I feel like this was an important conversation to filter into the mass consciousness for so, so many reasons and maybe it’ll make even more sense in years to come. I really appreciate that Kanye mentioned the stigma attached to mental health – and perhaps that’s because I was called crazy a lot – but it was only through experiencing my own mental breakdown/through that I realised (and actually managed to prove in pretty terrifying ways – remember, a psychiatrist documented me saying “someone is about to die” and moments later a person had strangled herself – and that was really the most basic of things that were observed about me in that environment) that my experience of reality involves a connection far beyond the one that any kind of attachment to the laws of any given physical reality can even begin to make sense of.
I feel like Kanye has perhaps managed to heal in a way that it isn’t my personal purpose to and I admire that.
I’ve spent my life letting things go and rising above – never actually confronting what was done to me. Never demanding the apology I deserved.
The best and worst thing was that the people that called me names and bitched about me throughout my life, know that I have all of the abilities that I ever claimed (and more) and they haven’t even had the courage to say “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you” or “I’m sorry for the part I had to play in making your life so hard – thanks for making mine so fucking magical” Or y’know, a simple “sorry for fucking your boyfriend &/or stealing from you &/or telling lies about you &/or telling your deepest personal secrets”
“thanks for making school/college/university so exciting”
In 2030 I imagine some kind of University reunion where someone might garner the guts
to say “so what’s it like being a vampire?” (and I’d say “Iunno we’ll talk about it in your next life”) to ask me how I am I’ll whip out whatever technology is around at the time and play them this
Here’s Kanye’s energy and light work coming through (an hour or so into this interview) and a thought journey with Lisa. I get thoughts of the people I’ve known (people who, friends or not I’d have stuck up for if they were being bullied – even if they were talking about me behind my back) and family I’ve known, the people who gassed/drugged and raped me and she gently pushes them all to the side of my mind and says “that was a past life”
But before I accept walking into my “next life” – a step up on the food chain. (Funny, I remember this line from a film, I think – you’re either a predator or prey.) I want to create a kind of timeline for you.
A LONG time ago – in my very early teens and before I actually ever understood the concept of energy (so, think along the lines of – some other me occupying my body to tell this story) I was walking with an ex, a female version of me in a boys body. We were walking from his house to the train station and I was telling him a story.
I said that there was a group of girls who hired a girl to help them save various men in their lives that were being used as energy sources. In this story, I said that this girl’s motive for helping was that her brother was on death row – and in this story-universe, the equivalent of death row was people being used as sources of energy.
Her incentive was that she wanted to save her brother.
Whenever I listened to music I’d close my eyes and I’d picture this same kind of story in all sorts of pretty cinematic equivalents. Any character I identified as myself was always the one that was left behind, the only one who could really defend herself anyway. Some ridiculous self sacrifice. Often, it was just an exchange of a scroll.
In my first year of university I had said to my friends “I’m going to be a drug dealer next year.” They all told me not to do it, told me that I couldn’t do it etc. The general shit little boys say to little girls before they steal their idea. ALL these boyfriends ended up doing what I wanted to do. I didn’t do it. If I’d of just done it, I’d be in a very very different place right now. I’d probably be extremely wealthy actually, and I wouldn’t of had to of come back home. Jay Z’s script.
It’s funny, one time I was in a drug dealer’s room. He was a lot younger than me, having joined the uni a year after me. I vaguely recall a chat we had where I told him the letters in his name almost exactly matched mine.
The thing about versions of me is that we identify with the wrong people, we use our capacity to empathise in some form with the wrong people. We can be victims of manipulation, often confusing poorly intended performances for genuine vulnerability. In an attempt to understand our pasts, we project our personal story onto the wrong people. Pay attention to the wrong details.
I looked around his room and I saw a mess – and I thought-heard my Lisa say that mess was indicative of depression. Unless you’ve spent years of your life completely fucking stoned, you won’t know how big a deal it is to remember much of anything.
Lisa once had girly time with me in her bedroom. She told me about her Twin-flame – his alterego-name as a musician was Johnny. She told me that this was their song.
His real name was Steve. I had a lecturer called Steve at Uni – I’ve said before. A guy I had tremendous respect for, that respect was confused for some kind of weird flirtation. He once gave us a Herman Hesse poem to analyse for a writing class, and he asked if I’d bothered reading it. I told him I had and that I concluded that the protagonist in the poem was looking for his mother.
There’s a bit in the video where Cyndi shows her boyf her shaven head and he’s not into it. My first real boyfriend and I watched this Resident Evil together and we were both obsessed with this scene – I asked him to shave my head that day. Fun.
(When I hear this scream it reminds me of waking up after a surgery when I had my tonsils removed – I woke up, the first thing I did was pick up a drink on my bedside table. It was orange juice. It was so, so painful – as you can imagine drinking something acidic might be immediately after being cut open. I drank the juice and then I screamed and it sounded just like this.)
Lisa met that boyfriend – Kitty – he had the same tattoos that Constantine had on his forearms. >> Image Credit <<
Constantine is a character in a comic called Hellblazer, which was his favourite comic at the time. The sound track was performed by A Perfect Circle – a side project of the singer of Tool – his favourite band at the time. Don’t you love the coincidences?
Lisa told me that “Constantine” (and Avatar) were both real stories. She said he balanced my energy. It’s strange how in my memories of him as a teenager, he looks so similar to Ekko – the character in League of Legends.
At the end of this video, the cop says “I’ve always known that I could see, I’ve always known that I could see”. I could see when I was little, not now. But Lisa said to me “Learn to pretend not to see.” – a message for my older brother. Omi.
I told Lisa, when I saw her recently – that I thought Kitty might be a fragment of ‘Ekko’ – and if not, someone who could channel him. Upon hearing Lisa was “psychic” – Kitty said “CAN WE PLAY ROCK PAPER SCISSORS?” … Later she had us watch Avatar together on her bed, beside a huge tetrahedron ‘machine’ she had cast out of metal, that you sit inside to meditate. I reminded her of that – and she said “HE’S NAUGHTY!!!”)
Twinflames are your highest point of personal growth. Thats it.
And that was a past life. When I see her in my minds eye, I see her standing with her partner – an incredible man I met years ago when I was living with her in Hackney. I hardly got to know him but I recall the things she would say about him, that he might’ve observed about me for example – and I appreciated it.
For me, and what I now know, the kind of people you attract into your life are a testament of your current state of vibration. When I lived with Lisa – I moved in completely broken but I left functioning on a high vibration – and for the most part I went on to have the best year of my life. As things got worse and worse for me at uni, I attracted worse and worse experiences – people that matched my emotional landscape. People I should never have met.
The last time I saw Lisa, I told her about this card – and said that if she and I were twins we’d be Ka and Li. The Pleiadian being on the card looks like her, and Beyonce. I think.
Isn’t it strange, how the card kind of repeats the sentiment “that was a past life”?
(One time Lisa walked into my bedroom and tidied and cleaned it for me. Have you ever noticed how the energy of a room completely changes when it’s clean and tidy? It just “feels” different. Try to understand – Lisa is a mature woman and her time and energy is very, very valuable to her. People say “oh, psychics are the kind of people who take advantage of vulnerable people – who steal their money” etc. Lisa never received any money from me. To anyone else she’d have just been a woman I was sharing a house with – although she cooked for me (when I would’ve otherwise starved) and gave me cigarettes when I ran out (I was chain smoking) and taught me things no one ever had (That filtered so far and deep that people haven’t even realised how normal it is now, to talk about spirituality or energy. These were NOT things people said on the internet ten years ago! That was her – I swear on my life – that was all her.) Also – she once gave me a pair of French pants, which is way – way more significant than you’d think.
Without Lisa, I’d have never of been receptive to Abraham Hicks and Esther Hicks (Turns out they’re acquainted) – which I think is the next phase of my journey.
Back to this drug dealer – the one whose name was an anagram of my own. All of his stuff was scattered on the floor and being in there felt icky, energetically. I tidied up his room for him, just like Lisa had done for me. I remember it as being on the same day, but perhaps it wasn’t – we had a conversation and I said “If you were a time traveller and you bumped into people you had known in a past life – what would you tell them?” Hilariously enough he said something along the lines of it being unimportant, because it wouldn’t be the same. I think I said “ok.” (During my mental breakdown – I told him that “his mother was tidying his room”. At one point he visited me in a psychiatric ward and watched a psychiatrist telling me how ill I was – for saying things she didn’t want to hear. And then I said to her that I knew she had been sexually molested – she asked how I knew that. She eventually threatened me with an injection for simply saying things she didn’t want to hear, and he defended her. Not understanding that he was defending a threat of rape. Forced penetration of ANY kind is rape. But most importantly not connecting that her threat to me was her doing to me, what must have been done to her.)
Lisa would’ve said “child, you have a lot to learn”. When I saw Lisa I showed her a picture of this character and said “I feel like he’s your son, and his name in this game is “ekko”. She nodded and said “Echoes of TIME.” Let me stress this – she is not the kind of woman who plays video games. She meditates, works, spends time with her family, reads a lot, cooks and watches movies. She glanced at this image of this character for a brief moment and said something about energy. (If you play or have ever played league – it’s a “hex tech energy” weapon he carries on his shoulder.)
This is the place I was renting when I lived in Farnham. 7A West Street. Can you see that underpass? The entrance to my flat was through there. Doesn’t it look like Ekko sitting in front of a scroll covering the wall? I guess you’d have to visit to see it.
Some not-friends once tagged “GOOD MORNING” on the wall opposite my door cos I never said good morning to the girl I lived with and she told a lot of half-truths about me, a lot of manipulative lies. Made all the guyfriends she stole from me think she was a victim. None of them really had any idea of her true nature, or mine, in their defence. (She was the very wealthy, easy-fuck kind, nothing wrong with that at all – but sometimes girls like that have jealousy issues and I had a lot of things she couldn’t have paid for with cash. Like a personality. Which she did try to steal.)
The truth is… that when you grow up in a house with no one speaking to you much, with a mother who was ill and slept all the time, you don’t really “learn” to say good morning.
Do you see that arched window at the top? That was my bedroom.
When I lived in Homerton, Hackney – I meditated once with a lit candle. I remember that the flame was flickering pretty wildly and I saw what I thought was the back of a man walking away and through a flame, wearing a black hood. (It’s only recently that I realised that “man” – “male energy” was me.)
Before I moved out of that home in Homerton almost ten years ago, Lisa and her friend gave me a CD called “EK ONG KAR”
Kind of like this
In a meditation I did years before meeting her I saw myself wearing a black hood and meeting a woman carrying a baby with a third eye, in a strange town. She gave me the baby (her baby) and told me to do the only thing I was good at doing – which was running. I best visualised this meditation to this song. I saw myself running into a green domed vortex that was linked to my etheric signature. There were armed guards killing people with special abilities who were trying to protect me (because I was protecting this baby.) – they couldn’t access the vortex which gave me time to navigate through the buildings. I have no sense of direction in any life – that’s the beauty of dyspraxia. Have you ever seen The Book of Eli? He doesn’t walk with a direction in mind, the route is internal.
One of these guards got through the vortex, I assume because they shared an etheric signature with me – and I don’t know what happened next, but that is the nature of past lives.
When I went funny – my dog ran out onto the road to chase after a fox and I fell onto my knee trying to chase him. If I told you it was like someone had pushed me, you probably wouldn’t believe me.
There’s a League of Legends video of Ekko – he hurts his arm. When I think of Ekko I get an ache in my arm. I’ve never told anyone about that.
When I was with Lisa she got an ache in her knee and her arm. I didn’t say it to Lisa – but some deep place in me thought “Imagine Ekko really hurting the one person that his mother trusted to protect him.”
I like to think my job is done – because I’ve led him through whatever dimensional travel he needed to experience using me as an anchor, in order to find her.
It upsets me that there are parents on this Planet that are raising children that have abilities that they grow up never dialoguing about because it’s not “normal”. Jaden Smith talking about his eight year old self being a “vampire” in an interview is more real to me than my mother’s house.
Kanye talking about living a life very much in the “future”, or a little boy in a cafeteria telling me that when he stares at his hand long enough, it becomes invisible – or a little boy astral projecting and finding his own Planet, and inhabiting it with creatures… and not discussing plants… is actually more real and more serious to me than the half of a burnt cheese burger & chips I ate for dinner, sitting in a takeaway foil on a plate on the carpet beside my bed.
The fact that that ex of mine, a psychiatric nurse, was handed an essay on metaphysics that was authored by one of his patients – by his co-staff – for him to try and analyse for signs of mental illness upsets me too.
This tells me that freedom of speech and freedom of thought are just nice thoughts. That give or take a few minor details, we are constantly reliving the past. That ex of mine had one ethical duty to that patient and that was not to play pass the parcel with that essay – to say “that patient trusted you with that so keep it to yourself, okay?”
Every science fiction movie teaches people that it’s the government that keep things ‘hush hush’ and it’s actually not – keeping people quiet or invisible begins at home, begins with ridicule from childhood friends and ripples through every kind of engagement or social interaction. If you’re not kept silent, you’re ridiculed.
The idea that there had to be a novel like Twilight, to gauge how people would respond to creatures sitting above them on the food chain, who are almost physiologically impossible to kill… (Like – you might accidentally die trying)
That in order for them not to be depicted as all that threatening, they had a “good vampire” versus “bad vampire” motif. The BAD vampires eat PEOPLE. So does that mean that bad people eat animals? What is the difference? The good vampires spend their infinite time and physical strength having sex that poses great risks to interiors, playing piano and being really really ridiculously good looking.
The Twilight novels are good for one thing – the knowledge that there is a space in the human understanding that people must be forced to observe how they treat individuals and creatures who are more vulnerable than they are. Whether it’s the insane, children, the disabled, creatures or people who can’t speak.
Y’know, a kind of mirror – sort of depicting how humans have treated livestock… rather than a weird sexual fantasy.
Lisa says that at any given time we are four archetypes. So – we have a light side and a dark side that are visible and a light side and a dark side that are ‘invisible’. (She keeps things simple with me)
My favourite is Jane ❤
I’ve written about this before – there was no toothy bite into my throat, no release of poison that would either kill me or turn me. A non-physical sexual experience with my Pleiadian guides that led to a foetus being painlessly removed from my body using crystals, with the umbilical cord in perfect condition (faux friends got to look at it close up, nurses got to look at it – no one cared all that much that they were looking at a THREE DAY OLD foetus that was, by all scientific accounts – huge for its age.) and I gently placed that foetus on a little rock in my room, watched it turn from pink to brown and somewhere inbetween all that during a moment of weird adrenaline a hand reached into my heart and stopped it beating.
After that I was compelled to message my cousin (I was at this point, what anyone would consider crazy, unless they grew up in a culture that understood shamanism) who I NEVER speak to – to say that his wife would be having a “Cleopatra baby” or something. No one had told me, but it turns out his wife was already pregnant with twins. Cleopatra had twins called Alexander Helios and Kleopatra Selene. (I learned this WAY later.)
(I think he called one of the kids Nile – which is nice – the idea that Queen Kleopatra VII uses your cousin to channel a message over via social media and you can’t even be bothered to give them their actual names)
After that I channelled my father’s mother – a woman I had never, ever had a conversation with because bless her, she didn’t speak a word of english. Basically disowned her entire family from across the grave.
(My whole family – well, not family anymore, that was a past life – have pretty much worked out that I’m clairvoyant (like, proof beyond proof) but failed to apologise for the stuff they had to say about me.)
After that I channelled a person (Lady Diana) who had been murdered (by the British Queen btw), who explained through me what had happened – then I put my hand through fire – with dumb and dumber witnesses present – and didn’t feel a thing. Not one of the little hairs on my hand were singed either.
My teacher explained that the painless and bloodless miscarriage was necessary because people have to learn that abortion is traumatic, and causes women to suffer needlessly – and that the foetuses removed from women are bodies – which are often used for scientific experiments, including being kept “alive” in stasis? rather than respected as human-dead. Women in the UK are so preoccupied with fast resolution, (understandable), that when they get pregnant and choose not to have the infant that they don’t seem to realise that there is a reason that the real reason they are made to wait for the foetus to develop, really – the reason women in the UK have a choice to abort is because the NHS and all of the family planning clinics make a FORTUNE from selling stem cells.
It is possible for people to lose children they never knew that they had – humans don’t know how to perform painless miscarriages like the one I had. Miscarriages are often confused for painful periods. I’ve tried telling a girl I know what happened when she thought she was pregnant, and then got her period – even her partner has tried to “tell” her – but she never listens. People who don’t listen to the things I say are a waste of my time. Once i’ve done what’s right by my own conscience I leave it to their ability to recollect.
I had one of those strange, painful miscarriages not too long after hearing a foetus say “I’m a little sun drop”. So if you want to know whether a foetus has sentience or a consciousness before being born, yes, they do.
I will say this though – whether through physical or non physical, conception takes three. At least. That’s why Adam, Lilith and Eve were created. It’s the strange recipe for an in-love vibration. Have you ever noticed how great your relationship is when your boyfriend/girlfriend spends nearly as much time talking to you as they do talking to some friend, although iunno – that relationship in their life makes you feel jealous? And then most commonly you separate your partner and that friend, and your boyfriend/girlfriend stops treating you as nicely? Have you ever connected that slight change? Your boyfriend/girlfriend is someone else when they share energy with that person.
The hand through my heart was me learning that I’m an eternal being.
The hand through the fire was that … well, the Universe has my back and wants me to speak not just my- but the truth.
Oh, uh… If it makes you more comfortable, me saying “this is for my graphic novel” then lets go with that… but it’s all completely true.