I don’t for a minute believe that the GQ office staff have the time nor the inclination to check to any kind of great depth everything that appears from an outsourced advertorial sponsor – that generates adverts based on the search terms used by individuals that peruse the articles on their site, as I sometimes do.

screen shot 2019-01-07 at 00.00.32

I clicked the third of these options ‘recommended’ by a company called ‘outbrain’. I don’t know who owns outbrain but I know they use a lot of what I imagine are stock images

(By the way – the eggs-linked-to-diabetes post – took me to an article that I won’t post here, but at the bottom there was a disclaimer that this wasn’t a news article at all. Initially they used the term ‘Shen Nong’, as the name for a herbal remedy that was supposedly being advertised as a herbal remedy for people taking metformin (a thyroid medication) and/or other diabetes medication.

I googled Shen Nong and I got a wikipedia page – that said that Shen Nong was a Chinese deity. All the screen shots depicted were taken from >> “Shennong’s” wikipedia page. <<

screen shot 2019-01-07 at 06.20.54

I think that its possible the individual who authored this page confused the words ‘mythical’ with ‘fictional’, they mean two different things, friend

screen shot 2019-01-07 at 06.20.46screen shot 2019-01-07 at 06.21.26

Here are some of Shen Nong’s credentials:

Screen Shot 2019-01-07 at 06.17.29.png

(Did Shen Nong invent the shovel???) “well known” as the first Emperor of Ancient China – he invented farming tools *AND* HERBS.

THAT IS NOT A MURAL.

screen shot 2019-01-07 at 06.18.30

What herbs did Shennong domesticate??

I got some other results that I wasn’t even remotely convinced by, amongst those an allusion to a television tower that didn’t appear on google maps. Do you KNOW HOW PROUD THE CHINESE ARE OF THEIR ARCHITECTURE?! AND THEIR DEITIES? THEY HAVE SO MANY DEITIES THEY COULDN’T EVEN BEGIN TO LIST THEM ALL ON WIKIPEDIA OKAY. THEY CONSIDER THEIR ANCESTORS OF OVER 50 GENERATIONS (WHICH THEY PROBABLY STILL HONOUR AT MEAL TIMES) TO BE DEITIES – SORT OF.)) (I am one of those AZN obsessives, I will never not be a little bit racist to cope with how much I resent that I am not AZN.) (It is a true hardship)

screen shot 2019-01-07 at 00.01.27screen shot 2019-01-07 at 00.01.00

My favourite bit is the bit at the bottom which says that Outbrain has a ‘firm’ policy against “fake news”.

screen shot 2019-01-07 at 00.02.28

Actually that is a really immersive and drawn out little game for any advertising company or even a reuters kind of company to engage in – monopolising lots of google search terms to teach people first hand how easy it is to lie on the internet. That is amongst the many reasons I am so glad that I have cultivated a heart felt blog, with all of my family issues, weird photos and other kinds of content that would of made me unemployable a million years ago. You’d think that the only job I couldn’t do at this point was being an agent for the secret services but that’s incorrect. I won’t say why.

Also it is neither here nor there but a first edition, of a book published in 1981, that is leather bound and gold embossed – for less than a tenner? MOTHER FUCKING BARGAIN

Screen Shot 2019-01-08 at 01.50.46.png

May I suggest some other books about the Chinese Identity as recommended by >> waterstones << at least some of which have been authored by people whose names also sound AZN

Screen Shot 2019-01-08 at 01.53.54.png

I’ve made a habit of being quite kind to people who I felt were truly sticking up for their heritage and generational abuse or type casting, for example, in the media by making of the person responsible for whatever racially motivated hardships they experienced in their lives or their careers.

This is for people that choose to single out one person – that genuinely really didn’t have anything to do with your personal struggle.

Sometimes you are perpetuating the nonsense that people associate with your culture or heritage by being a dick, and you might be empowered by the fact but there will be other people who are not and who will suffer for your mistake.

Conversely – sometimes you are teaching people it is okay to be a dick. And sometimes it really is okay to be a dick, such as when you are defending yourself.

If I am a dick – it isn’t from nowhere. It is something of a feeling that has built up over a very, very long time. It is out of a personal insult. It is a response to something you did or said.

Don’t compare yourself to me. And don’t make yourself look like a victim, don’t manipulate people in benefit of your cause. For example – people used to assume that I was caucasian. I’m not at all – if I’m really related to my parents – I’m unsure – I’m part Arabian, part Mexican, part Italian blahblahblah. I have no cultural identity whatsoever. And I’m glad of it. It meant that my identity could be built from something that actually had meaning to me, and my own personal struggles and not that of a culture I don’t seem to understand or truly value at all. I resent the sexism associated with Arabs, even when their culture is matriarchal – I resent that a lot of Mexicans are criminals that kidnap little children that visit the country on holiday – I resent that my Italian grandfather was so highly regarded as a diplomat but actually treated his daughters and catholic wife like shit. His wife was not perfect at all, she was an orphan who was forced upon a wife who had her sent away to Texas for boarding school. She went to finishing school and married the son of one of the greatest men that have ever lived (in my opinion.) and she probably had a lot of serious psychiatric problems that now run in the women of my family. But she was a devout catholic and she never remarried and had to be okay with keeping the family name of a guy who left her for a woman that looked – I swear to God – like an actual human-pig hybrid. Only one of her children actually looks like her, and she’s fine with the insult, she can afford plastic surgery. Paraguay has some of the best plastic surgeons in the World. It’s okay – I was the ugly child in the family too. But that cousin will confirm that being the ugly one means that you develop other qualities – she’s a poet. She was kind enough to arrange for one of her poetry books to be sent over, written in spanish. I don’t speak spanish – it was the first language I had learned and it meant I wasn’t able to communicate with my ‘dad’, and I only ever saw my siblings asking him for cash so that was one of our first communicative exchanges. I’m somehow made responsible for my mother’s dark sense of humour (which I am grateful to have inherited.) The other one looks nothing like either of her parents. I mean you can teach a diplomat many things but apparently studying biology is difficult for our family.

I’d prefer to think of myself as Israeli, I’ve certainly been publicly outspoken even if the consequences of the fact resulted in my being bullied, even by people that I had shared food with (when I had no money to be doing something like that at all) – but the embassy haven’t even acknowledged my emails. My family are the reason Israelis have a home.

If your family make it okay for one another to abuse and mistreat you, everyone else will do the same. That is why I aspire to at some point be a templar, because once your karma/the script of your life is fucked, there’s no going back – unless everyone that abused you apologises for doing it.

There’s this epic Lord Byron quote that can be applied to anyone that has been victimised or mistreated, I reblogged it on tumblr – it is the only Byron I’ve ever read. I appreciate a beautiful guy with a beautiful name. Something like – to punish or to forgive – both are inevitable – but which comes first?

I have a song for how I feel about this nonsense - 
uploaded by @BlameSociety.

This song by Chad Vader is great. Chad Vader is a reference to what
became of Anakin. He fell into a burning pit of fire, was given a 
new body and became a dark lord sith. I mean he wasn't THE darkest
of the dark lord siths but you'd have to understand how the Illuminati
works to be able to even vaguely comprehend the nature of a very
intricate narrative like that - you'd have to understand the nature
of our existence. And it is difficult to do so if you're uneducated.

Your struggles for power through monopoly (the acquisition
of imagined power through fame, selling commodities and/or natural
resourches that the people (confused for 'the consumers') have
been taught that they really need to survive, and hoarding wealth -
rather than using it to stimulate an economy of hard working civilians
who need you to spend your money in order to fucking LIVE -

The 'universal' you that get your Illuminati tattoos and throw the 
word around in association with earthly tragedies - you're not wrong
but you're also not right, at all - and people who believe themselves
to be in power are:
deeply 
deeply
deeply

amusing to people who truly, truly understand the
Illuminati. You cannot progress to any kind of power until you have
learned how to love. And how to love begins with loving yourself.
That begins with having decent parents who have learned to love
themselves - and that is a struggle - when you are bombarded with
media that sells you things to make you feel prettier, to make you
feel like you fit in with everyone else. When you follow a standard
that makes you believe you are 'professional' - also a visual
standard that has been sold to you for the benefit of a very select
economy that no one in the Illuminati cares for, outside of ensuring
that people are not being sold harmful products.

The original Chocolate rain song is by @Tay Zonday. Tay has a strong
and decent voice but treated himself as somewhat of a novelty, rather
than realising how much potential he had - he could've actually
trained to sing opera and earned much more than his YouTube videos
ever could've paid him. He could've done a service to the Black
Panthers by being one of the best black opera singers (do you
personally know of any by the way?) that has ever lived.
He chose YouTube fame.

I may well be the only person to have ever told him that he was 
capable of something like being an opera singer, the only person who
had developed enough maturity to see beyond what was funny about this
deeply, deeply autistically produced video that even Kanye West saw.





This is a song by Rihanna that Kanye made-good. It's called
"Shine Bright Like a Diamond". 

Diamonds mean a lot to me - first of all because of the blood diamond
trade. These still exist - diamonds that cost miners their lives.
Diamonds which are sometimes kept by jewellers, to control the diamond
market, but which are sold to fund acts of terrorism in countries 
which have huge news that never gets publicised. I mean when I was
visiting a genocide memorial in Rwanda, during a particular week of
reverence and memorial - an 'anniversary' of sorts - moments after I
left, a grenade was lobbed over the wall. There was a newspaper beside
me on a bus once, that said toddlers had been crucified because they
practiced black magic. 

Diamonds mean a lot to me because one time I was pregnant, awaiting an
abortion and I went on a drive with a 'friend' and his family - and my
eyesight is so poor I saw the road glisten and made a journal entry
with Indian ink that read 'Diamond Roads'.

Here is that journal entry. I was nineteen at the time.

diamondroads.jpg

Diamonds mean a lot to me because a psychic called Shannon that I
met in a psychic shop in Farnham - once said, to me, that
the Pyramids around the World are believed to be triangles but infact
the architecture is mirrored under ground. So they are pyramids that
point up, but also pyramids that go into the ground. 

Diamonds mean a lot to me because I learned from a Dan Brown novel,
the protagonist - a symbology professor - discussed that the use of
an upwards triangle represents that which is masculine. So - the
idea of masculinity is represented through science and knowledge - and
balanced by the upside down triangle which represents that which is
feminine. Femininity being represented by wisdom.
The star of David is these two triangles combined - that is - the 
concept of truth must align with both aspects of the inner self. We
must be both of those pyramids to be a balanced individual, and that
much is true I think of anything. And it is a truth that is made
present in many individuals - an excessively effeminate man who
performs "campness" because that is how he feels to physically use
his body and who possesses a nasty side that is very logical and
very cruel and who might be very scientifically gifted or minded.

In me - I identify as a male who was sort of trapped in a female body
and doesn't have much issue with it because he probably would've had
a sex change anyway. Genuinely.

I first came across the Rihanna song in a psychiatric ward. 
I am not a Rihanna fan, but I can appreciate when anyone makes a song
that is good. 

I got put in there because I smoked a legal
high - I couldn't find a drug dealer to give me weed to kill the 
constant pain I was in. I spent my birthday and Christmas in a
psychiatric ward. My Grandfather died, I didn't even get given a
cigarette break. The people working in psychiatric wards are some of
the most fucked up, shitty people you can imagine. They dispense
medication their patients don't need because they're told to do it.

This version is WAY better. Uploaded by GoodLyricsHD



I'd brought along some poorly made Mary-Jane
shoes and I bought the song on iTunes, I heard the words Mary Jane
just as I slipped mine on. I almost cried. 

Screen Shot 2019-01-08 at 04.16.05.png
[a still taken from a lyric video uploaded by GoodLyricsHD]

I walked to a park and I listened to this song on repeat -
sat by a bench - I had a fifteen minute break from a drug induced
sleep in my room. I took iPhone photos of a heron. I'd never even
seen a heron before. I walked back to my room and the Mary Janes had 
given me bleeding blisters on the ankles of my feet and I didn't
even feel the pain because the song made me that happy.

Has a song ever made you feel that much? Has anything? That is
power to me - to experience pain and then moments later - to 
experience true happiness from enjoying Art.

I don't hear voices, I only hear a permanent ringing in my ear, from
tinnitus. 

I want Chad Vader to teach me how to be funny, in character. But
I have noticed, that people either don't find my jokes funny - don't
share my sense of humour - or otherwise don't enjoy validating women
by laughing at their jokes. Are prepared to expend great energy into
repressing a well deserved laugh. 

I've learned that people don't realise when I'm trying to be funny
and that my jokes require a lengthy explanation and disclaimer.



This is a video of a Bill Hicks speech, a really important one.
Apparently it was uploaded by Bill Hicks.

'It is just a ride' is a metaphor for life.

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