Yesterday I got really angry with Amazon. Backstory: I bought a shitty mp3 player because I’ve misplaced my phone and I need some source of music to connect to, for my flight to Copenhagen to pick up my PS4.
I had a really tough time trying to dialogue with their zendesk staff and ended up having the kind of conversation that could be pretty fucking ruinous to Amazon – but I love Amazon a lot and I think that in their reading through of the conversation that seeds have been planted that will encourage them to think a little more ethically.
The problem with shops being run by people who are very wealthy is that they kind of shut off the capacity to empathise with people who genuinely actually love their stuff – even if it’s not very expensive or well made or even all that well designed.
I’ve said this to every shop or mall that I’ve had a negative experience with – I am literally your dream consumer. A dialogue with me about my experience with your service is something your company has the potential to grow from.
I am the kind of person who can honestly and proudly say they know they would spend money on something based 100% off well designed packaging. And actually in an age when there is a wealth of knowledge available to people that allows them to make their own stuff – if you aren’t going to up your game don’t even bother selling people stuff.
Consumers like me keep people in business. So treat us well. If you can’t establish trust between your company and a consumer it’s a downwards spiral.
Anyway I kinda redesigned Amazon and my version is better, lets be honest. Now I’ve gotta say – I kind of winged it, it wasn’t sketched out – it didn’t take me long and it’s the kind of thing I imagine a person should spend a long time doing – I used some terrifying legal jargon (did you know “throughout the Universe” was a statement featured in the contract girls featured in Front magazine were asked to sign in exchange for the ownership and reuse of the nude photographs of them being used without their being paid – that magazine I negged a million years ago that went bust?) (their idea of revenge was hilarious – I was mean about girls who get naked for free in exchange for fifteen minutes of fame – I used my ‘free nudity’ to teach people stuff and forever influence society in a way they wouldn’t ever be able to shake off) as a marketing tag line and I think it works for Amazon. I’d like to spend more time on that little label-string but the project kind of bored me and I think I made my point. And if I didn’t I think I shall
I can do what you do – easy – believe me
So I found some products on Amazon that quite obviously hadn’t been properly moderated – it raised a few issues regarding Amazon’s staff’s concern regarding the health of the kind of women who would buy their cosmetics & hygiene products off that website.
I LOVE Amazon – as a person who is extremely introverted and loves to shop but hates going out, a person who truly enjoys being able to picture a design/material desire in their head and somehow manage to locate something to that very effect on Amazon – a person who would literally spend every last fucking penny in their bank account on Amazon to the point of not having any more cash to spend for the next month.
HOWEVER. I was NOT HAPPY with your customer service and it made your entire company look bad. Like if I sent this chat (which upon first glance is merely a hilarious borderline psychotic read) over to say, Condé Nast, who have influence over not just young people but y’know, serious business women – who publish articles for women in a multitude of mediums… in that chat there is actually a lot of inspiration for some pretty fucking serious stuff that could destroy your company completely. Like overnight zero credibility damage. If you can’t be trusted with selling inexpensive things that function as they’re meant to – you can’t get away with selling luxury items because things work on LEVELS. If I order something cheap and the box it arrives in is fucked up – how on earth would I risk buying something expensive? It’s not me – I can’t afford your expensive stuff – but if I could why the fuck would I buy it from you at this point?
I could send that chat to a LOT of important people – everyone has access to everyone’s email addresses and I don’t think we’re still pretending people don’t know who I am. At the very least my emails are comedy gold and always worth a read. My laptop has been hacked by literally EVERYONE. I could destroy you.
Why don’t I? Because the potential for your service is great. I love Amazon. I think if it were run by the kind of people who actually SHOPPED at Amazon you’d be a forever unrivalled service and the death of consumer culture as we know it. Do you know there are elderly and disabled people who can’t leave their homes – and have the right to a great shopping experience?
If they knew about AND TRUSTED Amazon – which they don’t – you’d be making a lot of people’s lives better. No – stuff can’t make you happy – but it can do a lot of other stuff, like inspire, influence, make an otherwise very tough or lonely life easier.
Rich people should not be making executive decisions about your shop because they do not understand what money is worth. I don’t blame you for not empathising with people who can’t afford to spend thousands on a face peel. But I can blame you for hiring the kind of staff to run a zendesk that would say something like “our products are put under expert surveillance” – and yet not be able to clarify what that even means.
You give a lot of creators the ability to sell their art and you give people like me who love interior design but can’t afford obnoxious retail prices the chance to have a cute house/bedroom too. You sell stuff that other people would struggle to find and that means I can own things that might not be very expensive but that other people don’t own.
Moulin Rouge – the movie – lesson in love (in marketing there’s a term called “love brand” – anything I buy from Amazon is no longer a product being provided by a seller – it’s “FROM AMAZON” so this means something) WITHOUT TRUST THERE IS NO LOVE.
I DON’T TRUST AMAZON NOT TO SEND ME SHIT ANYMORE. fix it guys, fix it
Also never choose to be the kind of company that would give it’s shares to just anyone. That is irresponsible. I do not want to buy things from an irresponsible company.
And fucking redesign, it’s fucking 2018