I just found some old photographs I took of a suicidegirl when I was seventeen years old
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I made the dress from a piece of canvas (I like structured dresses that create weird silhouettes – on skinny people) and I pinned it with a safety pin – the waistbelt that held it together was actually a Kyri corset that I stole off my sister – though I’m sure she’d of preferred for me not to clarify that because that totally wasn’t her style. The other stuff was the model’s own.

I used to call myself ‘CC’ – I liked a photographer called “Lithium Picnic” a lot and it was sort of an homage. I even got the same camera as him. 20d, I think. A friend of mine knew I was obsessed with cupcakes and things (THAT IS HOW THEY HAPPENED ON THE INTERNET. REALLY.) and he said “why don’t you call yourself caesium cupcake?”

I guess that connection between myself, my spiritual teacher Lisa – one of her names is CC – Coco Chanel and Anna Karina (The actress) is kinda meta, isn’t it? Also Capsule Corps, if you’re into Dragon Ball Z.

At the time of taking this, the colours red and blue were really important to me. I noticed that they made me happy for a few years – I was in a relationship where we spent most of our time napping, eating or watching films and I used to spend the entire time looking out for that colour combination. It’s perfect in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and Moulin Rouge.


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It was really quite brave of her to model this outfit in the streets actually.

A link to my work or some kind of credit would’ve been nice. No one ever bothered crediting me… unless it was a certain someone who liked to take ugly photographs of me. I mean – they were good photos technically but I looked bad in them and I know she got some kind of enjoyment out of that.

I did get up to so much as a kid. And then University happened and it destroyed me.

But about this photo – years later at University, I’d learn about Klytie and Apollo… I wrote a weird poem that people thought was about me (it was NOT about me) and a male fragment of the sun. So isn’t it interesting how the sun is such a big deal in this? She’s carrying sunflowers and everything.

It is possible to co-create art and realise that the meanings much later. A good education is kind of everything because of the interactions and conversations you have with other people. The downside is that you probably have to spend years recovering from those interactions.

Published by KARINITA


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