I’m going to share something important to me – I’ve been pursuing a spiritual education for my entire life. I have spent most of my life meditating – and I do not mean sitting cross legged in silence in the absence of thought. So in making art – whether it’s erotic, whether it’s for children – whether it’s creating a shop so I can sell items that filter in some quiet dialogue about the meaning of that which we surround ourselves with – it’s all motivated by an intention much greater than any you’re really prepared to observe.
I have been stopped from doing anything I’ve ever wanted to because of insecurity. But I’m pretty tough… being bullied the fuck out of at 5 by my older brother and his friends (and pretty much every group of friends I had after that) did that to me. It’s okay – all of these people are sooooooo boring. All the women look the same, buy the same things. All the men in Denmark – omg – I had a joke for this. “ONE LOOK”? “ONE LOOK”!!??!?!!
There are women who worked in the adult industry that I used to either know of or be acquainted with who were prevented from going on to do work that involved being seen or associated with children and I think that is terrifying. My favourite women of all time have been the kind of women that women in the public eye are scared to be.
The women I see on YouTube or TV nowadays are often super boring women – also often women with eating disorders – women who’ve worked in the (ALT) porn industry have for the most part been celebrated for their weird bodies. I think it’s really important for kids to be able to see women of all shapes and sizes, wearing weird clothes and being quite comfortable in their skin. It’s important for me to say this – there are some really unflattering shots of me in the video I’m making.
Did I say this already? I was going to apply for Big Brother – I used to abhor reality TV and think I was above it. I’m not, at all. I recall Emma Watson once saying that she thought it was absolutely embarrassing to sell celebrity perfumes and I imagine she might at some point have some new found appreciation for tacky celebrity culture because ultimately the best of them can at the very least boast some personality. And I decided against being in big brother it because my spiritual teacher said that would change my personality.
That sad, sad 50 Shades Of Grey culture has destroyed women with personalities. BDSM is cringe. Big Brother is some fucked up BDSM game. So is life I suppose – for some people – and I pity them as much as I lack any genuine interest in them
There’s these two particular TV moments I enjoy – Katy Perry being asked for a hug by a kid and her being completely grossed out and also Russell Brand being an asshole about her not liking kids very much. When you think back she was really, really young and also I don’t much enjoy hugging other people’s children, she’s not a fucking disney princess. I imagine that little girl will grow up to be a don’t fucking touch me esque rockstar.
One time I applied to work in a shop selling clothes to babies – and I didn’t get the job. I am the kind of person that can look at a baby and make them stop crying… sometimes. Which is good because I can’t STAND babies crying. I said in the interview for this kids shop – “AW I LOVE KIDS”. I know thats why they didn’t hire me. Ha. As if Pedophiles realllyyyyy apply to work in shops frequented by kids and their families and say “I LOVE KIDS!”
When I last went to Brighton I bought my friends girlfriend some gifts – pink roses sprinkled with glitter, and little shiny chocolate pearls – I was on the train and this really little girl was staring at me. I knew she was a fragment of the angel Gabriel – and my friends girlfriend. They looked exactly the same. I told her mother basically – “it’s so strange, I’m just going to meet up with a grown up version of her!”. (I instagrammed the words “Know Thyself” – I know that irritated my friend’s girlfriend. My friend instagrammed something he saw some days later.. the words “Know Thyself”. This friend had a moment in his infancy where he woke up and saw a goat above his bed… the head of a baphoment. ME >:) I’ve since given him a baphomet tshirt illustrated by Levi.)
The little girl’s mother was sitting next to her and I said to her mother – “oh I’m sure she’s a little fairy!” and I took the chocolate pearls out of my bag and gave them to her mother to give to her later.
It reminded me of being on a train with my mother when I had first come to London and staring at a woman in the highest heeled boots ever and saying “DOESNT IT HURT YOU TO WALK IN THOSE?” and she said “Actually when I was younger I was a ballerina so it doesn’t really hurt me to walk in these shoes, at all”. And I wanted to wear high heels all the time. I uh. Well it turns out I have the feet for heels and ballet shoes and not much else. I don’t wear heels because I’m uncomfortable being taller than the guys I hang out with. That is grim isn’t it?
I do not remember the women I watched on TV … Apart from like, Zoe Ball and she was not a kids TV presenter. (I think I preferred her co-star Johnny)
The guy who wrote Dr Seuss’ stuff was amazing and inspiring in a very subtle way – I once read something about how he had this imagination that afforded him being able to write really exciting books for children – but that if they had ever met him they’d be really disappointed because he was pretty boring upon first glance.
It is important to me that people are really comfortable being themselves… and if people were really being themselves they wouldn’t be boring at all.
In Denmark I was around two guys I knew – on their own – could be fun. But they were super boring. Boring is why we have 12 souls on this Planet… It’s upto fragments to be themselves.
I’m kinda repping the fragment team by doing everything I want to, and I know people like to think they can tell you who you’re supposed to be – but that’s not their job, not their calling (Enter psychics like me and my teacher Lisa… we can remind you of who you really are and if you can own that guiltlessly and forget about being “attractive” or “marketable” or “nice”)
Ugh I can’t stand the people I’ve grown up thinking of as my family – but one time at about six or seven I walked in on my cousin illustrating women with HUGE breasts and I said “SHE HAS BIG BOOBS” and she said “yeah, I always draw women with big breasts” and I think that was a really important moment in my development as an artist. I remembered this when a girl in Denmark told me that the mothers in Denmark were disapproving and hyper aware of how she took care of the kids she was teaching art classes to. I hate her too though. But the story matters.
My motivation for this mini tirade is I know that when you start being a dick on sites used by men with money they end up using their money to ruin your life – which is ultimately really sad. Don’t be offended, take a hint, develop a personality. Go on. The girls you message after all of that will be much more interested in you for reasons that have nothing to do with your cash.
Putting me in publications beside my naked photos would probably be some massive disservice to your kids (if you have kids) because otherwise all they’ve got is Zoella. And I really like Zoella – but I think there’s room for people who want to create other kids of content. Like LEAFY.
I grew up listening to Alanis Morrisette – like I went on angry car journeys through the desert with my mother listening to THIS SONG.
I grew up watching – and I mean six/seven year old me – Blackadder on repeat and repeat and repeat. I learned words like “diplomacy” and how to speak english properly.
I think Mr Bean perfected the art of voiceless comedy – you don’t need any dialogue – you can tell what he’s thinking by the faces he makes. I credit him with almost ALL of the weird faces I can make. And I remember Cate Blanchett once said in an interview that she’d never have botox because it would stop her being so expressive.
Some 2 inch dicked drug dealer (a great dealer, would recommend – terrible company) once told me I should “practice” making faces in the mirror cos apparently they’re really weird. Actually my faces are awesome and I hope I can make people laugh with them. Cos hanging out with you for months on end was the start of me forgetting how to (laugh)