EARPHONE PURCHASE GUIDE

DO YOU KNOW WHY I HAVE NO TECH? Apart from that it was my brother that insisted that we were a techno family, and the British princies were jelly of him so they arranged to have him put in a hospital (trust me, when he looks himself – he’s a million times hotter than any guy ever, and the Arabs (being an Arab, I can say “the Arabs”) accepted it and kicked my family out – the British guys just lied. We are all British passport holders – my siblings and myself – and my family on my mother’s side SERVED here, POLITICALLY. We were INVITED by your ROYAL FAMILY to do so. Back when people took your royal family seriously – that was a long time ago wasn’t it.) (you look worse because what is there for me to lie about? They’re gonna have someone hold a weapon to your heads and have you tell the truth about this on live TV so prepare yourselves.) (Wait: the issue with having ‘disabilities’ – my brother is autistic but he is not stupid and he is not out of control either, and he is not a vulnerable dependent. He likes to have fun. What your country has done to my brother and to ME and even to Russell fucking dickhead brand is why the World is becoming a police state 1984 shithole. ITS YOUR FAULTS. WHOEVER RAISED YOU AND FAILED YOU’S FAULT. You will be held accountable. Trust me.)

I am serious about DESIGN.

My room is an earphone graveyard.


 

These purple earphones are from Tiger. They cost £1 or £2 quid. 4.5/10

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They were inexpensive, but they work with my laptops full volume – although I can hear myself finger-clicking if I finger-click loud enough. So far… they’ve lasted for a month or two. They fall out if I dance, masturbate or walk hard. They were not designed for people that can dance/masturbate/walk briskly. I like the colour and the design, although I don’t like the ‘jelly’ ear piece variety of earphones, and they aren’t hygienic. I have to clean my ears more than most people because I listen to music loud. And if I don’t this happens:

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I’ll still wear them, wax and dust and all, but it’s not-okay.

Also they don’t appear to have a mic so i can take a shit in them.

If I have a boyfriend, we can hold hands on the streets – but I’m still donning my earphones and they’re going to be full volume.

I am certain that either Omar (my elder brother) or I am the reason they have those consideration stickers on buses for people listening to loud music. I can listen to loudish music with them on, although I don’t think they could stand a heavy bass. But for the price that really isn’t a problem for me.

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These are Goji earphones. These are not good. The company don’t even have a website so I can’t link you to them. I’m embarrassed for you, Goji. They were a thoughtful gift though. A sincere try. I give these 2/10. They look good. They are pretty earphones. They make the briefest cameo in this video.

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The wireless/bluetooth function is also great but you can’t go up/down flights of stairs with them. Most people don’t enjoy the music I listen to because they think it’s embarrassing and these degraded slowly – I got the bumble bee vibration fuzz (that I enjoy and I’m sure it helps me when I meditate)

This is a less attractive design with visible stitching on the leather, which makes them look cheap. I don’t really personally want to see the stitching work on leather. Sometimes it looks good, mostly it doesn’t look good.

These are Jabra “150-years-of-sound-innovation” Elites. I give them.. uh… a very honest and very generous 1/10 because as far as I’m aware, they have charged for fifteen minutes and they are not giving me the promised 1 hour. Why invest in a writer for the manual copy and lie?

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The one out of ten is because they are actually quite cool-LOOKING to wear, although I didn’t test them underwater.

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And I wasn’t expecting that they would look cool on, either. They do not stay inside my ear enough for the music to be loud enough, so wearing them in the SEA would be USELESS.

They are bluetooth, and that means that they can be hacked. But ideally that means they can be remotely fixed too.

I’m going to leave them charging for 24 hours and see if they decide to work a little bit better.


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[image ref]

This is Kylie J and Headphonesty giving you the side eye on my behalf, in the best earphones I’ve ever had. I picked the rose gold ones but these look so fucking good. I’ll get back to the design of them because thats what I struggled with.

I prefer them with the wire in. It might be a generation thing, the wire.

The Apple store in @Westfield gave us some Dre Beats as a gift, when we bought ourselves some MacBooks and an iMac. Lisa taught me to be more selective about the gifts that I accept and these were accepted absolutely without regret, but like Salt N Peppa doing anime, the design is ahead of it’s time.

(Who did Trunx’s look first you ask, a meditation-ESP sesh with babysitter Tupac who came to tell his me that black people did the military-anime look first.)

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[ref]

..I think they want Sephiroth though..

OMG tHESE i WAnatA BuY ThEsE

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I’ll wear them with these

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I recently went swimming in Brighton with the Dre Beats bluetooth function and the waterproof iPhone 7 model. The iPhone can’t go deep underwater – and that’ll be what sways me to an upgrade.

“this wan goes to elefen” is a Spinal Tap joke. You should watch Spinal Tap. An ex bestfriends dad (the guy who basically runs the show at RADA but can’t fake being gay  to save his cotton socks and still hasn’t written to me about my honorary scholarship) told us to watch it and you need to. Need to. (Love you Hugh)

Anyway as far as sound goes, I choose tinnitus. It HURTS. The first night that you lay your head down on a pillow is terrifying because all you can hear is a frequency that makes it difficult to sleep, but eventually you sleep. It becomes unnoticeable eventually. But it is distressing at first. I saw in an episode of Southpark – written and animated by Jews – that theres this ritual where they place a bell on boy’s heads and bang on it and it induces tinnitus, telepathy and interconnectedness.

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Oprah said “don’t cheap out on shoes” and that’s partly why I wont buy these, but I do like the design of them. I’d be more inclined to buy cheap shoes if brands were honest about who they copied the designs from. I feel weird buying them now, because I felt that Karl Lagerfeld had endorsed this company – his cat Choupette was following Public Desire on instagram – and that felt like an okay from a fashion GOD that made me want to buy them, and now he’s fucking disappeared. I don’t believe he’s passed away, or the eulogy in Vogue would have been an entire fucking year of mourning. Do not EVER undermine what it really means for a man to have replaced Coco Chanel.

And by the way – Anna Karina the Danish actress’ real name was more Hanne than Anna, and Coco Chanel picked that name. Do you know what I am like about NAMES? I won’t even use a tumblr with a shit-name.

I don’t care whether he’s eloped with Alexander McQueen or not, the coincidence isn’t acceptable. I think that this company is owned by footballers wives and girlfriends and to pretend otherwise is to shit on everything I have fucking worked towards about telling the truth. Do I want these shoes? YES, do I want to endorse these people stealing designs – no.

I feel implicated, actually, in his disappearance, because I ENDORSED THESE. Whether someone bought them because-of-me or not means fuck all. At the time, I felt and even write – “Karl is so0o designing these, he’s doing a shadow-secret-cheap-brand-thats-sort-of-Fendi-but-for-POOR-PEOPLE”, and what is quite scary actually is that I really, really thought so. These women used me to time travel (yes, it sounds pretty stupid to me too but its not MY life we’re writing about) access memories and to access information from the School of Economic Science, who through many stages teach people to ethically access truth through meditation, discussion with teachers and proper guidance towards a life that makes you ethical enough to be trusted with the kind of truths that help you access higher consciousnesses. The idea that these women used me (they did, but it isn’t about me right now) to do these things is absolutely disgusting. It is terrifying.

If Karl and I have anything in common it is that we pride ourselves on the idea that we can be alone, can exist alone, that we take pride in making other people shine. And I think that I feel quite concerned deep down that he was abused by people who could afford to buy him and his clothes. Not many people can afford a heritage Classic like Chanel – but those women can. And I know that they used to traipse from Fashion House to Fashion House and that while they didn’t have a shoppe that could host Chanel nor Fendi, they could afford to arrange fittings and to meet him. I am genuinely worried that something was done to him and that it is being kept secret. The French police are not renowned for their honesty, nor are British police. Nor any really.

Why these colour palettes @publicdesire? What inspired you originally? If you are a designer this is exactly the kind of thing you need to know. If you are a designer, it is the kind of thing that will keep you the hell up at night.

Why hasen’t (I’m leaving that typo there, ugh) your brand appeared in any real fashion magazines? NO ONE considers GRAZIA a FASHION magazine. It is on par with HELLO magazine, and some weeks after appearing in it, Louise Pentland’s infant Pearl looks completely different. You can look through my memories – I could communicate with that child through a fucking screen. I’d make a face at her and she’d make a face back. She’d cry for no good reason (believe me, I’d know vibrationally if your baby was crying because it was SUFFERING) and I’d shout “CHUT UP” and she fucking chut up (I’m sure my kids through time and space would say “that is so her”, because thats 50% how I speak to things that I love.) and now she looks like a bloated version of her father and I know Louise is too polite to say anything about it but these women, and my “sister” and her friends need to be stopped. You can observe my memories to see me walking through the streets of Denmark on my toes because the ribbons on my shoes kept coming undone and some time later I saw her – A BABY – doing the SAME THING. WALKING ON HER TOES. And then there’s the segment in Louise’s video where she wouldn’t crawl on her knees, she did a military push/pull thing and I communicated that it was painful for babies to learn to crawl on their knees.

It’s so weird, there was this thought journey I took listening to music awhile ago where I was asked by an air hostess I recall meeting at an Emirates interview who asked “if you were asked if you’d give up your body for a ‘better one’ would you accept?” and I can’t help but think that baby agreed to something. I am secretly concerned that my sister and her friends are preparing alternate bodies (YES, it CAN be done) for themselves because when you realise what they’ve all done – you’ll all want them dead.

Cos people really weren’t wearing nudes until I brought a collection of pieces in tie-dye skin tones and khakis back from Syria, Penelope and Monica Cruz did a collection for Mango – which had also been gifted to me.

 

 

 

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ARTING IMP

THIS DESIGNER CALLED LAURA HAD ACCESS TO MY MEMORIES. And my imagination. The outfits I DREAMED of wearing. But she’s not the only one and really she’s the best of them.

This is another Laura. She is quite honestly a disgusting person, we’ve never held a chat with one another but I’m a people person. I know you already.

But I’ll take time to explain why. Firstly – she’s not blonde. She and her ashkenazi Jew boyfriend/husband? left a hospital with a blonde child. You want to pretend that blonde child is theirs? Dooo you? The doctors must’ve thought she’s a real blonde or something.

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She began this company after seeing my memories, where I had a little baby towel embroidered and it had the words “BLOOD RARE” on it. Because that would’ve been my dream daughter. At the time I was having an internet-relationship of sorts with Russell Brand, she was a one night stand and if any of the Lauras I’ve known in the past are something to go by, a looong time stalker of mine.

I had a friend called Tim that I introduced to some girls I was at school with, and they introduced him to their female friends – and amongst those a ‘wiccan’ called ‘Laura’, and until now he claims that she had told him she had managed to enter a long term relationship with him because she had cast a “love spell” on him. Tim is the son of a scientist, and he is not the kind of person – wasn’t anyway – that believed in anything of that nature. Actually the mere idea of it then, would’ve been funny and nonsensical. But she was a stalker of mine. And she remained one when I had set up friendship groups and when I left these people’s lives. I was pass the parcelled with Latymer boys, I ended up being pushed onto a guy called Felix who ALSO had a girlfriend called Laura who I tried to ‘steal’, he stayed with her, she copied me and my look. Felix picked Laura over me and every felix and laura in the world will be paying for all of this stupid shit that keeps happening to me.

TRUST ME, MAGICCK IS REAL.

But you better stop copying me. It is STEALING.


When my Granma was a diplomat, my grandfather an AMBASSADOR – a very well decorated one in medals that Paraguay wanted out – they were invited to either JAPAN or to the UNITED KINGDOM. My granma and my grandfather were both in love with the Emperor and Empress of Japan and it was another time, where bisexuality was not socially acceptable or even really a thought that crossed people’s minds, especially not MARRIED people’s minds. My grandfather chose the United Kingdom because my granma was in love with the Emperor and Empress of Japan, and he said “you do not compete with the Japanese.”

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When I was younger – I wanted to have my legs shaved down. I was FOURTEEN years old and I, with my mother, said to a doctor “I want to have the muscle removed from my legs” because all the girls I knew had skinny legs. I played Street Fighter and my brother telepathically said “she has big legs and you fancy her, don’t you?” “yes”

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I preferred playing as Sakura.

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I liked playing as Rose too but a girl called Amy stole her from me because she was shit at Street Fighter and the scarf move gave her distance.

Then this was aired at 3AM in Paraguay when I visited Granma.

 

rose

[ref]

RUSSELL BRANDS BITCHWIFE STARTED EMBROIDERING THIS SHIT AFTER I ORDERED TOWELS WITH THE WORDS BLOOD RARE ON THEM. INSPIRED BY MY GRANMA CONCHITA WHO SEWED CUSHIONS FOR ME.

It’s fine, I chose – when she stole my character – badly

RAINBOW MIKA

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This is our signature move. The hair flip.

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[ref]

Which later inspired LEVI.


First things first. I’m cheating on Alexander McQueen. (He is gay. It’d start out with me playing dress up in his performance art mansion where he’d host as fashion aristocracy (because Karl is fashion royalty) all sorts of beautiful people making art and being art and eating ONLY art ALL DAY. He would eventually get bored and mind control me to have a sex change of sorts and we’d be responsible for unleashing to the world some of the most ridiculously beautiful people ever to have existed. And then he’d probably lose interest again (because that is the nature of fashion, that is the nature of artists) and I’d say “I HAD A SEX CHANGE FOR YOU!!!” and he’d say “HAVE ANOTHER” and guiltlessly so, because that is his honest self, because I value honesty and genius that accompanies cruelty, because I look for people that can TAKE MY ABUSE. And it’d be my fault if I agreed to it, because who the hell just does something like that because they’re influenced to? I’m a performance artist too, inside, damnit)

I WOULD have sex with Alexander McQueen, but he would be USING me to make people jealous. Thats it. He didn’t love himself until recently, when I really got upset that I thought he’d died and I actually really felt towards the him that probably created of him that artist. The him that was a bit chubby and terribly attired. This genius that could (WATCH PAPRIKA.) envision beautiful clothes for women, and still be so understated and really that wasn’t him. He didn’t like men’s clothes. He didn’t even have a chance to be himself.

If we got together prematurely, he’d LEAVE me for someone “BETTER”. And if he found someone “BETTER” I’d be like “oh. god, i won’t compete with that.” First of all, I’m HONEST. I’m a bitch but when I’m a bitch I am SO honest.

And then there might be some part of him that thinks “Why isn’t she fighting for me?” WELL ALEXANDER. The issue with loving people is you just think they’re right about EVERYTHING. (Well, me, thats what I do, when I love people. I listen to them. I stupidly fucking listen to them. ALSO. WHY NOT IZZY. WHY HAVE YOU NOT DATED IZZY. She was married, he’d say. Technically she is still married. Why didn’t you date both? SHUT UP

If you love someone, let them go if they want to go. If you really love someone you value their right to GROW. If someone picks someone else over you, and you know you are the one that can show them the love you know that they deserve – and they choose someone else – they are not ready for you. You might be a lesson they have to hold onto forever. A lesson that has them sitting in a rocking chair going backwards and forwards in some sad OAPs home because they were uncomfortable that you had more body hair than some bitch called ‘laura’ or ’emma’ or ‘rachel’ or ‘liz’ or – god – give me a name that sums up the hairless white-looking woman with a tan? (I have room in my life for one or maybe two of those, and they better be more magical than I am because otherwise I’d find them all quite annoying and what a genetic holocaust that would be.) (I have been called stupid my entire life, but at least I know that two dark haired people can’t have a blonde child.) (Were you defending a blonde to steal that child?) (Don’t worry – you can give her back all her blonde kids, and I’ll be having one of my Levis.) (Unless she says “no, I prefer this one – and you can let them keep those kids. Trust me: they despise of their parents.) (I’d reply “Good, because he knows what he wants and I think he makes good decisions. He deserves to feel wanted.”)


Whats that line? I’m the price you had to pay (If you have to ‘abuse’ someone to get a child, say “i’d rather fucking not.”) (Unless you were abused by that person first and you’re being KIND by returning the favour. Guilt is HELL.)

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Before you shit your lingerie – I can’t actually afford Alexander McQueen, I’m not REALLY cheating on Alexander McQueen. And if I were to cheat on him he’d be using me to cheat.

But once: I paid him in attention. For what? I have no fucking clue, to help him shit? Like it’s a compliment? To help him design? (LETS BE HONEST. I WANTED CLOTHES LIKE THE ONES THEY HAD IN FINAL FANTASY AND I COULDN’T GET THEM. YOU CAN DESIGN CLOTHES LIKE THAT MCQUEEN, BUT YOU WON’T FIND MANY PEOPLE THAT KNOW HOW TO WEAR THEM. DO YOU THINK CHERRENE AND HER FRIENDS WERE GOING TO BUY YOUR CLOTHES? THEY WORE SHIT LIKE THIS. IN PUBLIC.)

s-l300

[ref]

I will say though, these were a trend started by two Jewish sisters. I read through their ‘about me’ page on their site.

Let me, um. Get thsssspechificc about what I KNOW I did for you.

ONLY I CAN TAKE THIS (AND LOVE IT)

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AND THIS (AND LOVE IT)

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And turn it into a cardigan donning PERFECT ANGEL.

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“no loyalty” MY ASS.

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I will show you “no loyalty”. You and my old friends – further back than I care to remember anymore – that waited for ME to disappear to ‘do me’.

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I used >>PaletteGenerator<< To find these colours.

How fantastic are these colour pallettes? (I learned that word from Pokémon I think. I misspelt pallettes but how beautiful are double L’s and double T’s?)

The designers that watched my visions and saw the look I imagined for myself and made sure I didn’t get the things I DREAMED of having.

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"don't worry, it's not finished", is the thing it took me years to
say to myself about every single piece of art in my room. In fact
every single piece of art I have ever done, I have felt insecure
about. 

If you feel insecure showing your work, that is the best motivation
you have to get better at creating. If you created a piece of art
in a DAY, that is not an art. It is a creative journal entry.
You keep adding to it. Journal entries might even BE your art, 
in which case you should keep making them. I like to add three things
to every page of a sketchbook everytime I open it.

Even if it is a few dots, a slightly more dramatic eye sparkle.

The right thing to say
is 

"this is an art, it is incomplete but it will evolve, and when I feel
to: I add something towards it."

I don't know what musicians are doing, releasing new albums
every fucking year. You felt all of this in a year? DID YOU?
No. RERELEASE ALBUMS.

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I wanted to manifest a style and an artist's identity when I started
listening to Esther Hicks. I wanted an Art Gallery in a Squat.
I wanted to design a game. There are things I wanted to do and
apparently in teaching myself to animate, a lot of little kids
very creepy dads started picking up the skill too - and without
in any way crediting me but making sure that their kids weird
play videos were seen by me. It is great that I've given so many
parents ideas for how to bond with their kids though, I hope that
has lessened their kids suffering. Deeper down I hope with all of my
heart that those kids parents are not pedophiles.
To be clear - a pedophile is a sex criminal - a person who doesn't
even give a child the chance to knowingly consent or otherwise to
a physical or non-physical relationship of any kind. Who doesn't
tell the child the truth before that child makes contact with them
that the adult will perceive as sexual. It is very likely that child
has no idea that they are doing something sexual because children
are not sexual beings. 

I am going to embarrass someone here - but I do so only out of love
and kindness and it is an invitation to come back and be the head
of my family if you so choose to forgive my weird family for the sake
of my aunt who was & is loyal to you, if a bit of a material girl. 
I don't think she believed for one moment that you had really passed.
The 'psychic' gene comes from both sides of my family. That is, we
had to learn to use intuition because if you are really from a family
of many generations of humanitarian work or power, you need to go by
more than physical evidence if you want to survive. It is something of
a gift that you develop over many, many generations. Unless you are
connected to me - my first impression used to be absolutely flawless
until the police, the army, the princes of uk etc started stalking me
with such tremendous efforts that they didn't consider that I was 
a distraction. Kind of like this healer archetype.

soraka-celestine

I have been able to channel spirit since I was an infant. 
A non-related relative once was certain that I was the reincarnation 
of a wife he loved very, very much who he thought had passed away. 
Well I will tell you that I have no doubts that she was trying to
communicate but that she did so unethically. 

I can forgive anything once I have the truth. But it's a choice.

(Hurting my animals, hurting my older brother - is something I assure
you that no one who knew either my animals nor my brother will 
forgive you for. Maybe my 'sister', but she's a MESS. She has not
loved ANYTHING. IN HER ENTIRE LIFE. but as far as my animals and
my brother go, if you hurt either, you have made an enemy of all the 
little girls that would say "my friends (I was not) older brother 
Omar will kill you if you hurt me" and they MEANT it.) 

When you are a child you learn - if I tell the truth about this 
naughty thing, I've done.. it is likely I will be punished for it. 
Cause and Affect/Effect. Consequence.

That can be frightening and it can deter you from telling the truth, 
but you also need to learn in LIFE - that if you DON'T tell the truth,
it will eventually be found out.

You cannot hide the truth. The consequences are often much worse, if
you keep what you've done a secret. It makes sense that our british
princes would have run from the truth, would have arranged for the
police to abuse my brother and i, would have arranged for the 
military to abuse us. 

I return to this relative: I think he married me to save me a lot of
shit, thinking with sincerity that I was someone I was CHANNELLING.
I once wrote in a blog that those that you love but are not around
are energies that you pour into people that you speak to. If you
spend all your time thinking about somebody, you will make the person
that you project that love onto that person. 

I used to sit on his lap and tense/relax and somehow I had 
prematurely learned to enjoy that physical sensation and I am
entirely mortified that I did that to him. I mean obviously there
was weird stuff going on - it was either my mother or my sister 
that were encouraging me to do that, or someone who was time 
travelling that I would have had to of trusted as some kind of
authority. But imagine if you had plenty of reason to truly believe
that a child was the reincarnation of a person that you had lost -
to the point that you'd say so in a religious court - what could 
really stop you from interacting with that child as you would have
with the person that you had loved and lost?

The police only matter to a solipsist if they have attempted to
give themselves significance. Some people are desperate for 
significance. I was sexually molested and stalked by police who might
have given tax payers all sorts of excuses to escape the reality that
they were suffering with addiction. 

I am gifted in that I can help ANYONE overcome a physical addiction -
I can help people get over any drug or habit that i do not have 
myself. The sacrifice though, for me, isn't always worth it.
(Like you need to be hot, incredible etc - for me to be okay with it)
(the police know that the second that they put on that weird little
outfit, or start doing the undercover cop thing, they are essentially
walking irritation, they are acne on the skin of this country,
the are unattractive. So they use people they've touched without
permission to remotely view people.) 

Those Alcoholic Anonymous sorts that Russell Brand hangs out with are
a very controlling and weird cult that to an extent keep society safe
but to help an addict you have to have been one. 



I think it is sad that my belongings - belongings I had collected at
great personal expense to myself and my being were either left in a
flat occupied by people that had no idea of their value (Five
thousand pounds or so worth of Saffron flowers that had been 
individually picked in Syria - my stupid parent didn't have a clue
as to how much Saffron was worth.) and either sold them or trashed
them. Promise that some of my belongings are worth more than most
of the people's worth walking through that flat.



I'm sure my old landlord is mortified that he showed off that a girl
whose "dad was in iron maiden" was occupying a room of that flat.
Is that how you all introduce yourselves? Through your parents
accomplishments? Is that how you feign status? Your parents might be
epic, but if they are celebrities of any kind I advise that you do
not go around telling people, no matter how proud you are, because
it is a risk to your personal safety. And your "friends" personal
safety. (Unless your dad went around saying "I'm in Iron Maiden")



I still do. The issue is that everything I wanted seemed to be
assumed by someone that was listening in without permission.

First I will have to manifest privacy. Consequences met to those
who without invitation invade my privacy, thoughts, inner sight etc.



IT OKAY BECOTH I FIND BEAUTY WHERE OTHER PEOPLE DONTNAE FINDAE THAE BEAUTAE.

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DEAD FLOWERS. THE FAKE STUFF. THE TACKY, CHEAP STUFF.

(You want to tell me that my sister and her friends were the kind of people to ‘really like’ artists like Vince Ray?) (I once saw a metal trunk full of invitations that I helped to put in envelopes for events at a club called ‘AURA’ or something, it had invitations that had been illustrated using a Vince Ray graphic novel. SOo00000oo0o CHERRENE AND HER FREIHASNDKSFDSSSSSSS isnt it) (You chose the most DISGUSTING kinds of people over me – the insult of that will never go. EVER.)

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[ref, image accessed 17 August 2019]

Are you sure my “sister” was paying for those Alexander McQueen scarves with her Harrods salary? ARE YOU QUITE CERTAIN. She’s a fucking whore! (OR was she whoring someone else out?) (perhaps a few of their artist friends?)

There’s this line in Memoirs of a Geisha where Mameha says to Saiyuri after she’s been molested abit “YOU SOLD YOURSELF FOR A KIMONO?!”

And she’s like “I AM NACHT WORTHLESS” cos she really didn’t.

I liked Saiyuri because she had blue eyes and black hair and her character fell off a roof and she was reduced to nothing throughout her youth because someone encouraged her to do something stupid – and she did so to chase after a sister that didn’t give a shit about anyone but herself.

I liked Hatsumomo more – because she paid for fucking everything. Pumpkin wanted a HAUSU but didn’t put the work into having that HAUSU. Hatsumomo just wanted to love. She did not perform kindness, she was a cold hearted bitch and she made sure you knew that.

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[snitching ref]

This skirt was RIPPED OFF FINAL FANTASY X-2. THE ONE I REFUSED TO PLAY FOR SOME REASON. All I wanted was to look like this. I used to cut my hair myself, but also I’d ask hairdressers to cut my hair but leave a bit longer, for the plait when I got negged for my hair.

I was doing these hairstyles.

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WHAT CAN ARTISTS LEARN FROM MATHEMATICIANS? Me included btw – but when I showed this I did say “these are not ALL of my illustrations, SOME ARE – these were taken from a storybook” but I didnt credit the artists, photographers etc.

 

In life you ought to value that kind of honesty – I always did. But it came with a threat – “I am the biggest regret of your life.”


I was meant to buy an iPhone. Just an iPhone 7, to replace the one that was removed from my room. It’ll be replaced again because stealing my things has really scary consequences. Ask all the people that have stolen from me.

I used my iPhone as a camera and an mp3. I chose THESE. There’s just so much I~N~S~P~I~R~A~T~I~O~N. I mean you could, quite honestly, base a whole collection on these shapes, colours, textures.

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It’s Tom Ford’s (CAN YOU TELL OR NO?) and it makes me smell good. And it makes me shiny. It’s not a pour on oil, it’s a perfume bottle, or I’d make one of those very tacky videos of me pouring liquid gold on myself.

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I have been dressing up and putting photos of myself in various states of nudity on the internet since I was about fifteen years old, and if you ‘did not know that’ you are lying. Or you are from somewhere in Vietnam and you genuinely don’t know me or of me because you don’t have access to the internet. That is one of the excuses they used to section me.

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No but, uh, this is about more than that. Actually it isn’t, I’m still fucked up over everything. The damage of this card is real. If you’re not arranging for me to be compensated, it’s because you’re going through something similar.

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If only because – I promise you – the person that’s been stabbed in the back that many times – the subject in the card is ALIVE. You know that video of that woman, singing on the table dancing in front of a webcam? She knocks the table over and then she rolls around on the floor a bit cos she’s in pain and uh, yeah.

I’ve spent my life recovering from something.

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Check out me Jabba the Hut earphones. Apparently you can wear them upto a meter under water, and I’ll do so when the suns next out. I live by the beach. I also need goggles.

 

You didn’t know that I am a very strong swimmer, did you. That if you were to go unconscious I would occupy you and swim you to wherever you needed to go. I can go through currents and I promise, the jelly fish will avoid you.

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I’m not talking to her at the moment, but Susie Whitaker sewed into her photography and in part that is what I was thinking of when I sewed into this scribble. I was also thinking of the cute boy in that speech Oprah did at Harvard that was sitting behind someone that looks like my uncle Carlos. It is an old scribble, and if you know whats been going on lately you’d know how weird it is. I like going back to things and working on top of them and thats something I learned from Steve Littman, a lecturer at Uni that guided me through my BA.

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If you want to DEFEND a BLONDE – do so by TELLING THE TRUTH.

Not by hurting the person that they HURT.

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This is a snapshot of art and ideally it will speak to people who were given sex changes as infants because mummy or daddy wanted a daughter (in some cultures having a daughter is death, in others it is very lucrative. Have a daughter that you treat well, have another daughter that you sell.) or even to women who didn’t get to be with the ‘posh’ english boy that they wanted because they were too hairy. I mean the excuses are endless but that’s really what it boils down to.

It is fine, because I know your hairless girlfriends feel nothing when you “fuck” them.

If I have ever consented to you snuggling me while I am in some kind of comatose sleep, if you have ever convinced yourself I was subliminally consenting to it – I UN-CONSENT. If I want to do stuff with you, you’ll know. Ideally you’ll get in touch. If you have the guts you can say outloud “I have rape fantasies and I can’t do them with my girlfriend because that emasculation I was avoiding by being with you is three times worse with her. I mean I still prefer her and I’d rather be seen with her in public and stuff but I really want to perform these rape fantasies” then I will do some weed and if you’re hot enough (you probably aren’t. thats why its rape.) I will even let you film (if we set up some mirrors right I’ll film you raping me)  one of those violent rape scenes with me for your wankbank. FOR FUH-RHEEEEE

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I WILL NEVER FORGET THE DOCTOR THAT WANTED TO SEE MY GENITALS AND THAT HE PRETENDED THAT HE HADN’T ALREADY. SO FAMOUS. SO IMMORTAL.

Don’t choose guilt prison over the truth, you’ll realise years into one of those loving relationships that either you or the person you love or both are being sleep-raped by ugly people or one another. And it probably isn’t someone hot doing it, it is probably either the military or the police pretending that they care about what happened to me when really they just joined in and want more people to do it to cos once you’ve done it one/two/three/four times it is weird. And waiting to die is apparently absolute hell

No, it doesn’t make you Christian Greys. It doesn’t give you sexy vibes. It gives you ‘that creepy indian guy that isn’t allowed in his mum’s house during the day’ vibes. (I CAN MAKE THAT JOKE. YOU CAN’T.)  The point of Christian Grey, I imagine, is that firstly: there is no one that would not want to have sex with him. I have dated that guy and wanted for someone else – thats really how you get Christian Grey. You WANT someone ELSE. That means that Christian Grey cheats on you throughout your entire relationship. He obsesses about his ex that ‘abused’ him. (Does him telling you that story help you to connect with him? Me was so hurted by this person and it left one of those unfillable BPD psychic holes.) (SAME CHRISTIAN, SAME.) (BEFORE YOU GO LOOKING FOR GIRLFRIENDS, PICK A BESTFRIEND.)

And that isn’t complimentary, everyone fancying you – and if Christian Grey NEEDS that to feel attractive then he is putting on a performance by gallivanting around as some kind of master of sex.

Someone encouraged me to get back with an ex of mine and I think it’s because he’s a middle eastern and I’m a middle eastern and I’m the only girl that he ever dated that didn’t actually abuse him (one threatened him with a razor, for example) – you generally have a choice between being abused or abusing someone and I can’t abuse people I love. I can make ‘awful’ jokes at their expense but if you look carefully, listen carefully, notice the subtlety, I am generally insulting myself much more than I am insulting anyone else that is the butt-of-my-jokes because self deprecation is the best form of humour I think that we have other than fake arguments. Most people can’t do those.


Sikhs consider cutting your hair a form of self harm.

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Actually there are a lot of behaviours that are technically self harm. Eating a bit too much is a form of self harm – not if I do it, I have a very big torso which means when I am hungry – I am REALLY hungry. Dating someone that makes you feel like you aren’t good enough for them is a form of self harm. Talking to relatives that abused you is a form of self harm but if you have been gassed and raped by strangers in your flat, who convinced themselves that you wanted them to, you have to pick the abusers that at least wouldn’t physically rape you, if only because it’d be a bit awkward. I couldn’t tell my “mother” or my “sister” or my “old friends” I was being raped because they got JEALOUS.

I literally called out for help, and it didn’t work. If you pretend you can’t see my life, you can contact local doctors in Surrey – because when I felt unwell, in any way, I communicated that to them. If I felt rage, I called up 999 and said “I FEEL to do XYZ, and this ISN’T normal”, when I realised I had anorexia (not one of those teenager fad diets) the kind of hellish anorexia that PREVENTED me from eating (that is, I felt no hunger and I physically couldn’t keep food down) – I TOLD a doctor. MORE THAN ONCE. I TOLD my “best friends” that I was fucking suffering and I got a “not my problim” (which would’ve been fine if I hadn’t of done all the stuff I had done for them)

Will I forgive you? ho ho ho, no. Will I love you unconditionally? I will NOT.

Breaking spiritual laws, like – stealing is a form of self harm. Stealing time from a person’s life – if you are a judge of some kind – what makes you a judge? I mean what qualifies you to be a judge? How can doctors steal women and men’s autonomy from them and hospitalise them and pretend it is to keep them safe?

ARE YOU SURE THEY ARE NOT BEING ABUSED BY THE PEOPLE TRYING TO PUT THEM IN THAT HOSPITAL?

WHY THE HELL WOULD HE STEAL FROM A SHOP AND THEN CALL THE POLICE?

ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO PERPETUATE A STORY LIKE THAT. ARE YOU SURE. ARE YOU PREPARED TO DIE FOR THAT BECAUSE THAT IS A WARCRIME. PROMISE.

 

DOG GODS

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I’m thinking of selling underwear. Years ago in Farnham I sold a pair of knickers in exchange for a trunk. I never sent the knickers. The guy that purchased the trunk for me and never got his knickers got a really good time and used the unsold knickers as an excuse to do some very strange stuff, to make me feel guilty, not really considering that when he invaded my privacy – he stole from me first. Stealing privacy is theft. It is a choice. So he lied, stole and paid in advance to do so with a wooden trunk and consider it equal now. It isn’t equal your life is hell and I know it but I accept apologies and I prefer apologies in writing.

When I was younger I saw that there were these amazing candy-dispensaries for school girl’s underwear in Japan, on television. The girls would basically visit the stalls in the morning and get their underwear, wear them to school and then return them in little cute pop boxes to be sold. It is a novelty-cultural-thing that I imagine is very much to do with hentai, and I am all for it actually. I don’t think anyone is actually sexually into sniffing underwear but I do think that people enjoy being weird and having weird gifts/objects that belong to specific people.

There is a cam-girl-gamer-girl selling her bathwater to a youtuber that I’ve co-adopted as an incestuous nephew – he is over twenty one but he looks WAY younger but he acts WAY older (none of it matters, I’m offering a description of a person, not giving sex criminals ideas for how to justify something that is inherently fucked up and weird. Family that are sexual with one another would be right to be honest with and to replace one another, as an infant I failed my older brother who was on drugs when I gave him a blowjob in his bed – and once we have our revenge I am finding him about five women to replace me with, in his life. And then I will find him another five or so to replace our fucking weird sister who I hold responsible for that.)

I am not naive, I know that people have sordid sexual fantasies. I know we all feel at liberty to explore a sexual landscape and that sometimes if we do so it feels as though nothing else will work. I actually experienced that for a very weird month or two! I didn’t enjoy masturbating unless I watched someone being beaten the shit out of (they had to enjoy it too.). I’ve done weird things and most of those things were done in childhood. The last thing I did that felt weird was that I murdered a magnet to feed a spider that didn’t really want to eat the magnet because he felt GUILT. (He got over it when he realised that they have a sense of humour – but suffering of any kind is primitive. If you are going to do live-feed, if you are going to kill an animal, cover it’s eyes – drug it with weed. A LOT of weed.)

 

There are not many people that can honestly and void-of-judgement both find you genuinely attractive after confessing to doing something weird like arranging for someone to be hospitalised so that they can be drugged and put to sleep so you can rape them (HARRY. WILL. IF ANYONE ACTS LIKE THEY DON’T KNOW IT IS BECAUSE THEY’VE DONE SOMETHING THAT RIVALS YOUR CRIMINALITY. I’ve never found either physically attractive – but I am confessing FOR them – on their behalf – what they did.) (Getting your friends to do it too doesn’t save you from what you’ve done.)

The reality is that in every culture I come from, the things that those princes have done (and trust me – the reality is that their mother is probably writing this) to ME specifically – are the kinds of things that would get them shot. And then taken into warehouses with underground warehouses and underground warehouses and they’d be resuscitated where they’d be tortured etc. If you know how the world works, that is a kindness to them. I prefer to wait for their mother to return and for her to tell people the truth, and to see who she chooses.

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This is female discharge. It is clean and it is not-clean because discharge is how your womb cleans itself. Mine smells faintly of dettol on days when I use dettol – which is a medicinal grade antiseptic. You should be able to FEEL your vagina’s health, and see it in your discharge. Yes our vaginas also lubricate themselves but discharge is how your body removes stuff that isn’t wanted in there. It is a normal and healthy function.

You think it is no big deal that I know that, and you probably ALREADY KNOW THAT but there were, for example in the United States: women who were cruelly tested on, some women purchased as slaves by doctors that used them to learn about the female body. These doctors were so stupid that they believed that everything to do with female sexuality equated to pain. That women had no sexualities to speak of and that stupidity was probably a very large part of why men and women are at such different stages of sexual evolution.

When I first found discharge in my underwear it was terrifying, I was prone to hypochondria and I thought there was something wrong with me. My first period was horrible.

I have to be a bit extra-careful because I am still afraid of my insect familiars and that they like to come in and perch on my things sometimes and I’ve been taught they are unclean animals. They really aren’t, I’d think they’d say “you are messier than we are!” Especially spiders. Spiders are OCD.

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This is some green ribbon I purchased from John-Lewis. They have a good in-shoppe haberdashery, if I recall correctly from my childhood. Everyone should have a flower or ten of choice and everyone should have a ribbon or ten of choice.

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Anubis is the fanciest Anubis around isn’t he.

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If Killi the bird reads this, that little green saucer is only a TEMPORARY solution to the fact that these plants do want to feel quite special. I’ll invest in pots and your saucer will be returned to your green trunk.

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These plants make me very happy but I probably make them quite depressed sometimes. I like to think they have an ever-expansive emotional intelligence and landscape and that they appreciate a variety of feelings, the physical experience is rife with lessons and occasions and to be able to respond to something in a way that no being has ever responded to anything is probably what makes anyone rich. Doing something differently. Appreciating depression and sadness and anger and fury and pure fucking rage and I guess what it really takes to create some of the most vibrant beings that have ever existed.

If you asked me, of my maggots, which were the most emotionally intelligent, it would be the ones that peacefully existed in the ‘Tintin’s soil stash’ that were left alone but were aware of stimuli, such as music that I’d play for them. A pretence that Tintin was a teenager growing weed, by enriching the soil first. I think maggots are as good as worms are at interacting with soil, but that’s intuition and not based in scientific ‘fact’. How someone would really test that, and I’m sure it is possible – is to me – very unethical. Again, it is my intuition that tells me so. Magicck is art and science and the absence of that which is clinical. If you were to ask me which of my maggots were the most physically interesting – I’d say “the ones that had been abused, had been raised in poor circumstances (a plastic bag.) created the most ground breaking results in terms of their metamorphose into becoming a fly. And they made sure to wait, made sure that I saw their bellies – they wanted me to see what they had meditated to become” the most intelligent ones – the ones that know to HIDE – are the ones that had to experience my bird-friend Killi haphazardly and without any kind of care towards her personal safety, launching herself onto the balcony and quite violently helping herself into their home and eating some. Esther and Abraham Hicks would say that the magnets (I prefer ‘magnets’ to ‘maggots’) chose that fate for themselves.

I had to accept from the moment that I brought her upstairs that I had a choice: that if I had chosen to kill her and feed her to them, it would create a very different kind of result. I chose her because I know that she was more obviously interactive, and cute, and because I could hold her and there was less struggle to interact and less for me to overcome in terms of growth. And that is speciesism.

I have learned to hold maggots that wander too far from their home with my bare fingers and that’s terrifying for me, even though as an infant I used to gather insects – beetles from the pool side. I’d save lots of them. And snails, I remember once going out after it had rained and I gathered snails and put them all on a lamp post outside of the place I called home in my childhood.

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Lucifer likes Fererro Rochers. That is a a lot of glorious packaging to be reluctant to recycle and I am using one of them as a propagator for some chilli seeds I scooped out of a chilli that I then fed to my magnet friends, and they really like eating chilli.

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When I was in Farnham, I had a lot of avocado seeds that had grown and grown – I kept them in water that I didn’t often replenish because something told me that the exchange of fluids and the avocado skin etc was actually nourishing to the avocado seeds. Plants are not for “clean” people.

There was a lot of jealousy because of my plants, the avocado plants especially – and I was enraged when I came back from a stay at a research hospital (that I was put into because a WHOLE TOWN was jealous of me) where a person had died after I said “someone is going to die” (and they did) to find all my plants dead. Coming back to find that these plants that I had poured love and memories and body fluids and TALKED TO -were just left to die. That was the last time I experienced genuine heartbreak actually.

there’s this bit where kouga says ‘piri piri, curry curry’ and i smiled

26:02 minutes in – that is not racism – especially not if you were raised in part by a sri-lankan or if you have mexican roots. or if you have an actual close friend – I dont think any of my present stalkers do – that can claim that you’ve somehow been let into their life so much that you are family enough to be that familiar. it is offensive otherwise

if you were close to me you’d call me kari or kaz or kittie but no one is close to me

and i think the reality is that no one will ever be close to me again and theres a whole new kind of restraining order that will need to be implemented. and if you can’t stop yourself from stalking me you deserve to be executed.

one day someone will say on behalf of a very rude species residing on a very rude planet

“im sorry we don’t know how to tell the truth, how to cope with feelings of envy and embarrassment and being responsible for a life of tragic loss after tragic loss and defending the people that abused someone that actually didn’t abuse anyone at all”

People you didn’t know were Jews.

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I enjoyed her in a few things. I don’t think she’s a nice person. But she’s a Jew. She did a lot of work with Emirates Airlines and actually, Arabs really do adore her.




This is Heath Ledger. Heath Ledger is one of those fancy sephardic jews (Sephardic like Sephora, like Sephiroth etc) which is only less fancy a variety of Jew than the Cohens

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This is a Jew playing a character that was based on my Syrian dad

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THIS GUYS AN ARAB

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I used google image and these actors names to find the images. I don’t own them. I don’t know who took them. I’ll add more images of people you wouldn’t of thought were Jews later.

Like me, though, they’d of had to of whitied themselves up a bit to get work/co exist with white people.