O L D P H O T O S

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Here is 5x Pikachus and a huge Charizard… And one of those brown rings around my areola that pregnant women get. Although I hadn’t had sex in a very long time.

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Here is my personal poké trainer of choice. Her name is Sabrina and she communicates mostly telepathically. She has a doll that looks a lot like the one I won in a raffle at a special girls school I went to. (If your child is a talented telepath/astral traveller *STARES AT YOU* you should send your child to that school, where she will be taught how to properly use her talents and also MANNERS. And SERVICE to others.)

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Here is me babysitting someone who was quite badly behaved. 😡

Is it not reminiscent of North and Penelope announcing that they are going to a very important “party” with a shower AND towels? I’m not sure how this all happened – actually I am – basically – if you want to party with an introvert you need a closed off room with comfortable seating. I prefer beds but bathrooms are fine. I like intense chats on intense drugs at parties and I ONLY like sitting with people I already like and/or fancy and I DO NOT want to talk to their friends (unless they’re well dressed/talented/attractive inside or out – same thing) or relatives (especially not if we are in a bed, pretending we aren’t at least maybe going to have sex/I’m going to move in with you for two weeks after the party and pretend not to want to have sex with you) (you’d think I shouldn’t have to clarify that I don’t want to hang out with your relatives but you’d be SO surprised). I like CLOSED DOORS. Locked doors are even better.
I do NOT like being roofied. If you get some kind of “divine suggestion” to roofie me please endeavour to ignore it, someone knows I like you and they’re trying to ruin it.

We weren’t partying in this photograph, like I need to make that clear – (my – I guess I should say – our – boyfriend dressed us up) and we joked that it was “fine” that we were matchy matchy because we were in a “club”.

In her defence I was a bad babysitter. (Actually – I wasn’t – I stuck up for her when people were going to start spreading pretty damaging rumours, I fed her, kept her out of trouble, introduced her to friends, helped her with her homework (Dali – Ants – a LIFE LESSON), made her bedrooms cute… uhm I imagine there was more but also – taught her to kill pain with weed because she gets some of the same medical issues that I do.)

I just noticed I’m wearing a Levi jacket here. Hah.

I mean this is only something you learn with hindsight – you kind of have to pick a dynamic and stick to it. Friend/teacher/babysitter/lover etc. If you have kids you should probably, when they have the vocabulary to dialogue about it – ask what they need from you. When I was younger I wanted my mother to be a friend but she very matter-of-factly said she was not a friend.

I am either a teacher, babysitter or a lover. When you start mixing, in my personal experience – the people you take care of learn from you and somewhere along the line they get pretty jealous and forget what you’ve done for them.

Our third friend – I dressed her, bought her birthday cakes, kept her out of trouble, told her off when she did stupid things, told her friends off when they did stupid things, helped her with homework, kept her company, taught her some cool stuff, tidied her room, helped her get rid of stretchmarks and red scars, encouraged her to dress-cute and uh… in exchange me and my chihuahua got to hang out with her epic mother.

Lover status is as of now reserved for people who have been stalking me for 10+ years apparently. *STARES AT YOU*

A very dainty bee just flew in and landed on the only functional lightbulb on my weird chandelier. The lightbulb is a spiral candle-shaped one. For minutiaes sake I imagine that’ll mean something at some point.
The bee is preening herself. I’ve never seen a bee taking such fantastic care of her little bee feelers. It is 3:49 AM. This is not bee time. You should be dancey or sleeping

>> If you speak details, colour, time-travel – there is something in this collection of albums for everyone. <<

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