It’s nearly lunch time. I am currently waiting for some photos to save. I never heard back from Burning Angel so I’m going with SG. SG would enjoy these I think

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I bought a very inexpensive fish-eye lens attachment thing. So far it doesn’t take the most flattering photos but i think i’ll spend some time on pinterest learning how people like to use fisheyes.

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Today I did so0o much stuff. It’s now like 23:33 pm and I am a state but it doesn’t bother me – because at some silly time in the early morning, I finished the captions for Bernie’s 15 or so minute video (I kind of want to make it a bit longer – because I want her to discuss that she is exploring an exaggerated emotional range of her reality – I think it’s really funny and she will think it’s funny but I want anyone who watches it to understand that it is intended to be funny.)

She is very okay with performing the stereotype of the “crazy” british elderly lady that one might offer her upon first glance on one of her less-fancy-days, and I’m sure it’s because those are the parts she and her agent are pushing for her acting career and I really want to make it obvious that both I – the camera person and interviewer and editor – and she – the person being documented – know she’s being theatrical.
And then what is the barrier drawn between theatrical and histrionic? (And then: why has that become easier to convey through messages exchanged in text rather than through verbal communication… or oh god, has it?)

TL;DR – If I were the kind of person who could liason with the kind of persons who made films – I’m not – I’d love to ask one of those persons how to do that. How to tell the viewer that “this person is being an exaggeration of herself and she’s aware of how she might be perceived and she’s encouraging that, but it is still make believe” but also not undermine the fact that these are responses coming from a real place?
And then when I observe some of her comments – knowing that I’ve sat in her tarot office and seen a vision in her crystal ball – whether she has such a vibrant inner monologue because of all of the spiritual energies she must think of or surround herself with, perhaps without bothering to be aware of it.

I’ve spent the rest of the day painting and scribbling and then playing with the phone photos because I’m still too lazy to connect my scanner thingy. Also my bed is very comfortable.

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This is not my usual style of illustration. It is a very emotive tentacle and ham burger.

I’m enjoying doing some pretend character design for Tithe, to get me back into practicing drawing.

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I am trying to convey a means of illustrating of the people my inner child-self senses of their inner-child-selves.

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(Which, at around 00:48 on the 5th September became this)
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I went to the local corner shop (it has fucking EVERYTHING but it is technically expensive) and I bought like, so much stuff. By so much stuff I mean – I purchased hot chocolate, coffee mate – apparently you don’t gain as much weight, which is fantastic cos I plan on pouring the nutella into the coffee anyway.

I don’t enjoy coffee that much but I’ve gotten a taste for it since I’ve been here.

I was thinking – like I know I’ve tried my very best to write exactly how much shit I went through, and for those that witnessed I proved so much true that it’s still so difficult to “get” – but I went through so much and waking up here made it just float away. Those kinds of breakthroughs, I know, are nigh on impossible in Psychiatry but I know I could lead people through the darkest places and thats nice.

 

to anyone standing outside of my bedroom door, it’d be as though I were listening to classical music

and I am because I’m watching the Beatrix Potter ballet – which is the best version of the stories told ever. and I LOVE Miss Potter

can someone like make this happen

ok i googled “vintage wallpaper” because I wanted one of those genuine colour faded 70s patterned floral wallpapers (and by wallpaper I mean the wall-fabric people use to decorate their homes – not like, a phone wallpaper)

I found this

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I liked this one because of the strands beneath the roses. I’d have really liked to of seen something in a print like this that had really vicious looking thorns. like something subtle but also quite unapproachable that wasn’t also tacky

OB

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I’m really happy with how one of my business sites is coming along! I kind of gave a fragment of myself the colour red (the autistic shade that no one ever picks) and I’m listening to this

and everyone knows red and blue are my happy colours – red and blue make purple. Apparently in film “if it’s purple, it means someone’s gonna die”

so

My tagline is a condensed version of “I am girl-from-the-exorcist vibes but I promise to keep it cute”

I need to hand write the words “learn to apologise for what you know you’ve done if you truly believe what you’ve done was poorly motivated” and “don’t worry – you can do it too!” and then I really believe it’ll be very nearly finished.

I just. EVERYTHING ON THAT PAGE MEANS SOMETHING.

oh maynard *gasps*

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  1. This entire paragraph is actually code for “I’m a vampire”

    an interview with Maynard in a publication that owes me an apology

2. When you own a publication that pretends to be forward thinking and generally future oriented, and you find out that one of your biggest fans (one of freedom of speech’s/whatever words we use to describe spirituality as a current and evolving means of explaining the planet’s biggest fans) is like one of the world’s biggest kept secrets and that they’re royalty to a country you hate (a country as obnoxious and easy to hate as your publication) surely you’d be motivated as some fantastic peace keeper and protector (alluding to your identity outside of owning a publication, if you have one) to be friendly towards them?
Vice isn’t known for it’s empathy but I mean, if I pictured you as children I’d say “How would you feel if a home that was always known to be yours, was taken from you – and then members of your family were gradually shot down wherever you went – and then finally all your abusers (the ones that watched you being abused – as opposed to the ones that pretended that “Genocide” was a huge lie you and your family liked to tell every few years) said “okay just take your old home cos this keeps happening and it’s getting awkward”…

Like … politically speaking what you did wasn’t very diplomatic or clever and further goes to show how incompetent men are at doing fucking anything right. Perhaps a woman owns Vice – I wouldn’t believe it at all unless I saw a portrait of her staring blankly into space.

3. Your interviewer asked Maynard all the wrong questions. This interview is a hint of every other Maynard interview throughout time.

Don’t bother chasing up the “celebrities” that I like, trying to be relevant. Do you know what I’ve been desperate to tell Maynard off for, for years? He once called Courtney Love a “media whore” and I wanted to tell him he’s a huge hypocrite, since I was fifteen. He complains about fame but I know he expected nothing less of himself.
A woman on SuicideGirls had him tattooed across her entire back and he said in an interview “she must’ve been drunk.”.
Annaliese has long since hidden my profile but I called myself “magdalene” on Godsgirls (AND I KNOW YOU TWO USED TO HANG OUT AND THAT YOU HAVE A HOT TUB, MAYNARD) BECAUSE OF “MAGDALENA”.

It was between calling myself “Kittie” and “Magdalene”. There were no other names that suited me.

Why didn’t you discuss the fact that his lyrics in Puscifer are all so spiritually inclined and yet they’re still pretty fucking violent and then his A.P.C album with all the war sound effeccts that came after his four years of military service?!

You (Vice) had your moment and if you hadn’t of treated me terribly, used my image without permission for articles I’d never of wanted to be associated with, if you hadn’t of invaded my privacy … it might’ve lasted for a lot longer.
Well. There’d be at least another ten years for your magazine, iunno

(I personally don’t think splitting up Vice and “noisey” was a very good idea)

4. Also I’m glad that my spiritual teacher Lisa, AND MAYNARD, and I managed to filter the word “INDIGO CHILDREN” into the mass consciousness. I know you wrote an article about Akiane when I was at University and I appreciated that.

I LIKE THIS ONE

5. Also google “Maynard James Keenan” and then google “iDubbbz” and then google “Bill Hicks” and then google “LeafyisHere”

And you’ll be able to see past/present/simultaneous lives anddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd you can’t even get away with talking about it because spiritual kids don’t bother trusting your magazine anymore.

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Theres lots of jesuses and judases and mary magdaleneses all over the place but I’m the one that actually inherited her post-christ karma.

The Israel thing is really a massive spiritual truth that involves past lives and metasynchronicity and basically all the stuff you obsessed over …because of people like me…

 

at some point, i think it’ll be worth going through various sentences i’ve posted on the internet and putting a little asterisk beside it to indicate with a disclaimer at the bottom of the post that *i am flirting

with a few guys. as always.

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“I like to give boys flowers” translates to I am flirting.

“I like stupid bags. I like stupid boys” translates to “I like boys in the same way I like bags: glorious, feminine and constantly attached to me … and I only ever find one I like every ten to fifteen years or so.” I never find handbags I like, ever. Apart from a Moschino My Little Pony one which was extremely expensive.

I was 19 when I wrote this. I don’t like ‘stupid boys’ because they’re the most sly

Like I’d prefer you didn’t try to fuck me over but if you do fuck me over at least don’t bother hiding the fact