When I was little, my mother taught me that when she was in pain I ought to close my eyes and place a hand on the spot she felt pain in. Her feet.. usually. She would be in pain and I would place my hand on her and she’d say (I don’t know if she was telling the truth, my “family” aren’t very trustworthy – and we all have our reasons – but we make up for that with making your lives interesting and entertaining) that the pain was gone.

Anorexia and insomnia are the two illnesses I would refuse to heal, even if I could. Sometimes people have to learn to heal themselves.

 

If you’ve an issue with control, an issue with low self esteem, an issue with being alone…
Begin by loving yourself. Begin by accepting loneliness.

Loneliness is not the human condition.. sadly no one is ever alone. And the second you accept being alone, some sad person will say “i was there all along’ and you’ll say ‘why didn’t you say so?’ and they’ll say ‘so were others’

And you’ll be longing for that ‘loneliness’ but you won’t find it because of dickheads like Bruce Lee who teach you that we’re ‘ONE FAMILY’

NO BRUCE. NO. WE ARE MANY FAMILIES. ENJOY THE LONELINESS

If Bruce Lee comes out of hiding, and not Brandon/Sparky Polastri the first – he can stay hidden –

 

The thing about Lucifer – was Lucifer was waiting for the angels to come beg for forgiveness. Lucifer is still waiting. That is what Lucifer and I have in common. Waiting for our old friends to say “i’m sorry”. Believe and accept no truth that suggests you should forget the past or ‘let it go’ – if we forget the past we will also forget the lessons that the past has taught us. Do not LIVE in the past – do not use people to access a past that simply isn’t yours. Especially not without permission.

I will not be responsible for your children’s chosen lessons but where there has been abuse to the vulnerable I will pass them on to people who I would have said “the reason I’m not a parent is because I admire these qualities – this is what I think of when I hear the word ‘parent'” and then I’d have to put a lotttt of pictures in here and my teachers are so beautiful and have never been photographed looking how I believe they should be.

I wouldn’t PERSONALLY want to call any of my teachers parents because they all have rules that they live by and I can’t follow those rules – not because I disagree with them – but because I also have my own rules and one of my rules is to respect the rules of people who I know know better than I do

I admire the rules of a society that works – but I believe that there has to be a spectrum too. If you’re going to break the rules, for example if your parents say “DON’T DO DRUGS” – respect that those rules exist for a reason and break them if you have to, if you feel compelled to – but be able to justify it to someone you do consider a parent. And do not later make anyone responsible. If you buy drugs and they turn out to be ‘bad drugs’ – your responsibility is (if you are fortunate enough to survive) to tell the person that sold them to you ‘these are NOT okay’. If you take LEGAL highs and you exceed the stated dose, it is YOUR responsibility. Not the responsibility of the manufacturers. A dealer once sat with me and told me that MDMA is good the first fifteen times you do it – and it is no longer ‘good’ after that. I never developed an addiction, the only thing I will admit any kind of addiction to is cigarettes – not even weed, that I smoked non-stop for five years. That was not an addiction and also – I had no idea at the time – but I’d spent my life in absolute pain. People who stopped me from smoking weed did so with poor motivations and that means that they ‘took responsibility’ over someone who knew more than they did – they stole my autonomy and they are now responsible for absolute agony that I was in as a result of not being able to do drugs.

One time a social visitor met me and I told her I had been smoking weed – and I said ‘I haven’t taken a shit in two weeks – and she could see that I was in pain – I was literally aching because carrying that in your body hurts.’ The fact is that I had been carrying that kind of pain throughout my life. Do not get involved in situations unless you have been told to, by a being higher than you.

I said to a psychiatrist “have you experienced any of the stuff I have?” and she said “no” – so I said “then you are not qualified to help me”. She took that as a blow to her fragile ego and took revenge, privately, for that offence. It isn’t my business but she should not be doing that job anymore. I said to her when I first met her – that I was the Head of the Illuminati and that I was doing a service to psychiatry; they had no idea of who I was – they ASSUMED – and used me without permission or discussion and also ended up being responsible for a lot of rapes – as I was raped numerous times in the psychiatric ward on the sedatives I was forced to take instead of being given weed. Which is all I needed – actually needed.

When I started smoking weed – it was because I was in agony and someone said “it kills pain.” And they were correct. When I took acid, it was because I wanted to write a story. I took ketamine a few times – one of those times I had a spiritual experience that I was not prepared for and I was not in the right company for it – it was frightening and it was humiliating that people saw my body doing things that I wasn’t in control of.

The only being I’d call a parent would probably be Dark Source

The only thing Light Source has done for me with any success has been to help me grow wings when I was visualising for a GRAPHIC NOVEL. I have some weird independently moving thing on my back in time for my birthday. I was freaked the fuck out a bit and I still don’t fully feel ready to accept it but there is something there.

Sometimes I write about something online and it’s taken from me but if I’m writing about it online it’s because I’m trying to be happy about it. Someone out there doesn’t want me to be happy

To associate that kind of power with a person would be foolish

 

But I deserve an apology – from many – and if I do not get it, I assure you I’m passing on a message from God – you will lose your life, but not without experiencing the tortures that I was put through. And I do not believe in sedating people before a rape.

You’ve been warned, I’ve passed on a message. Always was one for Hermes.

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