pgg2

The image above, was a photograph taken in the 1970s of Professor 
Germaine Greer.

The image beneath is a self portrait I took in Farnham, around
about the time that I went to a speech of hers at a venue called
the Maltings. 

I had never seen the photograph of her before, but I enjoy the
similarity somewhat. I found the image while listening to a >> debate
she took part in speaking for the motion of Women's liberation << 
at >>Cambridge University<< uploaded by @VagabondWays

I took these stills from the Cambridge site today... [18|JAN|2019]

screen shot 2019-01-18 at 04.12.21
screen shot 2019-01-18 at 04.12.30screen shot 2019-01-18 at 04.12.35

giving me life

dangerous ideas 

In the future, Google Maps will be a virtual reality experience allowing us to explore every crevice of the world. ‘Psychic’ kids will take you to the locations of every imprisoned and sexually enslaved person. When the truth comes out of the male sexuality, there will necessarily be a world where secrets no longer exist. There will be no judgements because there will be no stigma attached to anything that is both informed and properly consented to. There will be less abuse.

Big brother, as a concept, is our reality. Big sister – the counterpart – narratively concerned is inevitable. No closed doors. No secrets – fine – we’ve accepted that. That means you – too – patriarchy.

You want surveillance but who grants you the accountability for a role like that? The you that accesses everyone’s emails, sifts through messages that are so unharmful – such as the exchanges of naked pictures between people in or out of relationships, the you that accesses webcam performances that women perceive as a serious career and yet are not earning proportionately for – those performances are screen captured by many people, and later sold privately for more than the performer had ever considered she could’ve earned for her time, her choice to share her body.

Men and their fathers, realising new extents to their personal relationships that they had previously not considered will no longer be able to trust their fathers unless they can have the same dialogue in front of their fathers and their mothers. Children will not want their familial lives and relationships to be confined to simply two parents – they will want many parents.

Once I was sitting in the box room of my mother’s home, and I opened a conversation with a boy I had been completely in love with for years – from a distance – whom I had upon first glance been attracted to but kept a distance because he was a year and a half my junior and I felt he was too young for me – and with whom I had been intimate but had never had sex with – and my mother and I sat side by side while he appeared on webcam.

Later he said to me “you wanted to show me off”

I had never even considered the idea that my mother could be interested in the boys that I was interested in, ever since I was a child I was repulsed by the notion of being with someone even a few months younger than myself. I had something of an internet boyfriend for a month or two, some six years younger than me (I was twenty eight at the time) and I really, seriously, super-liked him, and I realised that my younger self had been far wiser than my older one. My very first impression is always the right one – that is a gift of mine that I will never go back on. In my company though – people grow fast if they are vulnerable enough to have an open and heartfelt conversation with me, and that sometimes means that they outgrow me fast – too. My mother’s life really did end somewhat at about sixteen years old, so I have to accept that her mind is stuck there.

Years later I learned that that-boys father was revisiting his youth, and had abandoned one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen – for a younger model. Some other me would’ve judged him for that, but I don’t now.

If someone needs a relationship, to continue being able to find hope of life in age (I hear that men truly struggle with that, struggle with the idea of being desirable – get lost in the 9-5, lose some significant part of themselves through never having lived their true dreams) and that in turn depletes their capacity to sustain their familial relationships – to continue performing a role that made them feel nothing of the life they really wanted. That lie, that struggle – the sensible, logical/clinical performance that America would call the ‘nuclear’ family value – has no place in the future. At all.

If the person you lose is truly ‘yours’, and you are truly yours too, you will not be threatened by that loss.

They’ll come back if they grow enough to appreciate what they had with you. And perhaps that might never happen – but your growth will be in learning to release a dynamic that you also must’ve necessarily outgrown for the attachment to no longer be valued to an extent that they’d risk the loss of it.

Can you imagine that no one in my family knows my mother? Growing up with your sole caregiver being unable to have any kind of non confrontational discussion with you means you will be to the world, someone that is equally impossible to ever truly know. I want her to live her life but in her head she’s stuck in a place where the only kind of woman she could find beauty in was an anorexic dancer. Losing relationships and accepting their loss and growing from that loss can make or break your life – but if you can continue to live through a loss like that, if you can continue to choose happiness and continue to choose growth and life (do not allow someone to make your relationship with them the one thing that keeps them alive – EVER) – you will find a new self. You’ll lose some part of your identity for awhile, I know that happened to me many times. But that you will come back from time to time, years later. Life is long. Much longer if you continue to hope for things and work towards dreams. Esther Hicks and Abraham Hicks changed my life – you don’t need to care for the spiritual stuff, only the message needs to have any importance to you – and the message is universal. Live your dreams, choose to find beauty in yourself. The future depends on your ability to love yourself, on your ability not to make someone responsible for loving you in place of your family. And not to make your family responsible for loving you either, no one has to love you except you.

I will never bring a man home again, I would like to leave my home as soon as I can – I don’t trust my sister or my mother. And they never really invited me to believe I ought to. Not to run, running creates new problems – but just because I’ve been taught that is the natural course of things.

 

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