Vibes!

I’m addicted to Cappuccinos. Bernie bought a box full not too long ago, for a friend who seems to be very particular about hot drinks – and apparently they’ve yet to claim the drink. (I’m not addicted to anything but possibly nicotine and working in bed rather than doing human stuff)

How cute is this white and various shades of nude mug? Even the tree branch stains that hot drinks leave look pretty in this mug.

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This is my mug. You could drink literally anything from that mug and it’d be cute.

This was my lunch. It was really filling and really, really easy to make. It is not an impressive meal but it’s probably one of the most delicious – and most smug ones – I’ve had in a long time. And I’ve recently eaten KFC, so.

foods

Edited at like 21:45 to add – I was thinking about the shelflife of tinned sweetcorn, the can in front of me says I can keep it in a cupboard for three years. Sweetcorn, salt and water – so apparently if there is ever some kind of zombie apocalypse, head for those sweetcorn tinning factories in like, Devon or otherwise uninhabitable parts of the UK. Zombies don’t care about salad and also you’ll ideally be surrounded with hard things you can throw at them as you run for your life.
Omg so theres this scene in Shaun of the Dead, where the main characters pretend to be zombies and I think it’s quite a fun theory – because generally when it comes to most predators or undead or undying – the idea is to not run away. There’s a scene about it in The Last Unicorn, which is a really important book and film. I haven’t finished the book. I think the film was made around the seventies, based on the names of the voice cast, and people were doing really groundbreaking mindaltering drugs, and they were being publicly tested by academics and rich kids who could talk about it – so those ideas travelled fast.

and how they are mostly composed of like, water molecules or something – and perhaps the plant has some kind of answer to water preservation and all sorts of really interesting osmosis related stuff that

The most expensive ingredient in that bowl is the coriander leaf I ripped off one of my plants. They actually get quite droopy when I break branches off, that so I might have to stop. If you catch my >> instastories << in time you get to see my “droopy” coriander plants. They are so temperamental. Like this morning they were all super tall and vibrant looking. Oh wait, no, the most expensive thing in that photograph might be the lemon

(Bernie if you manage to read this – I used some of the lemon juice beside all of your fancy baking related condiment things) (I used a lot) Which brings me to – taste

I chose not to season the noodles with the little sachet they are nice enough to offer. I added a teaspoon of soy sauce (ALSO BERNIE’S) and like a bit of black pepper and half a tin of sweetcorn. I added the water from the sweetcorn tin in because it is actually really nice. I also chopped up a garlic – also Bernie’s. I actually ordered a garlic clove from Tescos and they didn’t fucking deliver it. Rude. But I used to buy really cool £3 flats from Tescos, with ruffles on, and I don’t forget that kind of social exchange ever – so I’m not mad at you for not sending my clove of garlic over, Tescos.

Although how funny would it be if I did have a bitch fit to Tescos and they sent a delivery person to hand me a clove of garlic? Oh god, what if they handed it to one of my housemates
Like not funny at the time, funny in retrospect

My life is only ever funny in retrospect but experienced in the “present” tense, it has been like, at times i’d of preferred to feel otherwise – awkward. I have made a lot of inappropriately timed jokes that were really funny, but no one realised at the time.

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I fried the bacon in a veryyyy small boiling pot, with lots of oil and that new-age pink himalayan salt (im making a joke). When the bacon was done (by “done” – I mean I eat mine while it’s still on the pushing-it end of raw and it tastes WAY nicer) I took it out, left it on a chopping board and used the same oil with hot water to cook some 49 pence noodles. One time, years ago an Italian guy told me (apparently they’re like, really serious about pasta) (I am also quite serious about pasta – and all carbs, actually – ever since I did the atkins for the first time, at thirteen – the only time it was a success and I had to get negged the fuck out of before I could get pissed off enough to stick to that diet) basically he told me to try adding lots of salt to the water before cooking the pasta. This might not be of any importance to you but I got stoned enough to erase so many memories (mostly bad ones, you’d of done it too) and and the idea of me remembering chatting to a guy in my kitchen in >> 77 << about pasta, shows you exactly how seriously I regard the starch food group


I wrote the following a little bit earlier:

It’s 7PM. I’ve been avoiding the world (the world hasn’t noticed of course, but for when the world does notice – yes, I have been avoiding you) for the last two days because I’ve been making a video with Bernie. About Bernie.

Bernie is now one of my muses.

I’m sitting in the kitchen adding subtitles to what might be the best video I’ve ever made and listening to Lady Gaga.

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An excerpt from a chat about either leeks or leaks.

The following is Bernie being hilarious.

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Therefore you are


Pretty Bernie.

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If you ever want to backwards neg, steal this

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These are stills that have been totally taken out of context – this isn’t Bernie trying to be insulting. This is Bernie empathising  – on a very deep, genuine, sincere and intimate level – with Marilyn Monroe’s sister. Who, lets face it, probably wasn’t as attractive as Marilyn Monroe (but also had to put up with her complaining about her insecurities all the time)

I’m not being sarcastic at all ^ < I’m not


The occupants of the house are in the kitchen. Bernie told me about her fancy agent and how apparently one time Marlene Dietrich went into a theatre she was going to perform in, and told all the staff to take two days off so she could clean it, because it was filthy and that kind of anti-diva-diva is so hautie

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