and pleading the “blood of the lamb” if I came home half an hour late on the weekend. I had a tough time and I really felt that I couldn’t blame her for it. She used to prepare me emotionally for the idea of her being raptured and me being left behind. You can’t comprehend the insult of witnessing her telling my “family” lies about me. Literally sitting on my bed, listening to her ring up family members and actively choosing to tell lies. People think my siblings hard a hard time – there was no comparison. Neither of them were made victim of her abandonment issues. Neither of them were ever a victim of their fucked up traits, which I blame my “mother” for. Neither of them have ever given away everything they had hoping that they might make someone smile. My mother’s husband is stupid. I blame him for nothing. He’s just stupid and hideous – and being both of those things at the same time for an entire fucking lifetime is probably worse than the catholic portrayal of BOTH Dante’s inferno, purgatory AND hell.

Once one of my siblings said to me “please don’t ever commit suicide or anything because if anything happens to you she will kill herself”. She’s a funny one, occasionally she almost says something that sounds like it might be loving and then she just insults people instead. It’s not out of a fear of showing love, I’ve made every excuse for her that exists throughout my entire life. Both of them are dead, to me. When there is no capacity for love in a person, they’re just a zombie. I read an email my sister wrote to a lawyer regarding a property that was put down in both of our names. She asked to have my name removed. That is illegal and obviously I didn’t consent to it but it was really seeing the kind of thing she is prepared to do and say, thinking she won’t be found out.

It’s not just the fact that I was being lied about – almost everyone I’ve ever trusted and befriended has told people lies about me. It was the fact that she has forever described herself as a born again and spirit filled christian woman and that for all the abuse she dealt out to my siblings and myself, I allowed it because I really believed it was sincere. I really believed that she felt it was acceptable because the bible said it was acceptable. Thats how much I respect people’s right to practice a faith or a religion or walk any spiritual journey.

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Anyway. You wish you lived in this mess, don’t you????

If you’re interested in interior design – MOVE INTO A SHITHOLE. No – I’m joking. It’s actually the most beautiful studio apartment ever. Full of potential. You wish you lived here don’tcha. So. I’m not wrong.

I am excited to invest in this property even if I am only renting, because I get to experiment with it visually. You can’t often experiment with interiors unless you’re living in places that are quite humble and difficult to make look bad.

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