So I have a crush on a girl the internet knows as Nana Rapeblossom. I mean she’s disappeared somewhere, much like Felice Fawn and Leafy
And all three of them were censored for self expression actually – I was too! The internet as a collective got angry with these people (and even me!) for triggering their awful experiences without considering that we were owning our own sad experiences. In any case – the shit we put on the internet is IMPORTANT. This is like, the modern means of recording current human history. Every generation thinks that they are the penultimate form of human experience but they’re always mistaken. I mean.. remember the 90s? VHS and static TVs? iPods?!
Imagine if cavemen had been overcome with insecurity about their so-called primitive art – and had been inclined to erase it? The internet has helped us evolve. Recall that anytime you feel some strong desire to delete something you’ve done.
I once tried to discuss the fact that some people can leave their bodies with people at my old University – I tried to discuss that I’d been raped too – and the things I had written were deleted because one girl decided it was her moment to manipulate people by coming out about her own fucking quiet rape story. People like me speaking our truth pave the way for yours dickhead. People like me being called insane and then proving unimaginable things that remain inexplicable by science have paved the way for weird or even psychic or inter-dimensional kids that don’t have to grow up being called insane.
I think in a time when we – the Universal we – use imagery to depict or represent some aspect of ourselves that we hide from people that don’t get close to us – you have to do your absolute hardest to remove yourself from the notion that it has ANYTHING to do with you. Some stuff might deserve an explanation maybe, but you’d be wrong to expect one.
One time I made a joke about pedobear and I got called a pedophile. The context behind that tweet was me trying to observe myself from an outsider perspective – a person sort of sitting on a bench like that Keanu meme (except I was too broke to afford a sandwich) watching these little two year olds playing a ball game.
Actually that happened about a week or so after an abortion that was so traumatic that I thought I was going to die because as the anaesthetic went in I felt my hand burning and knew from having had many operations throughout my life, that that really wasn’t a normal reaction.
Some people wonder how people with dark senses of humour happen and often it’s a result of serious trauma. Do you know that that “spiritual” aesthetic couldn’t of happened without my teacher Lisa and I?
The internet is so fucking boring. I am fucking bored of people drawing shit like mandalas when they’ve never actually visualised one – regurgitating words like “chakras” without ever having seen one – without having received any kind of first hand guidance from spirit about these concepts.
I think authoring interests like these on the internet ten or so years ago was probably a bravery that was way ahead of her time.
And that kind of comfortable ultra-honesty, I find a lot of beauty in – and it’s actually an art – she is the sweetest looking thing but she’s into some really fucking weird shit. And that kind of contrast in a person is like, the hottest a person can get – to me.
It’s all pretty niche and obscure though and I imagine that must’ve attracted a lot of stupidity her way. Gothic Lolita is a Japanese fashion subculture based on English Victorian fashion and actually has nothing to do with the Nabakov book – apart from perhaps taking the male fantasy that “innocence” is and juxtaposing it with some kind of intimidating anti-innocence, often through being quite comfortably desensitised to visual horror. Also I think it is amusing to an extent that a woman can, with irony, say she’s into “japanese school girls” – Japanese culture wouldn’t take any offence in the notion. A lot of celebrated artists are quite comfortable with depicting the teenage female sexuality – it’s an aesthetic – not some kind of sexual inclination to pursue kids. I personally think that female sexuality is at a different stage of development to the male sexuality – when you represent a gender that until about twenty years ago – in the UK at least – it was legal for a man to rape if they were married – whatever kind of ownership you take of enjoying the fact that you were born in a woman’s body probably begins in early infancy. We’re bombarded with beauty standards and roles and if we don’t meet them we are often in some way punished for it – if not by our families or men then by other women.
A mother less than five years my senior and her little girls were shopping – and she picked up some awesome sunglasses and said “Can I pull these off?” or something to that effect and the little girl said “You aren’t cool enough.” Um she’s a very lowkey-but-highkey celebrity mother with a fashion line, a publisher, a human rights ambassador and she has like, well not right now – but she has bright pink hair. She is fucking cool. If you want to meet an “uncool” mother – I’m happy to introduce you to MINE. *stares at you*
If you keep children “innocent” and not knowing the “truth” you kind of do them a disservice. I used to be quite responsive to other people’s sexual energy and that ended up causing me a lot of embarrassment, like I’d start bouncing up and down on people’s laps and stuff. If someone had taken the time to tell me what was going on, I assure you that wouldn’t of happened. I once started crying and felt absolutely miserable at a swimming bath when I was little – my sister sat me on her lap and I started like – oh god – humping her leg and stuff? We’ve never discussed it but years later that – and her rifling through my personal stuff – journals etc – on one occasion I asked “can I tell you a secret?” and she immediately responded to that with “YOU’RE A LESBIAN?”
That was one of our first conversations in a long time and that was probably the most animated she has ever been in a conversation that wasn’t her berating me about something. To be honest if you watched most of my interactions with my sister you’d see them as some kind of situational comedy, I’m just pissed off about it.
I hung out in Camden as a teenager with a bunch of kids who lied about their age and who even had jobs as a result of lying about their age (which was technically illegal) and when you think back – all of the people that engaged with us must’ve known we were kids, especially as we were only ever really around on weekends – but weren’t that bothered by it.
Some of us had sexual experiences with adults. If you told any of us later in life “you were targeted by pedophiles” we’d probably all literally burst out laughing – unable to care about it at all.
I think it’s scary we live in a World where EVERYONE is a potential pedophile. I think if you introduced someone who had been a victim of a child abduction and been forced into sexual slavery to sit in some kind of talk therapy with someone who was “damaged” because they’d been a bit intimate with an adult and been taught to think they’d been “Groomed” (yes, maybe you were groomed, maybe also you were flirting with them) – I think the former would probably be quite insulted that you’d have the audacity to compare those experiences. Suffering of any kind is relative and the only resolution is to be frank and truthful and empower people big/small to the best of your abilities.
I think that the main focus of any kind of sexual crime is removing people from their right to consent. There are plenty of musicians that have had sex with kids who were lying about their age. I had a crush on a musician as a kid – and I went to a signing and asked him to sign my breast. It was no secret and I told my mother about it too and I think she laughed. Don’t fucking create victims of people. (Honestly you’d rather a person be able to laugh at something like that, than live their life miserable and broken about it.)
Obviously I can’t speak for pedophiles – not being one myself – but there is nothing sexually attractive about children’s bodies. Kids who want to learn ballet and gymnastics sometimes have male teachers – and studying physical sports like that mean that there will be physical contact between the teacher and the student.
Imagine telling one of the olympians that have trained as an athlete for their entire lives that their male coach – who literally had to observe them often in pretty body-tight clothing (because how can you otherwise see what muscles a person is using?) was a pedophile. I’m sure there are some coaches that are pedophiles and the way to identify and confront that is REALLY FUCKING SIMPLE. If you teach a child about ENERGY – yes, that involves describing what it means to be “turned on”, it involves teaching a child that when they get uncomfortable rectal pain that’s their body telling them something isnt right (AND IT DOESN’T NECESSARILY MEAN THEY’RE BEING SEXUALISED BY A GROWN UP – IT COULD BE ANOTHER CHILD) – and if they’re famous it could even be some random loser they’ve never met. Lets go deeper into that – when you insult a person’s appearance, they will get that uncomfortable ass pain. What does it benefit you to insult a person’s appearance if you aren’t attracted to them? So yes you might be insulting them but that is either out of jealousy or out of some kind of weird disappointment that they don’t meet your physical standards of beauty. Which is still sexualising them. Aggression is at it’s very core a pretty sexual emotion. In anycase – it’s not necessary to explain all that to some ADHD brat – just bluntly make them aware of the reality of energy exchanges on this planet and it’s up to them to engage with that truth and if you’re really a good parent they’ll probably end up relaying how thats working out for them.
If you teach them to use their INTUITION – if you listen to them when they say something makes them uncomfortable (for example, I’d tell my mother that my doctors were perverts – and having the ability to verbalise that meant learning to laugh about it. Which came in handy later in life when I really was targeted by rapists.)
Yes it means having uncomfortable conversations with your kids and acknowledging that they have genitals and the potential to be sexual beings – but that is pretty much a large part of what parenting is. Not invading their privacy through any kind of weird means to try and “protect” them. Kids were not born on this Planet for you to vicariously live your dreams through them, nor for you to obsessively protect them. If you can raise the kind of kid who can be felt up by a teacher and respond to it with humour and no judgement – and who can also comfortably – and honestly – communicate that experience to their parents (even if it means admitting that they were flirting with that teacher) the Planet would really benefit from your doing so.
Lets move on to another awkward topic that people like to make me feel uncomfortable about. I’ve discussed before that people can be mind controlled. When I was about eight years old I smacked my little cousin. She was a baby. Yes that is terrible and of course it’s very easy to hate an eight year old that would do such a terrible and nasty thing. (An eight year old who was otherwise really fucking sweet, and kind, and generous actually) (Whether it was good qualities or not so good qualities – I was always somehow punished for them. Ha. It got to a point where my family wouldn’t buy me toys because I’d “share” them with my friends.)
But here are some other truths that it was easy to ignore.
When I smacked that baby – she didn’t cry. Which means it had been done to her already.
So there’s some guilty conscience in her family that isn’t me. They want me to apologise – and to be honest, if I believed in my heart that I had done it – I would.
I had forgotten about that memory and years later when I remembered I cut and burned myself about forty times. Then I was sectioned for cutting and burning myself. And when I was sectioned I was fed sedatives and raped. You might think that’s deserved, and if you do that’s interesting to me – because I now know that I was being mind controlled to do that. Anyone that knows me knows I wouldn’t do something like that and – anyone who ever saw me spanking girls when I was webcamming knows I was bored as fuck and got absolutely no sexual enjoyment from that. (I do get sexual enjoyment from money though.)
So when people ask about my inclination to study law, that is because as these truths about the human existence come out – there are a lot of cases that have to be regarded differently. A lot of people who have been consecutively abused, poorly brought up and ultimately victims of mind control and paying for crimes they didn’t commit. Police are mostly too stupid to conduct this kind of investigation – that is often the main criteria for police, stupidity.
Sorry to break it to you.
I walked into the kitchen and my mother – who was a ballerina – and ballerinas are the kinds of people who often dress/undress/do costume changes in front of whoever the fuck is in the room. Male ballet dancers often end up touching every part of the human body that they often have to carry. Etc. Was watching a show being hosted by the Hadid girl’s mother – and there were what appeared to be like, really youthful adult women doing a modelling competition. Out of nowhere my mother dropped the “these are really young girls that want to be models”. Lets clarify just in case – I do not sexualise people. Even naked people. I actually think the only person I’ve ever really sexualised has been myself. Even if I were watching two ridiculously beautiful people having sex, I’d probably be thinking about how to best capture it on camera and unusual angles etc.
So when I say my mother dropped a bomb – I meant… these girls looked not older, but much more mature than me. (Obviously I’m sure their skin must’ve been smoother etc)
If you listened to these girls talking – they all really wanted to be where they were. There was a male photographer. A lot of the greatest fashion photographers and designers have been men. I know that there was a death-of-the-diva thing because people were threatened by women like Naomi Campbell – but I wish they’d come back.
Zoella is great and stuff but her persona is so carefully tailored to being the perfect icon for little kids and the idea of everyone’s little kids turning out like Zoella terrifies me.
I think her most popular videos are literally her shopping hauls too. Not judging btw – I love shopping and I hate stingy guys.
When I see Zoella with a daughter or when I regard her real self, I see this archetype more than the sweet person that babysits millions of people’s kids that she’s never met.
And if she felt able to be the person she is on the inside, I see her raising an obnoxious beauty Queen man destroyer.
Actually I saw someone that introduced themselves with this:
And when I saw the thoughtform that used Rosie Huntington Whiteley as a physical form – I wondered what she’d do if someone like Christian Grey ever invited her into some kind of sordid BDSM lair with whips and things – in this meditation she picked up a riding crop and sort of eyed it a bit and said something like “this is a riding crop? ….for horses?” and that was accompanied by some mad patronising eyebrow action while she tried to work out why it was in a “sex lair” and not a tack room I imagine. Like she genuinely couldn’t comprehend the stupidity, she wasn’t pretending to be stupid or being a bitch even, it came really naturally. FYI do that early on when you’re accosted by someone who thinks they’re some kind of sexual deviant maverick and they’ll probably need some kind of therapy for at least two years to get over that embarrassment.
Actually that was kind of like my response to boys that would have collections of knives and other “scary things” in their rooms.
Aw omg he’ll hate me for this but I’m gonna – okay so I had this ex right – the four year one. But it’s important. So he’d get really … “aggressive” in arguments (as far as teenagers go he was actually really quite scary. Not to me, but y’know. To other people.) and one time he like, apologised to me, because he was worried he’d really scared me when he was having a tantrum. The only thing that ever scared me at that point was being alone.
Thankfully I overcame that fear – and now if I were ever threatened with that I’d do a Pocahontas wave and say “byebye have a beautiful time”
They uh. People get a lot of power in thinking they’re the only person like them and thats really not true. I have a video for this
okay like watch the whole thing cos it’s really funny but play it from 4:00 to 4:20
For the absolute best delivery of “YOU ARE LITERALLY A PAWN!!!!!! I CAN REPLACE YOU WITH ANYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
If you grew up with a brother that in moments of your life, you truly believed was going to kill you, no man having a temper tantrum is going to frighten you all that much. If a guy threatened to hit me and I really thought it’d hurt I’m sure I’d work out some kind of consequence to it but uh. NOT MUCH PHYSICALLY HURTS, IF I’M HONEST. (Also if you get me in the right mood I can probably hurt you more than you could ever hurt me)
If you grew up with a mother that subconsciously sexualised the 50s roles of SUPER TUFF MAN OF HAUS, SUBMISSIVE WOMAN OF HAUS (I did) (I embarrass her by pointing it out but she has tantrums and makes it all boring) then you probably actually grew up with a woman who was absolutely impossible to subjugate due to her attraction to the kind of men that subconsciously wanted her to dominate them. If she did ever meet a super controlling man back in her day… and she did… I imagine she’d of ditched him. (And if she didn’t my brother would’ve probably become some superior form of him and ridiculed him into some kind of suicide)
Uh. The seventies was great because it sexualised tough and scary women, which is also how – social engineering wise – women like Naomi Campbell happened. I didn’t know much about her growing up apart from the fact that she had punched someone in the face in some “emotional outburst” and that she refused to get out of bed for less than ten grand – which was probably a lot of money at the time but pennies to her now.
So… Admiring scary women and being brought up by terrifying people, I think we can agree that I kind of owned “scary girl” face for all time – which is the face I make when I’m really interested, really bored, really pissed off etc. So if I had kids they’d probably want to one up that. Iunno. If the Planet stops stealing from me by any excuse they can conceive of. I’ve got the social programming thing down to a T – which means we’re a few people being PROPERLY brought up off from the 13th soul.
Anyway so. Pedos. The ones that fancy children and pursue them physically. Well.
In this day and age, unless you are a footballer/a police person/a sad hollywood producer/bill cosby who is protected by multibillion corporations – it’s unlikely that you’ll get away with it. Kids have bigger mouths than ever and thanks to women who’ve been involved with the sex industry people are much less guilt ridden about their sexualities, they’re more likely than not to verbalise that they don’t want old men feeling them up.
Ah, but what about those pedos that get genuine consent. And I mean genuine consent, not the consent acquired through hypnotism or mind control.
I think Germaine Greer once said something about how you often wish that young girls wouldn’t fall in love with older men – teachers etc – but they do. And a lot of men filtered into the pop/rock/metal industry are told to ‘look young’ to attract young girls so they can make their recording labels money.
Well it’s much bigger than that. That process results in something that Stephanie Meyer described as “imprinting”. So for humans, growing up – we sometimes bump into people or see them on television and they end up being some kind of definition for what we find attractive – whether it’s personality profiling or physical profiling – until someone else comes along and erases that imprint. Which isn’t very common at all. (If you ever found Mr Bean or Edmund Blackadder attractive that bodes well for me)
My spiritual teacher Lisa has a little nephew and she says of him “I tell him he is the love of my life.” When I stayed with her, she babysat for her little nephew who had been removed from his mother’s care (It is, I imagine, deeply insulting when a woman whose babies have been removed from her body is asked to look after children that aren’t hers – but I think the karma of them later coming to find her is quite interesting). He slept in her bed when she took care of him. One time she told me that if I ever had a hard time – and I didn’t know what she meant – that I should think of “Archangel Michael” covering me with a blanket. It is weird that if an adult shares a bed with a child they’ll be called a pedophile – to anyone that has been a victim of actual sexual abuse… it’s downright fucking offensive actually. I think of Michael Jackson often and I think of how I want to start a kids channel – a character that when I observe outside of myself, is sexual in the way a Drag Queen is sexual – imagine if people did to me what was done to Michael?
I don’t know if he was a pedophile, I don’t know if he abused those kids. The truth is I doubt it. But I do know – from personal experience – that if a child’s guardians can use blackmail to get money from a wealthy person, say someone who was due an inheritance from a weird non-related uncle that married them as a child (three years old was it?) they will probably do it. And who could blame them for trying?
My cousin’s parents would LOVE to take money from me for hitting their baby. If it was really me hitting that baby, I’d rather pay with my actual blood than with my cash. And as they know, it wasn’t me. And I did pay with blood.
And if you were really concerned about that, and you REALLY thought I did it – you’d feel the same. Shame on u guize amirite
Thankfuck I have a brother who taught me to laugh at our shitty family, amirite?
Oh – and by the way – it’ll never come out but I actually outed a HUGE pedophile ring of people who leave-their-bodies to observe mind-controlled children abusing one another and by living my life and my payment for having done so was that I became a vampire. Yes I know the word is a bit difficult, I reeeeally do – and the concept a tough one to believe – but for my services to the Planet I’m an eternal physical being. Lets put it that way. (I haven’t been told about any spirit guides or gods turning your fat asses into any kind of forever or making your skin impervious to fire – just *my* fat ass ^_^)
My spiritual teacher Esther Hicks often regales experiences where she has spoken to the children of strangers in public places – sometimes leaving the experience positively and sometimes not so.
So yes – when when you get to a point where children have to learn there is no “good” and “bad” – you have to teach them to be so self observant and aware that they have to LEARN to act only with good intention. And a lot of people don’t become good unless they do some terrible stuff first, in any case. That is why I personally think no one should be considered an adult until they reach the age of thirty five, and that’s if they haven’t been so unfortunate as to have been brought up by damaged people, in which case it’ll take them a lot longer. But yes: how do you teach children to behave? Iunno about you – but considering the damage and trauma that was done to my kids by having them watch my memories – I’d PERSONALLY say “If you behave with the best intentions and without causing unjustified harm to others – you can become a vampire.”
Iunno what you all have to offer. More than me I hope, based on your justifications and decisions to steal from me.
Childhood is not all that physical an experience – I think many people remain children in their physical “Adulthood” (We live in a time when people define “Adulthood” as something I really don’t think it is. The idea that eighteen year olds run off to University to study something they’ll do for the rest of their lives is absolute fucking nonsense – find an honest eighteen year old and they’ll tell you they’re at University to have fun without their parents influence, to escape the conformity imposed upon them by their childhood friends and explore some identity that they kept hidden from people that never allowed them to “be themselves”. And your self is a work in progress – when you leave university you will be an entirely different person once again. You probably won’t even really get on with those childhood friends either.)
Also Nana puts DADA in her interests. That is not a baby voice reference to her father, that is a reference to an ART movement. Although her SuicideGirl persona probably rather suited that potentiality.
But DADA was not a reference to her dad, who I think by glimpsing her interests you can safely assume she undramatically loathes.
Some people have to adopt the term “artist” to describe themselves just to give them an excuse to be comfortably weird. I mean – she’s obviously an artist – even if she’s being photographed by other people, it’s her personality coming through. Her obvious, fantastic, weird traumas too. I think everyone is an “artist” if they have developed a sense of taste and learned what truly speaks to them.
It makes me sad to know that there are so many women who have so much to express but they’re afraid to incase men think that they’re quietly begging for some kind of sexual experience. THAT IS WHAT MOVIES AND MAKE PRETEND IS FOR.
Also a person might be inclined to create a really awful and scary piece of art – and later realise that art offered some explanation to some greater expansive world tragedy – LIKE MADELEINE MCCANN.
Also – there was a time and I’m sure to some extent it still exists – in which women were comfortably “pro-ana”, anorexia – way, WAY before being an “eating disorder” – is a really terrifyingly extreme lifestyle choice for people who have control issues. So – people who feel like they have no control over their lives choose to focus that “need” into “perfecting” their body.
There would not be so much awareness of the illness that has affected so many generations of women that you have no idea – and if it wasn’t for pro-ana forums and girls psychotically obsessing over their weight so shamelessly to the point of it being hilarious we wouldn’t be a society that celebrates a female form like Kim Kardashians.
And worse yet – if you share energy with people who have control issues it’s likely that you’ll not only have your own self hating thoughts, you’ll be swimming in other people’s too.
WORSE YET – men who can communicate telepathically project nasty thoughts onto women to give them “anorexia”.
If it wasn’t for fabulous, hilarious anorexic psychos like Miss Patsy Stone… who actually also helped women to overcome insecurity with humour – that is, we wouldn’t, if it weren’t for self deprecation – be at a point of human evolution to know that people use other people’s appearances against them. When you think something nasty about a person they’ll with some time delay perhaps, think it about themselves.
The issue with psychiatry is that a lot of psychiatrists don’t actually develop spiritually so they rarely learn that telepathy exists – and those that do know are very secretive about it because the whole thing sort of destroys their medical practice doesn’t it. My meditation with Abraham Hicks teaches that “that which is likened to itself is drawn” – I guess when you’re on a Planet full of people who are desperate for love, you have to start off by loving yourself. And that begins with loving your own body. Then often loving some fragment of yourself, carrying characteristics of your shadow unknown to your “light”. And “Dark” and “Light” are not, to me, metaphors for Good side versus Bad side, but apparent side versus unapparent side.
I’m into that weird shit and thats probably why I’m into “weird” people.
Nana did a photoset on suicidegirls called “RapeBlossom” where she (perhaps too tastefully) depicted what was perceived as a “rape fantasy” rather than a piece of cinematic art – and she didn’t offer too much explanation and for all we know she could’ve been relaying some really fucked up truth she had no idea about – outside of her own. People who have experiences trauma have learned often to dissociate, well if you practiced spirituality or read “Prozac Nation” you’d know that empty spaces or vacuums are loathed by nature – holes are there to be filled. (And if you’re some sad 1 dimensional person, I mean go ahead and enjoy that as some kind of sad, bizarre Freudian fantasy but VAGINAS ARE NOT HOLES.)
If I could meet prostitutes around the World, or people who had been sold into sexual slavery – I would tell them remotely that if it was possible, to learn to enjoy the experience because at the very least you take back some of your control. And whenever you leave that hell – the healing process is catalysed. I know that men would love the idea of women enjoying being raped, and that is an unfortunate stupidity on their part – because while they may manage to remove themselves from a terrible karma that was directly related to what they’d done, it’s very likely that some female version of them some where would have to pay for what they had done.
I sometimes look through stuff I’ve made and think “am I fucking sharing energy with Madeleine Mccann?”… Any celebrity knows that eyes are the window to the soul. Film makers very rarely allow children to stare directly into a camera – unless they are aware of the truth that we share energy when we make eye contact. If you know yourself and you have a strong sense of character then that isn’t a threat to you and if you’ve learned to think before you act then you’re not at any “risk”.
Theres a video where Marlon James talks about how he becomes the characters that he writes. That means completely letting go of the self – actually he’s pretty cold in his language and says something about “killing the self”. That is the most crucial and selfless thing that any kind of artist can do. That is what mediums do. Some people learn higher abilities through love, some through other forms of strong emotion that are connected to love. The Creative Arts – magic very much being included – require the capacity for strong feeling.
If you write enough in documented timeframes you realise that time isn’t linear and storylines repeat themselves. I have on occasion gone back through super old blogs and it’s as though my past self had given my future and present self advice.
For example, today I was listening to this song
and I quickly visited an >> old blog << where I wrote the following:
(It’s funny – I had a meditative thought chat with Levi who told me that I use water to levitate one time – and he warned me that the first time I do it I look really bad. Thanks Levi. He also told me that “mermaid hair” is actually an AFRO because water can’t flatten it. So thats a nice awful moment to look forward to.)
We repeat stories. Names don’t matter –
Things you didn’t know: I used to have two dreadlocks
Things you didn’t know: I grew them out but they grew back on their own and a guy once spent like an hour in the shower trying to brush them out.
People confused this character – Teacher – for a girl we all knew. Because she had dreadlocks (even though she used to jokingly use the word “Nigger”). Because they kind of ignored that every “spiritual” thing she taught them, she had learned from me. Including things I had been taught by my teachers – but I credit my teachers because I am that proud to have manifested meeting them.
A lot of people have learned a lot of things from me – and my teachers – and they still don’t call me “teacher”. They prefer to stick their heads in the sand. You do that.
The sad thing about “teacher” is that she’s had a lot of kids stolen from her. I said before – a girl I call “pygmy” and nasty things like that – who had fertility issues (no babies to steal) ended up pregnant at the same time as I had a miscarriage. Sex education hasn’t been properly taught but the truth is she took something of mine. Very clever. Good for you. He’s going to look like a mess because there was no love in that.
Fyi I am doing you a FAVOUR by being an asshole.
Do you know it takes really fucked up people to sort out other fucked up people? If a person is expressing themselves you really have to stop and work out why it bothers you so much. More often than not your responses are rooted in jealousy of some kind. Sometimes stepping back from what you know to be truth is a step towards evolution.
One time a guy friend joked that if you converted all of the texts in the bible to numbers that they’d all connect (I smoked a lot of weed to kill a lot of pain since that conversation, so I’m sorry I can’t repeat it word for word) and I said “surely if everything connects that means there’s some truth in it?” When I heard “all is one and one is all” a chill went down my spine.
I actually fully disagree with the sentiment but I’m not sure why yet. I remember having a thought chat with Bruce Lee – he discusses Martial Arts and having founded a school called “Jeet Kun Do” which is sort of an all encompassing form of Martial Arts (which he describes as being “self expression”) and that people shouldn’t believe in style because it “separates” man. It amuses me that Lee Alexander McQueen could’ve been a future/simultaneous life of us – and that they both met quite the same end. That cycle stops with me. Bruce Lee said that he’d want me to teach him the importance of style. Ha. It is funny that we bounce between lessons and extremes from life to life.
The thing about the “seven sins” in Full Metal Alchemist is that these are supposed to be characteristics inherent to existing. Animals experience envy, lust, pride etc. The thing that connects us is ultimately our “imperfection”. “Imperfection” is not that which makes us human, but simply that which we are. So “I think, therefore I am” – “I sin, therefore I am”. Even the dead get up to naughty stuff, promise you.
Someone once said to me “do you think you’re perfect karina?” when I confronted her about fucking my boyfriend. First of all – if you’re going to fuck someone’s boyfriend – don’t befriend them (something I said to hobbitdwarf but she paid no attention).
No I’m not perfect. But my intentions are. And when they’re not – sometimes they’re not – I call myself out. Look – some people have been fucked over for like, more generations than you’re aware exist on this Planet. Those people are often fragments of me. I had a chat with someone relating to sex bots today – who said that they think that the real evil are people like the geeks who run IBM and Google etc – “truly evil” he said. And I said “do you not think the Planet creates people like that?” – something Lisa said to me. I said to Lisa (about my previous twinflame) “He’s evil. He’s really evil. He was Jesus Christ and he’s fucking evil.” and she said “in one life a person can be a saint, and the opposite in the next.” There was no judgement there, on her part. (Quite a severe irritation at my soulmates who could’ve stopped what happened, however.)
I asked her about her opinion on mercenaries and people whose profession involves killing other people and she said “the Planet creates those individuals. They don’t just happen.” We are entirely responsible for every person on the Planet.
So in defence of the geeks running shit like IBM and Google – I said “Well try to consider the kind of shit that they must’ve been put through to dedicate that much time to becoming that intelligent.” (And that means a lot from me – cos I know Google was inspired by my cocker spaniel “goggles”)
So – as I understand it, when you grow enough to experience those “seven sins” with pure intent – you become capable of pretty scary things. I look a lot like the character “Lust” but I don’t think I’m her at all. I think I might be Envy. But it’s hard to know, I grew up being put in situations that taught me how to control that side of myself. I NEVER got what I wanted. And over time, I realised that when that part of me was triggered – a lot of people ended up dead. I can’t feign any kind of guilt over it nor prove I had anything to do with it.
And I’ve said before – as a child I was asked telepathically “how would you feel about repopulating the Planet?” I’ve written about it in my book – I wrote on 100 and something pages by hand. I’ll be sending that version to Esther and Abraham Hicks – and I’ll probably type up a version to sell to other people because I think it’s important to read.
If I had known I was being telepathically asked that – and who really asks an infant something like that anyway – what kind of retard? Perhaps it was God. Perhaps.
In my graphic novel the first few pages are a simple “PROJECT:LUCIFER” and it begins with a memory of myself in a dining room – the table laid. A knife on the table. I am about three years old. I pick up the knife and sit on the floor and a fly lands beside me – I instinctively cut the fly in two. I am a toddler in this memory and flies move fast. It took a long time for me to really think about how my aim and timing was so perfect. And that was perhaps how I learned guilt, too.
I used to play with toys lying on the floor – and I really thought “Nothing outside of this experience is real. People aren’t real” and years later at college I learned the word “solipsist”, in a philosophy class – to describe that experience. I now know that creepy philosophy teacher had been observing my memories and I find it repulsive. I find my poor marks even more repulsive.
And I know that when the people I’m currently attracted to think about their lives in detail, they were also set up to experience things as I did. Everything that they ever wanted was taken from them and I guess that’s a pretty fantastic thing to have in common with someone – knowing how it feels to spend years of your life focusing on wanting something and not getting it. But if you can live through that it does create some kind of super human. Promise. So I guess I’m some quiet unacknowledged sin – that is apparent in animals and humans. And that is Revenge.
Is it awful and self obsessed to make amendments to a bible that men omitted me from? Where are the things that Mary Magdalene had to say? Of course the catholic church of today would probably treasure those writings, with the developments in non-physical knowledge today, and the practice of character analysis that has come about through – not psychiatry – but DRAMA. The performing arts. Isn’t that weird? That the arts (inspired by religion, spirituality, the need to document/write before things could be written) could’ve aided science and yet most scientists are neither religious, spiritual or aware of their creative talents?
Terrible lives aside – and I’m generally only ever attracted to people with sad stories –
if Nana married me and the guys I fancy she really would be a princess.
I used to call myself “Nena” when I webcammed and when I look back on it I wonder if that was as a result of my sharing energy with her. “Nena” means “girl” in Spanish btw.
Madeleine McCann is someone I used-to-knows twinflame. His childhood led him to be the kind of person to want to save people. Not really realising that had he met me when he was supposed to I was supposed to sort of save him. When I first met him I thought he was too young and I told him he’s too alike to his friends – I said there are two kinds of gemini. The kind that are super unique and strange or the kind that imitate their “bestfriend”. He was supposed to be my “bestfriend” and imitate me in so much as being uncompromisingly himself. He made his choices. Or did he.
Do you know I believe O.J was innocent? Sometimes people close to use occupy us. In the Matrix there is a line “KNOW THYSELF” – ever had those moments where you think “Why the fuck did I do that? That is so unlike me” And if you give yourself the benefit of the doubt, it’s highly likely you didn’t do it.
If we weren’t raised properly we don’t know how things work. If you know what I’m inferring, you know. If you don’t… you’ll find out in time. I’ve had plenty of those moments and weirdly enough you can be controlled by the guilt of what you did. Guilt is worse than insecurity and it can make you go insane.
Dude you’re a me as a boy. We always go saving people who very rarely thank us. Often the wrong people. Often people who better off without. My spiritual teacher says that we deserve to live our karmas – so I think she’d justify you choosing not to save her. If she married you she’d share initials with Marie Antoinette.
Remember that blog….
This is Emma Hamilton. She was friends with Marie Antoinette. She was uh. known for a scarf dance called “The Attitudes” Amongst many other things. Oh. And she had a thing with Lord Nelson. She was sort of one of the most notorious sugarbabies of all time. KIND OF LIKE YOU. ASSHOLE.
(IT DOES NOT LOOK LIKE THAT DWARF PYGMY SHUT THE FUCK UP)
Well I feel with every part of my being that your twinflame is alive. And I think you know it too. And if you find her (some place in Russia I think, near a train), well Iunno, you’ll make amends I guess
I remember when I was in a psych ward, I explained some of my life to the people charged with my care. I really upset them when I said “have you ever experienced X, Y and Z?” and of course they said “no.” And I said “Well if you’ve never experienced it you aren’t qualified to help me, it’s as simple as that.”
So I think that’ll be when we can be friends again. I said this before, I hate all your friends. You hated mine. Etc. You uh. Picked the wrong one and just because you were thinking of me when you said “I do” doesn’t mean much at all. I know she reads this
And I maintain that I’m a little bit more evil than you are. Also if you do choose to investigate you’ll be led there – no maps or internet etc. Don’t book hotels just go and learn about intuition. Just walk and look and remember all the cute symbols I taught you. Look for stuff that’s aged over time. Think of Levi and Blood even if you don’t think they’re real. Even Khleo!
It’s not about you or your epic love-story it’s about proving a reality beyond this shitty one that we’ve been forced into believing.
In the words of an old “friend” don’t do a Liam Neeson and save just ONE and leave the rest.
And for fucks sake, NO police
Even the Russian Government would agree
For a lot of this I was thinking of Theo, Trinkis Fuggl and Marlon James, that counts as sharing energy, that means this is a co-authored blog post.
This video is quite significant. When I got to a rapey mansion in Denmark, there was a really nice couple. A guy whose parents taught yoga and a girl who I think was studying psychiatry or something. (aw isn’t it nice that people decided to rape me around so many psychology and psychiatry students?) (No offence I’d be better at your job than you.)
So this video is kind of significant a piece of timetravel. I sat opposite that pregnant woman at one point and I could feel her emotions (thats why I’d be better). She was miserable and depressed. I tried talking to her – rare for me – and she was uncommunicative.
A lot of Danes are reluctant to “befriend” anyone (these people that knew more about me than I would’ve wanted them to really rushed to tell me that, very bluntly – and that complete lack of manners is why I’m glad I’m never going back) but it was so weird, speaking to her. I later realised she was pregnant.
One time we all sat outside and watched shooting stars and I thought “when you make a wish, I think you send out an energy to the Universe” and I remember wishing for a person I’d spent like eight years wanting to be with, and I remember quietly hearing someone wishing not to have their child. I saw a star move. I am so grateful I didn’t get my wish – someone else got theirs though.
That child died.
Later another couple that had been living in that house got pregnant. The mother of that child was the woman who told me that Danes are difficult to befriend. Who on one occasion got stoned with me (she impressed me with her rolling abilities) and offered me a really nice tea. Well karma slapped her in the face cos my stoner self got bored and excused herself (she said she was “really high”) (I spent five or so years of my life completely stoned, that was a lie. I chose to be alone.)
The father of that child wanted to call her Storm. So the spirit of the baby from that previous couple might’ve moved along. They decided against calling her Storm, but fortunately Kylie called her baby Stormi. So we have a The-Storm.
Then another of the couples in that mansion got pregnant. I went to see a show and the singer was this tiny framed girl and I thought “she’s gained weight… she’s pregnant…” and I thought “no it’s too soon for her to have grown so much!” Well she was pregnant.
She’s given birth now.
They both have.
Thats nice and explains the excruciating periods, that had actually stopped prior to my being in Denmark.
(I once asked in the kitchen of that mansion “does it hurt when chickens lay eggs?” and as I type this I feel something tugging at one of my ovaries. Rude.)
Anyway the above song is sung by Karin Dreijer Andersson – she’s in a band called “The Knife”. Like the knife I used to split a fly in two! Karin is in Fever Ray – who perform the opening song for Vikings.
In less grim news, a lot of embarrassing stuff and cool stuff happened that week and in the moments after and I’m really really really sorry if you got jealous Triddel Folbis 😡
Okay this is an easter egg for one of my anonymous readers.
Also for most of my life I thought my brother was my father. Important. Gross cos we had some weird history (that I’ve heard is actually quite common) but also SO important.
Like as a baby I would sit on my brothers lap while he gamed. I didn’t speak the same language as my dad, actually I had only been taught spanish and I used to hear my brother and sister asking him for money all the time so I used to say to him “Dame cinco y seis”
Which I understood to mean “give me money” cos I’d see him hand them money and I wouldn’t ever get any AND ISN’T THAT THE HILARIOUS STORY OF MOST OF MY LIFE
Also – isn’t it weird how Nana looks exactly like a female version of Sexyman?